Archangel

Many deep, undesiderated, supererogatory, obtrusive, adventitious, interloping, nugatory thanks, Dr. Ultracrepidarian—how predictably pedantic-yet-gratuitously-unmeritedly-redundantly-inappositely overt, vulgivagant, and celeberrimus! Yes, I did, in fact, acknowledge it was his prerogative, a point that apparently escaped the good doctor’s compulsion to bludgeon nuance with the cudgel of cold, clinical accuracy. While an airtight grasp of factual minutiae is, as always, impeccable in its sterile perfection, it does seem there exists a pathological inability to grasp that life, inconveniently for such a binary worldview, is saturated with risk. Every decision, action, inaction, or mere instance of continued respiration carries the latent hazard of calamity—though no doubt any such sciolist oenologaster has a peer-reviewed source ready to refute that too. But here’s a radical thought: perhaps human interaction isn’t a risk-free equation to be balanced on an epistemological abacus. And speaking of overcorrections, perhaps it’s time to shelve the beloved thesaurus and to take a healthy, introversive, endoptic, automnesic gander at a page—dare one say a sentence—from Strunk & White. “Omit needless words,” they say. Imagine the revelation, the sheer liberation, of expressing a thought without constructing a cathedral of circumlocution around it.

This at the end of the day. I’m on PreP. My regular is – says so, anyhow. I believe him. We BB. But if he’s not on PreP like he says, I did my part and looked out for us both. I had a provider refuse BB even though I’m on PreP and he says he is. His prerogative. But it does make me wonder how honest he was insofar as being worried about BB if we both are HIV negative and on PreP yet still refusing BB. Totally acceptable, but also curious at the same time. Why worry if you’re honest and clean and clear?

@MikeBiDude, don’t worry. I’m done.

I say so it’s so!

Appealing to the moderators, counselor. If it wasn’t about the authority of the moderators, you wouldn’t need to say more than other forum members. It was about their authority And I most definitely wasn’t saying you think you’re right because you’re a lawyer 🙄 Don’t reassign a different value to what I said. I don’t judge your opinion based off your vocation. Your behavior, yes, but not your opinion. Surely a lawyer could parse that nuance. You’re entitled to your opinion. But labeling something “speaking plainly” or “impartial” doesn’t make it so. Talk as plainly as you like; you won’t convince me you didn’t bully in this case. Perhaps you’re not a bully lock, stock, and barrel, but in my opinion—which you concede I’m entitled to—you were bullying. Why are you so invested in proving to me otherwise?

Oh, I don’t doubt that you think that. I also don’t doubt you got smug satisfaction writing that too. But your notion that you can simply will yourself into a good place drips with social myopia. Good on you for thinking yourself to a problem-free existence. Not everyone is so fortunate. Your inability to see that means you’ll never really feel compassion for truly suffering people.

🤷🏼‍♂️ It’s my opinion you’re a bully. Or you’re at bullying here. You saying otherwise doesn’t make it not true. Citing a moderator also doesn’t make your opinion anymore true than mine; it just means you have authority behind yours. As far as I know, we’re allowed to have different opinions from the moderators here. I think that’s still allowed. 🤨 I frankly disagree with the moderators here on a lot of issues. As a lawyer, you should know about the Appeal to Authority logical fallacy. 😉 👍🏻

That’s simply not true for everyone. Some of the most positive people in the world get shit on by other people constantly. Misused. Abused. They may have a positive attitude but they still have a terrible life. Thinking you can just mind-power your way to a life free or largely devoid of interpersonal problems, both close and professional, is pretty narrow and, again, privileged.

@Vegas_Millennial, in a broad sense, the ability to walk up to a guy and ask a date even with the assumption that 1-out-of-10 guys (arguably a high ratio of success) is privilege. More privilege than many of us have. Mental illness also doesn’t always allow you to embrace things the same way mentally well people with similar circumstances can.

What does values mean? 🤨 That could be a red flag.

You call it whatever you want. We all make excuses. I never claimed to be free of judgment. At the end of the day, it’s my opinion – and I’ll voice it til the mods shut me up. You’re a bully. Who preternaturally obsessed with this guy. Of course, you’re a lawyer. That tracks. Always right. Never backs down. Litigating everything.

I’ve had that verification issue each time with sponsoring an ad using MC. The admin was good about it but it’s super annoying.

@purplekow, sounds like he’s not making clean cuts or isn’t cutting frequently enough.

I put my first wine together in a fermenter the other night. Admittedly I’m excited about it. I want to open it up and see what it’s doing but I know do not open for a month! Gives me time to go but a siphon! I’ll determine then if I’ll let the wine in the carboy for a few months or if I’ll distill it, based on taste. I want to get another fermenter and mix up some grains for actual whiskey distilling. That’s my fave! 🤣

Not surprised. There are so many things people will hold against someone without taking the time to actually listen to their story. Prejudice takes many forms. The vast majority feel justified in their prejudices too.

This entire conversation demonstrates exactly why I don’t want to allow myself to be vulnerable around gay men about anything, let alone my intimate insecurities. Many here are being catty, presumptuous, judgmental bullies.

You seem to have it out for him…What’s your beef? I’m not invested in him or his feelings, but the way you keep crashing down on him certainly makes me sympathetic if for no other reason than you simply won’t let it alone. How many pages ago did you state your opinion? If you had more to say, you could’ve said it then. At this point, you’re not really discussing his post(s) but attacking his character traits. If he bothers you so much, hide him and save yourself and the rest of us your incessant angst over him.

Curious… Does anyone here make their own alcohol as a hobby? Beer? Wine? Liquor? I have done different things in the past. I have made different wines, with varying degrees of success depending on grape source. I’ve also done different infusions of clear liquors. I’ve never made my own beer, although friends do. I just purchased a pot still and I’m looking forward to adopting that as one of my copious tinkering hobbies. Suffice it to say, unless you’re drinking top-of-the-line liquors, you don’t distill to save money. The ingredients alone for the yield is not cost effective. But it’s a lot like growing your own vegetables (which I also do) – it’s the most expensive and labor-intensive tomato you’re going to get all summer, but there’s a satisfying rewarding feeling at the end when you think, “I did this.”

My experience has been that gay men who want a real connection are like a polished diamond in a coal heap – really hard to find but possible if they’re at the bottom of the sea in the wreckage of a steam powered luxury liner that sank.

I’m not surprised you feel that way. Many people feel that way about me until they take the time to actually get to know me. I have accepted that as part of who I am – judged a jerk until you actually know who I am. The most engagement I get on this forum is when guys criticize me or tell me I’m wrong. Or the mods chastise me. When I have tried to post something “vulnerable,” it’s been largely ignored. I’m not a darling here – not an escort who needs worshiping and not someone who for whatever reason can disagree with other forum members from a bandwagon others want to jump on. I’m aware of that. Irrespective of all that, point is you shared an opinion. It’s not “truth.” It’s opinion – or observation, as you term it, under good construction and spin. Either way, whatever the case, your interpretation based on how you processed it. But it’s not “truth.” I disagree with it. And I don’t read the OP’s post(s) the way you do. I have sympathy and a degree of empathy for him. I don’t have a solution and I’m not going to offer one because, frankly, whatever I offer isn’t what’s at stake. Sometimes people just share to unburden themselves and they aren’t looking for people to “fix” their issues. They’re looking to know they aren’t alone and that someone actually hears their pain and actually cares about their situation. If you listen to the music behind the words, that’s how I read the OP’s post. Less about looking for anyone to fix it and more about understanding his own situation and seeing if others likewise identify. I didn’t read it as a cry for Mr. Fix-it. But that’s my opinion. It might even be judgmental and condescending! I will wait to be told if it is…

I disagree. Everything @ApexNomadhas said is not true. It’s an opinion. Pause and reflect, yes. But that’s not all true. It’s condescending and judgmental. But not “all true.”

That’s the way of the forum when you do allow yourself to be vulnerable as you were in your post. Loads of guys will diagnose your problem and tell you what’s wrong and tell you what to do, instead of affirming your feelings are valid and then exploring them with you. I have found this forum is twice as judgmental as it is compassionate. That said, I have heard similar things, although I don’t fit the bill of a stereotypical attractive gay man. I hear from straight and gay folks alike any guy would be lucky to be with me, largely because of my personality. If that’s the case, why has every relationship ended with the guy effectively losing interest? If any guy would be lucky to be with, why aren’t all the guys, or at least some of the guys, knocking? Because to a degree it’s not true. In this specific instance you describe, my suspicion is the masseur had a good time and did enjoy your time. If he were you and wouldn’t pay, and means it, call his bluff and invite him over. Would he come over and do everything with you for no pay? Find out.

I was nervous as hell about “the law” my first hire off Rentmen years ago. I googled the shit out of stuff and actually managed to locate the guy’s real name and day job etc. It was paranoia bordering on stalker level. I understand your trepidation from a personal historical perspective but I can also say unless the ad for the guy you’re considering looks markedly different than the others there, it’s highly unlikely going to be problematic. My working assumption now is that if law enforcement is invested enough to create an ad on RM to lure guys into committing a crime, it’s going to be targeted at things that are overtly illegal like pedophilia, for instance. The level of prep that law enforcement would need to do in order to catch someone through a RM ad wouldn’t pay out unless they were targeting someone in particular – and even then it’s going to be hard for them to pull off well given RM isn’t US based precisely to avoid legality issues.

The 9-out-of-10 providers who assure you they deliver what you’re looking for as far a BFE but don’t. And coupled with that is the lack of or unwillingness to follow up with questions about BFE expectations. I’ve grown to sense the MO – not easy to describe, but it’s a vibe that sends up at minimum a pink flag. Also the obsession with wasting time pre-booking. Related to that is the rush to book before establishing compatibility. See above about lack of or unwillingness to follow up about expectations. These often go hand-in-hand. The notion that an extended time together is somehow not meant to be spent “together” the whole time. That is to say, that for a part of each day the escort would intentionally not be with me while still clocking that as “time.” I’m not talking about physically being with each other every second of three days. I mean escorts who want multiple thousands of dollars for three days but feel they can get 4-6 hours of away time during each of those days. That’s become less of an issue for me because if communication is poor prior to meeting, I simply won’t meet. It signals incompatibility for me because it’s part of what makes it compatible for me. Even if that sounds circuitous, it works for me!

Regarding tattoos… 1) If he showed up looking like a stained glass window and he wasn’t in his ad, a] not surprised because the ads are nearly worthless for meaningful content, and b] I would be extremely upset but probably wouldn’t say anything negative because of politeness. 2) I simply do not understand the general drive to become a human canvas. My sister has various tattoos. Most have a meaning, but not all. The meaning-filled ones are “acceptable,” but even then, I don’t particularly “like” it. To say nothing of the ones that are there “just because I like it.” And often people will get the damnedest shit—ugly and heinous shit—tattooed. Why the hell would I want a skull with a flaming sword in its mouth, for example, permanently emblazoned INTO my skin?!