Am I or Should I Be Paranoid

[AndyDandy]

Within her last week I have received several private messages from Newbies asking questions about masseurs I have commented about or participated in discussion about. I received two such messages last night within 10 min of each other. No big deal maybe, but the questions have been very graphic in nature.

 

Has anyone else experienced the same?

[Jim_n_NYC]

Not that frequent, but I don't usually get very specific about my time with a masseur unless the person PMing me has a little bit of a history here. With newbies I stay completely general in my comments.

[+ beethoven]

When I seek info of a graphic nature, I don't ask here, but send a PM. I've also received PMs asking about masseurs I've mentioned here in The Spa. I wouldn't be concerned if I were you; in fact, I think the sender is being cautious and considerate. I don't mind telling someone in a PM that "X is eager to fuck me at XX spa," but I wouldn't tell everyone who's reading this. Nor would I want the management of the spa to read it, either.

[+ EVdude]

Thanks @AndyDandy for starting this thread. I was considering doing it myself.

 

I just recently received a PM that from a newbie that said he too liked a particular spa masseur that I commented on and then asked some innocent questions. No prob responding. This was followed by more graphic questions. Then he asked a question that indicated to me that he had never actually met the masseur or been to said spa.

 

Looking up the newbie, he had joined the forum in August and has never posted anything publicly. I got a tad paranoid, stopped answering and blocked him. Reviewing my responses, I was relieved that I didn’t say anything directly incriminating.

 

May be a totally innocent, yes paranoid, situation, but Just a note of caution when talking about spas and spa masseurs publicly and in private. We don’t want to expose anyone to enforcement action.

Edited September 12, 2019 by EVdude

[Massageislife]

Thank you for this thread. I posted a favoble comment about a masseur last week and then received a flood of questions about him in PMs. It was my first time for this happening, and all of a sudden I realized I wasn't comfortable with the kinds of questions I was getting: "Is he hung?" "Is he a top or bottom?", etc. I was a little torn because I understand PMing for more intimate information is an element of "citizenship" in this community, but the considerations in the comments above will be really useful going forward.

[AndyDandy]

Thank you for this thread. I posted a favoble comment about a masseur last week and then received a flood of questions about him in PMs. It was my first time for this happening, and all of a sudden I realized I wasn't comfortable with the kinds of questions I was getting: "Is he hung?" "Is he a top or bottom?", etc. I was a little torn because I understand PMing for more intimate information is an element of "citizenship" in this community, but the considerations in the comments above will be really useful going forward.

 

Exactly what I am experiencing.

[Monarchy79]

If your inner gut is giving you caution, then go with it... That’s your intuition..

 

Unless the person who is asking the info is a regular on this site, with a proven track record of providing commentary, I do not answer random detailed questions.

Furthermore, I never EVER give details on a massage therapist who works in a spa. Their licenses can actually be compromised and their careers ruined.

 

Please be aware that a simple google search of a masseur’s name could easily link to reviews and commentary on this site.

 

The person inquiring could be one of many of the following:

1.) a peer or manager at the spa they are workibg

2.) a significant other

3.) a frienemy

 

I’d suggest asking why they want such detail, and then checking to see if they have a track record of being on this site as a participant.

[Monarchy79]

Also remember that your experiences with a masseur, may be exclusive to YOU.

 

Giving explicit details to the wrong person could result in some jerk with no manners, reaching out to the masseur, hoping on his table, and literally asking for the exact same thing you experienced, as if he’s ordering from the dollar menu, and then saying “you did this for xxx”....

 

Definitely get a feel for the person who is asking the questions, and ensure they aren’t a jerk with involuntary celibate tendencies, before sharing such info...

[maninsoma]

I find it amusing that I occasionally will get PMs about someone I commented on many years ago. I don't know why anyone who is more interested in looks than massage skills would want a report from someone whose only interaction with said masseur was many moons ago.

 

At any rate, I don't get explicit in any of my responses, mostly because I've always believed that just because I had a certain experience with a guy doesn't mean everyone else will have that same experience. I don't want to put a masseur in a position of having to explicitly decline to do something with someone else that's well outside the normal expectations of an erotic massage just because he happened to do something while he was with me. It's up to a masseur to discuss with his potential clients what he has to offer.

 

So, I mostly offer general feedback about massage skills, looks, hygiene, and whether my expectations were met.

[Massageislife]

Also remember that your experiences with a masseur, may be exclusive to YOU.

 

Giving explicit details to the wrong person could result in some jerk with no manners, reaching out to the masseur, hoping on his table, and literally asking for the exact same thing you experienced, as if he’s ordering from the dollar menu, and then saying “you did this for xxx”....

 

Definitely get a feel for the person who is asking the questions, and ensure they aren’t a jerk with involuntary celibate tendencies, before sharing such info...

Monarchy, your comments take the crown!

[Massageislife]

I find it amusing that I occasionally will get PMs about someone I commented on many years ago. I don't know why anyone who is more interested in looks than massage skills would want a report from someone whose only interaction with said masseur was many moons ago.

 

At any rate, I don't get explicit in any of my responses, mostly because I've always believed that just because I had a certain experience with a guy doesn't mean everyone else will have that same experience. I don't want to put a masseur in a position of having to explicitly decline to do something with someone else that's well outside the normal expectations of an erotic massage just because he happened to do something while he was with me. It's up to a masseur to discuss with his potential clients what he has to offer.

 

So, I mostly offer general feedback about massage skills, looks, hygiene, and whether my expectations were met.

Maninsoma, thank you! Excellent advice. I'm working hard to be a good citizen of this community.

[Monarchy79]

Monarchy, your comments take the crown!

 

Thanks,

 

No crown deserved here.. ☺️

Just sharing what I’ve learned from some seasoned members of this forum. And just trying to be considerate of the masseurs who we enjoy.

[BaronArtz]

I never respond to invasive or indiscreet questions from Newbies. You just never know who they are. A boss? A jealous co-worker? A boyfriend? Law enforcement? I just don't respond.

[Arrowjay]

I’m glad you posted this because while I’ve had an account for a year or two, I’ve been reading the forum almost daily for 6+ years, I just rarely interact so my account is still newbie :/

I definitely fall into the bucket of someone who may follow up with a commenter in PM to ask more questions, but this helps me know there may be some hesitation on the part of the person I’m messaging based on that status.

[SirBillybob]

I just assume as a matter of course that the info I provide will get back to the provider, and that any ID info will be shared beyond the DM interaction.

 

Therefore, that is the compass I go by when responding. I do not give much credence to the optics or profile/Hx of the inquirer.

 

This is more “everyone is human” than “distrust everyone”. Marriage vows tend to be uniformly broken. Promises are just dumb.

 

If I give a tasty morsel against all better judgement, I had better be getting something of equal value tossed my way, but there is little that I can think of that I want beyond my own reconnaissance.

[MscleLovr]

Giving explicit details to the wrong person could result in some jerk with no manners......literally asking for the exact same thing you experienced and then saying “you did this for xxx”....

 

Very well put @Monarchy79. This has happened to me once. I’d replied to a polite enquiry from an established poster about a very fit guy I’d dated and it was followed by more specific, detailed questions. I emphasised I’m a top only and he made me very happy, but I stressed YMMV. That poster arranged a date and it didn’t go too well, at one point he said to the guy “you swallowed ML’s loads, why won’t you swallow mine?”

 

It cost me a friendship and it taught me a lesson. I always try to help people here, as I’ve been helped in the past, but now I won’t go into too much detail. I’ve also found that some people don’t trouble to read my thoughtful response; they just want to know “what’s his phone number? what will he do for me?”

[Guest fm0322]

Thanks @AndyDandy for starting this thread. I was considering doing it myself.

 

I just recently received a PM that from a newbie that said he too liked a particular spa masseur that I commented on and then asked some innocent questions. No prob responding. This was followed by more graphic questions. Then he asked a question that indicated to me that he had never actually met the masseur or been to said spa.

 

Looking up the newbie, he had joined the forum in August and has never posted anything publicly. I got a tad paranoid, stopped answering and blocked him. Reviewing my responses, I was relieved that I didn’t say anything directly incriminating.

 

May be a totally innocent, yes paranoid, situation, but Just a note of caution when talking about spas and spa masseurs publicly and in private. We don’t want to expose anyone to enforcement action.

 

I am glad this thread was started. I don't get many messages but there has been an uptick recently much as has been described. By nature, I'm trusting and in face-to-face situations may share openly. However, given the nature of the Forum and the potential downsides, prudence over paranoia is appropriate. Everyone's experience will be different. What happens for me may not happen for others, so creating expectations that may be false is unfair to everyone. And, because there are owners/managers are on the Forum, making comments about masseurs at their spa could have a negative. I always respond to messages but never go into details beyond an endorsement of the spa or masseur.

[+ poolboy48220]

Count me in as being part of the consensus. I'll reply to anyone, but not with anything explicit unless I recognize the person as a long-time forum member. I agree with the "citizenship" comment above, but to me, that citizenship is something earned by participation.

[Monarchy79]

Very well put @Monarchy79. This has happened to me once. I’d replied to a polite enquiry from an established poster about a very fit guy I’d dated and it was followed by more specific, detailed questions. I emphasised I’m a top only and he made me very happy, but I stressed YMMV. That poster arranged a date and it didn’t go too well, at one point he said to the guy “you swallowed ML’s loads, why won’t you swallow mine?”

 

It cost me a friendship and it taught me a lesson. I always try to help people here, as I’ve been helped in the past, but now I won’t go into too much detail. I’ve also found that some people don’t trouble to read my thoughtful response; they just want to know “what’s his phone number? what will he do for me?”

 

I’m sooo sorry for this experience.... but this is why I’ve always had that concern...

 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys out here who are just creeps.. the kind with no type of social skills or redeeming personality traits, who masseurs loathe... the kind that probably never have a good experience with YMMV, because they are in-fact, the problem....

 

Ugh

[Monarchy79]

Very well put @Monarchy79. This has happened to me once. I’d replied to a polite enquiry from an established poster about a very fit guy I’d dated and it was followed by more specific, detailed questions. I emphasised I’m a top only and he made me very happy, but I stressed YMMV. That poster arranged a date and it didn’t go too well, at one point he said to the guy “you swallowed ML’s loads, why won’t you swallow mine?”

 

It cost me a friendship and it taught me a lesson. I always try to help people here, as I’ve been helped in the past, but now I won’t go into too much detail. I’ve also found that some people don’t trouble to read my thoughtful response; they just want to know “what’s his phone number? what will he do for me?”

In this case, the POSTER needs to be EXPOSED..

 

That’s the type of jerk that ruins things for everyone by destroying trust, and an overall code of sharing information.

[RickD1980]

This is a great thread. I think it's important to consider that professional massage therapists are licensed in most states. Compromising them by answering questions - ESPECIALLY if they work in a spa or salon - is not what this group seems to be about.

 

Full disclosure: I'm a newbie and still learning how to comment and interact so as not to endanger anyone or make them feel unsafe.

 

I'm so grateful for this group. Since Masseurfinder wrecked the site by taking away user-generated reviews, there's nowhere else to get honest feedback. I want my favorite masseurs to keep working so I don't want to jeopardize their careers by saying anything inappropriate.

[+ Drew Collins]

So thankful for you all here! And LOVE the community this site fosters!

 

Received a PM the other day about a masseur I've frequented, asking for some very specific info. The member asking joined less than a week ago. I simply politely answered what I was comfortable answering.....

[Jim_n_NYC]

I must admit , I too am guilty of sending a good handful of PMs lately inquiring about different service providers. Usually due to a comment in a specific thread. I always just ask for general details / info due to lack of reviews or the authenticity of them and have started a discussion privately with a few members which is great!

I try to be 100% respectful of forum members and service providers and practice absolute discretion all around!

 

Hope I have not offended anyone with a PM, and apologize if I have. I agree that simply not responding or just stating that not comfortable providing the information is a good way to go. All scenarios/ chemistry interactions are different so I believe one should not have specific expectations outside the realm of what is discussed privately between provider and client.

Thanks for bringing this topic up for sure! Its an eye opener

Dude, you suck!

 

 

Ha, just kidding.

[+ AntonGraza]

Speaking as a newbie, I have been very fortunate to have reached out to some members on the site and have them PM me with comments on my questions. I have read quite a number of the threads and have found you can find out quite a bit by taking the time to search. I have to second Drew's comments, this is a special community and site.

[GTMike]

So thankful for you all here! And LOVE the community this site fosters!

 

Received a PM the other day about a masseur I've frequented, asking for some very specific info. The member asking joined less than a week ago. I simply politely answered what I was comfortable answering.....

Agree. If you're a respectful person and ask me respectuful, thoughtful questions you'll get responsive answers but also balanced with the privacy and being respectful to the masseur or escort.