PhileasFogg

I’m not far ahead of your experience - say by 18 mo.  Also bi and twice divorced  
So much is about chemistry.  Stick with it, experiment with different guys and you’ll know when you’re ready to advance to different things and with whom.  Well into the process, I can say two or three guys took my experience and my confidence to new levels. I’m a top and my first intercourse was very spontaneous with a yoga instructor doing an upper plank and sliding down on me.  A couple of others multiplied my confidence and the rest is history.  You’ll find those great guys and you’ll find some duds along the way too. I encourage you to view it as a journey.
You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

for us there are more issues that are best not be put here,
would be nice if we could part as friends. but when we finnaly part ways, it will be forever I do feel.

update:  I’m going to plan a trip to PS sooner than later.   But for this one, we decided to stick with Island House.
In 110 years, KW has had 6 Sept hurricanes.  That doesn’t mean a distant one won’t screw up the weather, but we shall see.  

I’m not far ahead of your experience - say by 18 mo.  Also bi and twice divorced  
So much is about chemistry.  Stick with it, experiment with different guys and you’ll know when you’re ready to advance to different things and with whom.  Well into the process, I can say two or three guys took my experience and my confidence to new levels. I’m a top and my first intercourse was very spontaneous with a yoga instructor doing an upper plank and sliding down on me.  A couple of others multiplied my confidence and the rest is history.  You’ll find those great guys and you’ll find some duds along the way too. I encourage you to view it as a journey.
You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

I’m not far ahead of your experience - say by 18 mo.  Also bi and twice divorced  
So much is about chemistry.  Stick with it, experiment with different guys and you’ll know when you’re ready to advance to different things and with whom.  Well into the process, I can say two or three guys took my experience and my confidence to new levels. I’m a top and my first intercourse was very spontaneous with a yoga instructor doing an upper plank and sliding down on me.  A couple of others multiplied my confidence and the rest is history.  You’ll find those great guys and you’ll find some duds along the way too. I encourage you to view it as a journey.
You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

Absolutely!  I am in my mid 30s and had never really felt this before.  And then, a few days later, I had almost forgotten about the news that upset me, when I received an email that not just reminded me but gave me context that made me even more upset!  I’m fine now; I was frankly more upset by my reactions to the news than to the news itself.

I’m not far ahead of your experience - say by 18 mo.  Also bi and twice divorced  
So much is about chemistry.  Stick with it, experiment with different guys and you’ll know when you’re ready to advance to different things and with whom.  Well into the process, I can say two or three guys took my experience and my confidence to new levels. I’m a top and my first intercourse was very spontaneous with a yoga instructor doing an upper plank and sliding down on me.  A couple of others multiplied my confidence and the rest is history.  You’ll find those great guys and you’ll find some duds along the way too. I encourage you to view it as a journey.
You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

If it ruined your day, it’s because you allowed it too. I’m not trying to be snarky, but I’d encourage you to own your own happiness and don’t let forces beyond your control determine it for you.
30 yrs ago, that stuff bothered me.  In my 60’s, not so much.   Everything goes in cycles.  It’s like the weather - if you don’t like it, it’ll change. 

If it ruined your day, it’s because you allowed it too. I’m not trying to be snarky, but I’d encourage you to own your own happiness and don’t let forces beyond your control determine it for you.
30 yrs ago, that stuff bothered me.  In my 60’s, not so much.   Everything goes in cycles.  It’s like the weather - if you don’t like it, it’ll change. 

I’m not far ahead of your experience - say by 18 mo.  Also bi and twice divorced  
So much is about chemistry.  Stick with it, experiment with different guys and you’ll know when you’re ready to advance to different things and with whom.  Well into the process, I can say two or three guys took my experience and my confidence to new levels. I’m a top and my first intercourse was very spontaneous with a yoga instructor doing an upper plank and sliding down on me.  A couple of others multiplied my confidence and the rest is history.  You’ll find those great guys and you’ll find some duds along the way too. I encourage you to view it as a journey.
You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

Mommy, who’s Dean Cain?👶🏻

I want to soon go through the 411s and report and reply to notable guys I have met through my travels. It might mean digging up some old posts. Hope that’s okay.

Hi everyone. I’ve been lurking for a bit. Thought I would finally join. I’ve been involved with this stuff for about 10 years. Thought maybe I could contribute.

For reading: author with status Evan Imber-Black on toxic secrecy. 

It seems that the topic has reached its useby date and we've run out of things to say that address whether we have a mean-girl dynamic, and we're resorting to motives and accusations about who here is mean and in what way. This was never about attacking or defending our own, or any others' motives, and certainly not about an assessment of everyone, or anyone who falls under the LGBTIA+ banner.
The two warnings could not have been clearer. I appreciate the comments I've received about the need to address some of the exclusion and attacks that some of the posts appear to contain, but not everyone seems to have taken them on board.

When I was 21, guys cruised and approached me everywhere (and I do mean everywhere, 24/7. I never charged anyone, but I also never said no. Every now and then someone wanted to charge me, and my response was always, “why would I pay for it when I can get it for free?” But I was naïve, young, hung and desirable. Now I’m (ahem) 30something years past 21, and while I’m still attractive, I’m not approached or cruised remotely like I was then. While my looks may have changed, my libido hasn’t.
If I knew then, what I know now, I absolutely would have been a sex worker. By charging for it, I would have had the same amount of sex I did for free, but I’d have avoided toxic jobs, and I would be retired by now.
My point is, I applaud the young guys smart enough to provide for those who want it, and I applaud the guys that can afford to buy it as often as they like. Those who have hired understand they can cut through the red tape to get exactly what they want, free of unwanted entanglements. For some it’s about sex, for others it’s living out kinks and fantasies they wouldn’t dare try at home. And for others, being with providers enables a client feel desired, loved, safe and physically connected to another. Some guys want a weekend fling, others just want a great massage with a happy ending. But a good provider can do any and all of that. Like any job, some truly care about their clients, they enjoy providing a service that includes love, kindness and empathy. Others point and shoot and collect their rent money. 
In the end, in a good client/provider combo, everyone gets what they want. It should be legalized for sure, and should have been for centuries. The world would certainly be a better place for it.

@SomethingFun, I’m glad you’re dealing with it.  After 20 yrs of marriage, I learned my first wife had developed a secret life on the side and refused to be transparent.  It wasn’t what she might have been doing that I couldn’t accept, it was the opaqueness   
Marriage has become easy.   But divorce is not.   You’ve seen the light and cut bait early.  CONGRATULATIONS on owning your destiny.  

I don't think having a partner that works as an escort would necessarily be a dealbreaker for me; I might even count myself lucky to have someone so presumably good looking that they can pull it off - so to speak. But doing it clandestinely behind my back would almost definitely bring about a quick end of things.
This (January marriage) means he was escorting for several months before the marriage, told you nothing about it beforehand, and went ahead with the vows anyway. That level of withholding (or more technically, deceit) is off the charts. This was not a lie of commission but of omission, but there is little if any difference in the consequences. The problem with any discovered lie is never knowing when the next one comes. As a lawyer says to impeach a dishonest witness, "Were you lying then or are you lying now?" We now know the "then" in this case but will not know the next "now" unless and until we uncover another lie.
But you already know all this. The solution comes down to the answers to two questions: (1) Do you still love him? and (2) Can you live with a life filled with uncertainty?
I wish you best.

I would like to thank those that replied, and gave insight. There were deeper conserns than what I had asked, and am taking the proper steps.

In my opinion, the core issue here isn’t necessarily that he works as an escort, people can have all kinds of professions or make personal choices for a variety of reasons. The real problem is that he chose to keep it from you. In any committed relationship, transparency and trust are essential. When one partner withholds something this significant, it creates a deep rupture in the foundation of that trust.
From my own experience and from what I’ve seen in others' lives, once that trust is broken, it’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to fully restore it. You begin to question everything: what else has been hidden, and what can you believe going forward.
As painful as it is, I agree with the advice others have already offered: consult a lawyer, get a divorce and move on. It may not feel like it now, but protecting your emotional well-being and long-term peace is worth making that difficult choice. You deserve honesty, respect, and someone who values the truth as much as you do.

Gentlemen, a reminder, a warning to stay on topic was posted less than 24 hours ago. While mentioning the sort of things that people have said, or even weaponised (in general, not by naming individuals) is marginally on topic as being an example or illustration, debating the substance of them is not part of this discussion. This discussion is about what the OP saw as part of the nature of what this on-line community has become or is in danger of becoming. The few posts above this warning are an example of a discussion of the substance of an issue rather than simply naming it as one where the dynamic has manifested.
If you think everything that can be said about whether we have a 'mean girl dynamic' has been said, stop commenting. If you want to discuss other topics, find a thread about them, or start one. Just don't bring that discussion to this thread.

This is too much for me!
I remember a time with only 2 genders and then I realized I was one of "the gays"....

 

You know, before you changed your name from AtlTopGuy, you were the one on the attack.  Don’t you deflect and gaslight   We all simply focused on the positives about the guys you attacked.  Call it like it is, but don’t deflect.   I don’t think you know what mean girl is, but you clearly need affirmation  
Edited to ask: have you ever said anything positive about anybody here?   Hell, when this post came up, you and two others were the poster children in my view 
 

Many of the comments here confuse me. It's like some are talking about a site with which I am unfamiliar.  I agree that providers are often treated unfairly in Daddys Den, especially by guys who never had an intention to hire them. It seems some surf the profiles, looking for guys to criticize.
Otherwise, I think that the other forums generally avoid such meanness and in general we do have a friendly environment here. That's my take.

If you are planning a shower to start things off, it seems as though the lingerie will be coming off and not coming back on until you leave.  So I would not overly fuss with that.  I must admit as a bi man, lingerie does nothing for me except make me chuckle. I do feel obliged to offer a comment as to how sexy it looks, but in reality, it is just to appreciate the effort 
I do like a woman who dresses seductively without going overboard\, but if the goal is to get the clothes off, if he is doing the removing, make sure it is easy to get them off. Nothing is more of a mood slower than not being able to figure out how to get the clothes off or having the woman have to explain that there is a hidden snap.  For me, I would be fine with justan overcoat and a pair of stilettos and then drop the coat on the floor by the door.  
The one thing I wholehearted suggest is that you take a deep breath at the door.  Let you body relax and calm your thoughts.  No matter how you mapped out the encounter in your mind, it is going to be different than that and you need to go with the flow.  Speaking of flow, that is a definite no.