BasketBaller

I said I'm not straight but it was my first time in a gay bar, and they said, "Congratulations!" I didn't go into details, maybe I should have explained more. The only other place I've tried is The Green Lantern, which maybe felt more like a fit. I don't know if I'll ever really be a bar guy, but it feels good to be in a crowd of gay men even if I just nurse a drink and watch the crowd.

I didn't but it was a long time ago, and I was a boy flirting with girls. The techniques may or may not have changed, but the context certainly has!

That makes sense. Plus, I so strongly tried to avoid the truth that I got very good at keeping my eyes to myself, and eye contact is a big part of flirting. I think straight men look at each other less, maybe that's what made theone guy assume I was straight. I've asked my main question before, and I know there's no real answer. But given that I have a strong preference for bottoming, how do you tell who's a top? Are there hints you can give about your preferred role? Or do you just hope for the best and stick to oral if you both turn out to be bottoms? I've read about the old hanky code and I kind of wish it was still a thing!

I've posted extensively about my empty nest in another thread, my sons all being away at college now. I'll leave discussion of family life in that thread so those uninterested can avoid it, but being on my own has made it possible for me to pursue a social life that takes my sexual attraction to men into account, something I'll tell the boys when I have a better idea how this is going to work. So I started dipping my toes into the water back in September. I've been playing basketball now and then with a gay sports group, casual games, I can't commit to joining a league because of work-related travel, but this is fine for now. Nice friendly guys, including a couple of other fathers. It hasn't really turned into much of a social thing, but that may be me not being open enough. Somehow, my vision of being openly gay involved bars, I guess because of how often gay bars figure in porn. So, I decided I'd go see for myself. A little research turned up Nellie's a gay sports bar in DC-- sounds perfect. So back in September I tried to guess how men dress to go to a gay bar (or any bar, I'm not much of a bar-goer). I settled on khakis and a button-down shirt, which turned out to make me the preppiest guy in the place, but it wasn't bad. Nice enough place, lots of types of people there-- including lots of drunk straight women! There were two bachelorette parties there. This is a thing? Women go to gay bars for these parties? Anyway, I had a beer and wandered around. People seemed nice but I realized I have almost no experience meeting people in bars. I was engaged before I was 21-- I cruised for women on campus, at games, in parks, but never in a bar. (I wasn't particularly there to cruise, but I was open to something happening, and had prepared just in case.) I guess I need a refresher course in flirting, or something. The only person I recognized as coming on to me was one of the drunk bridesmaids. But I watched four guys play darts for a while, and when one left, the others invited me to play. It was perhaps my first time casually hanging out with gay men and it felt good. When there was a shriek from the bachelorettes, one of the guys asked me if I was their designated driver. I said no, and asked why, and he said a husband or boyfriend usually comes along, so he had assumed that was me since I was "probably the only straight guy in the place." Okay, not what I had prepared myself for, but I laughed it off and finished the game. There was a baseball game on, and I stood and watched for a while and talked with some guys watching too. After a couple of hours I left, and went home bemused by my rustiness and need to explore other aspects of gay life. But I had a good time, and I've been back (I watched two World Series games there). More to come, and I have some questions for you guys.

Yes, and again I have to apologize for not keeping you guys updated after you've been so kind and caring. Wednesday I pick up DePaul twin at BWI airport, and we'll wait for older brother to arrive at the BWI train station, then all of us go to Annapolis to pick up Plebe twin and drive home together. A bookend to the drive over in June to drop Plebe twin off. I've seen Plebe twin at all the home football games and a couple of other times, and he's fitting in. DePaul twin and his roommate are the best of friends, although twin is either amused by, or in awe of, his roommate's popularity with women. And my oldest is going to Boston Friday to be with his girlfriend and her family for part of the weekend. I have not yet reported on my own adventures, and perhaps will do that in a new thread. Those uninterested in my boys' lives can ignore this one, but may have advice (or scorn) for me in my strides and stumbles in crafting a social life!

When, as a bi-curious widower who knew very little about gay sex, I began exploring gay porn, nifty.org was an eye-opening resource. There's a lot of dreck there but also some very good stories, and descriptions of things men do that I had never dreamed of.

A college friend waa diagnosed with a terminal condition. Telling only his ex-wife, who supported his decision, he quit his job, cashed out his retirement, and spent almost a year spending his money on whatever struck his fancy. Then, when he was broke, he shot himself. It was sad to think he couldn't share his situation with anyone else, but he didn't want to be talked out of it so withdrew from his circle of friends. He left an online screed about how horrible life was and how he'd always known he'd end up killing himself. Very hard to read. I had no idea how darkly he saw things, and regret that.

Bumping, any info?

I remember all of the men I've had sex with, but that's only the past ten years or so. Escorts I hired are the most vivid memories, the few craigslists hookups are less detailed because they were short encounters and less satisfactory. I say, with some shame, that I couldn't begin to remember all of the girls and women I slept with before I met my wife, nor estimate how many there were. I was trying to prove to myself that I was straight, and was very promiscuous.

Popeye's spicy chicken is a fave, (but hardly spicy to my taste). But I've gotten partial to KFC's grilled chicken, too, which is probably actually healthy!

It had been a while, and I understand he's had some changes in his life, but I ran into him again yesterday at a different grocery store. He was with a very twinky Latino guy who had a black eye, I wonder what that story is. Once again, we nodded at each other.

You're both spot on, I think. I realize more and more that there were things I just soldiered through, and didn't really deal with. And yeah, the cry helped!

That's Sean Cody's Jess.

I missed the episode and have no insight into the question. But I LOVE this show. Oscar winner Minnie Driver as the mom is amazing, and the cast in general, is great.

https://www.instagram.com/dilfs_of_disneyland/?hl=en

It hasn't been easy but it's been rewarding. I knew I wanted kids ever since I worked in a basketball camp in high school with little kids, and found I enjoyed the interactions. When my wife and I got serious, we certainly talked about having children, but didn't intend to have them so soon! But a condom broke a couple of months before our scheduled wedding, and so seven months after getting married, we were parents at 21. And then parents of three, after the twins were born when we were 23. Crazy, exhausting, maybe even foolish. But again, we knew we wanted them, which made all the difference.

Thank you for asking! I can't believe it's been so long since I posted, but I've been purposely keeping very busy, and trying to get into a routine without the boys. Let's see. My oldest is turning out to be the social coordinator of the family, keeping us in touch and setting up group skype sessions now and then. And he very plainly checks in on me regularly far more than in the past. Despite his having been away at school for the past two years, I think he's aware of how different home life might be from now on. I think he and his girlfriend are getting very serious. Plebe twin I see at home football games, and on Columbus Day I brought Chinese food to him and his roommates. It's hard, and he doesn't like one of his teachers at all, but he's doing fine. His homesick roommate is also doing well. He, interestingly, asked how I'm doing on my own, since part of his problem has been worrying about his parents, who are a good deal older than me. Plebe twin is playing intramural basketball, which is played on company teams. The upperclass in a company are usually hard on all the Plebes, but he's played well enough that the upperclass on his team have gotten friendly, easing up on him a little. Once Plebe summer is over they can grow their hair out a bit, but he decided to go back to a close-cropped buzzcut. The next day he skyped with his twin, only to discover he had virtually the same haircut. Spooky. He can only skype on Saturday afternoons this semester. DePaul twin seems to be loving everything. He and his roommate have become fast friends, likes his classes, likes Chicago. Although he and his gf were less sure about trying a long-distance thing, they are still taking on the phone a lot, so we'll see. And me. Well, doing okay but still adjusting. I found myself staying late at work for no reason, basically just to avoid going home, and as I mentioned, I spend a lot of time at the gym or pool. But it gets easier all the time, with one exception-- I hate waking up to an empty, quiet house. I've gotten so I eat breakfast near my office to get out of the house faster. And I'll share that I had a very bad day about a month into the solitude, although I can't say why. I was missing them and went into the twins' room, where most of Plebe's stuff still is, since he can't have civilian clothes or many possessions. I opened the closet and, looked at his clothes, and the fewer pieces of DePaul twins gear, and I could smell them-- I don't mean in a bad way, a clean smell I associate with them. And I lost it, I sat on one of the beds and had a good long ugly cry, about them ,about my wife, you name it. Probably a little bit about my sexual confusion, too. And after I pulled myself together, I felt much better, and have since. Speaking of sexual confusion, I have dipped my toes in the water of the LGBT social scene with some ups and a couple of minor downs. That story to come...

I've posted before about how my father, a no-nonsense Naval officer, sat me down at 10 for a very complete rundown on sex and the changes that would come to my body, very explicitly explaining just about everything you can imagine-- erections, vaginas, intercourse, ejaculation, menstruation, masturbation, fertilization, wet dreams, body hair, growth spurts, everything. Including the smell of semen which he described as like Clorox. It was embarrassing but also a bonding experience. He even made the point that each partner should be thinking about the other one's pleasure, which I think embarrassed me the most for some reason. I didn't have one single talk with my boys on sex, just answered their questions when they had them, and we always had frank and open discussions about it, so I believe they were the sources of information among their frends. I did make a point to tell them each about the changes hormones would bring, the increased importance of hygiene, etc. As they neared dating ages we had a safe sex talk. And I, too, told them each partner needs to think about the other one's pleasure.

I have no source to cite, but I have heard that "I could care less" was originally a longer sentence along the lines of "I could care less, I suppose, but not much." And, like "as happy as a clam at high tide," it got elided in common usage.

He's a great guy. I think I was subconsciously setting myself up to hate it, so I could continue hiding my urges. I remember the surprise of how hard a man's body is compared to a woman's, and the scratchiness of his face when we kissed despite his being clean-shaven. When he entered me I did hate it, and almost stopped him. But ironically, since it was "just trying it one time," I figured I'd tough it out. As he began to fuck, the experience was mind-blowing, painful but sensations I'd never felt before too. It got better and better until he moved me onto my back, and even with some pain, it felt incredible. I don't think I was very cogent at the time, but I look back on that moment as the point I knew I was a bottom. Part of the reason I'd put it off so long was a perception that bottoming is submissive, which didn't appeal. But in the moment it didn't feel submissive, it felt like mutual pleasure, and as I said, I left reeling with emotions but very aware that it was right for me.

A girl I'd known all my life and I decided at 14 or so that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. She was the daughter of family friends and we'd played together ("play" as in childhood play) as long as we could remember, and we were very comfortable with each other. I think my rationale was to impress my friends, in part, as well as to further suppress any inkling that I liked guys. So we were a "couple," which didn't mean much, I don't know that anything was different. But eventually we decided we should be more romantic, and we started kissing when we were alone. It was very experimental, and there was lots of laughing and asking each other what worked best, but we got so we were pretty seriously kissing. And from there to touching, first through clothes, then putting hands under shirts or down pants. More than once I had to stop her before I came, and finally didn't stop her in time and came with her hand on my dick. I remember being so embarrassed but she was fascinated, and wanted to know what it felt like-- as I began to shoot she thought I was in pain. The next time we were alone at her house we got naked and the intent was to make out, and I was able to learn more about female anatomy and what made her happy. But having gotten to that point we figured we should go al the way, and we fucked. I came very fast, but really never got soft, and a second round lasted longer. (No condoms, stupid kids!) There was no turning back from that, and we fucked whenever we had the opportunity for a few months, practicing and assessing what each of liked best. Then we both decided that we were having fun but not in love, and gradually moved on to dating others for real. But I know I was a better lover because we'd been so open with each other. When I started sleeping around a lot, again mostly to impress my buddies, she told me she was worried about me, and that slowed me down a little because I trusted her. We're still in touch through our families, and I consider her an old friend. The first time with a man was when I was 31, after I had accepted my attraction to guys, and after several years of watching gay porn and getting more and more curious about bottoming, I hired an escort to fuck me with the idea that I'd get it out of my system and could move on. I was turned on by hung guys in porn, so I, perhaps unwisely for an anal virgin, hired John from Atlanta aka Smalltown John. But he was so skillful and sensitive, that while it was hard to take at first, I left his hotel room with it very much NOT out of my system, I knew I wanted more.

I don't know about Chad Knight, but the number of gay porn actors who are reportedly married to women, or in relationships with them, is huge, and many have children. Kurt Wild, Johnny Rapid, Aspen, Vadim Black, Dennis West, Sean Cody's Sean, Kurt, and Curtis, etc. I'd love to know what their partners think of it.

Since there's a Dorothy Parker sub-thread going on, my favorite quote: She was looking for an apartment, and because of her fame, her agent kept showing her enormous, expensive places. Finally she snapped, "You don't understand, I just want a place to lay my hat and a few friends."

This is San Francisco escort Liam Mason.

Today was the first home football game for the Naval Academy, and my folks and I went to see them beat Tulane (narrowly). Plebe twin has limited opportunities to leave the Yard (campus), but he was able to visit with us at halftime, and go out to dinner after the game. It's tough there but he's doing well, maybe even enjoying it! My dad is class of '69, Plebe twin is class of '21. My mom has been a Navy wife, and I a Navy dependent. But within five minutes, my son and father were talking about Midshipman life and traditions, and neither my mom nor I had a clue what they were talking about! It was kind of amazing to hear them discussing what experiences they already shared that I had never heard of, and using jargon that went over my head. He's okay. I asked about his roommates, and he thinks they're okay. The one who's been so homesick still is, but bearing up. Both of them have struggled with sharing a room with anyone, one is an only child and the other has siblings but always had his own room. Apart from privacy issues, both of them say hearing people breathe at night freaks them out! Twin told them he thought he'd freak out NOT hearing someone breathe.