Please stop this “Total Top Only” crap!

[+ quoththeraven]

Not to sound somehow patronizing but I like, very very rarely actually douche.

It's all about diet, exercise, regularity and knowing your body

 

I've only had a mishap once and that was with an ex and we were drunk and he didn't want to listen..... lol

It may also be physiological. I never douche either and don't relate to the anxiety about it.

[BabyBoomer]

@biggerbilly

 

Did you notice the escort who prompted your rant has changed from being a total top to being fully versatile? Maybe he reads the forum?

 

https://rentmen.com/StasLandon

 

~Boomer~

[LivingnLA]

It may also be physiological. I never douche either and don't relate to the anxiety about it.

 

For some people, probably. But, I'd guess it's still predominately nutrition that matters. Fiber and lots of it is great for human mental & physiological health based on the latest research, so load up on fiber every day, and also enjoy regular bowel movements and far fewer "surprises" when you bottom. Though, if you enjoy fisting, marathon fucking sessions, or particularly large cocks, a responsible "cleaning out" would probably still be smart.

[Guy Fawkes]

@biggerbilly, you need a snickers bar.

 

[+ José Soplanucas]

You operate in a more freeform, improvisational universe than others. I see this as a pretty hard-baked personality attribute that people don't have control over.

 

My darling, I am not more free than anyone else. I wish.

I just think we have to be less sensitive about words and more perceptive about behavior.

[Guy Fawkes]

If you're a total asshole does that mean you're a bottom?

 

Total Bottom, Total Top, Total Vers, why do you guys care so much about these freaking labels????? Sorry for being a Total Asshole.

[Guy Fawkes]

You know what they say: "Only bottoms are assholes; Only tops are dicks!"

[+ José Soplanucas]

If you're a total asshole does that mean you're a bottom?

 

That would be more like a Total Power Bottom. Imagine a Total Asshole.

 

[+ Gar1eth]

For example, and speaking in a grossly general way, research is leading to an idea about psychological issues and their psychosomatic expressions as a primary driver in ED cases. I contend "psychological issues" drive stated preferences for "topping" or "bottoming."

 

 

I thought the idea that most ED was psychologically based wasn’t true. That it’s more due to physiologic factors.

 

Gman

[+ quoththeraven]

I thought the idea that most ED was psychologically based wasn’t true. That it’s more due to physiologic factors.

 

Gman

Like diabetes, for example.

[+ José Soplanucas]

[+ quoththeraven]

My darling, I am not more free than anyone else. I wish.

I just think we have to be less sensitive about words and more perceptive about behavior.

If people want specific experiences, they have to use descriptive terms to find the people who can provide them. I don't understand what's controversial about that.

 

I don't like labeling other people because that stereotypes them, but people asserting an identity or providing information inevitably invites the use of labels as a shortcut. Otherwise we'd have to resort to narrating our most recent experiences. As long as people don't get too hung up on the self-labels, it's all good.

[+ quoththeraven]

For some people, probably. But, I'd guess it's still predominately nutrition that matters. Fiber and lots of it is great for human mental & physiological health based on the latest research, so load up on fiber every day, and also enjoy regular bowel movements and far fewer "surprises" when you bottom. Though, if you enjoy fisting, marathon fucking sessions, or particularly large cocks, a responsible "cleaning out" would probably still be smart.

Ha, I consciously avoid fiber and have Imodium available or use it beforehand because I am too regular due to a physiological/medical condition.

 

Different people have different needs and experiences.

[+ José Soplanucas]

If people want specific experiences, they have to use descriptive terms to find the people who can provide them. I don't understand what's controversial about that.

 

I don't like labeling other people because that stereotypes them, but people asserting an identity or providing information inevitably invites the use of labels as a shortcut. Otherwise we'd have to resort to narrating our most recent experiences. As long as people don't get too hung up on the self-labels, it's all good.

 

We do need labels (I do), I am not arguing against that. I am arguing against the excessive attachment to labels. Again, I have learned to pay more attention to what people do rather than what people say. That does not mean I am not listening.

[biggerbilly]

@biggerbilly

 

Did you notice the escort who prompted your rant has changed from being a total top to being fully versatile? Maybe he reads the forum?

 

https://rentmen.com/StasLandon

 

~Boomer~

Hmmm, I should start naming total top and see if history repeats itself

[Cure694u]

No, the labels do not matter, at least you get horny at the label, which is Totally Acceptable. What matters is the actual behavior during the meeting.

In my Total Experience there is not such a thing as Total in the Total Universe.

I do not mean to say that the labels are totally meaningless because I would be totally contradicting myself. I just mean that even if we should not be totally indifferent to labels, they are totally relative. You mention one circumstance where the label is totally gone, but there are more.

Honestly, I prefer to make mention I'm a bottom and would prefer to know if the one I'm about to hook up with is a top. I've met up with another bottom once before and the situation only got awkward so, since then ... Guys, I'm a total bottom!

[+ Robster]

A true top is the one who tried bottoming and couldn't or didn't like it.

 

@Robster You are a true top, I pointed that out on another thread about a similar subject.

You are correct, sir. I finally gave up on bottoming, because I have literally never enjoyed it. Not once.

 

Fortunately, I love topping (understatement alert, lol) and not to brag, but I've been told I'm pretty good at it.

 

Rob

[LivingnLA]

I thought the idea that most ED was psychologically based wasn’t true. That it’s more due to physiologic factors.

 

Gman

 

Yes, the research trend goes back and forth. Thanks for pushing the clarification. You're correct that much recent research does identify a variety of physiological reasons for ED. I was trying to make a point that it's not all purely physiological. There are psychological factors and all of it is interrelated. Look at the research into the influence on our mind and body just based on how healthy our gut biome is and what we eat.

Edited April 11, 2018 by LivingnLA

[Mocha]

The primary reason I seek out "total" tops is because the emphasis is often necessary. Whether I'm looking for a hookup or an escort I'm very clear about my expectations for a partner who is dominant and into a one-sided session, however, it seems that a lot of guys put up a front that falls away when we meet. When I would troll Craigslist for cocksucking hookups I'd clearly state in my ad that I was looking for a non-reciprocal "trade" situation. That might be verified in back and forth e-mail, and yet often the guy I meet would want then want to jack me off or suck me too. In my 20s and 30s I had the same problem with top escorts who were far more versatile than they'd advertised or who became more interested in a reciprocal session in spite of the theme of their ads and in spite of what we'd discussed.

 

For any number of reasons some guys are less than honest about their own sexual interests and expectations.

 

First problem: trolling Craigslist. From experience, it was a buffet for Tops...not bottoms. Many bottoms to choose from.

 

I think it also comes down to being honest with oneself also. You describe what you like, but you don't mention what you're like. Why are these guys wanting to suck you off or Jack off? Were you bigger in D size, height, weight? Are you hitting up guys shorter than you, to top you? One may need a taller guy with a dick to match up to your insatiable need to bottom, while being able to equally handle your stature (speaking hypothetically of course)

 

You can't fault the system for some things. It's defaulted. If you're a 6'5, big, heavy set with a floppy tool, but advertising total bottom, and the guy who's "top" is 5'10 well...what are you going to expect?

 

If all someone wants to do is suck me off and get F**ked, that's more than easy for me. Personally though for me, I may end up finding myself to ending up as a "total top". I get turned on by the thought of being fucked, but 90% of the time I can't make it because just about every lube I've tried burns. The mere friction itself burns, and I've tried numbing lubes but those tend to also numb the top. I stick with saying I'm top, because I know I'll be able to perform with no issues. Medically speaking, some guys aren't designed to be bottoms. If a person is prone to Hemorrhoids, anal fissures, etc...it may be safer to not practice bottoming.

 

At the same time, the intensity in which I can cum after getting fucked, makes me feel ill maintain the Top/Vers label. If anything, bottoming once in awhile makes me a better top.

Edited April 11, 2018 by Mocha

[Mocha]

Someone could be lying to himself about how dominant he is, or it could just be that he feels it's OK to stretch the truth in order to make contact with the client or the hookup -- he wants the business as an escort or he wants the sexual encounter as a hookup, and he's willing to do so under false pretenses, for example.

 

As I'm reading here, I can see you tend to create sexual dilemmas, where there shouldn't be. This is where the bottoms fuck up.

 

You emasculate a man by testing his level of dominance. That's why I used to love hanging up on "clients" who used to get on the phone and ask, are you dominant/aggressive? I've noticed since the BL movement started, that stuff has died down, because it's racist (Not to mention unnecessary) to ask. We don't want (or need to) to be in a perpetual state of dominance and aggression.

 

Don't ask me if I'm dominant. I'm a 6ft2, 215 pound BLACK MALE. What do I have to prove? When I walk in a crowded area, people move out of my way...I don't move out of theirs. When guys bump into me at the club, they almost lose their balance and fall to the ground...while I'm holding onto my drink with grace. At the same time, I don't go around all day beating my chest and being "dominant and aggressive". I don't like feeling like I have to be "dominant" to be a top. I'm reserved, quiet at times, and can be chill...but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy fucking the shit out of someone either. I'm a top because that's what I am doing with that particular person at that period of time. I've fucked never bottomed, straight married men with kids, (the toppest of all tops), I've fucked "total tops" who have fucked me....so why the f**k would I listen to some gay guy tell me I'm not top enough, just because I may have gotten fucked out of desire once in awhile?

 

Bottoms need to not put so much pressure and expectations on their tops. There's so much more to (sex) life, than getting fucked up the butt. Like the song says:

 

[Mocha]

Not to sound somehow patronizing but I like, very very rarely actually douche.

It's all about diet, exercise, regularity and knowing your body

 

I've only had a mishap once and that was with an ex and we were drunk and he didn't want to listen..... lol

 

Interesting. But careful, I don't think that'll work for all...and I've had people feel so embarrassed because they thought they "cleaned out", until I pull out the summer's eve.

 

I douche, even though I bottom infrequently. It's good for my prostate and colon, and those cancers are prevalent. I can't just sweep off the porch, I've got to clean the gutters occasionally too. I can't just brush, without including the flossing routine.

[Nvr2Thick]

The primary reason I seek out "total" tops is because the emphasis is often necessary. Whether I'm looking for a hookup or an escort I'm very clear about my expectations for a partner who is dominant and into a one-sided session, however, it seems that a lot of guys put up a front that falls away when we meet. When I would troll Craigslist for cocksucking hookups I'd clearly state in my ad that I was looking for a non-reciprocal "trade" situation. That might be verified in back and forth e-mail, and yet often the guy I meet would want then want to jack me off or suck me too. In my 20s and 30s I had the same problem with top escorts who were far more versatile than they'd advertised or who became more interested in a reciprocal session in spite of the theme of their ads and in spite of what we'd discussed.

 

For any number of reasons some guys are less than honest about their own sexual interests and expectations.

 

First problem: trolling Craigslist. From experience, it was a buffet for Tops...not bottoms. Many bottoms to choose from.

 

I think it also comes down to being honest with oneself also. You describe what you like, but you don't mention what you're like. Why are these guys wanting to suck you off or Jack off? Were you bigger in D size, height, weight? Are you hitting up guys shorter than you, to top you? One may need a taller guy with a dick to match up to your insatiable need to bottom, while being able to equally handle your stature (speaking hypothetically of course)

 

You can't fault the system for some things. It's defaulted. If you're a 6'5, big, heavy set with a floppy tool, but advertising total bottom, and the guy who's "top" is 5'10 well...what are you going to expect?

 

I'm 5'10, 190lbs, average hung - though guys say it appears very thick. My appearance is beside the point. I'm hitting up men regardless of their age and stature. It has nothing to do with my honesty -- just theirs. You're right about Craigslist, but you're making my point. Guys see an my ad and want to hook up. They're not a match for what I say I'm looking for, but they want to play with someone. We have a bit of back and forth in e-mail where they confirm that they're into one-sided play. When they arrive they try for something different because they were looking for something different in the first place -- they just presented a false or incomplete image in order to make the connection. Also, the "take out your dick and stroke it" or "don't you want to get sucked too?" come before they even see whether I have a floppy tool or not.

 

I don't fault the system, but no, it's not a fault of my appearance that I'm very honest about my expectations and some of the guys I meet are not. The point I'm making to the OP is that guys don't use these top, total top, and versatile top labels consistently and truthfully.

 

Someone could be lying to himself about how dominant he is, or it could just be that he feels it's OK to stretch the truth in order to make contact with the client or the hookup -- he wants the business as an escort or he wants the sexual encounter as a hookup, and he's willing to do so under false pretenses, for example.

 

As I'm reading here, I can see you tend to create your own sexual dilemmas, and that maybe why you run into issues. This is where bottoms fuck up.

 

You emasculate a man by testing his level of dominance. That's why I used to love hanging up on "clients" who used to get on the phone and ask, are you dominant/aggressive? I've noticed since the Black lives movement started, that stuff has died down, because it's racist (Not to mention unnecessary) to ask.

 

What the f**k do I look like? Don't ask me if I'm dominant. I'm a 6ft2, 215 pound BLACK MALE. What the F**k do I have to prove? When I walk in a crowded area, people move out of my way...I don't move out of theirs. At the same time, I don't go around all day beating my chest and being aggressive. I don't like feeling like I have to be "dominant" to be a top. I'm a top because that's what I want to do with that particular person at that period of time. I've fucked never bottomed, straight married men with kids, (the toppest of all tops), I've fucked "total tops" who have fucked me....so how the FUCK would I listen to some gay guy tell me I'm not top enough, just because I may have gotten fucked out of desire once in awhile?

 

Bottoms need to not put so much pressure and expectations on their tops. There's so much more to (sex) life, than getting fucked up the ass. Like the song says:

 

You're reaching here. I don't emasculate anyone, and I don't test a partner's level of dominance. He sets his own expectations. If I post a Craigslist ad that says "Cocksucker looking for non-reciprocal action" or if I tell an escort "I'm a non-versatile bottom looking for a top who is aggressive and affectionate" then, no, I have not fucked up, I have not created a sexual dilemma -- I've established my expectations, allowing potential partners to match those expectations to their own or to move on. It's not a test. If a guy feels pressured to accommodate me that's on him not me.

[rvwnsd]

Pre-rant clarification:

 

Before I go on my angry rant, I want to first clarify a few things. I am not in anyway arguing against people being total Tops or Bottoms. I myself am a total Top, and I feel people shouldn’t be ashamed of what they like to do sexually. By extension, I am also not arguing against escorts advertising as total Tops are Bottoms. I definitely don’t want an escort to do anything they don’t want to do, or not be able to deliver something they can’t.

 

Angry Rant:

 

YOU GREEDY BOTTOMS ARE GETTING ON MY FUCKING NERVES RIGHT NOW! IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT THE INDUSTRY IS ALREADY GEARED TOWARDS YOU, MUST YOU FUCKING MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR EVERYONE ELSE TOO!

 

Normal Rant:

 

Okay, so as a Top I known I’m in the minority of the escort hiring market. I try my very best to accept that. Every time a sexy guy gets posted to Deli, I know not to get my hopes up because he’s probably going to end up being a total Top. If I’m lucky, he will be a Top/Verse and I can start the uncomfortable process of decoding what that really means.

 

Sometimes, I’ll mention my disappointment in someone being a top and I will get the same response. “Well I’m sure if you make a good enough offer,” someone will say, ”he maybe persuaded to go the extra mile.” Wonderful, $350 is not enough. I have to shell out more now.

 

Well today, I show a post that just pissed me the fuck off. In a discussion about one of the many guys I would kill to hire (but can’t because he advertises as only a top) a guy says he wouldn’t hire him because he bottomed in a film. Suggesting that he wasn’t a real top. Excuse me? Seriously WTF!!!! I have to go out of my fucking way to find someone who will agree to bottom, while you can just push aside someone who took it up the butt once?

 

 

You asshole! You’re the one ruining it for me. You’re the reason everyone guy has to advertise as a Top, and put “100% Top,” “Total Top” “Don’t ask me to bottom,” all over their profile. You’re the fucking reason I’m having to decode every profile I see, just to find a clue he may agree to bottom. You’re the one who makes me have to constantly ask what the hell a Verse Top is! You’re the reason I have to pay more money to do most of the fucking work! FUCK OFF YOU, AND ALL YOU GREEDY BOTTOM BITCHES! IF YOU WANT A TOTAL TOP, HIRE A GUY BORN WITHOUT A FUCKING ANUS!!!

I won't rant quite as much as you did, but gotta say it pisses me off when a "total top" sees my dick (I'm only 7.5") and decides bottoming is just a grand idea. As a bottom (who much prefers oral - it's the "mean people suck/nice people swallow thing") I don't really need a bottom.

[alexhawk]

First, I’m glad someone got what I was saying!

 

Now on to the part I’ve bolded, I can think of several escorts that have gone from verse to verse/top to just tops. I can’t speak to way each of these guys did this. However, I did message a guy who went from verse to verse/Top. I asked if he wasn’t interested in bottoming anymore, and he told me he was as versatile as he always was. He was attracting more eyes to his profile. He did eventually go back to verse.

 

Like I said, I’ve seen a lot of guys go into the direction of total top. I never seen it go the other way. But I haven’t been here for forever, maybe someone can point me to guys that have gone the other way? I really interested in learning that this has happened a few times, so if you got it, share!

 

I started marketing as vers bottom and have since changed to strictly bottom.

 

Ironically what aroused my interest in this thread was the number of clients who message me asking if I'm a rough top, my dick size, if I can top for hours, etc. Even as I read the thread I am explaining to yet another that, while there are plenty of ways for two bottoms to have a great time together, if he wants a top there are other, better choices in Vegas.

[+ quoththeraven]

We do need labels (I do), I am not arguing against that. I am arguing against the excessive attachment to labels. Again, I have learned to pay more attention to what people do rather than what people say. That does not mean I am not listening.

Thanks for that clarification, because I, for one, got the impression you were arguing the lack of necessity for labels.