Smokey

When I was 22, I couldn't imagine a day when I wouldn't get a hard-on at the sight of an attractive male. At 52, I worried about whether an attractive male could get a hard-on at the sight of me, At 82, I had trouble remembering how to get a hard-on. 

A happy and joyful Christmas and holiday season to all!
It's lunch time on Christmas Day here, I'm doing nothing special but have a nice Pinot to open later with my dinner. In the mean time it's 23 degrees in Canberra under a clear blue sky, cooler than the 28 that was predicted but there's still time for that to change.
When I worked in Hawai'i, a work colleague commented to me how weird it was to have hot weather at Christmas. I tilted my head with a confused look on my face and said, 'Not really'.
Hauʻoli Kalikimaka!

Some would opine that those professions were ever deserving of that fate.

Before my potential husband and I started living together, the first subject I broached was the issue of sexual exclusivity: we both were accustomed to being sexually promiscuous, and I didn't want that to end. We agreed that having sex with other people was OK as long as we didn't keep it a secret from one another.  He has already let you know that sex with other people is his job, but does it/will it ever go beyond a "job" with someone else? Will you be comfortable hearing about his work? Will he expect to "work" at home, and how do you feel about that? Will his need to "work" take precedence over your personal plans together? How would you feel if a client wanted a threesome? How do you plan to explain your relationship to other people? If either of you is uncomfortable discussing these issues in advance, or if you are uncomfortable with his answers, then you need to go slowly with any kind of commitment.

Call me anything but late for dinner. 

But I draw the line at "Gramps."😒

I left NJ and moved to Palm Springs where I knew few people and none of them really well.  Most of them were known to me from this forum or the Palm Springs weekends.  It has been 10 months and I am very glad I made such a drastic move at an age when most are moving into adult living facilities.  I have a house I like.  I left the RoUTine I was in in NJ.  I started going to the gym.  I bought season tickets to community theater.  I have invited friends to come and spend a week with me.  I have made a few acquaintances and one or two friends along with the ones I already knew.  In some ways, it has been difficult, but by leaving a known life and taking up in a completely new environment, I have become less lonely.  My dogs are company in the house and they force me to go out to get them food and toys and exercise.  I joined a dating app and have had several sexual encounters with men I have met from there.  I have been more vigorous about hiring but by the hour and not overnight so shorter meetings but more frequent.  I call my friends more often and text others more regularly.  
If you are traveling through Palm Springs, give me a call and we can get a drink or a coffee or just a visit.  
I do not know that such a drastic change would have worked for everyone but it has for me.  

I echo the many sound advice comments so far, but since what you’re looking for is relatively quite low risk, I recommend PrEP and DoxyPEP.
PrEP has no serious side effects or negative health consequences for most people. Your doctor will monitor your tests to confirm whether PrEP is safe for you to take.
Condoms won’t help you much because almost no men who have sex with men use condoms for oral sex or frottage. Condoms are a great idea for anal sex, though. 
All of the following you will find out at a sexual health clinic or by seeing your doctor, so you don’t have to take my word for it. For those of you not visiting health clinics or just curious, I am including a bit more detailed discussion to clarify some of the finer points brought up only in passing so far.
Minor correction in terminology. DoxyPrEP is not a thing. PEP stands for post exposure prophylaxis, not to be confused with PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) which is used for HIV. DoxyPEP is for sexually transmitted bacterial infections. You don’t take DoxyPEP before (ie pre-), for reasons @BeamerBikes explained related to how the medication works, but also because you may not, for whatever reason end up proceeding with sexual contact after you take the pills. Your provider or hookup may flake. You may decide in the moment that you don’t want to proceed, or you end up not having direct contact… but it’s too late now because you’re already on antibiotics whether you have reason to be or not.
It’s bad for your overall health and immune system to frequently be on antibiotics. Not only does this accelerate antibiotic resistance for you and for the greater population, but it makes your body more susceptible to all kinds of infections besides the sexually transmitted ones.
I mention this to help you determine if DoxyPEP is right for you. I am not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt and talk to your actual doctor about it, but I will suggest that DoxyPEP is not a great solution for people seeking frequent encounters such as daily or weekly and also wanting to take the medication every time they have sexual contact. Even monthly encounters can be problematic because it takes a while for your system to fully reset after a round of any antibiotic, maybe a week or sometimes more every time. Taking DoxyPEP on perhaps a monthly frequency means that your body is operating in a suboptimal state for at least one out of every four weeks. If you’re having contact on a weekly basis and taking DoxyPEP every time, that means your body is perpetually in an suboptimal state. Some people can’t take DoxyPEP at all because they are immunocompromised or have some other health condition. Your doctor will advise you based on your medical history.
DoxyPEP is great for otherwise healthy people having less frequent encounters, like every few months, twice a year, etc, but also for those who have more frequent encounters but use DoxyPEP more judiciously rather than every time. For example, when seeing partners you believe are particularly higher risk for whatever reason. Or when a partner tells you after the fact that they tested positive for an STI and you are still in the window of time for which taking DoxyPEP is likely to prevent an infection. Or when having contact with multiple people over a short period. Think: bathhouse visits, cumdump situations (as a bottom OR top, because tops are exposed to a lot of other people’s cum) bukkake, or multiple separate encounters in a 24 hr period. These are higher risk because of the sheer number of points of contact and would be good times to use DoxyPEP, to reduce your risk of any one of these points of contact resulting in an infection. 
For the person having low risk sexual contact such as oral sex with one partner every week or two, I don’t see as much benefit for them in taking DoxyPEP every time. The drawbacks of chronic antibiotic use (in my layman’s opinion) outweigh the marginal benefit of reducing your (already low) risk of getting bacterial STIs through oral contact.
Nothing completely eliminates your risk. Someone unwilling to accept even a marginal level of risk has no business having sex with anyone. The key is to manage, reduce, and accept your personal level of risk.
Another few important points worth mentioning…
1) DoxyPEP reduces, but does not eliminate your risk of bacterial STIs. Some people treat it like it makes them invincible. This is not true. This is about reducing, rather than eliminating risk.
2) DoxyPEP, many of you may not know, is pretty bad at preventing gonorrhea infections. While it is pretty darn good at stopping chlamydia and syphilis infections when used as prescribed, it is NOT a good way to reduce your risk of getting gonorrhea. You get gonorrhea the same ways you get the other two, and it is possible to transmit all of these orally, not just anally.
Please note, the treatment for oral gonorrhea is different than for gonorrhea in your urethra or rectum. I mention this in case some of you are trying to treat an infection more discreetly through an online pharmacy service or black market drug peddler rather than through your doctor. Your doctor will know what to prescribe. Don’t try to treat infections on your own. It causes you and your partners more harm.
3) Other STIs exist. Just because they are less common doesn’t mean you can’t get them. Any man who has sex with men should talk to his doctor about vaccinations like Mpox, and Hepatitis A/B. Giardia is a thing, as are other lesser known sexually transmitted infections.
 

As someone with a December birthday, this resonates! 🤣

In eastern PA I would recommend MBody Studio - Bethlehem

Another of those cases where the quotation doesn't mean what we think it does. At the risk of going off on a tangent, 'blood is thicker than water' is another where the meaning in context is the opposite of what the accepted wisdom would hold. [The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.]

A little bit of perspective here. While each dating / hookup app has its own dynamic, something to keep in mind is that you may not be someone’s number one pick, but that doesn’t mean you are their last pick either. Men looking around for partners on apps and websites (especially hookup oriented ones) have limited time and attention to give to their prospects.
The guy you eye wants to make a connection on a timeline that fits within his schedule, with someone who he has a reasonably high level of confidence that he will enjoy spending time with. He can’t entertain everyone all the time. That doesn’t necessarily equate to he “wouldn’t give you a second glance”. You might be #8 on his list, but he is already juggling conversations with picks #1, 2, 3, and 4, and he can’t even meet all of those guys, much less #99, or even #8 for that matter.
Do I know if you are #8 on anyone’s list? No, but a self defeating attitude will attract less success than a confident and mature one.
This is one of the best lessons some of my clients take from hiring me. I’m thinking of one in particular who has really come out of his shell the past couple of years. It’s not all due to me, but I know I gave him a boost that really helped him in his dating and sex life. He now regularly dates lots of men younger (his preference) and more conventionally attractive than himself. He has to turn many of them away because his schedule is full. Before, he was the guy that would say something similar to, “he won’t give me a second glance”. Now he approaches apps completely differently and attracts the men he likes to see. 
I’m glad he still sees me on a somewhat regular basis, but he does so for different reasons now. Mostly convenience, but lots of other good reasons to hire a provider like exploring niche interests, zero complications, no attachments, reliability, and consistency. Recently he has been practicing his topping game with me so he can top his dates with more skill and confidence, rather than always defaulting to his main preference as a bottom. Among other reasons.
It’s not all about the way you look. And even so, my clients have lots of attractive qualities that they don’t believe about themselves. I hesitate to shower compliments or comment on their appearance in particular because it gives them the false impression that I am either being disingenuous, or only treating them well because I have some personal physical attraction. I don’t want them to get the wrong idea, either way.
Some of them are more attractive to me, for sure, but that’s not why I see them or treat them well. It’s business and they are good clients. I wouldn’t hook up with them on an app, attractive though they may be. Number one because they are clients, but even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t hook up with a lot of them for other reasons, many of which have nothing to do with their appearance.
I encourage clients here to use your hiring to boost your self confidence and self esteem. It’s not all lies. Many of you are lovely people, inside and out. A good provider has your best long term interests at heart. I do. Even when that means the client doesn’t hire me anymore, because he has a more active and fruitful personal dating life. Sometimes it’s fulfilling working myself out of a job.

How to say "no" nicely and forcefully.  

Wow! That didn't hit me until my 80s.

Thank you all for your great suggestions. As expected, we were only able to cover a fraction of the topics I would have liked to during the limited time we had. While I sent a long list of questions and subtopics to inspire the hosts, it was ultimately up to them to select what they most wanted to ask. As always, you are all welcome to “ask me anything” any time.
I realized after listening that I mispoke when I plugged this site, saying THE company of men dot org (when it’s simply companyofmen.org). Sorry about that. I know that it’s the latter but goofed up in the moment. People will find us here, I’m sure. A quick google and it will pop up, with or without the “The”.
Here is the podcast for any who are interested in listening to the interview. The interview portion starts right at 16:00 minutes in, if you want to skip their intro stuff, news stuff, etc.
Gayish: 463 Sex Workers (w/ Simon Suraci)
PODCASTS.APPLE.COM Podcast Episode · Gayish Podcast · 11/06/2025 · 1h 17m  

I completely relate.  I suspect with the apps, you kiss 9 frogs to find a prince. But for me, the prince would also be one who saw something cool in you AND might be a FWB.
I’m new to the apps.  I’ve had 100 or so app “inquiries” (from me or to me) which resulted in five encounters, of which 2 were princes…and I’m neither a spring chicken nor a silver fox (and there are members of this forum who’ve met me and can attest to that 😅)
Don’t make it about your appearance.  Make it about “the package” including experience, respect, nurture, fun loving etc.  Be as fit and energetic as you can be but don’t apologize for what you can’t change.  And see it as an excavation where you’re peeling back layers of mud to find a few diamonds 

Proper sensual massage doesn’t need to include a happy ending and to call it a ‘happy ending’ is wrong too. If there is a climax it doesn’t have to happen at the end. It’s best if there’s plenty of time after a guy climaxes for continuation of the massage to bring him back down again gently. Head massage and feet massage are great after climax.
Rub and tug guys do a perfunctory massage, then grab and grope at your bum and cock in a rush to get you off. They call it a sensual or erotic massage 🙄. It’s nothing of the sort. In a proper sensual massage the masseur and the client are fused together as if they are inhabiting the same body. Their breath aligns, the masseur moves seamlessly through the sequence like it’s a dance. There’s no separation between massage and ‘happy ending’ because the whole thing is erotic not just the last 5 minutes. That’s why I think guys who’ve done therapeutic massage sometimes get it wrong: they do a therapeutic massage and tag on a hand job and then charge sensual rates. You have to think of a sensual massage as a seduction from before the client even gets on the table. Work their brain as well as their body. 
 
 

This sentiment unfortunately represents a minority on these boards. If we spent half as much energy here talking about actual talent than we do how old a guy is or what he weighs, or how big his dick is, or how much sex he will give for a massage fee, we could power a city indefinitely!

Wait a few years and it will be at the cardiologist's office, at the urologist's office, the guy who knocked you out for your colonoscopy...

God forbid he is martyred for saying so.

Thank you, Harlow. My husband was my cameraman and video editor. He passed away suddenly on August 18 of this year. I hope to continue the cooking channel sometime next year. Friends have volunteered to do the camera work, but I need to sort myself out first.  
Stay tuned---thanks again for watching my channel.
 

I was semi joking. I don’t meet people on just a body part (unless it’s 10 inches) but I understand people do. They go to cum dump sessions based on only a bum pic. I think if you want to do that then it’s fine, why not? You’re just turning up and fucking him. I prefer a bit more interaction with someone before I’ll meet them off an app like Sniffies or Grindr but certainly part of the initial attraction is a picture. Then it’s the quality of their interaction and what they’re up for. If all that lines up, I’ll meet them. 

That, or he listened to too much Crystal Gayle.