BasketBaller

And such a scene is not fiction. On my recent work trip I attended a conference where, in a breakout session, the moderator asked our names, titles, and preferred pronouns.

Oh, I know. I've shared so many details of their lives it's probably silly, but I'm squeamish about that for some reason. Not that anyone here would care what my athletic, affable, handsome young men look like. Whoa yes.

Thanks for the recommendations, I ended up not having time to hire anyone this trip. I've had my eye on Mike before, maybe someday. I took DePaul twin and Irish roommate to dinner on Friday. Roommate is a really nice guy, funny and friendly, I'm not surprised he's a hit with the girls, and would be a hit with the boys if he was up for that. He's red-haired and freckled and smooth-faced, and I probably exaggerated when I said he looked 15. He looks 16. He is "cute" more than "handsome," I'd say, but with such a muscular, athletic build I guess he's more of a twunk than a twink. Twin is happy at school but divided about the girlfriend issue. He sees everyone going out and having fun, and he wants to, too. But even though he and his gf had said they wouldn't commit to a long distance thing, they seem to have kept it going. (PS I don't think I've ever described my boys beyond saying they're tall, all three taller than me now. But I thought I owed you guys a description of the roommate... )

By far!

Thanks! Yes, they're both at Fordham. He has said they would like to get an apartment together for senior year, but NYC prices may end that hope.

My happiest moments during the boys' holiday break were every morning, waking up, and hearing the shower running. As I posted before, the quiet house in the morning is hard, but I would get up to the sound of running water and murmuring voices and know that we were together. Some snapshots-- Getting ready to go to my folks' for Christmas dinner, Plebe twin comes downstairs in civilian clothes. Older brother tells him to wear his uniform, everyone will really like that. PT replies, "I have to wear it at school, I don't want to war it at home!" Heated argument ensues, which I stayed out of. Finally DePaul twin, who's been playing a video game, quietly interjects, "You should wear it." At which point PT heads upstairs to change. Everyone loved seeing him in his Service Dress Blues. A funny discussion about roommates one evening. DT's Irish roommate and he get along great, but the guy is apparently quite the ladies' man, and twin spends a lot of time in the dorm lounge while the room is occupied-- "sexiled," he says. PT's two roommates have never shared a room with anyone before, and are having to get used to it. One of them changes clothes in the shower (each room at the Naval Academy has a shower stall and sink), and they are amused at how comfortable twin is about dressing etc in front of them. He shared a room and a bathroom with his brothers all his life, and there were times that end of the hall was pretty uncivilized, so that's no surprise. "He's naked again" has been proposed as the room's motto. Older brother has a great roommate and they've joined others in a four-man suite, so they have their own bathroom and a little living room. I believe it's his roommate getting sexiled more often. Plebe Twin is honest about how hard it is, and had the most anecdotes. Of course, I've been able to see him a good deal, but he regaled the other two with the rigors of Academy life. He got very quiet, maybe wistful even, listening to his twin talk about how unstructured and free his life is, with parties and exploring Chicago. I don't think there are second thoughts, but the depth of his decision is sinking in. Each separately asked me about being alone, and I told them some of what I told you-- that it's a learning curve but I'm doing okay. That eating alone and waking up to a silent house are no fun, but there are trade-offs. No coming out talks yet, although I told them I've been playing basketball, and that I went out a couple of times to play darts or shoot pool. Just not where. Both twins spent a lot of time with the girlfriends, and they all seem to be handling the long distance thing fine. Older brother missed his girlfriend a lot and there was much skyping-- I think they're really serious. He's about the age I was when we got engaged, and not much younger than I was when he was conceived. Oy. Everyone's been back for a while now, and the goodbyes were not too bad. DePaul Twin was the first to leave and he and his twin had another long hug at the airport, that separation will always be hard. One day I came into the den where they were watching football on the couch with their arms around each others' shoulders. I almost envy having that kind of bond with someone. I am on a trip for work right now, which is why I sadly missed the DC gathering. I'll have a quick stop in Chicago so I'll check in on DT and his roomie, take them to dnner maybe. And perhaps I'll hire while I'm there-- recommendation of Chicago tops, anyone?

This video is from last year- my nephew is in it!

I'll post a rundown of the holiday break this evening!

I'm home with my eldest, the twins are going to different parties with their girlfriends. We'll have crabcakes and asparagus, and watch Thin Man movies on TCM. I love Nick and Nora's Christmas Eve cocktail party, so I go there vicariously! Nora: Do you want a drink? Nick: What do you think?

Here are Ryder and King in another scene from Screenplay. I had never bottomed when I first watched this, and let's just say my interest was piqued. https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=256651113

I have no idea how to label myself, and am not too worried about that right now. Certainly I'm not straight, but I remember being genuinely attracted to women, fantasizing about them when I jerked off, having sexual dreams about them. A girl I was attracted to would turn my dick hard with a look. My sex life during my marriage was active and satisfying, so that while I started acknowledging other interests I never considered acting on them, I thought of myself as "bi-curious" and that was all. In the end stages of my wife's illness, and after her death, I had no strong sexual urges at all, and when I masturbated after her death, I was thinking about her. When I began to watch porn, at first it was straight porn, but I began to pay more attention to the guys. Then bi porn, then gay porn, and that got me curious enough to finally try the real thing, to "get it out of my system." That didn't work. So here I am, bisexual or gay? If I go by the numbers, I've had sex with more women than men. But I can't remember the last time I fantasized about a woman, or got hard at the sight of one, whereas a hot guy with his shirt off can make my dick spring to attention. (I do think about my wife and can remember the passion we had for each other, and that will give me a hard-on.) My brother-in-law's point, that I may be avoiding women in misguided grief that I haven't dealt with, is possible, but it doesn't really change anything.

Thanks, my friend. My denial was pretty amazing, looking back. I wonder about the boys too, but they haven't given me any clues. We'll see eventually, I guess!

I still don't know how anyone can tell about someone else! I certainly haven't got a clue what his preferred activities are. And I don't know that I did justice to his reaction above. Yes, he was surprised, even flabbergasted. But the long talk after the revelation he was very sympathetic and helpful. He was very curious about how long I took to even acknowledge it to myself, he said he'd never not known about himself, even if he kept it hidden for a while. And he told me that when we first started dating, my wife confided in him her concern about my past promiscuity. I knew she was hesitant to go out with me but never knew she had talked to anyone else about it. When I told him that I think I slept around so much to prove to myself I was straight but it was different with his sister, that was for real, he just nodded.

It was an impulse to tell him about hiring, I hadn't intended to, but it seemed okay in the moment. I don't plan on going into detail about that, or the online hookups, with the boys. I should add, for those who've wondered, that there was not any hint of interest on his part, past or present. I think by now we feel too much like brothers (and while I love him, he's not quite my physical type!)

It's fascinating to think of how different we all are. I don't know if it's my own interior architecture or that I've been lucky with my partners, but bottoming is intensely physically pleasurable for me. Yes, I need foreplay and patience on penetration, yes the top's skill is important, and yes, there is also a strong emotional/psychological pleasure from the knowledge that another man is inside me. But even so, even my first time when I hired a very hung escort whose size gave me second thoughts on insertion, once the actually fucking begins the physical sensations are wonderful. I can remember my first orgasms from jerking off as a kid, and how amazing it was to discover my body could give me that pleasure. Bottoming was a similar kind of discovery, a pleasure I had not even suspected was possible. I can certainly function as a top, but my desire for a man quickly became a desire to be fucked, so I identify as a bottom, not even bottom/vers. I guess bottoms should be glad there are total tops out there and vice versa.

Sorry again about the lag time. Partly a result of craziness at work, but partly wanting to process some before I could verbalize. And warning to those who object to "novels"-- this post (well, this thread) isn't for you. My late wife's older brother came to town for a meeting last week. He arrived Thursday, intending to stay until Sunday so we could visit Plebe twin at the Academy and see DePaul twin who came home over the weekend. Friday morning he offered to get us Wizards tickets for that evening, which normally I'd have jumped at, but I suggested watching on TV and getting pizza, and even told him I wanted to talk some. He nodded and said okay, ands went off to his meeting. I was nervous all day, playing and replaying what I wanted to tell him. So, evening came. Pizza, basketball, and good wine. I wondered if he'd ask what I wanted to talk about, but we watched the game, chatted about the boys and our jobs. Then the game ended, and I turned the TV off. He looked curious but waited for me to start, which I couldn't, at first. I just didn't know what to say. Finally I said that being alone this fall had been hard, and I missed his sister so much. He is a big guy (I guess I'd call him bear-ish) but he does have facial expressions that are just like hers. I said I know I have focused on the boys, maybe too much, and I can't do that any more, they don't need it for one thing. I paused, unsure where to go, and he said that I didn't need to say anything, he and his parents have wanted me to do what I felt was best, and that his sister wouldn't have wanted me to be alone all this time. He clearly thought that my "talk" was going to be about moving on and starting to see women, maybe marrying again. So I smiled and sighed and said thanks but it's more complicated. My heart was pounding, and I'm sure he sensed I was nervous. I said, as many of you have suggested, that I truly, dearly loved his sister and our marriage was great. But that I have had to acknowledge what I denied for a long time, and that's the fact that I have been physically attracted to men, and that at least for now, I'm more interested in men than in women. Well. If he'd been drinking his wine at that point I think he'd have done a spit take, and as it was, his jaw literally dropped open. He sputtered a bit and finally said "What?" I repeated myself, I think in the same words. "Wait, wait. You... ?" he said, and I nodded. He shook his head and didn't say anything for a while. So I said, with my voice shaking, things I've posted here but never said to anyone. That I'd denied this to myself more than to anyone else, that I'd been a player with women to prove I was straight, that I'd married his sister and had kids and that it was much later that I began to acknowledge this, but never cheated on her with anyone, man or woman. And it was some time after her death that I let myself even consider it as a possible part of my life. Finally he said, we all thought you weren't through grieving and that's why you never dated. And I said that was partly true. And he asked if I was sure this wasn't just a way of keeping my wife as the only woman I'd ever love, and I had to say no, I'm not sure about that, it's occurred to me. But that in any case, I know I am attracted to men, maybe I'm bisexual but at the moment the attraction for women that I remember is dormant. He asked if the boys know, and I said no, he's the first person I've talked to (you guys are in a different category). He paused a long time, and asked if I knew to be careful, and that made me laugh, which broke any tension. He laughed too and said sorry, I had to ask. He asked if I had actually been with a man, and without getting too detailed, I told him I had had some online hookups and had hired escorts. Once again, the jaw dropped. I did not go into preferred sexual practices, I don't know what he'd have said if I'd told him I'm pretty much a total bottom. Well, we finished the wine and talked late into the night. I asked him about his coming out experience, which was before I met him. I asked him to let me tell the family when the time was right, but he can tell his partner if he shares what the reaction is. And, inspired by your speculation, I asked if he'd ever suspected. He shook his head and said, "I did not see this coming at all." He said he and his partner had discussed my not socializing with some concern, and one would sometimes say, "Of course, he might be gay," but never seriously. So, we visited the Naval Academy on Saturday, on Sunday DePaul twin came in, that evening B-I-L left, having not given any sign that he knows something the boys don't. But he did get me alone to say I could talk to him any time, about anything. I won't say this was easy, but he made it as easy as it was ever going to be. Tonight all the boys will be home. I'm not sure when the next step happens, but I know it will.

Another delayed update, inspired by your birthday wishes. Thanks giving was good, relaxed all around, the twins absolutely inseparable. My oldest left on Friday to visit his girlfriend and her family in Boston- when we dropped him at the airport, the twins erupted in speculation over how serious they are. There is a big update to come, though. This week, my late wife's brother, who's been openly gay since college. comes to DC on business and will stay with me. As was suggested earlier in this thread, I'm going to open up to him about myself. I've waffled over when and how to talk to the boys, in part because of the school transitions, etc, but I feel it's right to talk to my brother-in-law now. He's a good man and has been supportive throughout my marriage and loss. I don't know if he's ever suspected anything or not, and I don't know how he'll react, but I know he'll be a sympathetic ear. And now that I've posted about it I'll have to do it!

That's the plan! I do often have a work trip around that time and I'm trying to be sure it doesn't interfere.

Oh my gosh, what a wonderful thread to read. Thank you all, it was a good birthday, and checking in here and seeing your good wishes capped it off! I do have an update or two, that I'll post as soon as I have a moment. Thank you, my friends!

https://medium.com/@chrisrosenthall/nobody-wants-to-see-your-dick-a-guide-to-handling-your-newfound-wealth-and-influence-132708f771b9

The thing that surprises me is how many of the reports include the guy exposing himself to women. Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Louis CK, etc. The unwanted touching, the lewd come-ons, the coercion, all that is terrible. But the dick display seems just weird to me.

Thank you all, gentlemen and ladies, for your kind interest and support in these past months. We are all at home, all three boys in the twins' room talking while I watch Colbert with a good Scotch. The adjustment is going fine... but this feels wonderful. Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

I was also considering looking for some volunteer activity in the community, any suggestions?

Ha! Most of the guys there were in skinny jeans or shorts and wore t-shirts or tank tops.

That sounds like a good fit, and I do want to branch out from just basketball. I'm tempted to try the Washington Wetskins, a water polo group. I've never played that, but I love to swim.