Are You . . . And Why?

[Bearofdistinction]

Well after a rousing round of personal attacks after disparaging the late Closet Queen Jim Nabors (and There Have Been MANY MANY OTHERS) I ponder that in this day and age -

 

1) Are you OUT-Mom/Dad/Sis/$Aunt Martha$ and Fluffy the HamDogster know?

 

2) Are you OUT - LOUD and PROUD?

 

And if you are OUT as Either an A or a B -- WHY are you Out?

 

3) Are You IN THE CLOSET? And No One Knows (Shhhhh)never tell

 

4) Do you have a Couple of Toes out the Door and Your Sister/Cousin Sue and your Mama know --- But your 3 brothers/Daddy/Uncles/High School and Colleges Coaches etc do notKnow . . .

 

WHY Are you in the Closet? And is that where you see yourself staying and why"

Edited December 2, 2017 by Bearofdistinction

[OneFinger]

I've been totally out and open to family and friends since 1981. However, I don't see the need to be a gay icon at work. If someone asks, I certainly don't deny it. But I don't see the need to make being gay a workplace issue. And, on my current project there are at least 3 of us that are gay we often do things together / clubbing off the job. But on the job it's business and doing the job we're getting paid for.

 

And, I currently work on a highly visible $1.5B project that receives federal funding. It was a lengthy process to get me approved for this position. Having been here for 3 years I know the owner probably wouldn't have approved me if I had a visible gay presence. That's why I keep my personal internet profile very private. I know the owner and our joint venture partners did social media searches on me prior to my assignment on the project.

 

I also worked with a defense contractor and had a top secret security clearance (before and after coming out). I certainly didn't lie about my sexual orientation to get the clearances. But, again, I kept my private life out of the workplace.

 

I'm very involved in the gay community and love it. But, it's just not a workplace issue.

[Kenny]

I've been totally out and open to family and friends since 1981. However, I don't see the need to be a gay icon at work. If someone asks, I certainly don't deny it. But I don't see the need to make being gay a workplace issue. And, on my current project there are at least 3 of us that are gay we often do things together / clubbing off the job. But on the job it's business and doing the job we're getting paid for.

 

And, I currently work on a highly visible $1.5B project that receives federal funding. It was a lengthy process to get me approved for this position. Having been here for 3 years I know the owner probably wouldn't have approved me if I had a visible gay presence. That's why I keep my personal internet profile very private. I know the owner and our joint venture partners did social media searches on me prior to my assignment on the project.

 

I also worked with a defense contractor and had a top secret security clearance (before and after coming out). I certainly didn't lie about my sexual orientation to get the clearances. But, again, I kept my private life out of the workplace.

 

I'm very involved in the gay community and love it. But, it's just not a workplace issue.

Seems to me, based on your own description of the job and company, that being gay is very much a workplace issue.

 

What am I missing?

[LaffingBear]

1) Are you OUT-Mom/Dad/Sis/$Aunt Martha$ and Fluffy the HamDogster know?

 

2) Are you OUT - LOUD and PROUD?

 

And if you are OUT as Either an A or a B -- WHY are you Out? "

• I'm out. Family, friends, neighbors know.
  
• I'm out because it just became too much effort to lie, dissemble, mislead and obfuscate. Its exhausting!
   
  
• I feel no pressing need to tell everyone immediately upon meeting. I fly no flag. There's no rainbow on my bumper. So I suppose some business acquaintances don't know. But if we're friendly enough to chat, go to lunch, they know. In fact, I often have a little fun when people, getting to know me, asking questions, reach understanding. It's visible on their face, evident they want to ask "are you gay?" but are afraid. I usually smile and chuckle, saying "its ok. I have nothing to hide. You can ask."
  
• I'm not proud of being gay. I reserve pride for accomplishments; I had nothing to do with being gay. I'm not proud of being six feet tall or having brown eyes. Or size 13 feet....well ....
  
• I'm proud of the manner in which I live my life. I'm proud that I've upheld my personal commitment that I'll never ever make even the slightest effort to hide who I am. I'm proud of my lifestyle choices, and my career accomplishments; I think its important that others see that I live a quiet suburban lifestyle, have advanced through management into owning my own business. Being gay doesn't define me. Not all gays live the stereotypical lives depicted by the entertainment and other media. When its finally apparent that there are gay butchers, congressmen, executives, techies, single and partnered, thin and fat, black white & brown, quiet or outspoken, timid or faaaabulous living in cities, suburbs, towns and on farms..... maybe people will stop looking for, focusing on, and reacting to differences.
  

[+ GregM]

1) Are you OUT-Mom/Dad/Sis/$Aunt Martha$ and Fluffy the HamDogster know?

 

Yes.

 

2) Are you OUT - LOUD and PROUD?

 

Im out and proud. But in general I am not a loud person. I'm quiet. I generally observe my area and act accordingly.

 

And if you are OUT as Either an A or a B -- WHY are you Out?

 

Because I want to be true to myself. Ultimately I am the one I have to answer to at the end of the day. But I will do what I feel is on my best interest.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[OneFinger]

Seems to me, based on your own description of the job and company, that being gay is very much a workplace issue.

 

What am I missing?

My current employer seems to be gay-friendly. They provide FREE health insurance for domestic partners. And, one of my current gay co-workers has his domestic partner on our company insurance. But, my current assignment is with a joint-venture company. That means that 3 different companies have "made" a joint-venture company. Very common when dealing with a large project like my current assignment. The other 2 joint-venture partners are NOT as gay-friendly as my company. So, a low profile is important.

 

In addition, we have no control over how the customer / owner perceives gay issues. This particular owner is , IMHO, homophobic. So, keeping my gayness out of the workplace is my choice and preference. This practice has served me well for over 25 years. I'm not about to change now. Some co-workers, owners and stakeholders prefer NOT to know about my private life. So, I don't make my private life a workplace issue. I do my job and earn a very good paycheck.

[instudiocity]

Whom I choose to engage in a sexual relationship ain’t None-Ya.

 

None-Ya bidness.

 

And whom you may chose to bump genitalia ain’t none my bidness

 

Everything else is subservient to those two facts.

[MikeyGMin]

I have been completely out to all of my family and friends for more than 30 years. I came out to all of them when I met the love of my life. He was not a dirty secret that I was going to hide. I was proud of the beautiful man that I had managed to snag and was not interested in having anyone in my life who did not accept and honor our relationship. I lost a couple of friends and several family members over it, but I said good riddance!

 

I never hid him from anyone at work either, but after he died and I changed jobs, there really wasn't much to tell. I don't hide it from the people I am close with, so I assume that it is generally known, but it rarely comes up.

[Bearofdistinction]

Whom I choose to engage in a sexual relationship ain’t None-Ya.

 

None-Ya bidness.

 

And whom you may chose to bump genitalia ain’t none my bidness

 

Everything else is subservient to those two facts.

[Bearofdistinction]

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cngx_KKiWE

[Bearofdistinction]

Some Really Great Responses by those who are out and not so much from those who are in the closet! And maybe that should be expected

[instudiocity]

Some Really Great Responses by those who are out and not so much from those who are in the closet! And maybe that should be expected

I am shickled titless that you accept my point - it’s no one’s business who I’m fucking and who is too stupid to know I’m a hella of a fuck.

[Kenny]

Whom I choose to engage in a sexual relationship ain’t None-Ya.

 

None-Ya bidness.

 

And whom you may chose to bump genitalia ain’t none my bidness

 

Everything else is subservient to those two facts.

Being gay is not just about having sex. Why would you think that?

[+ purplekow]

I did not start having sex with men until I was over 50 and widowed. So now I am a man who sleeps with women and I am a man who sleeps with men. But mostly I am an old man and no one I know wants to even consider that I am having sex lest I tell them about it. I do not ask the people I know who they are sleeping with, I do not ask them about their politics and I try to treat them with courtesy and respect and I get the same in return.

And while being gay is not just about having sex, being true to oneself is not about living up to other people's ideas of how one should live one's life, in or out. Surprise Surprise Surprise, there is more than one way to be a man who sleeps with men, there is more than one way to be a sexual human being and there is certainly more than one way to be happy and proud of the way one lives one's life.

If someone wants to appoint themselves judge and jury, look somewhere else, cause hell I ain't on trial.

Edited December 3, 2017 by purplekow

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I am married to a guy and everyone was at my wedding.

[bigvalboy]

Some Really Great Responses by those who are out and not so much from those who are in the closet! And maybe that should be expected

 

Another prejudice remark, but maybe that should be expected.

[+ sniper]

I'm out socially and at work. Family I think has figured it out but nobody is going to say something until/unless I do. It's a family where nobody talks about sex and nobody meets anyone anyone is dating until there's a ring in the offing and I don't really date. The thing that might bring it "out in the open" soon is my brother is dating a woman with a college-age gay son and at some point our paths may cross.

[mike carey]

I didn't come to terms with my sexuality for a long time and being in the military I didn't try to explore it. When being gay in the defence force became legal in 1992 I wasn't in a hurry to accept or pursue who I was. Moving forward, I started exploring and engaged with some gay guys in the defence force, but then I retired. I don't have a workplace to be out (or not) in. I have come out to family members (my parents have died, and my sister is also gay) and I have joined gay social groups. I don't have an Inca flag in my front yard, literally or figuratively, and I don't advertise my sexuality. That said, I don't hide it, it just isn't a subject of conversation for the most part. Should I be more 'out there'? Probably yes, but I don't see the urgency of it (and I'm not active in the community as a 'not out' man). Typical closet case, you may well say.

[+ WilliamM]

I'm out socially and at work. Family I think has figured it out but nobody is going to say something until/unless I do

 

So funny. But all you have to do is "confide" in a few family members; everyone else will know for sure then.

[+ WilliamM]

Another prejudice remark, but maybe that should be expected.

 

Agree. Yet, I am glad he started this thread.

[+ sniper]

So funny. But all you have to do is "confide" in a few family members; everyone else will know for sure then.

 

I directly told my younger sister - the other siblings are all a bit older. She says she never brought it up to anyone else. I'm fairly confident she hasn't - I think she thinks that's my job. She also lives the farthest away. But I did run into a cousin I didn't realize was still playing rugby at a tournament where I was playing on "the gay team" and his wife was there and I'm sure all the cousins know. But again nobody is going to breathe a word about it in my presence until and unless I do.

[MikeyGMin]

So funny. But all you have to do is "confide" in a few family members; everyone else will know for sure then.

LOL Ain't it the truth! At at least with my family.

 

I officially came out -- as in having a conversation to explain that Todd and I were more than just friends -- to my mother and two sisters. That was several months before Christmas and I ended up taking him to all family Christmas events and introducing him as my partner. I don't remember seeing a look of surprise on a single face!

[LaffingBear]

While I'm out, I have been known to opine that its nobody's business what I choose to do in my bedroom. I've even said "would you ask a woman whether she prefers to be on top or bottom when she's having sex with her husband?"

 

Then a gay friend said to me

"It's not that simple. Whether you want to or not, it's also about whether you can walk down the street holding hands with another guy."

 

Much as I detest conceding in logical discussions.... he was right.

 

I cringe a little at the concept of gay lifestyle. I'm conservative in behavior, and eschew lifestyle based on any one attribute. Is there a Christian lifestyle? A Filipino lifestyle? Not cultural choices and behaviors, but a lifestyle? I refuse to comport myself in a specific manner because of society's lifestyle expectations.

 

But the ability to live however one wants - or might want - without concern for others' reactions, means that being gay is about more than what happens in the bedroom.

[Kenny]

I cringe a little at the concept of gay lifestyle.

And with good reason: The “gay lifestyle” is a political fiction created by right wing homophobes as a tool of oppression. It’s just like any stereotype.

 

It’s not uncommon for gay people to assume it’s real, partly because it is publicly debated while silence surrounds the ordinary lives of gay people. But it’s as phony as the “straight lifestyle.”

 

A primary difference between straight people and gay people: Straight people mostly don’t have to deal with homophobia.

Edited December 3, 2017 by Kenny

[Deadlift1]

Some Really Great Responses by those who are out and not so much from those who are in the closet! And maybe that should be expected

Are you ever not a passive aggressive bitch?