2 threads in 1: “Where are you hosting” and “we didn’t make an appointment”

[Mocha]

These are the 2 phrases that are becoming far too common, yet have very little reliability behind them.

 

Generally I advertise my travel locations ahead of time, but I generally don’t have a line of hotels already booked before I arrive because let’s face it: shit comes up, dates change/clients can’t make it and then it doesn’t look make sense to go.

 

What gets me are when guys contact when i put my ad in a city, and they ask “where you going to be staying” before I even get there. I tell them all the time, I’ve not yet confirmed hotel location, it will be given shortly before my arrival by X time of day. Even if I did a hotel lined up, how safe is it on my end, to be giving out which hotel I’m at before I even get settled in.

 

The problem is, when I don’t give them hotel info: sometimes I get the whole, “well we didn’t make an appointment” when I would follow up to confirm, and they flake or say something come up and I ask for a cancellation fee. One guy tried to use the excuse, “well I didn’t know what hotel you’d be at” as a way of saying we didn’t make an appointment, even though I made it clear I would be following up the very next day to confirm, which I did at 9 am...and he says something came up.

 

Frankly at this point I’m so so sick of hotels and sick of guys asking where I’m staying when they hit me up. I’m about to announce “I DON’T HOST”, but it seems the majority of clients want us to host, but the problem is it often gives them too much room to back out, and most guys asking to come to me, aren’t as reliable as the clients who can host.

 

On top of that, when I do host and tell them the hotel location, half of them exclaim, “that’s too far for me” or “I can’t get out there, it’s too far, thought you’d be staying downtown”

 

Has anyone seen the rates for hotels this summer? It’s ridiculous. Too expensive. Every city I’ve been to, and weekends get worse. Most hotels get sold out days ahead of getting there. It’s always some kind of event or conference or something going on, and clients don’t understand that stresses our options for hotels. I just want to travel city to city and meet guys who can host, and simply get an affordable hotel anywhere in town. If someone happens to be able to come to me great, but I’m getting tired of NEEDING to host, and needing to host in places that are convenient to clients.

 

Solutions?

[+ Keith30309]

Seems like your two problems are 1) clients, and, 2) places to meet clients.

[Mocha]

Seems like your two problems are 1) clients, and, 2) places to meet clients.

 

Well...not problems so to speak. Just annoyances

 

[+ Keith30309]

Well...not problems so to speak. Just annoyances

 

Maybe you’re serving the wrong snacks.

 

Personally, when I’m having a sleepover, I like Twizzlers and Root Beer. We make scrunchies and do each other’s hair and talk about boys.

[opentoideas]

Have you thought about air b and b's. Not sure if that's an option but some of those can run cheaper for a whole place.

[down_to_business]

When I am going to make an appointment for an outcall, I sometimes need to know at least the general area they will be hosting. I often travel without a car, and am unwilling to make appointments where I can't comfortably walk. I would never willingly agree to an appointment only to find out after it was 30 miles away. Even in my home city, I won't agree to an outcall that I can't walk to. So, at least from my perspective, this isn't a nothing question.

[rvwnsd]

Here in Phoenix I don't usually ask in advance where a guy is staying because it is pretty easy to get around and the area isn't that big. When I lived in Chicago I did want to know in advance where a guy intended to stay because the metro area is huge and, frankly, I was not going to truck down to Orland Park ( a very nice community) from my place in Evanston, which is at the opposite end of the metro area.

[Mocha]

Have you thought about air b and b's. Not sure if that's an option but some of those can run cheaper for a whole place.

 

Thing about air bnb, those dirt cheap rates come with 3 night minimums and $100-$200 cleaning fees. A lot of times I just be passing thru cities for a night or 2 at the most.

[Shawn Monroe]

Agree with most everyone here. “Where are you hosting” is a perfectly legitimate question for reasons stated, especially in bigger metroplexes.

Also, most chains will let you book and cancel up to 24 hours in advance in case you just need to say you’re staying somewhere, but I know you know this.

 

On the issue of confirmations, I’ll say I’m almost neurotic at this point about confirmations. I will confirm the week of, and then again the day of. If they don’t respond, I assume it’s not happening and don’t stress about it. And I don’t travel to a city unless I have 3 confirmed appointments.

 

I know some guys, like jake Jennings will send a text that says “CONFIRMED” with all the information like time, hotel, and rate.

 

But I suppose the moral is to not assume that that our interests are always aligned to client interests and to not assume anything.

[Guest]

@Mocha, I really encourage you to step outside your own viewpoint and see many of the quandaries you post from your client’s perspective. Really pay attention to what @down_to_business said. In many cities, location matters. This is not about you and your rules, but rather about the fact that you have time that you are willing to share with someone in return for the $$ they have in THEIR wallet...and it does nothing for you as long as they exercise free choice to keep it in THEIR wallet.

 

I’m going to paraphrase @Keith30309’s post to say:

if it wasn’t for clients you might really enjoy what you do

Are you at the point of needing to answer the basic question of whether your chosen vocation is what’s best for you? If not, might it be time to ponder really shaking things up with radical change and a new perspective to see if you can get more satisfaction out of it?

 

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”

~ Albert Einstein

[DevDaddy]

These are the 2 phrases that are becoming far too common, yet have very little reliability behind them.

 

Generally I advertise my travel locations ahead of time, but I generally don’t have a line of hotels already booked before I arrive because let’s face it: shit comes up, dates change/clients can’t make it and then it doesn’t look make sense to go.

 

What gets me are when guys contact when i put my ad in a city, and they ask “where you going to be staying” before I even get there. I tell them all the time, I’ve not yet confirmed hotel location, it will be given shortly before my arrival by X time of day. Even if I did a hotel lined up, how safe is it on my end, to be giving out which hotel I’m at before I even get settled in.

 

The problem is, when I don’t give them hotel info: sometimes I get the whole, “well we didn’t make an appointment” when I would follow up to confirm, and they flake or say something come up and I ask for a cancellation fee. One guy tried to use the excuse, “well I didn’t know what hotel you’d be at” as a way of saying we didn’t make an appointment, even though I made it clear I would be following up the very next day to confirm, which I did at 9 am...and he says something came up.

 

Frankly at this point I’m so so sick of hotels and sick of guys asking where I’m staying when they hit me up. I’m about to announce “I DON’T HOST”, but it seems the majority of clients want us to host, but the problem is it often gives them too much room to back out, and most guys asking to come to me, aren’t as reliable as the clients who can host.

 

On top of that, when I do host and tell them the hotel location, half of them exclaim, “that’s too far for me” or “I can’t get out there, it’s too far, thought you’d be staying downtown”

 

Has anyone seen the rates for hotels this summer? It’s ridiculous. Too expensive. Every city I’ve been to, and weekends get worse. Most hotels get sold out days ahead of getting there. It’s always some kind of event or conference or something going on, and clients don’t understand that stresses our options for hotels. I just want to travel city to city and meet guys who can host, and simply get an affordable hotel anywhere in town. If someone happens to be able to come to me great, but I’m getting tired of NEEDING to host, and needing to host in places that are convenient to clients.

 

Solutions?

I’m sick of having this same issue with people who are visiting Vegas. It seems like this summer there’s been an influx of guys who will flake if you do tell them where you are hosting and guys who ask for no reason other than to say its too far. It’s become a major annoyance and slight hinderance.

[Walker1]

I guess it depends on where you were staying. I visited Los Angeles and was stuck by how spread out it is. It took me over an hour and half to cover 15 miles. Shocking. I would go crazy if I had to do that drive everyday.

Edited July 14, 2019 by Walker1

[+ Mplsgymguy]

Here in Phoenix I don't usually ask in advance where a guy is staying because it is pretty easy to get around and the area isn't that big.

 

I’m in the Phoenix “area” several times a year. There are quite a number of masseurs and escorts who advertise as being in Phoenix who are actually in one of the neighboring cities, from Sedona to Ahwatukee. When I looked on the rentmen map for the location of a guy I was thinking of hiring, it showed him being in downtown Phoenix. When we set an appointment and I asked him for the address, it turned out he was at least 25-30 minutes (depending on the traffic) SE of Phoenix, nowhere near where I thought I’d be going.

[rvwnsd]

I’m in the Phoenix “area” several times a year. There are quite a number of masseurs and escorts who advertise as being in Phoenix who are actually in one of the neighboring cities, from Sedona to Ahwatukee. When I looked on the rentmen map for the location of a guy I was thinking of hiring, it showed him being in downtown Phoenix. When we set an appointment and I asked him for the address, it turned out he was at least 25-30 minutes (depending on the traffic) SE of Phoenix, nowhere near where I thought I’d be going.

That's exactly my point. In Phoenix, outside of rush hour, 20 - 25 minutes gets you 10 - 30 miles from your starting point. By comparison, in Chicago, that might get you two miles in the city, and five in one of the collar counties. `

[Mocha]

Agree with most everyone here. “Where are you hosting” is a perfectly legitimate question for reasons stated, especially in bigger metroplexes.

Also, most chains will let you book and cancel up to 24 hours in advance in case you just need to say you’re staying somewhere, but I know you know this.

 

On the issue of confirmations, I’ll say I’m almost neurotic at this point about confirmations. I will confirm the week of, and then again the day of. If they don’t respond, I assume it’s not happening and don’t stress about it. And I don’t travel to a city unless I have 3 confirmed appointments.

 

I know some guys, like jake Jennings will send a text that says “CONFIRMED” with all the information like time, hotel, and rate.

 

But I suppose the moral is to not assume that that our interests are always aligned to client interests and to not assume anything.

 

 

Yeah, and I understand it's important for clients to know where we are hosting and I understand it has to be convenient. As for confirming, I did pretty much as you described it with someone who booked a session last night, for the morning...but then had some excuse why he couldn't show up. And location was not a factor.

 

However I agree with using key words: YOUR APPOINTMENT IS SET, YOU ARE CONFIRMED, TEXT ME AT 30 MINUTES BEFORE YOU LEAVE, ETC. But like you said in your last sentence, theres still some bullshit ass people out here who just don't give a fuck and will go thru all the checkpoints, and still flake.

 

@Mocha, I really encourage you to step outside your own viewpoint and see many of the quandaries you post from your client’s perspective. Really pay attention to what @down_to_business said. In many cities, location matters. This is not about you and your rules, but rather about the fact that you have time that you are willing to share with someone in return for the $$ they have in THEIR wallet...and it does nothing for you as long as they exercise free choice to keep it in THEIR wallet.

 

I’m going to paraphrase @Keith30309’s post to say:

if it wasn’t for clients you might really enjoy what you do

Are you at the point of needing to answer the basic question of whether your chosen vocation is what’s best for you? If not, might it be time to ponder really shaking things up with radical change and a new perspective to see if you can get more satisfaction out of it?

 

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”

~ Albert Einstein

 

Please, stop with the old washed out quotes. The 2000s definition of insanity is someone who goes and shoots up schools, churches, waffle houses, workplaces, hotels, and nightclubs and doesn't get the death penalty. Don't even use that word around me, in any way or form.

 

Like I said above, I know it's important to be in a convenient area for clients. You goddamn right it's not about me and my rules, but here's the catch: Not all clients will be coming from the same area. Downtown has been inconvenient for some, the suburbs have been inconvenient for others. Where is convenient? What defines convenient?

 

Think about airports: do you think when Denver built their new airport 30 miles outside of the city, that they were worried about being inconvenient? No. Traffic? No. Did they give a fuck about the flight attendants and airline workers having to drive across town and take 2 hours to get there? They built it there because there was no where else to build one. They couldn't build in the mountains, they couldn't tear down the old one and rebuild a new one there because it needed to be replaced with other things.

 

DC is a good example: I usually stay in NOVA or Maryland because I don't have time to be spending $60 a night on parking, to be convenient to clients in DC. I also don't have time to be getting up at 6:45 am to move/meter feed my car by 7 am either. I RARELY ever have to do that to get clients in DC. I may do it for 1 day, and 1 day only. And I've had clients who were close by and didn't mind visiting me. Sure it may be inconvenient for some in DC to come to me in NOVA or MD, but guess what? That's why I go with a car. So I can visit the guys who can HOST (that magic word, host) in DC, that way I don't have to pay a premium just to be in the city. But if they can't host, and they can't come to NOVA or MD, then how is anything supposed to happen?

 

Do you think I would purposely be staying out the way, to be unreachable to clients? No. It's all about what makes sense.

Edited July 14, 2019 by Mocha

[Mocha]

I’m sick of having this same issue with people who are visiting Vegas. It seems like this summer there’s been an influx of guys who will flake if you do tell them where you are hosting and guys who ask for no reason other than to say its too far. It’s become a major annoyance and slight hinderance.

 

I know, it's tragic this summer. And I know about Las Vegas. It's not that far to get around anywhere there. But I can assume the tourists expect you to be right next door in a casino hotel, like in the movies, waiting naked and smoking a Cuban.

 

Here's my thing, if an escort is not convenient: GET A ROOM. That's the problem with these guys. Some are too cheap to get a room. A room in Las Vegas is $20-$50 a night. When I want to fuck in different city, I get a room. Free sex or paid sex. I don't wait for people to host and be close by to me. I'd be waiting forever for that, because most gay (and straight/bi) guys under 50 can't host. And the ones who talk about getting a room are liars. They do that shit on purpose to get a rise. Call me talking about they can get a room if I can't host. Then don't even do it. I had that yesterday, except for me: I had a room already, and he still didn't show up.

 

But they can keep playing games, and I can just keep collecting cancellation fees. I've received about a handful of them since the weekend prior to the 4th of July. At this point, I'm collecting just as many cancel fees as actual meetings. Two can play that game.

 

Edited July 14, 2019 by Mocha

[Mocha]

I’m in the Phoenix “area” several times a year. There are quite a number of masseurs and escorts who advertise as being in Phoenix who are actually in one of the neighboring cities, from Sedona to Ahwatukee. When I looked on the rentmen map for the location of a guy I was thinking of hiring, it showed him being in downtown Phoenix. When we set an appointment and I asked him for the address, it turned out he was at least 25-30 minutes (depending on the traffic) SE of Phoenix, nowhere near where I thought I’d be going.

 

Here's the thing: whenever we move our ads to a different city as the "home" location, The rentmen map automatically places us in the downtown area. Some people may not have changed it to their actual area.

[+ Mplsgymguy]

Here's the thing: whenever we move our ads to a different city as the "home" location, The rentmen map automatically places us in the downtown area.

 

I’ve wondered if that was the case. However, after meeting the provider in question I got the impression he was purposely trying to mislead people. He’s in a full-time profession quite apart from escorting, so he didn’t show his face in his ad, he includes other fabricated info, and he gives a deceptive location. In any case, my point was that when visiting the area I try to figure how convenient a provider’s location might be from where I’m staying, but in this provider’s case it turned out that I’d be going in the opposite direction and for a longer drive than I imagined.

[+ VictorPowers]

May I ask you why you have not had your hotel confirmed when you’re already advertising? I’m sure they want to see if your location will be convenient. Some clients prefer downtown or maybe outside if it. Will they need to pay parking? How ar will their drive be? Etc.

[Mocha]

May I ask you why you have not had your hotel confirmed when you’re already advertising? I’m sure they want to see if your location will be convenient. Some clients prefer downtown or maybe outside if it. Will they need to pay parking? How ar will their drive be? Etc.

 

Okay...so when I was in Palm Springs, I had my hotel set like 2 months in advance. In that situation, I did have my hotel confirmed because I knew it was a sure thing going on.

 

However, on my way to Palm Springs, I was going thru 3 other cities, but didn't have hotels confirmed. It was more of a “book as I go” situation.

 

In those situations, it doesn’t always make sense to book hotels ahead of time. I may travel differently from some other escorts. I don’t fly to cities, therefore I don’t book accommodations days and weeks ahead of time. I generally advertise about a week or 2 in advance, and even then I may not even have specific dates. I only put specific dates once I get there or shortly before. And even those a subject to change. I don’t like to travel play by play, I prefer to have a bit more flexibility. At the same time, that may also come with a little bit of uncertainty.

 

I recently had that play out in full effect: I was traveling around the 4th of July weekend, and was planning to stay in 1 city until about the Friday or Saturday after the 4th. But shit came up (my car broke down, and some lady backed into my friend’s new BMW i3 in the store parking lot...which has an all glass tailgate...nuff said), and I ended up staying in that city thru the middle of the next week.

 

I had to change all of my travel dates, as I was going to be traveling by ground thru 4 cities before reaching my main destination, the 5th City. I did miss a couple appointments out of it. It wouldn’t make sense to book a hotel for all 5 of those cities in succinct fashion.

[+ VictorPowers]

Ok so the new question is why chastise clients asking where you’re staying when that seems to be the traveling escort industry standard? How is a client to know you do things differently?

[manTOman]

on my way to Palm Springs, I was going thru 3 other cities, but didn't have hotels confirmed. It was more of a “book as I go” situation.

 

In those situations, it doesn’t always make sense to book hotels ahead of time. I may travel differently from some other escorts. I don’t fly to cities, therefore I don’t book accommodations days and weeks ahead of time. I generally advertise about a week or 2 in advance, and even then I may not even have specific dates. I only put specific dates once I get there or shortly before. And even those a subject to change. I don’t like to travel play by play, I prefer to have a bit more flexibility. At the same time, that may also come with a little bit of uncertainty.

 

I recently had that play out in full effect: I was traveling around the 4th of July weekend, and was planning to stay in 1 city until about the Friday or Saturday after the 4th. But shit came up (my car broke down, and some lady backed into my friend’s new BMW i3 in the store parking lot...which has an all glass tailgate...nuff said), and I ended up staying in that city thru the middle of the next week.

 

I had to change all of my travel dates, as I was going to be traveling by ground thru 4 cities before reaching my main destination, the 5th City. I did miss a couple appointments out of it. It wouldn’t make sense to book a hotel for all 5 of those cities in succinct fashion.

 

I think all of this is valid @Mocha, but you have to extend the same flexibility to your clients too. You say you're aware that your last minute planning brings uncertainty, yet you complain about lack of confirmations, which in itself is a paradox. If you don't plan ahead you don't allow your clients to do so either.

 

As far as I'm concerned, if an appointment was never confirmed it was never scheduled. A few or many text exchanges do not a confirmation make. You said that you had to miss some appointments due to unforeseen circumstances, which to me is all understandable. Shit happens. However, from all your posts that I've read, I feel the one part that you're missing is that shit happens to EVERYONE, not just to you.

 

Please read the above words as if they were written by a client, and see how they would make you feel or react? Would you understand or condemn their excuses or explanations?

 

Hopefully this can help you alter your perception a bit and lessen the overall frustration with your business.

Edited July 17, 2019 by manTOman

[Mocha]

As of now, I’m in the middle of a fucking hotel fiasco as I type. Client drove an hour to the city at 12:30. Hotel I was at wouldn’t let me late checkout or extend (is Hilton which normally they do as they did last time, even after I offered to pay extra) Too late to tell the client don’t come as he already started en route. Two hotels nearby wouldn’t let me to check in until 2. Client still waiting and now the hotel that said I could check in at 2 has a goddamn line of people.

 

Just can’t make this shit up ??‍♂️

[MscleLovr]

A few or many text exchanges do not a confirmation make.

 

Very accurate observation @manTOman

 

...I’m in the middle of a fucking hotel fiasco...Client drove an hour to the city at 12:30. Hotel wouldn’t let me late checkout or extend...Too late to tell the client don’t come...Two hotels nearby wouldn’t let me...check in until 2. Client still waiting...hotel that said I could check in at 2 has a goddamn line of people. Just can’t make this shit up ??‍♂️

 

Much as I understand your frustrations and frequent complaints about your business @Mocha, this seems to suggest a lack of organisation on your part. I’m surprised the Client is still waiting...

[DevDaddy]

I know, it's tragic this summer. And I know about Las Vegas. It's not that far to get around anywhere there. But I can assume the tourists expect you to be right next door in a casino hotel, like in the movies, waiting naked and smoking a Cuban.

 

Here's my thing, if an escort is not convenient: GET A ROOM. That's the problem with these guys. Some are too cheap to get a room. A room in Las Vegas is $20-$50 a night. When I want to fuck in different city, I get a room. Free sex or paid sex. I don't wait for people to host and be close by to me. I'd be waiting forever for that, because most gay (and straight/bi) guys under 50 can't host. And the ones who talk about getting a room are liars. They do that shit on purpose to get a rise. Call me talking about they can get a room if I can't host. Then don't even do it. I had that yesterday, except for me: I had a room already, and he still didn't show up.

 

But they can keep playing games, and I can just keep collecting cancellation fees. I've received about a handful of them since the weekend prior to the 4th of July. At this point, I'm collecting just as many cancel fees as actual meetings. Two can play that game.

 

I really do wish there were better ways to get in contact with those who are actually willing to meet and go through with the exchange in it’s entirety. I would ask for deposits or cancellation fees but more often than not, for me at least, it scares off potential clients and I’m left empty handed.