Consistent problem with escorts

[MaybeMaybeNot]

When I was doing research on going to strip clubs to get lap dances, I learned that you have to be up front with expectations, or you can find yourself (with some dancers), getting four songs when you only want one. So, I say right away, "I only want one." Perhaps try saying that up front. When you text the guy or call, say, "It's really important that we are done in 3 hours. I have a hard time saying good-bye, but I can't have you more than 3 hours." Then, it's up to you to reinforce it if needed.

 

When dancers try to entice me for a second dance, I am the one who has to decline. But I always get offered and never get taken advantage of.

[Rudynate]

Its not a problem I've ever had. Usually at the end of 2 or 3 hours, I'm ready to go. If the guy is unusually engaging, I might overstay 15 minutes or so.

[ScottyTX100]

OMG, who are YOU to be judging anyone?

You have NO idea what his vows were. Maybe he & his partner have never agreed to monogamy!

And what about this "...in front of God..." comment? How do you know he even BELIEVES in a God.

 

And, how in the world are the rest of us (from your statement, "This world is going bat crazy over doing whatever one wants and making the rest of society pay for it" paying for his life choices?? STIs are not from escorts, but rather FROM places like Grindr, where the STIs are coming from. Yet that's where you suggest he should be going. If you want him to reduce his risk of STIs, urging him to go to Grindr is the last place he should go. WTH?

 

And just HOW are YOU paying for HIS choices? ("Why do gay men think they have the right to have their cake and eat it at everyone else expenses"?). Could you elaborate on this peculiar train of thought?

 

I reject your judgmental and ironically inaccurate opinion here.

Who are you to be so judgmental, really?

 

If the OP can’t handle strangers’ opinions, social media is the last place he needs to be.

[LookingAround]

And yes I am being judgemental.

You’re also misspelling.

[caliguy]

So the OPS biggest concern is escorts getting too attached to him (oh the horror) but keeping wifey and everyone else in the dark.... meh Lol

[+ FrankR]

Wow, lots of judgmental folks on here...

[ScottyTX100]

Perhaps the OP posted because he wants us to believe that he’s so irresistible that even escorts fall for him. There’s something very narcissistic in most dudes who lead double lives.

[+ glutes]

"Why do people pay prostitutes? To leave."

[+ Coolwave35]

Thank you to the guys who took time out and offer advice. Obviously, I want to start with the negative critics.

 

My husband and I enjoy an open marriage. Before we got engaged, we compromised on several things. I wanted an open marriage and I didn't want children. He insisted that we have pets, that he can decorate our home how he likes, and I can't enter politics until I'm 60. These were the biggest sticking points but it was predetermined and our dynamic works for us.

 

For the it takes 2 to tango remarks, you're absolutely right. I've been realizing things I can do differently to curb some of what is happening, but it wasn't enough.

 

I really like the guys that pointed out I'm paying for them to leave. I'd never heard that and it's amusing AND true.

 

The ones attacking that I'm impressive enough that escorts want to stay. Absolutely not the case. I over tip and am over generous, and the money leads them wanting to ensure repeat visits. They give extra attention and affection to ensure I'm happy so they get repeat business, but it's leading me to NOT want to see them.

 

I guess the better question is how do I balance using money to ensure good service, with clearly communicating the good sexual service I'm expecting.

[+ Coolwave35]

Do you make it known you're just having fun on the side and that you're married and otherwise content in your life?

 

Yes, quite clearly.

[+ Coolwave35]

Do you mind sharing the “gold nugget” that made them stay? Money?

 

Short answer, yes. Long answer, he was in a city he had never been to and didn't have anyone else and I imagine bored / lonely a bit.

[+ Coolwave35]

But OP he stayed for 3 paid hours, and then you and him spent 8 hours off the clock time together and you didnt say a thing:eek: seems you liked the company and conversation a little bit more than ur letting on, haha but seriously you should have said something way sooner if it was bothering you, it takes 2 to tango

 

I absolutely enjoyed the company afterwards to a point. As the sun rose I realized I had a problem. After he was showing me things on his personal facebook, and I learned his real name, it went beyond my original intentions. There was a point where it went from "this is cool" to "this is ruining the fantasy." I'm trying to figure out how to not let that happen again and many of you have offered solid advice, thank you.

[+ Coolwave35]

Exactly, besides I wouldn't use the word friendship so easily. Does the OP even know the real name, age, etc. of the escort?

 

Even the name of the thread and calling this a "consistent problem..." makes me wonder how real this is or if it's only in the eyes of the beholder (OP)

 

In this particular case, I know his real name, age, former profession, youtube channel, real facebook profile, all things I can honestly say I'm not interested in. Was it fun to have a hot guys attention in a decent NYC hotel room for a couple hours, yeah, but it ruined the sexual fantasy that he had been able to deliver when he was just an escort flown in for pleasure.

 

Of the last 6 escorts I hired, 3 I have flown to meet me. 4 I have had this issue with.

 

The reason it is a problem too is that it is making repeat business harder because it isn't just sex.

[+ Coolwave35]

@Coolwave35But you are the client: it’s up to you to initiate action and to terminate the date.

 

This is great. We talked about this, and neither one of us were sure who was responsible for ending it. I always assumed it was on the professional. This makes sense to me though. Thank you!

[Milo Farnsworth]

Can never have too many friends.

[Rudynate]

In this particular case, I know his real name, age, former profession, youtube channel, real facebook profile, all things I can honestly say I'm not interested in. Was it fun to have a hot guys attention in a decent NYC hotel room for a couple hours, yeah, but it ruined the sexual fantasy that he had been able to deliver when he was just an escort flown in for pleasure.

 

Of the last 6 escorts I hired, 3 I have flown to meet me. 4 I have had this issue with.

 

The reason it is a problem too is that it is making repeat business harder because it isn't just sex.

 

 

 

Very needy person. See him again at your peril.

[Rudynate]

Can never have too many friends.

 

 

Yes you can, if they're the wrong kind of friend.

[marylander1940]

In this particular case, I know his real name, age, former profession, youtube channel, real facebook profile, all things I can honestly say I'm not interested in. Was it fun to have a hot guys attention in a decent NYC hotel room for a couple hours, yeah, but it ruined the sexual fantasy that he had been able to deliver when he was just an escort flown in for pleasure.

 

Of the last 6 escorts I hired, 3 I have flown to meet me. 4 I have had this issue with.

 

The reason it is a problem too is that it is making repeat business harder because it isn't just sex.

 

Next time just walk away or change the subject if they start talking.

 

This ruin the sexual fantasy? Have you heard about anonymous sex? Just wait for them naked in your room.

 

You're the client, express yourself, specially if this problem has happened already 4 times out of 6 and bothered you so much you're posting on here seeking advice about how to stop them from being so attached to you.

[Gymowner]

Since this is an open forum and you are letting strangers into the inner sanctum of your feelings and lack there of, it really appears your are a selfish self centered person. You make no bones at all that you hire for your primal desire of getting off using others flesh and once the person expresses himself as a person it "ruined the sexual fantasy" for you. Get off.. get up.. get out. I get that in a sense. The reason he is being paid.

 

Whats concerning is the flip side. You carve out an agreement with your "partner" that he can choose furniture, have pets etc if he allows you with whom you can randomly play with. A trade off of "material things for him, while "the taking of monagonomy and the possible love and fulfillment of children from him". So this said partner, are you using him for the stability that you need IN your life and sort of giving him a "quid pro quo" to "have fun" choosing the things FOR your life. All centered around you? I truely wonder how he is with this.

 

I have to say that this vein of thinking and expression now appears to be the norm of the gay world and its culture. As I mentioned before its dominant on single sites like scruff and grindr. So.... are these the rights of marriage and equality the gay world fought so hard for and ultimately won on?

 

I use to be sort of sad being single. Now I'm proud of it.

[+ Coolwave35]

it really appears your are a selfish self centered person. You make no bones at all that you hire for your primal desire of getting off using others flesh and once the person expresses himself as a person it "ruined the sexual fantasy" for you. Get off.. get up.. get out. I get that in a sense. The reason he is being paid.

 

Yes, that is what I'm paying for. I don't hire to fulfill any need of the escorts other than fattening his bank account when he leaves. That is the nature of the transactional relationship we are both seeking.

 

Whats concerning is the flip side. You carve out an agreement with your "partner" that he can choose furniture, have pets etc if he allows you with whom you can randomly play with. A trade off of "material things for him, while "the taking of monagonomy and the possible love and fulfillment of children from him". So this said partner, are you using him for the stability that you need IN your life and sort of giving him a "quid pro quo" to "have fun" choosing the things FOR your life. All centered around you? I truely wonder how he is with this.

 

Not that I intended to get into this, but you seem to want to discuss it so I'm fine with that. He isn't my "partner", he's my husband, since June 21, 2012 and we're quite happy with our arrangement. We arrived at what would work for us, with a trained premarital counselor because neither of us wanted to end up divorced. I'm not convinced our arrangement would have worked with any other man I dated, but it works perfectly for us. He knew from the beginning of our courtship that if he wanted children I wasn't the man for him. I made that clear, so I didn't take anything from him. I communicated what was important to me in life, he communicated what was important to him, and we used a professional to help us hammer out a compromise over 9 months that we're both quite happy with.

 

With a 50% divorce rate, you may do well to bend your expectations a bit. Or don't, it is your prerogative. The old vision of marriage and traditions aren't fairing too well these days, particularly in the gay culture. Lots of our friends have some version of an open marriage, and we tend to be the ones I see going the distance. The ones that fall apart are the ones who can't even breach the subject of wanting to sleep with someone else. Both partners want it. They can't bring it up. They cheat, they lie, they try to lie their way around it some more, it happens again, they split up. I get to tell my husband everything I'm up to. He gets to have his adventures, and the love stays.

[Gymowner]

If you guys are totally ok with the situation and noone is compromising to the point of being miserable... then God bless

[Monarchy79]

I need a little advice. I'm married and enjoy escorts when I travel. I often pay for extended hours, but never do an overnight.

 

Recently I've been hitting it off and flying repeat hires out to meet me. I'm doing this for the sex, the experience etc, but NOT the companionship and friendship as I'm not available for that. I'm 33, and hire guys 25-35. We have great sex, but then there is this awkward friendship that forms that I'm not looking for, often perpetuated by the professional.

 

Last night, a 3 hour romp in NYC led to an all nighter where we just stayed up talking, and switched the dynamic. It made payment awkward as he insisted he "punched out" after the 3 hours, and the other 8 were off the clock because he liked the company and enjoyed the conversation.

 

Anyone have any advice on discouraging this type of relationship change? I'm hiring professionals so I don't have to have the mess of emotions, or friend with benefit situation.

 

I hope I'm explaining this well.

 

No advice needed ☺️??. Continue doing your thing, and by no means have any discussions with the escorts, explaining how you feel.

 

It seems like the connection they appear to have with you is what makes the experience pleasurable for both of you.... I’m sure you don’t want to ruin that vibe.

 

Just make sure they have no way of contacting you when you’re not seeking their services.

[Monarchy79]

Another option of a solution for this is to act needy, clingy and “in love”... that will have them running away as soon as the sessions are over.

 

Guys are wired in a weird way. Show them interest and they’ll squirm away like feral cats.. show them indifference and they’ll chase you into Infiniti.

 

Most escorts are used to being worshipped, and fulfilling needs of companionship to their clients. They are used to feeling needed and validating their Johns. By you not having that type of interest intrigues them and makes them want you more.

 

Let them believe you are looking for that BFE, and once they are done, they will accept their payment and leave.

[Monarchy79]

Sidebar:

 

Shame on many of you guys for judging the OP.... hipocrites galore.

 

I find it funny how he can be judged for being married and having escorts on the side, but many of you are in these new-age open marriages and open relationships your damned selves....

 

Lots of stones being thrown from glass houses.

[+ azdr0710]

with all due respect for the OP's dilemma and the various point-counterpoint replies.............