Asking a Client's Full Name

[+ harey]

Recently an escort I haven't met before asked me to send two photos and my "full name", so he could verify my identity before he would agree to meet. I said no and explained it was for privacy reasons. He replied he wanted to know for security reasons. He is apparently new to escorting, but I wondered if there could be some entrapment attempt involved.

 

For whatever reason, have any of the providers here asked for a client's full name? I wanted to make sure I haven't slipped into a parallel universe where this is standard practice.

 

~Thanks

[liubit]

No escort has ever requested me to give him my full name, and I have never requested an escort to give me his

[+ purplekow]

I do not mind giving my name when it seems appropriate. If it were ever a term of interaction, I would be walking the other way. His reasons seem specious and I am suspicious that you are correct in that he is likely playing some type of game.

[OccassionalHire]

Absolutely not. There are other ways to deal with specific security concerns (and I may have asked exactly what those concerns were). Did he volunteer to provide his full name in return?

[img2ciya]

I rarely ever give my real first name to an escort or masseur to begin with. I figure most of them use "assumed" names, why not me? If I'm in a foreign country and I'm hosting in a hotel, then maybe, but only if they need to verify that I'm staying in the hotel. Of course, if I really wanted to use a fake name there, I could just add a "2nd person" to my room or ask the staff to add the name as an alias but I haven't gone that far yet. lol And I'm using AirBnB more now so even that's not a problem so much anymore.

I also use an app on my phone for a different phone number. I started using the app when I noticed escorts/masseurs showing up on my FB "you might know" list.

[nsguy45]

I always host escorts in my home, which obviously requires making my address known. A Google search of my address would make my name and much more known to him, but I've never had an issue with that.

[big-n-tall]

I have never been asked for my full name, at least not up front. I would never give out my full name/info for someone during the first contact. Well, unless someone I saw regularly and trusted, gave the other guy a glowing "nuclear level" referral.

 

Over time, most of the guys I see regularly (save for a very few) know my full name. On the flip side, the only time I asked for an escort's full real name from the get-go is when I had to buy a plane ticket for them. That is only a small number though. Again over time and in some cases within a few minutes of contact/meeting, some working guys told me their full names.

[+ purplekow]

I like to use a name when in the heat of passion. I will ask an escort on first meeting what name I should use as it makes the encounter seem less artificial. I know the real name may also be an alias, but illusion is everything. If they prefer to stay with the stage name I will often use a more generic term like muscle boy or cocksucker. Using the stage name makes me feel like each time I use it, I am reminding them that this is a paid encounter.

I suppose some escorts are so used to the alias that it hardly seems like an alias to them.

[LaffingBear]

Ive never been asked for my full name. I wouldnt give it first meeting.

 

I used to give a fake first name. Now I use my real name. In an odd way, using a fake name reminded me of being in the closet. Its simply too much work to keep track of the lies, an extra layer of caution/pressure on all communications and interactions.

 

I suppose recent repeat rentguys might know my full name. Theyve had run of my house eventually. Might have seen a piece of mail, etc. Last guy, 4th visit, got into a scheduling mixup... I was only scheduled for an hour on his last day in area, so he asked and I let him spend night in my guest room, which is also my office. I doubt he did, but he could have opened any file or drawer and found out alot about me.

 

Caution makes sense. I wouldnt give a guy full name before or during first visit. Wouldnt volunteer my last name unless necessary. But I have no illusions that privacy exists in 2018.

[OccassionalHire]

I give my nickname, not my real first name (which I have rarely used anyway)....

[+ Just Sayin]

the only time I have been asked my last name is when an escort or masseur is coming directly up to my room and needs to be able to tell the desk clerk where he is going; most of the hotels now require use of the key card in the elevator, and I've just met the provider downstairs

[+ oldNbusted]

I wouldn't respond to such a request from an escort.

[Ryan Roman]

For what it's worth... I've never asked a clients last name... If they want you to know, they'll share it with you

[TruthBTold]

I always host escorts in my home, which obviously requires making my address known. A Google search of my address would make my name and much more known to him, but I've never had an issue with that.

 

I would never give anyone my full name. In my particular case, even though he is coming to my home he really does not need my last name. I will give him my address and the number to be buzzed. In other apartment/condo buildings I have lived in my first name and my unit was all that was necessary. Otherwise I would simply go down to the lobby and greet him. So far I obviously have gotten a name from the working guy to use. In one instance, the guy really wanted me to call him by his real first name even though he goes by a different name. I assume that it was his real name. And I thought it was really nice because it put us on equal footing.

[+ harey]

Thanks for your thoughtful replies.

[+ IronMaus]

I ask for a name, but not a full name. Sometimes a photo. Typically a phone number and a (first) name is enough to work with.

[+ Pensant]

I know a woman who used to tun a female escort service. They have full dossiers on every client, for the security of the providers.

[+ saminseattle]

I know a woman who used to tun a female escort service. They have full dossiers on every client, for the security of the providers.

 

From what I have read, this is very common on the straight side of the industry, but very rare on the gay side. This may have to do with the average physical power imbalance between men and women resulting in greater security concerns. Certainly, there are some crazy people out there and knowing someone’s identity could provide a sense of accountability for misbehavior. On the other hand, providing this information comes with its own set of risks. During coverage of a major local “sting” operation, I recall the authorities expressing shock that people would freely give out their drivers’ license, employee ID badge, etc. Of course, after such an operation, people are far less likely to be so forthcoming in the future. In this way, the government authorities inadvertently discourage a safety/screening method and make life more dangerous for those they are supposedly trying to protect.

[LivingnLA]

I would never and never have given out my full name. Discretion is important to me. Any provider that made such a request of me, would be refused.

[FTM Zachary Prince]

From what I have read, this is very common on the straight side of the industry, but very rare on the gay side. This may have to do with the average physical power imbalance between men and women resulting in greater security concerns. Certainly, there are some crazy people out there and knowing someone’s identity could provide a sense of accountability for misbehavior. On the other hand, providing this information comes with its own set of risks. During coverage of a major local “sting” operation, I recall the authorities expressing shock that people would freely give out their drivers’ license, employee ID badge, etc. Of course, after such an operation, people are far less likely to be so forthcoming in the future. In this way, the government authorities inadvertently discourage a safety/screening method and make life more dangerous for those they are supposedly trying to protect.

 

Yup. Most of my clients still come from the “straight” (or bisexual or “heteroflexible”) side of things, and I require all of my clients to give me their full name before I will meet them. It’s pretty standard on that side of things. For safety and accountability reasons, as mentioned. Besides, I expect to be treated as a professional, and it’s pretty typical these days to have to provide your full name to any/all professionals who may service you. I understand that some guys may be in the closet or simply unwilling to disclose, and that’s fine with me... but makes us ultimately not a good match. My marketing materials are clear that I require someone’s full name to meet, so anyone who wastes my time thinking they’re some kind of special snowflake is probably going to earn the silent treatment from me in response.

 

I do make exceptions to my full name requirement for clients who have references from other escorts, or who come to me as a personal referral from another escort I know. Having references is not quite the same as providing me with their full name, but it’s an acceptable amount of info to me to move forward.

 

I’m confused abou your sting-related comments tho, because police stings never ask for ID up front as a requirement to meet. The goal of a sting is to arrest as many people as possible in a short period of time, so they create no additional barriers that would dissuade their callers from showing up to be arrested. If an escort is insisting on screening you before meeting, it’s a very good sign that he’s NOT a sting operation. A sting operation just wants to get you there in person at any cost, and hot pics, an affordable price, and easy access (ie no screening) are all consistent MOs. Of course, it’s possible that some clients had learned that providing their ID to an escort up front eased her nerves and made the booking experience go more smoothly, so they just sent a snapshot to the police sting automatically without even being asked for it. That I would definitely believe...

 

Even on the straight side of the industry I would say that more than 50% of the clients will never provide their full name. The first couple years that I worked as an escort, I never would have believed that I had the right to ask for one, or that anyone would hire me if I required it. The reality is, some clients do choose to research their escorts thoroughly and give their full names to those who are reputable and who they badly want to meet. And plenty of reputable escorts use that information for safety/verification only. It’s just not par for the course in the rentboy/men sector of the industry.

[+ saminseattle]

’m confused abou your sting-related comments tho, because police stings never ask for ID up front as a requirement to meet.

 

The example I was thinking of was not a typical sting operation, but was more of an undercover operation which culminated in shutting-down an escort review site and the arrest and prosecution of dozens of people, including the website operator (who later killed himself). Two of the prosecutions are apparently still ongoing, more than two years later. https://sexworkclients.org/news-updates/give-to-the-review-board-defense/

 

Anyway, I went back and read the article again, and you’re right that it was not the police that originally requested the photo ID’s; nevertheless, through their investigation they ended up with “hundreds of pieces of identification” of clients including “employee badges from Microsoft, Amazon and Boeing, as well as LinkedIn accounts, business letterheads, passports and even family photos.” According to the article, their reaction was “Wow! They’re sending their personal information to a criminal enterprise.” https://projects.seattletimes.com/2017/eastside-prostitution-bust/ I suspect that reading this kind of a story in the newspaper might make clients more reluctant to provide their full/real names, even for legitimate screening purposes…once the information is out there, who knows where it may end up.

 

While it's not necessarily typical, I think this is an interesting case to be aware of, and I've been trying to follow it since the story first broke in January 2016. https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/crackdown-continues.110695/ While it’s quite lengthy, here is another take on what happened, different from that of the Seattle Times. https://reason.com/archives/2016/09/09/the-truth-about-us-sex-trafficking

[Cannon]

I would never ask a client's full name. In fact, I've had clients give me fake names before and I'm okay with that as well.

[BaronArtz]

I understand that inquiries about a client's real name AND credit card information are standard procedure at agencies representing female escorts.

 

I am glad I am gay. Because I would NEVER.

[+ azdr0710]

only one provider currently active in the business knows my full real name - in fact, he has a full copy of my passport and I his (we exchanged passport info because we were in a couple countries known for possible risk, so, in case one of us disappeared, got beat up, was arrested, got extremely sick, etc., we'd be able to go to the embassy)

 

another now-retired provider got my name very quickly over the phone because he needed it to get some money I had just wired him....knew him well and nothing bad happened as a result....

 

I have a fake name on the gmail account I use for this stuff.....and have a burner phone for this, too.....three or four providers have my real phone number

 

at first meets, if things feel fine, I'll give my real first name......a couple providers did not want to give me their real first names, even after a couple meets

 

would certainly never give my real full name to any providers before or at a first meet......I can see, though, a very new provider earnestly thinking it'll help his security......but he'd very quickly learn it doesn't work that way

Edited May 23, 2018 by azdr0710

[MichBoyBlake]

If I ever ask a client anything, I always caveat it with you don't have to answer if you don't want to and I'm very clear about that. I think asking a full name is definitely not a reasonable question, unless you've been talking to a client for a while and they seem a bit dodgy and difficult to work things out with. But I would much sooner just apologize and ask to schedule for a later date, than ask for a full name or 2 pictures. I honestly wouldn't even ask for 1 picture haha.

 

Generally I ask what the client is looking for and why they want to book me, although usually clients answer that question close to initial contact, before I can even ask. The other question I like to ask is like, roughly what their age is, meaning just giving me a decade would be fine. But I also always make sure to add that they don't have to answer that question if they don't want to, and I personally have no issues with any ages. I just like to ask because on my end it's sorta nice to have a very rough idea of what to expect in terms of age when meeting a client for the first time.

 

Full name is way too much. I might ask a first name after I've booked someone, but that's really just to have a name so that in the future I can remember the client and not constantly give off a rude, "who are you? i don't quite remember" vibe. BUT even then I also wouldn't ever expect whatever name I'm given by a client to necessarily be their real name, and I honestly don't care if it's a fake name or not. It's just much better and much more humanizing to try and remember a client by a name rather than something really dumb like "client A" or "client B", if that makes sense.

 

I should note though that if I get a bad vibe from a client that can't be shaken off, I'm also not afraid of just simply telling someone something like sorry, i'm getting a bad vibe from you and you aren't helping fix that vibe so I'm not willing to book with you at this time. I do try to work with people A LOT though so that has really only happened like twice, and one of those times I was pretty convinced the guy wanted me to show up at a hotel with some drug that I couldn't figure out because I didn't understand the like code-name he was giving me for the drug and I don't do drugs at all lol.

 

 

EDIT: added last paragraph

Edited May 23, 2018 by MichBoyBlake