JB_Studio38

Somewhat of an annex to @Storm4U ’s travel post...but just a different subject. I had someone “project” to me the other day, about if I’d considered settling down and having a “steady” group of friends (likely just his ideal view of social norms). Not that I haven’t had before, but I more enjoy the chance to meet new people that traveling brings. Sometimes it can feel like going in circles trying to maintain friendships/relationships/fuck buddies in the same city; things can be going well for a little bit, then taper off within 2 or 3 meets. I been trying to do that locally over the last couple months (not to mention I didn’t want to travel heavily between holidays, election and inauguration), but it’s just been drama and miscommunications dealing with “friends”. I’m in the mind frame now where I just want to leave for the next 1 or 2 months, and just go where I don’t know anyone, but still be able to connect with others. Not just clients, but all types.

I’ve been touring for years...my preference is hotels simply because if things go better or worse than planned, I can stay longer or shorter than planned. Air bnbs generally require more advance notice and payment. On the flip side, I have enjoyed staying at air bnbs that others have rented. My most recent was a friend who came down and got a 2 bedroom in a historic factory. It was bad ass to say the least. I’ve seen more than a few decent air bnbs out there, and being in a neighborhood and having a more private entrance is certainly a perk. But I feel air bnbs are better suited for visiting a “specific” city, rather than touring and visiting multiple cities. I have sometimes passed 7 or 8 major cities, in the course of a week, maybe only staying a night or 2. I wouldn’t want to be obligated to stay if there was no business, but I wouldn’t want to pass up if someone came along. Only hotels offer such room for flexibility.

I always look forward to going to (and putting that work in) the nations capitol. However, it’s been since August 2019 that I last visited, and most of last year, I had no opportune moments to take the trip (including all the obvious events). However, with the latest events, and the upcoming inauguration, just wondering how’s biz out there lately. I would like to take a January, February or March trip out before Cherry Blossoms, but I also don’t want to return to a sh*t storm. I know DC can also be very hit or miss, or involve waiting around for awhile, which can be kinda unsettling considering the cost of lodging and the fact it’s usually always a long trip, with a week or 2 stay. But, I hope once things get settled, I can make something happen out there.

Yeah, I feel like that’s where things got a bit muddled down the line. But I had originally discussed that, when he started asking me “what were we doing”. And I said back in the summer, I prefer to just be “good/regular friends who fuck, or friends with benefits“. Not just because of the label, but simply because he had things going on (like what I mentioned in the OP), and I had things going on. I was also living between 2 different cities, and didn’t want to feel obligated to stay in the one HE lived in, in order to maintain a relationship. As time went on though, he just started voluntarily making boyfriend moves: holding my hand in public (which I had a discussion about my feelings on that, which he seemed okay with but later on wasn’t), telling me about his emotional needs and how they aren’t getting met. Then he’d come back from 2 months out of town for work, and start telling me I’m not there for him enough when I started traveling and staying in the other city I was at. I’m like dude, we never entered into a monogamous 1 on 1 relationship, so how the F can you sit here and make it seem like I’m obligated to meet your every emotional need? So yeah, it’s done. All the way done. Well done. Like a Rib-eye ? Next time I’ll cut the drama sooner, he was just a drama ? waiting to go off ? Probably not client specific, but I have come across clients who seem to come off needy or want immediate attention, and it makes me wonder how they’d be in dating situations. Even had to tell one of my “demanding bottom” client that I can’t see him right now, because this falls too close to the situation I’m just getting out of.

Well if I can ask, what do you think of guys who have or are currently in some arrangement with a client? Perhaps the "client" does pay here and there for “sessions”, but there's a more involved relationship and/or friendship outside of the arrangement as well? Because, I’ve had situations like that work as well. This particular one is likely the most involved and longest I’ve ever become with a client, that didn’t involve payment per session. But actually, I had a different arrangement that went on for about a year and a half with a guy who did initially see me as a client, but we had an alternative arrangement down the line.

Good points. And that’s part of what I had discussed with him, towards the latter parts of our seeing each other. And like I say, I don’t normally go looking to turn these things into relationships. However, I’ve tried to be more open to allowing things to work...if the situation is right. Kinda similar to how porn stars may date one another, or escorts date one another, or even clients dating one another (usually not common unless said clients are a couple). Obviously those are different circumstances, but we’ve seen them work. But it seems the whole thing was more about him wanting me to play a role, versus having a partner.

Good point, but what difference does it make if it's a guy I met off grindr versus one at a social event? I mean, aren't we all vulnerable and guarded and have things we wish to have privacy about? I've come to learn everybody has drama to some degree. Whether it's past or present. Nobody is perfect. I've been opening myself up more to dating clients, because I've done grindr, the gay bar, the socials, the networking...the whole 9, and at the end of the day, everybody has struggles and issues and improvements that can be done. I know it sounds like I'm defending against my concerns, but I don't want to fall into this category of "I fucked up because I dated a guy who paid me for an encounter, and it didn't work because of that". When in reality, the same thing could have happened elsewhere. And I'm sorry I was eager for someone. I admit. Maybe a little desperate. But living in a state where there's nothing but "straight" White men at the gym, and gays of color only come out online, I was eager to accept someone to love me and see me regularly. Unfortunately it turned out he was a basket case who needed far more emotional support than I could offer.

We originally met on Rentmen. Paid encounter. Then I reached out couple weeks later (it wasn't any agenda to get paid or not paid, I just did it as I usually follow up with clients I had a great time with). He wasn't in a position to pay for "services" this go around as he described it, but since he seemed like my type...I offered to meet on a non biz level. Since then, it remained on that level and we started dating.

I get what you're saying. And I'm not negating the fact that I should have seen that things might have not been what they seemed early on, but I'm the type to try and let things flow... and enjoying it for what it is before making a decision. It's not about trying to psychoanalysize the situation, but it's what I had observed. Sometimes it does take a bit of understanding about where a person may be, to interpret why things turn out the way they can. The whole point of that is suggesting that perhaps, those who come to us as clients, may not be at a place in life where they can maintain a relationship for whatever reason, even though some come with the subconscious expectation of getting that from an escort. That guy, portrayed to me as if he was relationship material, initiated signs of wanting to be in a relationship, but ultimately was not at all able or willing to sustain one. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted someone who he could control and meet his insatiable sexual appetite and need for validation. When he didn't get it, he wasn't trying to do any real work, to make it work. He was still in "I'm the client, you're the whore" mode. If you want to get real, I can get real. 100%.

That’s true. But I guess what made things “blurry”, is that this same person had dated a guy, who is now involved with someone I had a hot fling with ? I know that’s not directly relevant, but it seems like I could have just as easily met this client/boyfriend on Grindr, instead of RentMen where he found me. However, there have been conversations with him where I’ve had to say: I’m not an escort 24/7. I also told him he would seem to expect me to “perform” on every encounter. I told him that escort sex and private sex are not the same thing for me. He seemed to enjoy rough, aggressive fuck sessions...but that’s fantasy. Partly due to his insatiable porn addiction. That’s not something sustainable after being with someone for 6 months. Even though the fantasy is what sells the whole experience; someone has to understand that fantasy is not a personality.

Well that’s only if you choose to read only the negative parts of the posts. I mentioned both negative and positive aspects of the question I posted, but if you only see the negative...that says more about how you interpret the message.

Lol... please elaborate.

Right, which in my case I wasn't looking...but it just played out that way. That's a good way to go about it. I had a client-friend suggest an international trip later in the year. On a recent local trip, there was a couple of things that probably would need to be considered before taking on something like that.

I’ve been taking visits where things aren’t as locked down. But I got thru the Christmas slump (which is the period for slow down for many non retail type of businesses), by redecorating, watching back to back episodes of my TV reruns, and also doing some just for fans scenes. I’m getting ready to start a big long tour and get out of my local area for a bit.

I personally like couples encounters, they can and have been fun. However, if couples are going to reach out, it helps to make sure both are on the same page. It also makes it a little challenging if one partner is in a different mindset than the other. Both parties need to be on 1 accord.

I will mention, this can even include a client or provider that one has only met once, but then chemistry was there to where things were able to develop away from paid meets into a dating or regular fuck bud situation. I ask because I was seeing a client who hired me about 6 months ago (he was only a couple years older than me). Things were going well, or so I thought...but then it started becoming clear that he had multiple “issues”; unresolved family, sex/porn addiction (most of our meets involved him wanting to have sex or constant affection 2 to 3 times per overnight stay, and we would video but he didn’t want me posting on fans platform), prescription, control, trust, and other issues with everything related to the “datingship” we had going on. He also started having issues with me as a person, and waited til he chose to take up a stressful job out of state, a couple weeks before Christmas, to tell me all the things he didn’t like about me ??‍♂️ . Meanwhile trying to make something work from a distance for the both of us. Which didn’t. I had initially and occasionally told him, I liked that we had a steady thing going, but that I didn’t want to start calling it “boyfriends”. And that’s mainly because I know some gay dating can be drama filled, and I was seeing signs of that with him, even though he claimed to live a quiet, drama free life. I also knew he wasn’t monogamous, and I wasn’t going to sign up to an “open relationship” until things progressed more. But as it turned out, he was definitely about drama. Though it was more of the emotional and anxiety type, versus the wild and crazy at the bar type. Regardless, drama is drama. At the end of the day, it’s certainly got me rethinking again how and why I decided to stay in this. I feel some clients can make great occasional FWBs, supportive business partners, etc. But it seems like having steady dating situations with many, is tricky. I’ve conveyed this to a couple good close clients, and the more “mature” guys in their 50s and up seem to be fine with and understand this. This the first time I’ve tried with someone closer to my age though. However even with older guys, I’m just wondering how others maintain a casual friendship, without it stepping into drama territory where dating gets involved.

I’m hoping 2021 will be like 2012...I know I can recall things being better during that year. I don’t have data to post, but I do know the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas were awfully slow. But I had a good run during the week between Christmas and New Year and especially the week following Christmas. So much so that I’ve decided to temporarily take down my ads until I get ready to tour next week.

A question for tops: I’ve somewhat recently come across this phrase, but I guess it’s been out for awhile. However, I’ve also been coming across this lately. Most recently, I’ve been “seeing” a guy for the past 6 months who’s a definite “dominate” bottom (he’s the shorter of us 2, but a couple years older) and it has been having me like ? It started off with him wanting to be aggressive and liking rough sex, now it’s been turning into him trying to dominate me, yet I’m the top in the situation. This shows in conversations (with a condescending or bossy tone), but also in the bedroom. Basically wanting to “direct” our hookups into what he wants. Sometimes it just confuses me because it’s like, how can a top be dominant in the bedroom, if he’s being made to feel like a bitch any other time? I also have a client who’s been operating in this “bossy bottom” parameter, and I told him today, “if I’m to be the dominant, aggressive top that you want me to be, I can’t be dominated into dominance”. I figure, it just doesn’t work that way? I found a humorous, but sadly realistic example of what I’m referring to: [MEDIA=reddit]lolgrindr/comments/85kzul[/MEDIA] my thing is: how can one voice what they want, but without coming across as demanding or bossing their top around?

That is the appropriate gesture to do, and I wish this concept would spread to more guys who patronize online sex workers. Unfortunently, there’s a lot of people out here who...they don’t see us as individuals. They look at us in the eyes of other “bills”, e.g. they didn’t use the service therefore they aren’t going to pay for it. And I had to explain to 2 people earlier this week: “You made an expectation that I was going to be paid, you had schedule changes that was outside of my control and had to cancel the deal you offered. Therefore, why should I have to be duped out of something I expected, just because YOU didn’t ensure your schedule would allow for this, BEFORE you contacted me”. So, out of courtesy and integrity, do right by me and give me something to offset the lost income. Lot of people will argue over that, others I hardly have to explain it. But lately it’s been a lot more people needing it explained, and it’s been a wild ride in 2020. And I’m ready to jump on the next bus: That said, I did go ahead and renew 1 other ad this month, just because now Christmas is going to be over by the end of the week. Obviously it’s going to be a long weekend, but since it is on a Friday, there will be the opportunity to jump off at the new start of the week. Also like @marylander1940 said, I know people are going to be looking and possibly booking for January. However, I’m probably am going to turn my phone off from Christmas night thru Sunday.

Using these quotes from another thread as examples. I want to say let’s pretend Covid doesn’t exist, and people would be busy anyway...but since it is existent, it is obviously like 2 gargantuan vacations at once:

I’m doing that already thru my Just For Fans page At the end of the day though, selling videos doesn’t match a $250 or $300 appointment. I do still refer missed connections to my JFF, but sometimes if I feel there was an expectation made to be paid for a session, I prefer to be at least partially reimbursed for the session...and then I’ll send them a free subscription to my videos.

Well remember: one can still pay for an ad, and then freeze it, and pick up where they left off. E.g. if I have 17 days left, I can freeze til January 2nd, and still have 17 days left. I renewed my ad last Sunday (and you stand correct, I did get a client from it the same day). It’s part of RentMen’s Covid safe mode. And yes, by technicality it’s only $80 a month...but it’s not just the price point that matters. It’s the fact that spending a lot of leg work responding to inquiries when guys are either: A) using the platform to kill time/boredom between family/down time from work (which usually results in last minute cancels or no call/no show) B) making appointment requests, but then they having to cancel due to “my mom/kids/wife/hubby/Mary Poppins” showed up or “work is crazy this time C) letting paid ad time go un-used because nobody is contacting to begin with. When it could be put on hold and places during a more opportunistic period. So after a few days or couple of weeks of the above, I’ve lost any holiday spirit I could conjure up. Worn down from getting my hopes up, and really just want to either freeze my ads or take down my number (which I’ve often had to do on 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and likely Christmas and New Year’s next). Memorial and Labor Day or more of the same, except it’s not as lingering as the winter holidays. Just today I had to explain to 2 individuals, as to why they should be compensating me for having to re-neg and cancel their appointment requests (Both which were faults of their own and nothing I was aware of). I said, out of courtesy, you should have the integrity to pay me for the expected earnings that you created, since you had to cancel for reasons that weren’t discussed at time of booking (one said work/kids, the other said work flying him out early to save the company money). They wanted to reason and say that I’m not worth $50-100 just to text about stuff. I had to remind them: I am 1 person, not a big company with multiple employees and customers. If you contact me and have me spending my time coordinating schedules, packing bags, thinking of ways to try and make it work and they fall thru...I don’t get paid. And I also told them: that Rentmen ad you contacted me on; costs me money. This phone you texting me on; costs money. The car I would drive and the hotel I would book; costs money. So don’t tell me that my time spent arranging an appointment that YOU initiated isn’t worth being paid for. Some guys are even sending me pictures of themselves, and still not following thru. That is asking a lot considering I would spend more time exchanging messages with people, than actually meeting people if I didn’t have a deposit strategy.

I can imagine things being different in Ontario. I’ve had a client visit me in Detroit from there. I try to post up because I do know there’s a select few looking for a bit of holiday “fun” and getting a break, and I did score a 2 hour appointment on that last one I mentioned. But since then it’s already been a couple locally and out of town that have fell thru or not returned messages. I did however meet with another escort friend and filmed some content, but even though he had 5 or 6 no shows, he did still manage to score 3 other clients in the area. At this rate, I’ve decided to just pull all my nearby city locations and stay local til end of month because I had packed up to go to 2 places within 3 hour drive, yet had appointments in both locations not go thru. Both citing either family or work conflicts.

Not to mention but there was an article citing the “meat” had extreme levels of estrogen as well. Pizza Hut has also come out with an impossible sausage pizza. I’m just not a fan of vegan meats though. When I want vegetables, I gladly add them to my burgers and pizza.

I’m hoping this doesn’t ruffle any feathers... or invite unnecessary judgement (hint, hint) but I feel like many years, I always find myself regretting advertising around holidays and not having another “holiday” gig: namely the Thanksgiving thru New Years ones. This year has been no different. And due to personal things coming up, it always seems like trying to have a proper job around the holidays never pans out. At this point I was only able to keep 1 or 2 ads running. So far, all it’s been are possibilities and scheduled visits that fall thru for whatever reason. Usually work or schedule or something else that comes up on their end. I’ve been trying my hardest to get bookings, yet thus far it’s already been 8 days since my last appointment. I’m answering texts and coordinating appointments, yet not generating the revenue. Considering it wasn’t as busy going into the holidays, I didn’t have as much of a cushion to “go on vacation” for the remainder of the year anyway.