BasketBaller

Be strong and stay upbeat. Enjoy being near your family. And keep posting here!

I slept in my underwear in high school and college, but if I was staying overnight with someone after sex, we both stayed naked. That meant that early in our marriage my wife and I slept naked, and that didn't change until the kids were at an age that they might get up in the night and need something. So I got in the habit of slipping on a loose pair of boxers before falling asleep, and that's what I still wear. I certainly could sleep naked, alone in the house.

After my wife died I had a period where I had no interest in sex. When that passed, I began to look at online porn, starting with straight porn. I had acknowledged to myself that I had some attraction to men but wasn't ready to admit how strong it was. But I couldn't deny that it was the men who were turning me on. I tried bisexual porn, where I first saw men interact with each other, then finally I bit the bullet and watched gay porn. I'd seen Peter North in straight porn and was amazed at his huge cum shots, and somehow or other discovered he'd done gay porn as Matt Ramsey. So I think the first truly gay scene I watched was the one where he got fucked by Rick Donovan in the classroom-- The Bigger The Better? That sparked all kinds of ideas, not least of which was that here was a guy who fucked women getting fucked hard, and seeming to like it. Before that my tentative male fantasies had been about me getting sucked or fucking, but I started to wonder what it would be like... Later, when I watched Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher videos, the "straight" guys bottoming were what I was most interested in. SC's Zach getting fucked made me decide to try it, and though it took some time for me to get up the courage, that led to my first hire.

I hate this about gmail! I freely confess I much preferred aol, and still use that account for personal email.

Plebe twin is home on spring break this week, DePaul twin will be here next week. Fordham brother gets home the following week. It's a revolving door with little overlap but I have three weeks of company. It's kind of nice to have one on one time with each of them. Plebe is very happy at the Naval Academy, although finding classes very hard. It's had an effect on him, too-- his third day home he spent cleaning! Since I've been going to the gym and pool so much (to take my mind off the solitude), he's joined me this week. He likes his roommates, and the homesick one is doing okay, he says. The twins will be here together this weekend and he talks about it all the time. He really misses his brother, and apparently his roomies tease him about how often he mentions him, but he doesn't mind. One of the upperclassmen was doing an inspection of their room and asked why he had a picture of himself on his bulletin board, and he had to explain it was his twin. (He doesn't have a picture of anyone else but his gf there, it seems.)

I'd seen print porn a few times, older guys on my high school team had it. The first time I saw video porn was at a party at a teammate's house, when his parents were away. Someone had a VHS tape of straight porn. That was the first time I ever saw an erect penis other than my own, and given my deeply closeted state, it freaked me out and I left, claiming the video was gross. I told myself I kept thinking about that hard dick I'd seen because it was so weird, I couldn't admit it had turned me on.

The Naval thing was an unexpected connection-- my Dad a career Naval officer, me a civilian employee of the Navy, my son a Midshipman at the Academy, his former partner an officer from the days of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. It gave us a lot to talk about and compare. But yes, kind of a rom-com first date.

Well, I'm not 100% sure if it was a "date" or "two buddies hanging out," but it was a good time. A good dinner together at Spices, a pan-Asian restaurant in DC's Cleveland Park, followed by Black Panther. The talk over dinner was wide-ranging and honest. He had a long-term relationship with a Naval officer that ended amicably when the guy got stationed on the West Coast, and he hasn't been serious with anyone since. I gave him more detail about my life than I'd previously shared with the basketball gang, and he asked a lot of questions. In both case the fact of no relationship came up-- sort of date-y, I'd say. He asked about the boys and I'm embarrassed to say I showed him pictures-- not very date-y? But he seemed interested and asked more about them. As the meal went on it maybe got a little flirtatious, and I think my earlier speculation about eye contact was right, and came into play. I don't think straight men hold eye contact with other men much, and there was a moment when we were just looking at each other, and then both of us laughed. Very date-y. He's a little shorter than me, maybe 5'11. Dark brown hair and eyes. Deep voice, like I said. Nice arms and shoulders, which I know from playing ball with him (basketball), and a really cheerful demeanor. Off to Black Panther, we both loved it, but no hanky-panky. Then to an Irish bar across the street for a drink, too loud to talk much, but a nice vibe. Leaving, he said, "Let's do this again soon, " and I said "I'd like that." I think kind of teenage date-y. Walking along, we came to his car first, and gave each other a manly hug that lasted a little long, looked at each other and laughed again. So honestly, I think a fairly "straight" first date, which was fine. I had been ready for something to happen (and yes, brought condoms), but I'm not disappointed We had fun. He's cool. We'll do it again. And maybe more. Thanks for all the support!

So. I haven't had much to report on this front, but I've been getting out, playing ball and hanging out afterwards with the group, volunteering, etc. I was talking to one of the basketball guys after playing today and we were discussing Agents of Shield, which we both like. I mentioned I hadn't seen Black Panther yet, and he said, "Let's go tonight."I said sure and asked him if he wanted to grab dinner first. He said sure. A nice guy, a little older than me, with a deep voice. I think I'm going on a date tonight.

I used to watch reruns of the original "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" and there are several episodes where they comment on a guy having a box of tissues by the computer.

As much as I enjoyed his Sean Cody videos, I am not interested after the weird email exchange we had some time ago. But I am curious if anyone has had a good experience with him!

I love both, sliced avocado with a squeeze of lime, some salt and pepper, is my idea of a treat. (But yes, not a mushy one.)

Sean Cody's early videos were big influences over my first steps towards having sex with men. Zach had already been a favorite, and still is more or less my ideal "type," tall, lean , broad-shouldered. This video, and seeing Zach get fucked, made a huge impression on me. There were also a couple of videos of Sean, Zach, and his girlfriend in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Not very pornographic as I recall, almost like Sean Cody home movies.

https://www.mediaite.com/tv/nbc-hires-breakout-olympics-star-adam-rippon/

Like [uSER=5687]@Kyle5[/uSER], I enjoyed different things about men and women. I loved the soft feel of a woman's body against mine, I loved the sensation of insertion, and I loved to fuck, I couldn't get enough. Before my marriage that meant many partners, and after, I was fortunate that my wife and I had evenly matched libidos, we both wanted lots of sex. But while I acknowledged my attraction to men during our marriage, I didn't act on it and had no intention of doing so, so I really only looked at men surreptitiously (I hope). I had no idea what I would do with a man, but probably assumed I'd be the top if I ever did anything. After her death, I began to watch porn and focused more and more on the men. When I eventually hired an escort, I'd become so curious about bottoming that that was what I did. It took some getting used to, but I love it as much as I ever loved sex with a woman, but for different reasons. I love the hardness of a man's body, the roughness of his face. I don't like the sensation of insertion so much when it's insertion into me, butonce he's in, being fucked by a man is awesome. The two physical sensations are completely different, but I have enjoyed them both at different times. But I am not so insatiable, I'm satisfied with taking a guy occasionally. That might change in a relationship, I suppose. In my case, at least so far, it's been a complete switch. I haven't had the urge to have sex with a woman in years. So I don't really know if I have any advice, except I agree, labels are not always possible. I have no idea how I "should identify," and have stopped worrying about it. As for the wife and kids, I had them when younger than you, and before I let myself even hint to myself that I might like guys. I think I'd have stayed faithful to my wife if she'd lived, and continued admiring men without acting on it. Oh and very muscular is not my first choice, I like them lean and ripped.

I confess to having asked a similar question, more along the lines of "How did you get into this business?" But not as a new client, I've only talked about "the career" with those I'd connected with enough to have a conversation about ourselves.

You've done more than you know, reacting to my saga so positively. When I started to post about the changes in my life, I worried that no one here would be interested, maybe some would be scornful. You and others encouraged me to continue, and that turned out to be enormously helpful to me, even therapeutic, as sharing has been a step in my progress. So again, thank you!

I had no sympathy for him in regards to the child porn, but I am sad to hear this nonetheless.

I have begun volunteering, but, as it turns out, not in an activity that connects to the gay community. A coworker told me about a group that brings home-cooked meals to the wounded veterans and their families at Walter Reed, and I've joined them. Very humbling.

I believe part of the reason for founding the Scouting movement was to distract boys from the impulse to masturbate, Baden-Powell certainy had strong ideas about the practice-- “The practice is called ‘self-abuse’. And the result of self-abuse is always - mind you, always - that the boy after a time becomes weak and nervous and shy, he gets headaches and probably also palpitations of the heart, and if he still carries it on too far he very often goes out of his mind and becomes an idiot. The use of your parts is not to play with when you are a boy but to enable you to get children when you are grown up and married. But if you misuse them while young you will not be able to use them when you are a man: they will not work then. So for all reasons be on the look out against this temptation, it is easier to stop it at first than when it becomes a habit. The next time you feel the desire coming on don't give way to it; resist it. If you have the chance just wash your parts in cold water and cool them down. Wet dreams come from it especially after eating rich food, or too much meat, or from sleeping with too warm a blanket over your body or in too soft a bed or from sleeping on your back. Therefore avoid all these. Avoid listening to stories or reading or thinking about dirty subjects. You will soon find that the temptation will not worry you so much. Be strong and don't give way to it.” From Scouting for Boys, 1908.

Happy belated birthday, friend! You've been so kind since I began posting, I'm very grateful to you.

Returning to my baby steps toward a social life, Some of the guys I've been playing basketball with have been going for a beer afterwards on Saturday afternoons. Very good guys, very sociable, nothing flirty I've detected, but they do know my story now, more or less. I told them about my first gay bar visit where guys assumed I was the designated driver for the bachelorette party. So they've been teasing me at the bar, pointing out guys I should go talk to-- and I've gone and talked to some of them. One of the group is a divorced dad a little older than me who has a partner his kids know and love, and he seems a little more serious in encouraging me, which is nice. In the "coming out" department, the second or third time we did this there was a guy there who goes to my gym and has seen me there often with the boys. Just a nodding acquaintance up to now, but he said hi at the bar, and next time at the gym he asked how the boys are, so I gave him the college rundown. He's from Chicago, so was especially interested in my DePaul son's experience so far. Little by little it's starting to feel natural.

Since the thread started with the discussion of The Castle Resturant's menu, the classics of French cuisine were a pretty natural direction for the conversation to go.

Interesting to hear some details, thanks. Odd that his profile is still active and he regularly logs in if he's not working.

Looks great to me, however untrendy it is. The prices are low compared to the DC restaurant scene. I love sweetbreads, and I love the classic onion soup but find it too heavy to be one course of a dinner, I'd rather have it as a hearty stand-alone, with some crusty baguettes. There used to be a French place in DC that was our family's go-to special occasion restaurant, and the specialty was something I never see anywhere nowadays-- quenelles de brochet, a poached mousse dumpling made of pike, a fish so bony I guess making a mousse out of it was the best way to eat it.