AndreFuture

My sense from the women sex workers I know, this is very true. Plus there's underlying societal misogyny that views women as disposable to/exploitable for men, so that the threat of violence or exploitation is ever present for women (in and out of sex work, if we're being honest).
 
Think about the extreme of war: if a man is captured by the enemy, he likely fears torture and death; a woman usually fears that, plus rape.

When I first started escorting, I turned to the Google™ to get tips and whatnot. The websites I came across were for female escorts and suggested all levels of precautions and session management (video cameras, work address for client, background checks, even an alarm clock!).
 
Of course, being a complete n00b, I didn't realize there's a difference between escorting in the straight world vs. gay world until I found this forum. It's like night and day. Some of the tips that were emphasized as essential for female escorts were complete deal breakers for male clients. I felt so bad for my first client once I realized the error in my ways. Luckily, I found this forum right after my first session, and apparently my client didn't know better either because he hired me a few days later. I'm glad because the second time around, I made up for my first time fumble and even spent extra time with him.

When I first started escorting, I turned to the Google™ to get tips and whatnot. The websites I came across were for female escorts and suggested all levels of precautions and session management (video cameras, work address for client, background checks, even an alarm clock!).
 
Of course, being a complete n00b, I didn't realize there's a difference between escorting in the straight world vs. gay world until I found this forum. It's like night and day. Some of the tips that were emphasized as essential for female escorts were complete deal breakers for male clients. I felt so bad for my first client once I realized the error in my ways. Luckily, I found this forum right after my first session, and apparently my client didn't know better either because he hired me a few days later. I'm glad because the second time around, I made up for my first time fumble and even spent extra time with him.

Yeah, flakes are the bane of escorting, especially those that ghost with no explanation. I had a client not show up to our meeting place just yesterday afternoon. Guess he got cold feet, or his wife found out what he was doing
 
I'm still learning how to detect the cold-feet types, but the few I've had the (mis)fortune of encountering usually are new to hiring, are very nervous-sounding in the phone, rather hurried to meet you ASAP (like "can I see you RIGHT NOW?"), and didn't really do their research about you, your rates, your specialities, etc. Of course, this doesn't get to the guys who pre-book a month in advance, only to flake 20 minutes before the appointment time.

I’m a premium user and find the private content helpful in making my decisions. I hire 8-12 times per year. If I am moderately interested in an escort, and their gallery is locked, I won’t bother them for the password. I’ll only contact a pro if I’m ready to hire. I don’t kick the tires as I respect your time.

Yes, they're trash because they encourage violent, useless ideologies like:
 

 
Additionally, PETA is comfortable using racism and sexism to promote their agenda, and I'm not down with that. I believe in thoughtful, holistic, and intersectional advocacy, not "eye for an eye" or "If you cant' beat em, join em" apporaches. I don't use my animal advocacy as a cover for some hidden loathing for humans. I want peace for all animals, and humans, believe it or not, are animals, too.
 
Anyway, this whole thread is just meatheads bashing on plant-based folks, and I'd rather not get dragged back into this through a quote. Happy to continue the conversation through PM. Thanks.

So you had friends who used to tell you "go and hire escorts BECAUSE you are hot". THAT is what the OP is saying, and it does not make any sense.
I also was more attractive when I was younger and I would hire escorts anyway, but NOT BECAUSE I was hot.

So you had friends who used to tell you "go and hire escorts BECAUSE you are hot". THAT is what the OP is saying, and it does not make any sense.
I also was more attractive when I was younger and I would hire escorts anyway, but NOT BECAUSE I was hot.

So you had friends who used to tell you "go and hire escorts BECAUSE you are hot". THAT is what the OP is saying, and it does not make any sense.
I also was more attractive when I was younger and I would hire escorts anyway, but NOT BECAUSE I was hot.

Why do people assume that those who order escorts, do so because they can’t get laid for free?
 
I have a good friend who has a great body, good looks, has a successful career and CHOOSES to have a regular escort.
 
His reason? He can guarantee good sex, he will get exactly what’s expected, and he doesn’t have to deal with the bulllshit of dating, bars, apps, and all of those other things that brings out the worst in guys.

Lol, “you must be new around here.”

I know i will prolly get ridiculed for making this statement so before i do let me qualify it first by saying There are so many ways of doing a session. Whether it is an escort vs. masseur keep in mind that you have every right to get exactly what you desire and should definitely “shop” around before making a decision. Having said that just remember that this shyt aint rocket science and sometimes you may not even know what you TRULY like or want until u have experienced it for the first time and then all of a sudden, something clicks and ur saying to yourself, “hey...i really dig that and wanna try that again!”
So here goes my very watered and oversimplified analogy of the difference between an Escort vs. Masseur ...
 
With an Escort - the client controls the session / with a Masseur- the client gives up control of the session to the masseur .
 
Now before some of you get ur “panties” all in a bunch on this , (lol) ? hear me out .
When i first started doing massage 10 years ago , i was so green . I was scared i would make a mistake . I kept trying to figure out what the client wanted . And after i had seen a number of clients it became apparent to me these 3 things:
 
1. The client wants to let go and relax and not think about much in a massage . They want you to give their body the attention it needs and deserves without having to be a director. They seldom want chit chat during that period . Just make them feel good
 
2. The massage client is quite often in a relationship or situation where they are neglected physically. ie- married to female , stagnant boyfriend, or maybe they have a job that is strenuous or where they are constantly having to make important stressful decisions all day and for the duration of the session they just want to let go~feel pampered and be self indulgent on a small quiet scale.
 
3. Sexual arousal is okay but is not paramount & often “my” clients are more interested in a little frottage or in some cases not even that. And it’s okay ? as long as they leave feeling better mentally and physically...mission accomplished. A release at the end doesn’t really even amount to what i would define as sex. Thats also a very physical way of releasing tension. So it does complete a very good sensual massage in a positive way .
 
Now this is strictly my own views and i know i am not nor do i pretend 2 B an expert in all things “massage” but i have been doin it a long time and i have asked many questions thru the years.
 
At one point i did post an ad on Rentmen. And this is how i came to my version of the differences between the two .
Practically EVERY client that contacted me from Rentmen had specific requests and interests and what they expected out of a session. And that is OK too !
But the client is still in control .
 
Now some will say, “Hey wait a minute, I want to be a sub and I’m looking for somebody to dominate me and tell me what to do!” And you might be thinking well the client is giving up control of the session in that scenario!!
Not so ... The client is still determining what he wants/gets from the escort. And if that client goes into the session and mrEscort X doesn’t perform in exactly that manner, guess what ? The client most likely will end the session early . Still the client is in control .
That’s not to say that a client wouldn’t walk out of a bad massage early also. But the only time I’ve ever had that happen is when a client came to me for a massage mistakingly thinking that I was an escort posing as a masseur . Anyways i dont give bad massages !!
Also, I do not advertise anymore on Rentmen so that clients don’t see me playing different roles and getting confused about the services that I offer.
I know some guys do both, and I am not in anyway suggesting that there is any thing wrong with that. But I prefer for myself the energy exchange between me and the client through the healing power of a massage.
I connect better in that situation. And I like to stay in control.
What can I say? I guess I’m a control freak. ??‍♂️
 
Now, have my massages sometimes resulted in some hot intense sex? Yes of course . But again I like when things unfold naturally regarding sexual contact. I’m not the kind of person that makes a laundry list of requirements prior to sex.
 
I also found out about myself very quickly after I first started doing massage, that I really enjoy healing another person’s body thru touch!!
 
When I started doing massage It was only by accident because I had lost (like so many others) my job when Bush Left office and I couldn’t find work. My self-esteem was very low from constant rejection for employment.
My friend who was already doing massage brought me into it . And Once I started doing massage, I felt better about myself because I was helping others feel better too.
 
Since that time I have massaged I think I Estimated about 5000 or more & I never looked back .
Personally, I’ve hired both. Escorts and Masseurs.
They both bring something of interest to me to the table. But when I make those purchases, I shop around to get exactly what I want. And so should you.
Don’t get too upset if it takes a few tries. Chalk it up as a learning experience.
I have found that some of the most memorable experiences I’ve had were completely by accident and when I tossed all my Pre-requisites to the wind & took a leap of faith.
With that i say to you ...Peace and happy hunting !!! ✌️?

My relatively rural location (compared to many of you) probably plays a role in my ability to find skilled Masseurs who provide some nice extras — including extended Prostate massaging/draining, oral (mutual) and me being topped.
 
My current regular go to Masseus offer ample fun extras and I am left relaxed and drained. FYI, for a successful massage, I need to ejaculate at the end. A good massage moves a lot of energy around and that swirling energy needs to exit through the root chakra,
 
Anyway, I have come to know my regulars and we talk in general terms about both our experiences as client & provider. Without fail, they indicate that I receive the senual/erotic/sexual extras BECAUSE I really appreciate and come for the massage they offer - I am not just there like some (many) to hurry through that or skip that for sex. They are not impressed with those who disrespect them this way.
 
I am older:), carrying some extra pounds and my body exhibits the ravages of the decades. Add to that, shining eyes, a great smile, compassionate personality and my providers take pleasure in using their skills to help me feel the best possible.
 
It has become a mutual connection and while sexual components are involved they are more aspects of energy flow. They look foward to our monthly sessions (I see my three regulars monthly) They take professional satifaction in the role they play in my body maintenance,
 
So, your mind set is important as is finding a skilled masseur who knows the body systems,
 
That said, I have also treated myself to Escorts when I travel. Those sessions are understood to be SEX - HOT, Great, Draining sex! Even here, one of the top 50 ranked providers used some light massage as we started to get me relaxed — In this memorable session, massage was used for a different result.
 
The key is RESPECT, whether with a Masseur or an Escort. RESPECT! RESPECT! RESPECT! - Follow this guideline and you will probably receive the best and the most that the provider has to give.

If you're established, it's easier to implement these kinds of deposits without too much push back. If you have a reliable history and solid reviews, I'd say try it out and see if it works for you.
 
If you're just starting out or still working on building up a regular/repeat clientele, think more carefully about how many roadblocks you're willing to put up in an attempt to avoid flakes.

I agree. However, if someone has flaked on me the once and is also unwilling to pay a deposit to schedule again, that's when I'd block him.
 
Kevin Slater

Sorry that’s happened to you! Following this because I’d love to know, too. I’ve never asked for a deposit but I wonder if that might be a good idea. Every time a client cancels, I lose. I haven’t found any way to get around that yet.

I enjoy kissing and thus far, my clients have been pretty decent at it, too. For me, the #1 thing is fresh breath. Brush and floss your teeth, and wash your ass (dick, too, but you'd be surprised by how many forget the backside), and we'll have a great time

oh, PK! i *know* i can handle everyone, if it were to come to that. the question is - can everyone handle me? the answer, by the way, is that i can hardly handle myself.

One piece of advice for both escorts and clients: You may or may not be the best kisser, but do this beforehand--antiseptic mouthwash, so that your breath is fresh. A lot of guys don't follow this basic prep.

Ask a good mate you trust and smack a good one on them, they’ll tell you. If someone has never told you you’re a phenomenal kisser, you probably are not.
 
Truthfully, I loveee a transparent and honest client. Clients are so afraid to say I’m not good at x, y, z to an escort. You’re not getting paid to be good at anything you do, we are. I would much rather a client say, “how’s my kissing?” Or “how was that?” Or “I’m not sure I’m the best kisser” and I aid you in your “technique” rather than aggressively having my face eaten and being turned off. Really. Speak up.

i'lll be there! i'm arriving on thursday the 11th and will stay at inndulge until the 21st. i'm looking forward to seeing everyone!!!

I grew up in a family in which sex, of any kind, was never discussed. Although I realized by the time I was in early adolescence that I was attracted to males, I was rather shy, and I didn't even know the mechanics of having sexual relations: the first time I did anything with another male, at age 17, I was amazed to discover that a penis could be inserted into an ass! Apparently others didn't perceive that I was homosexual--perhaps because I was pretty quiet, physically average, and developed secondary male features like body hair earlier than my peers--so I don't remember ever being bullied.
 
I became sexually active at exactly the same time that I graduated from high school and went away to a small college, where absolutely nobody knew me, so I was free to create a new persona. But those were the Eisenhower years, an era when being "different" often did lead to persecution, so I became a scholar rather than a rebel. I did find gay friends and sex partners off campus and on long summer breaks back home, where I had access to the NYC fleshpots, but on campus I was just one of the regular guys, albeit with hints of worldliness from more than just books. Just like my straight roommates, I had girlfriends, but my reputation was unexpectedly established when the beautiful girlfriend of the football team captain broke up with him and started dating me. When the relationship threatened to become serious, I told her that I had sex with men, and that proved a deal-breaker. While I was in college, I also came out to my parents, though not to other family members.
 
When I graduated, I immediately went off to graduate school, where again nobody knew me, so I was free to create another new persona. This time it was in a major city, and because I was an adult, I decided it was time to be more completely out. I lived downtown rather than on campus, and became a regular part of the gay community. Many of the friends I made at the university were gay as well, though I wasn't "loud and proud" there. However, I did join the Janus Society, an early gay rights organization, joined protests, and became an officer when JS morphed into the Homosexual Law Reform Society. When I finished my degree and started working, I didn't declare myself to employers and colleagues (being actively homosexual was, after all, illegal), but I didn't try to hide it either. I lived with my first male partner, and people could draw whatever conclusions they wanted to. I never lied if directly asked.
 
After Stonewall, all the shackles were off. In the 70s, I worked with other organizations, like GAA, lobbied the state legislature, taught my school's first Gay Literature course, and was televised carrying the rainbow flag at the head of the Gay Pride parade downtown. In the 80s, when Silence=Death, I volunteered with AIDS organizations. As I have grown old and gray, I am less interested in gay activities than I used to be, and am more inclined to give money to support activism than to man the barricades myself. There is no reason to be silent, because there is almost no one I come in contact with who doesn't either know or assume that I am gay, including distant relations and those long-ago high school and college classmates.

That is incorrect. Truvada has been used as an HIV treatment for almost 15 years. According to the POZ website:
 


"...Truvada is an HIV medication. It is in a category of HIV medicines called nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors. Truvada was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for the treatment of HIV in August 2004. ..."
 

When used as Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, i.e. "PrEP," the patient is required to be HIV negative. Truvada is the first and, as of this moment, only drug approved to prevent HIV infection when taken as prescribed. POZ goes on to say:
 


"...Truvada was approved for use as PrEP to prevent HIV among those at high risk in July 2012..."
 
As you can see, Truvada was used to treat HIV for almost eight years before being approved to prevent infection.
 

Just a minor correction. While taking Truvada as PrEP, you are required to be re-tested every three months to make sure you remain HIV - and are not experiencing reduced liver functionality, among other side-effects.
 
While researching the answer to @Unicorn's reply I learned that the FDA has approved a generic equivalent of Truvada. However, it is unclear when this might be available.

A quick Google search revealed several results, but a Q&A posted on Beta with Barry S. Zingman, M.D., medical director of the AIDS Center at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx and professor of medicine at Albert Einstein College of Medicine seemed to be the most comprehensive and well-written. One of the questions is:
 
Q: If I’m undetectable, is there a chance my viral load will become detectable again?
A: Being undetectable does not mean that you are cured of HIV. There are three instances when your HIV viral load might come back and be detectable again.
 


The most common instances are so-called viral “blips.” Blips are when your HIV levels become slightly detectable, but at a very low level, and then goes back to being undetectable again. People may experience viral blips when they take their HIV medications every day. Viral blips are usually due to issues in the lab, such as some slight error in the test or in the test conditions in the lab. Occasionally they are due to a slight but true increase in the viral load due to a stress such as an illness or a vaccine. Viral blips, in which the viral load goes right back down to undetectable soon, are considered harmless. There is no appreciable chance that a person with a viral blip will transmit HIV to another person.
 
People also become detectable when they stop taking their HIV medications or take them only partially. It may take between a week to several weeks after stopping HIV treatment for HIV to become detectable again, but people will see the levels of virus in their body go up to detectable levels.
 
The least likely scenario for a person to go from being undetectable to detectable these days is if the virus in their body becomes resistant to the medications they are taking. (“Resistant” means the medications have stopped working against HIV.) This is very rare for people who take their HIV medications every day, because the HIV medications we prescribe these days (and at least for the last 10 – 15 years) are very powerful and control HIV very well if taken properly. Resistance is no longer something that is expected to occur, no matter how long a person is treated, as long as they take their medicine well.

He also addresses the meaning of "Undetectable", as follows:
 
Q: If my viral load is undetectable, can I transmit HIV to other people?
A: I’m very happy to say that we know the answer to this. If you are undetectable, and have been on HIV medications for at least six months, and you continue that treatment, the risk of transmitting HIV is effectively zero.
This finding has been well-established over the last six to seven years by multiple research studies. After studying thousands of couples, over many years, research has shown that if an HIV-positive person is on effective HIV medications for at least six months, is undetectable, and stays on their HIV medications, they will not transmit HIV to other people.

The Q&A is a good read. I'd advise reading it and referring back when questions come to mind.

Knowledge is a double edged sword.
 
I wish I didn’t have the same doubts and confusion as you, but the truth is I often have.
 
In the end, I did the simple math. I’ve been with hundreds of men. Many of them had
to have been HIV+. I just didn’t know it at the time. Take a deep breath. Realize that
the man who has had the honesty to tell you the truth about his status is thousands
of times more trust worthy than the men who have kept silent.
 
If it really freaks you out (and it’s ok if it does, you’re human), I’d say be open and
honest with him. Discuss your fears and concerns. If your willing to try and get
over your phobia (and in this day and age, it is a phobia) discuss with him what
you’re comfortable doing. You may find that this openness, honesty, caring and
compassion takes your sexuality to an entirely new level.