I have a confession to make. I love straight guys. Not to have sex with or chase after. Not neanderthal, homophobic redneck straight guys, but sensitive, aware 21st-century straight guys to have as friends. One of the ways in which internalized homophobia manifested for me is that, in the presence of straight guys, I always felt less than, not truly a man. And I was so used to feeling this way, that I wasn't even aware of it. When I became aware of it I was dumbfounded and I challenged myself to step out and claim my masculinity. One of the benefits of having done this is that I have realized that I'm as much a man as any straight guy, and I'm just as entitled to a place at the table, just as entitled to my slice of the pie. I can have relationships of all sorts with straight guys without always checking to see if I measure up or trying to conceal frailties or weaknesses and I generally like being around them.
It's a curious turn my life has taken in the last few years, and I'm not always comfortable with it. I wonder if I haven't gone a bit too far, but I like it. I did form a close friendship with gay man just this year. I hired him to coach me when I was prepping for a competition, and we worked together several times a week for several months. The relationship became very close and intimate and I'm delighted to have him in my life.