CheckCar

I can speak from personal experience. I wrote a negative review after another visiting masseur did not honor his appointment time and when I did, rentmasseur's administrator said that if you do not communicate with a masseur via RM messaging that shows communication of your appointment booking, the masseur has the right to delete your negative review. I have learned this the hard way and now communicate with any new masseurs I hire from RM by emailing them through RM and not texting them first. Some masseurs have RM messaging disabled and I would not be surprised if some of them are doing it deliberately to block negative reviews. Another reason why I so appreciate this forum!

A couple of things...
Not in the US. You still have to VPN to Europe.
The url is https://app.rent.men/ and it looks just like their mobile app.
I don't hate it, but I also don't love it. The current site allows searching by phone number, which does not seem to work on the new site. Othe than that, it is fine. I do like that you can enlarge photos. 
The current site also shows the photo upload date, as below:

 
Overall, it is a more modern design than rent.men and the dinosaur-age rentmen.eu.  It shows they are investing in the UI, which too many sites don't do. 

Several modeling agencies had unofficial relationships with their guys to help them meet wealthy men who paid well for some "private one-on-one time" with them. 
These days with the crack downs on sex trafficking and the "me-too" movement there is too much risk involved to run this kind of "introduction" service anymore. Careers can be quickly destroyed by engaging in any such social networking now.
I've worked in the fashion industry for a bit and I know many of the male models (those who weren't exclusively straight ) made good money on the side with these introductions, that were generally safer and more discreet than working with the general public.

Years ago, he was one of my first private massages, and I wasn’t sure what to expect or ask for. When I emerged from Covid—and much more seasoned as a receiver of massages—I thought I’d try again. Huge mistake. The first 30 minutes he went on and on about how much better Florida was than New York, and DeSantis than de Blasio. He was open to MT, but near the the end of our time, he said I scratched him (which I didn’t) and that the massage was over, adding that I was lucky he didn’t hit me for scratching him. The whole thing would have been scary, if it hadn’t been so ridiculous.

I have already written an unexpurgated memoir of my first thirty years. Unfortunately, my lawyer recommends that it not be available until I am safely in the grave, along with everyone named in it.

For those of us who identify as older members of LGBTQ+ communities, how are we imagining and enacting our roles as elders in our communities?
Note: I am not assuming that everyone on this forum sees themselves as older individuals, identifies as members of LGBTQ+ communities, and wants to play a role in those communities as elders. For those who do, this thread is for you.
I’m around 50 years old, and I’ve fought some battles over the years as a gay man. I have some insights on how to survive and thrive that might be helpful to share. I also have a lot to learn, especially from younger members of our communities who’ve come of age as queer folks under a significantly different milieu and, thus, have insights into current times that may elude me.
The barriers to queer cross-generational connection and community-building are many, but the ongoing and forthcoming attacks on folks like us warrant efforts to overcome those barriers, pool our insights and resources together, and fight for our dignity and rights as LGBTQ+ people. I’m feeling a renewed urgency to do more to improve our lot as a queer community.
For those of you who see and carry yourselves as elders in our communities, how do you do it? What types of organizations or networks do you participate in? What types of contributions do you make? What types of challenges do you find yourself negotiating?
 
 

Thank you so much for sharing this! Your post makes me wonder if this site should have a “memoir” forum where we can collect our own oral histories. You CLEARLY have historical memories that need to be documented!

I think we have all been there at that awkward moment.  He will eventually snag a sugar daddy and age out after his first bypass surgery from the juice.  

I enjoyed the first episode; interesting cast of characters - will probably continue to watch the rest of the season.  It will never be as good as the original UK version (obviously!) but it will do. 

@Charlie thank you for this post.  I enjoyed reading about your experiences.  

I guess I qualify as a gay elder, since I came out when Dwight Eisenhower was President. In my 20s, I was active in the small, pre-Stonewall gay rights organizations, and I took part in the first gay picketing of Independence Hall in 1965. I was living with my second partner a few blocks from the Stonewall the night of the riot. In my 30s, I was active in the new post-Stonewall national gay rights organizations, and carried the flag at the head of a Gay Pride parade during the Bi-Centennial in 1976. I also taught the first gay literature course ever offered at my college. In my 40s, I was active as a volunteer in AIDS organizations, and ran an AIDS information hotline. By my 50s, my energies were starting to flag, and I turned to professional and family responsibilities. In my 60's and 70s, my contributions to gay life were mostly financial.
This topic made me realize that I have almost no contact with "young gays" any longer. When the head of the LGBTQ student organization at my alma mater recently asked alumni for information about "gay life" at the school for a historical retrospective video she was preparing, she told me I was the oldest alumnus who responded. I told her there was no "gay life" at the school when I was there, because homosexual activity was illegal then. She asked to interview me to use as a prologue for the video, and I agreed, the closest I have come to any kind of mentoring of young gays in recent years. Like many old men, I live in the bubble of retirees in the age-segregated divisions that characterize modern American society. The "younger" men who have posted here are probably my only audience. However, if the Supreme Court tries to take away any of my hard-won rights, I'll probably be back at the public demonstrations again.

This is a great thread, and as one who came out very late, even to myself, there are things here that make me think. Being old, but young in gaydom, has its challenges and contradictions. I tended to embark on efforts to learn about this environment more by watching and reading than by seeking engagement with others, but for some things the latter was necessary, or at least would have been better. I didn't rush to make up for the missed opportunities of a gay younger life but rather to take up opportunities as they arose.
When I did engage in a gay social group with a very mixed age profile, as expected there were others who could offer advice that was in effect mentoring after a fashion, many younger than me. On the other hand I had life experiences from years of engagement with work and the wider society that younger members of the group found useful. They knew I hadn't navigated that part of my life as a 'declared' gay man, but seemed to value what I had to say and were happy to discuss issues with me now that I was there as an 'older' gay man.
I realise that the purpose of the thread is to ask people who have extensive lived experience as gay men to explore how they can pay that experience (or those resources) forward, but don't forget that there are young gay men who would be more comfortable discussing life matters that aren't particular to this community with an older gay man than with someone else.

This resonates deeply with me. I do most of my hiring outside of my home city in an attempt to distance that private part of my life from the more public parts. But there’s still a chance that someone in my more immediate social or professional networks might find out someday about my hiring practices.
Through glimpses into local LGBTQ+ activist spaces, I have seen open and intentional compassion toward, as well as advocacy with and on behalf of, those involved in various levels of sex work. I also have noticed a decided lack of compassion for those who hire. While I have no desire to share that part of my life in community-based advocacy spaces, I can’t help but wonder if and how room could be made to acknowledge the complexities surrounding why I hire, rather than writing off someone like me as a predator and exploiter. 

This resonates deeply with me. I do most of my hiring outside of my home city in an attempt to distance that private part of my life from the more public parts. But there’s still a chance that someone in my more immediate social or professional networks might find out someday about my hiring practices.
Through glimpses into local LGBTQ+ activist spaces, I have seen open and intentional compassion toward, as well as advocacy with and on behalf of, those involved in various levels of sex work. I also have noticed a decided lack of compassion for those who hire. While I have no desire to share that part of my life in community-based advocacy spaces, I can’t help but wonder if and how room could be made to acknowledge the complexities surrounding why I hire, rather than writing off someone like me as a predator and exploiter. 

This is a great question. It seems like LGBTQ+ folks can find ourselves occupying “elder” status under unusual and confusing circumstances. When I came out in my sophomore year of college, I quickly became “Papa Bear” for the closeted folks around me. I had barely started to learn what it meant to be gay when I suddenly found myself positioned as the go-to for gay issues on campus. As I looked for mentors to support me, I realized the gap created by the AIDS epidemic. Many of my would-be mentors were either gone or were scared away by the intensity of the epidemic in the 80s. I was forced to become an elder way before I was ready to.
And then there are those who come out later than others and experience what a gay male social worker friend describes as “delayed” gay adolescence. This is the 30 year old with a job, home, and other trappings of adulthood whose sexual and romantic experiences—to no fault of his own—are equivalent to those of a typical 17 year-old heterosexual. Is it fair to expect that person to play an elder role when he has had so little time to experience gay life for himself? As I type this, I realize that I still have some baggage from prematurely becoming a gay elder!

I identify so intimately with the series of before/after’s you mentioned. It’s a big reason why, as a near-50-year-old, I struggle at times to figure out my role in the present day. For instance, I can appreciate the affordances of online dating, especially for those who don’t have ready access to vibrant in-person queer social spaces. I also feel a sense of loss, however, as someone who came of age at a time when I had to go to gay bars or gay community centers in the big city for any kind of gay social life. In those spaces, I found older queer folks—sometimes only a few years older than I was, sometimes significantly older—who taught me how to navigate the world as a young gay adult. They taught me how to distinguish safer from riskier social spaces, safer from riskier dating prospects, safer from riskier professional and financial decisions, etc. By contrast, I became an informal mentor to a gay college senior a few years ago after he had just come out. When I asked him what his coming out experience was like, he told me that he had downloaded Grindr and had met his first “boyfriend.” The thought of Grindr being this young man’s initiation into gay life—revolving largely around hook-up culture without nurturing connections to mentors and community—saddened and alarmed me.
I embrace the opportunities that have emerged through professional and some social networks to be the nurturing gay mentor with no sexual interests in younger mentees (I had a few bad experiences in my earlier years that taught me how difficult it is to mentor someone you want to fuck). But with the increasingly homophobic and transphobic sociopolitical landscape surrounding us, I worry that I’m not doing enough. I have a good job, ample savings, and lots of security in my life; I can afford to take risks that might be harder to manage for others. But I’ve been disconnected from in-the-streets activism for quite some time (which helps to explain my professional success and stability). I don’t see clear pathways for someone like me to get involved in political spaces where the white-collar, “assimilationist” gay male professional seems to frequently be identified as one of the problems that needs to be solved. 
Perhaps I just need to enter some of those spaces and hope that, with time, my potential contributions will become apparent.
 

This resonates deeply with me. I do most of my hiring outside of my home city in an attempt to distance that private part of my life from the more public parts. But there’s still a chance that someone in my more immediate social or professional networks might find out someday about my hiring practices.
Through glimpses into local LGBTQ+ activist spaces, I have seen open and intentional compassion toward, as well as advocacy with and on behalf of, those involved in various levels of sex work. I also have noticed a decided lack of compassion for those who hire. While I have no desire to share that part of my life in community-based advocacy spaces, I can’t help but wonder if and how room could be made to acknowledge the complexities surrounding why I hire, rather than writing off someone like me as a predator and exploiter. 

This resonates deeply with me. I do most of my hiring outside of my home city in an attempt to distance that private part of my life from the more public parts. But there’s still a chance that someone in my more immediate social or professional networks might find out someday about my hiring practices.
Through glimpses into local LGBTQ+ activist spaces, I have seen open and intentional compassion toward, as well as advocacy with and on behalf of, those involved in various levels of sex work. I also have noticed a decided lack of compassion for those who hire. While I have no desire to share that part of my life in community-based advocacy spaces, I can’t help but wonder if and how room could be made to acknowledge the complexities surrounding why I hire, rather than writing off someone like me as a predator and exploiter. 

This resonates deeply with me. I do most of my hiring outside of my home city in an attempt to distance that private part of my life from the more public parts. But there’s still a chance that someone in my more immediate social or professional networks might find out someday about my hiring practices.
Through glimpses into local LGBTQ+ activist spaces, I have seen open and intentional compassion toward, as well as advocacy with and on behalf of, those involved in various levels of sex work. I also have noticed a decided lack of compassion for those who hire. While I have no desire to share that part of my life in community-based advocacy spaces, I can’t help but wonder if and how room could be made to acknowledge the complexities surrounding why I hire, rather than writing off someone like me as a predator and exploiter. 

This is exactly how I felt at 35 and the awareness of this inspired a huge shift to using my newly acquired knowledge and paying it forward as quickly as possible. 

CheckCar, these two sentences are probably the most realistic description of my life. Thank you for saying this and I hope it will stir me to think more about this topic. I do not know how I will act upon it, I am just happy to read it. 

I actually approach formalized queer advocacy with trepidation. Because of my hiring habits which feel counterproductive to gay culture sometimes, it makes me feel like a hypocrite. I was actively involved with marriage equality in New York State but not much else. Instead, I focus my community activism, and sit on the boards of non profits with missions in wildlife, mentoring young girls, and Latina immigrants. Where I live, people still confuse homosexuality with pedophilia. It’s disgusting and hurtful. I’m afraid if I get too active in the queer activism space, given my hiring habits, my reputation would suffer and it would be an easy leap for an accuser to make. It’s unfortunate but a very real fear I have that keeps me from queer activism. 

My thanks to @CheckCar for the very thoughtful posts.  Has give me a lot to think about. 

This is a great question. It seems like LGBTQ+ folks can find ourselves occupying “elder” status under unusual and confusing circumstances. When I came out in my sophomore year of college, I quickly became “Papa Bear” for the closeted folks around me. I had barely started to learn what it meant to be gay when I suddenly found myself positioned as the go-to for gay issues on campus. As I looked for mentors to support me, I realized the gap created by the AIDS epidemic. Many of my would-be mentors were either gone or were scared away by the intensity of the epidemic in the 80s. I was forced to become an elder way before I was ready to.
And then there are those who come out later than others and experience what a gay male social worker friend describes as “delayed” gay adolescence. This is the 30 year old with a job, home, and other trappings of adulthood whose sexual and romantic experiences—to no fault of his own—are equivalent to those of a typical 17 year-old heterosexual. Is it fair to expect that person to play an elder role when he has had so little time to experience gay life for himself? As I type this, I realize that I still have some baggage from prematurely becoming a gay elder!

I identify so intimately with the series of before/after’s you mentioned. It’s a big reason why, as a near-50-year-old, I struggle at times to figure out my role in the present day. For instance, I can appreciate the affordances of online dating, especially for those who don’t have ready access to vibrant in-person queer social spaces. I also feel a sense of loss, however, as someone who came of age at a time when I had to go to gay bars or gay community centers in the big city for any kind of gay social life. In those spaces, I found older queer folks—sometimes only a few years older than I was, sometimes significantly older—who taught me how to navigate the world as a young gay adult. They taught me how to distinguish safer from riskier social spaces, safer from riskier dating prospects, safer from riskier professional and financial decisions, etc. By contrast, I became an informal mentor to a gay college senior a few years ago after he had just come out. When I asked him what his coming out experience was like, he told me that he had downloaded Grindr and had met his first “boyfriend.” The thought of Grindr being this young man’s initiation into gay life—revolving largely around hook-up culture without nurturing connections to mentors and community—saddened and alarmed me.
I embrace the opportunities that have emerged through professional and some social networks to be the nurturing gay mentor with no sexual interests in younger mentees (I had a few bad experiences in my earlier years that taught me how difficult it is to mentor someone you want to fuck). But with the increasingly homophobic and transphobic sociopolitical landscape surrounding us, I worry that I’m not doing enough. I have a good job, ample savings, and lots of security in my life; I can afford to take risks that might be harder to manage for others. But I’ve been disconnected from in-the-streets activism for quite some time (which helps to explain my professional success and stability). I don’t see clear pathways for someone like me to get involved in political spaces where the white-collar, “assimilationist” gay male professional seems to frequently be identified as one of the problems that needs to be solved. 
Perhaps I just need to enter some of those spaces and hope that, with time, my potential contributions will become apparent.