DrownedBoy

DISCLAIMER - As advised above, contact a lawyer (if you can afford it) before dealing with the police. What I say below is from personal experience, but based largely on my location (Chicago) and some less savory knowledge I picked up over the years. However, I have successfully used this in other states. If you're in the closet, and want to remain that way, I feel very sorry for you, and wish you'd get more comfortable with yourself. In this case, I would offer the guy a token amount (like $50) and tell him to take it or leave it, else you'll go to the cops. I wouldn't recommend the full amount, or he'll want more. If you have to go to the police and can't afford a lawyer, I've personally found the following strategies work: Tell the cops you were using a "gay dating app." That's technically true, and most will immediately assume it's Grindr. Tell the truth for the specific encounter - he came over for casual sex, and now he's trying to shake you up for money. Don't lie, just give the basic facts. Most cops, when they see two gay men in a situation like this, want nothing better than to label it as a "domestic" and get the hell away. They don't want to get involved with gay relationships (many of them are blue-collar conservative). If you mention (again, truthfully, don't lie) that you and him met for casual sex in the past, leaving out the payment part, they will likely automatically label it as a domestic disturbance, and simply warn the other guy off. If you have to admit transactional sex, call it a "sugar daddy" situation. The cops are not likely to even listen to the other guy, especially if you show them selectively chosen (but real) threats he made. If you're an employed, respectable professional (and so far it sounds like you are), the cops will make a snap judgment call and ignore the other guy and any "evidence" he would try to give them. Unless they're doing a sting, police aren't going to dig through a long list of texts over a domestic disturbance based on a few casual sex encounters, and definitely not from someone they perceive as unhinged or less-than-respectable. Like it or not, the best way to deal with police is to create believability as quickly as possible, and there are many techniques to do so. Try learning some of them. Whatever happens, make sure you give a good donation at the next police fundraiser. The times this happened to me, I just told the would-be-blackmailed to "f**k off" unless he wanted to get the law involved. As others said, you'd get a fine, and he'd go to prison. Also, don't be above taking a defensive position yourself. I have several photos on my phone from my practice range, and showing it to other people generally keeps them from screwing with me.

My reply would be "nice try." If I'm considering someone on RM and ask to see their gallery, and they decline the offer, I immediately write them off as stupid (for ignoring a Premium user's request) and arrogant (for thinking his pictures are that good).

This Millennial recalls watching a TV show where "honorarium" was used to describe the fee you pay to a clergyman to conduct a marriage. Interesting new usage.

I found one piece of common wisdom to be true - coworkers and business associates aren't your friends. Just wait for layoffs to start at your company to see what those "friendships" are worth. However, I've forged strong friendships with former coworkers who I got along with, and who I no longer work with. I'd imagine something similar may apply to client-provider friendships.

That 3rd step is very useful, and I've adopted it. A cop won't tongue you.

Yes, and this gives rise to younger escorts charging that 500/hr because they think they're worth that much. More proof that the younger generation is getting attracted to socialistic thinking, and ignoring human nature (otherwise known as capitalism). It's already been established that, in countries where prostitution is legal, prices are much cheaper. I believe this is because of two things. First, clients are more likely to hire, since there's no legal penalty, and prices/pictures are more transparent (it would be a lot easier to take action against an escort who cheats you, for example). Second, there will be an influx of providers even at this lower rate, since legal sex work has a lower barrier to entry, and in my U.S. experiences, often attracts men who don't want a 9-5 job (which pretty much describes every single man on Earth ).

Kinda like Grindr. "I don't need another dick pic, I need to see your face."

I'll try that. Usually I ask for a nearby address to estimate distance, so I'm not asking for their address outright.

To back up a bit. Wages and fees have nothing to do with inflation, or with what the seller needs to survive. Wages and fees are determined by supply and demand only. That's why my firm and many others are refusing to give inflation adjusted raises. Everyone has a hiring freeze, so they have no choice. And that trickles down.

Go to hell.

Good advice. I'll try that .

When looking on social media, my biggest problem is finding out if they escort while avoiding insulting people or getting scammed. Between Scylla and Charybdis.

I'd be happy to. I never hired off Grindr, but during my vacation in Rural Wisconsin I've encountered several young men who go under that pretense, especially twinks who are "into guys in their 40s and 50s." It makes for interesting conversation. After I turned down a twink because he was obviously a hustler, we ended up speaking about business, and he claimed to have made 20K on Grindr. Another guy had a really good technique of acting like he was in a hurry to come over, then at the last minute asking for gas money via an.app. I complimented his skills (EDIT after calling him on the obvious scam), and we ended up having a humorous discussion on how easy some Grindr men are, and how Grindr tries to stop it. Fun conversations, but I'd prefer someone who'd come over. Grindr has become stricter. You can't even use the word "roses" in your profile, let alone "sugar daddy," "generous," etc.

I started working advocacy in my college gay group. Several mentors died with HIV. You do not make assumptions about my past. Period. Don't do it again.

Yes, I have a mental hangup. If I had to appear in public with an escort, I'd want one I can have intelligent conversation with. I've had dinner with hot escorts, whose main conversation topic was themselves, who seemed to have no knowledge or interests beyond thst sphere, and who acted like young spoiled brats. Empty headed guys may be perfect for a romp, but not for me to actually relate to. If you want an escort for companionship, you need to be compatible. And I look for that in the mind

Yup. College alumni networks worked the same way - they wanted college boys who could discuss the finer things. All those 'useless' courses (philosophy, art history, literature, etc.) provided cultured conversation material. It also helped to know current events, and a little about business and finance, the fields the alumni often worked in.

Depends on what kind of event it is.....

Yeah that's obvious. He seemed fixated on the idea on seeing me do stuff with another guy before he jumped in, saying he wanted to jerk off to that first. Although he didn't care about who I'm with. I'd worry about pics, but I'd hire a "believable" second guy. This regular and I get along well. He likes to.do the whole "boyfriend" facade, complete with cutesy emojis, which I can put up with since he's a nice guy.

RentBoy did a decent job of organizing. Look what happened to it. That Homeland Security bust was so absurd. It was less an arrest than union busting.

Have you considered simply doing the following, which would save a lot of work? If you have the data in storage (either relational or not), you can simply search threads for URLs and use that to identify the provider. I know URLs change, but a simple RegEx for URLs should yield a name. Another option (and I don't know how this platform works) is to natural language processing to to identify named entities (Proper nouns). If there's room for a Python script, there's a library that would do that easily. (programmer by trade and nature)

Yeah..... ....if I was hiring an escort to go to an event with me, I'd hire someone who looks believable as a date. 😄 Wouldn't get a beautiful guy.

He said he doesn't care who the 3rd is.

That's how I contact providers, although I don't like to do "follow up" texts unless I forgot to ask them something. I do read escorts' ads ahead of time. That being said, if a provider told me to "read his ad" in the manner described here, I would instantly judge that he has an attitude, and stop the conversation. A similar incident happened. I was going to order an Uber for a provider, and asked if he needed one, but he replied with a sarcastic, "Oh, an Uber is extra now?" Again, that attitude made me cut him off.

Oh, I'd trust someone from RentMen a lot more than I'd trust someone from Grindr. We all have our horror stories.