I'd have given different advice

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I’m a 45-year-old woman who has been dating “Ben” (53) for two years. We have known each other for more than 20. He treats me like a queen. Prior to our dating, he had a girlfriend he used to confide in me about. I was very jealous of her. She knew we were friends, so she made a point of posting lots of pictures of their PDAs on his social media, since we did not follow each other.

Fast-forward two years: Abby, I cannot stop obsessing over her! I think about her constantly and compare myself to her. I stalk her social media page. Ben has never given me a reason not to trust him, so why am I still bothered by her? YOU’RE AN IDIOT

She has moved on and is in another relationship. How can I finally quit obsessing about her and move forward? I don’t feel this way about his other exes, but for some reason, this one gets under my skin. I don’t want him to find out what I have been doing. I really need help. Any advice? GET HELP

— Insecure in Pennsylvania

Dear Insecure: In light of the fact that your boyfriend’s ex is happily in another relationship, this obsession is really a waste of your time and energy. Although you may still feel threatened, the woman is no longer your competition. Whether your issue is insecurity or lack of self-esteem, it’s time to wake up and recognize that BEN CHOSE YOU OVER HER. If you can’t accept that and relax, you may need to discuss it with a licensed psychotherapist for help to stop cyberstalking her. She may be a part of your boyfriend’s past, but please do not continue making her part of your present. IT’S PROBABLY GUILT BECAUSE YOU’RE A SLUT WHO BROKE THEM UP BY SLEEPING WITH HIM AND FEAR THAT SHE’LL DO IT RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

Dear Abby: We have three grandchildren, and we feel strongly about the importance of a college education. When the first one graduated from high school, we gave him $500 for graduation, plus an additional $1,500 to be used for college-related expenses. He had already indicated that he was enrolling in college.

When the second one graduated, we gave him a $500 graduation gift. Because he had committed to joining the Navy, we assured him that he would also receive $1,500 if and when he enrolled in college. Since then, we have been accused of not respecting his career choice, showing favoritism and other accusations too numerous to list here.

Are we ogres for wanting and encouraging our grandchildren to attend college? We’d like your opinion.

— Well-meaning in the West

Dear Well-meaning CHEAPSKATES LIVING IN THE (DISTANT) PAST: Your mistake has been not taking into consideration that your grandchildren are individuals. Your second grandson is likely to find his career path as part of his military service. One could argue that you are favoring the grandchild who is following the career path you are biased toward, and from that perspective, it does appear you are playing favorites. You may want to rethink what you are doing. Your Navy-bound grandson may have a need for that money at some point. WTF DO YOU THINK $1500 WILL BUY A COLLEGE FRESHMAN THESE DAYS?

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My mother is 90 and has been a widow for 10 years. When we moved to this city 30 years ago, my parents made friends with a group of people. In this group was a couple nobody in our family liked (Dad especially), but Mom remained friends with them. Abby, the husband is a smarmy narcissist.

A couple of weeks ago, I went into my mom’s house (not unannounced) and found my mom in bed with this man. I can’t describe the revulsion I felt. My problem is, I don’t know how complicit my mom is, or whether he has been grooming her over the years and is abusing her. That was my initial thought because he tried it with me many years ago. JEALOUS, MUCH?

Mom tried to cover up what was going on (“He was fixing the blinds”), but I can’t unsee what I saw. I don’t know if she lied because she’s complicit or afraid. How do I handle this? I haven’t spoken to Mom since, except to voice my disgust the next day.

— Disgusted Daughter in California

Dear Daughter: Resume talking to your mother. The fact that her lover came on to you years ago is the reason you are concerned about her welfare. That said, you are not the morality police; at 90, your mother deserves to have a sex life if she chooses. YOUR MOTHER IS A SLUT; GET OVER IT!

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: In high school, I had a close male friend, “Adam.” After graduation, I moved out of state. We remained friends for a while in college, calling, writing and visiting each other. He often declared his love for me, but I was interested only in a friendship. As with most high school relationships, we lost contact. Now, rereading old letters from friends, I realize there was a constant theme that we were perfect for each other and I should give him a chance.

Fast-forward 20 years: My husband and I went back for a high school reunion and I met Adam’s wife. We all went out to dinner and had a very nice time. Adam and I exchanged phone numbers, agreed to stay in touch and we actually did. For eight years, we have been texting and staying in touch.

Our marriages have deteriorated and we complain about our spouses, but also have real conversations and have grown very close. Three months ago, we met halfway between our two cities and began an affair. We now meet once or twice a month and spend the day in bed. We call each other once a day and text constantly. He even came to my city with his best friend who knows about us.

I’m falling in love with Adam. He says he’s unhappy and thinks about separating from his wife. I’d leave my husband for him and move to his state because his children are younger. He hasn’t made any promises about the future, but he constantly tells me how his wife yells at and belittles him. I think we could be very good together. How can I convince him we deserve this chance? — High School Sweetheart

Dear Sweetheart WHORE: While you are willing to leave your husband, Adam’s situation is more complicated. There are younger children involved and, as verbally abusive as his wife may be, he may not wish to disrupt their lives. Divorces are painful, messy and expensive.

I think it would be in your best interests to lay your cards on the table and ask Adam what his plans are regarding his wife and his children and where you fit in. Then cross your fingers and pray he is honest with you because the odds are NOT in your favor. (Just sayin’.) WHY WOULD ADAM BUY THE COW WHEN HE CAN GET YOUR CHEAP MILK FOR FREE?

[samhexum]

I’m in a managerial position, and as a result I get swamped with e-mail, even when I’m home or on vacation. The pressure to demonstrate my commitment to my job while at the same time making time for myself is getting me down. What can I do?

Everyone needs to unplug sometimes.

While technology has made it easier for us to be flexible about where and how we work, it’s harder to draw the line on when we work.

The blurred line between personal and professional time has added to the increased stress most of us are feeling.

If you hold an important position you must lead by example.

Unplug, recharge and show your team and colleagues it’s OK to do so.

Unless it’s a bona fide emergency, the company will survive.  QUIT

None of us are that important.  SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, ASSHOLE!

 

I caught a colleague stealing office supplies. What do I do?

Employee theft costs companies billions of dollars a year.

Think about how many more people could be hired with that money — or how many fewer people could be laid off — plus bigger raises, promotions, investment in the company to make it more successful, and so on.

Tell your colleague to stop, or contact the alert line and make an anonymous complaint.

It’s not OK.  TELL HER TO TAKE THE XEROX MACHINE OUT OF HER PURSE.

 

My boss informed me that I have to change my plans this holiday weekend and come into work. The cancellations of my plans will not only affect my family but will cost me thousands of dollars in cancellation fees. Can I decline, or at least ask my company to pay for my costs?

You can QUIT explain to your boss the situation.

Some jobs and executive positions require last-minute changes in schedules — it just comes with the profession and you know that going into it.

That doesn’t mean it must cause an undue burden on you, though.

If you are required to go in and don’t, you could lose your job.

What you don’t have to do is lose money.

At the very least your employer should cover your costs for the inconvenience.

Edited July 2, 2023 by samhexum
because he's bored as hell

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I had my daughter later in life. I was almost 41. I am no beauty queen, but now, 12 years later, I have been asked by two different people if I am my daughter’s grandmother. It was so upsetting, I cried for weeks. I have always been self-conscious about my looks.

My daughter is now going to be a teenager. I don’t want her future high school friends thinking I am her grandma, so I’ve been contemplating plastic surgery. My family insists I don’t need it. They’re calling me vain, foolish, selfish, etc. My husband is discouraging me because of the cost. (He’s pretty frugal.)

Would it be selfish if it will make me feel better about myself? In the meantime, how do I handle any more “grandma” comments without punching someone in the nose? — Not That Old in Florida

Dear Not That Old OLD BIDDY: In case you haven’t noticed, an increasing number of women are having children in their 40s (and a few even older). If you are contemplating cosmetic surgery only because you have a young child, a cheaper and more effective way to deal with it would be to simply tell the truth, which is that she’s your daughter.

While cosmetic surgery can make someone more confident about their looks, it is not the case for everyone. Your family should not be ridiculing you for wanting to explore the option. A licensed mental health professional can help you decide whether you need a surgical procedure or an attitude adjustment. If it’s the former, schedule an appointment with a qualified surgeon to discuss your options.

Blanche : You know, Sophia… This birthday thing kinda has me depressed as well. You think you could help me, too?

Sophia Petrillo : Sure. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: you’re old, you sag, get over it!

Blanche : [angrily] Sophia?

Sophia Petrillo : So what if you knew Jesus personally? Wake up and smell the coffee, ya fossil!

Blanche : My mistake; I thought since you look like Yoda, you were also wise.

[walks off]

Edited September 1, 2023 by samhexum
for absolutely NO @%!*ING reason at all!

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: Ever since we first began dating, I told my wife I never wanted to own a dog. She seemed to be OK with it, but over the last 10 years, she has put intense pressure on me to get one. She now says she “doesn’t remember” our original conversation and says she never would have agreed to it.

She works, and I stay at home with the kids, so it would be my responsibility to take care of the pet, which I refuse to do. I feel physically sick around dogs, but because I don’t actively sneeze around them, she thinks I’m making up my sensitivity.

She is now rallying the kids against me. We live a transient lifestyle that would force us to kennel the dog for one to three months a year, which would cost money we don’t have. I’m tired of this conversation, and tired of feeling like I’m “ruining her life.” What should I do? — Dogless in Oklahoma

Dear Dogless: Since you are outvoted, ask your doctor to refer you to an allergist, a physician whose practice involves the diagnosis and treatment of allergies, because there are solutions to the problem.

Once that’s dealt with, INSIST before adopting a dog that YOUR CHILDREN be responsible for feeding, walking and training the animal — with penalties if they don’t. The responsibility will teach them lessons that will prove valuable when they are older.

As to what to do with the new family member during the time you’re traveling, either find pet-friendly places to stay or make it your wife’s task to find a boarding situation for “her” dog that won’t break the bank. STICK YOUR WIFE & KIDS IN A KENNEL AND LEAD A SINGLE LIFE… IT’LL BE CHEAPER & MUCH LESS STRESSFUL.

 

[+ WilliamM]

11 hours ago, samhexum said:

Dear Abby: Ever since we first began dating, I told my wife I never wanted to own a dog. She seemed to be OK with it, but over the last 10 years, she has put intense pressure on me to get one. She now says she “doesn’t remember” our original conversation and says she never would have agreed to it.

She works, and I stay at home with the kids, so it would be my responsibility to take care of the pet, which I refuse to do. I feel physically sick around dogs, but because I don’t actively sneeze around them, she thinks I’m making up my sensitivity.

She is now rallying the kids against me. We live a transient lifestyle that would force us to kennel the dog for one to three months a year, which would cost money we don’t have. I’m tired of this conversation, and tired of feeling like I’m “ruining her life.” What should I do? — Dogless in Oklahoma

Dear Dogless: Since you are outvoted, ask your doctor to refer you to an allergist, a physician whose practice involves the diagnosis and treatment of allergies, because there are solutions to the problem.

Once that’s dealt with, INSIST before adopting a dog that YOUR CHILDREN be responsible for feeding, walking and training the animal — with penalties if they don’t. The responsibility will teach them lessons that will prove valuable when they are older.

As to what to do with the new family member during the time you’re traveling, either find pet-friendly places to stay or make it your wife’s task to find a boarding situation for “her” dog that won’t break the bank. STICK YOUR WIFE & KIDS IN A KENNEL AND LEAD A SINGLE LIFE… IT’LL BE CHEAPER & MUCH LESS STRESSFUL.

 

Monroe died in the Summer of 1962 when I was a college freshman try to be  more current 

O

[Guest]

I know of a wonderful healer, who could have just as well been an ethicist.... @purplekow

[samhexum]

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 30 years. Recently, she shared details of two infidelities that she had with other men.

The first was with an individual on the staff of our church who held himself out to be my friend. My wife says it was an unprovoked attack, where he forced himself upon her. But when I asked why she didn’t resist or fight him off, she said she didn’t know and that maybe, deep down, she wanted it to happen. The second was someone she met at a bar and had developed a relationship with. When I was away on business trips, she stayed with him overnight on four occasions.

She tells me these things happened more than 20 years ago and she’s been faithful since, but to put it bluntly, I am devastated and unconvinced that that’s the entire story. I believed my wife to be faithful during our marriage.

I guess I was naive because, over the years, she was jealous and accused me of something nefarious if I even looked at a woman, although I never strayed. Now I’m doubting everything. Did we live a fictional life? Were we ever truly happy? How can I believe that she’s been faithful since?

The fact of the matter is I DON’T BELIEVE HER. I still love her, but every time I look at her, I think about what she told me, and I’m having a hard time coping with this information. I don’t think I will ever get over this. What should I do? — Doesn’t Believe Her in Florida

Dear Doesn’t Believe: I can feel your pain, and for that, you have my sympathy. You may need the help of a marriage and family counselor to figure out the answers to the questions you are asking yourself. Once you have started on that path, ask your wife to join you. Solid marriages are built on trust. Only if that can be reestablished will your marriage be healed. 

GET THE HELL OUT OF FLORIDA AND LEAVE THE TRAMP THERE. THAT WOULD BE A WORTHY PUNISHMENT FOR THE SLUT.

 

Dear Abby: Three months ago, I lost my dear, loving wife (the best part of me) to cancer, COVID-19, pneumonia and heart problems. JEEZ, COLULDN’T SHE MAKE UP HER MIND AND PICK ONE?

We had a great marriage, not perfect, but the happiest times of our lives. In disbelief, carrying a burden of grief, sorrow and pain, I am lonely and alone, but it is getting lighter with each passing day. I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my remaining time this way.

We were together 40 years, rearing a blended family of four children. Then, seven grandchildren and four great-grandchildren came along. How long should I wait before considering looking around, dating and searching for someone to share my life with? I am being bombarded with interest from women I do not know, which I did not expect. — Alone in Alabama

Dear Alone: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Your loneliness, pain and vulnerability are palpable. This is why, when you start dipping your toe into the dating pool, it’s important to take your time and not rush into any “quickie” entanglements. Realize that as a senior widower, you are now a hot commodity. You will meet many women as the weeks go on. There’s a good reason why folks are advised not to make any serious decisions for a year after a loss such as the one you have experienced. Take your time and avoid jumping into any serious commitments in the coming months. HORNY MUCH?

Edited November 24, 2023 by samhexum
for absolutely NO @%!*ING reason at all!

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I’m 20, and I recently moved into an apartment with my 19-year-old sister. I thought it would be a great idea because we’d get to see each other more often and we’d be more comfortable living together than with strangers. Recently, however, she has gotten a new boyfriend she brings over all the time.

I don’t like people. WHO DOES? IN YOUR CASE, I’M SURE THE FEELING’S MUTUAL
Having him in my home makes me feel threatened for some reason I can’t figure out, especially since he hasn’t done anything. MAYBE YOU’RE SEVERELY DISTURBED I acknowledge that fact, and I try not to be nasty to him because of it. The problem is, he comes over during the day, and my sister also has him sneak out of his parents’ house at 2 a.m. so he can sleep here with her.

This happens almost every night, and I’m usually awake and hear them. I have told my sister I don’t like it and asked her not to do those things when I’m home, but she won’t listen. She gets upset and defensive and tries to take the blame off of herself by saying there’s nothing else they can do since I am always home.

I go to work and school most days, but at night there’s nowhere for me to be but in my bed. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to put up with this anymore, but I can’t decide if I’m making it worse like she says. I’m thinking about moving out and finding her a new roommate, but I don’t want to offend her because I like being able to see her. What should I do? — Troubled Sister in Idaho

Dear Sister: Face it: Your idea of living with your sister was a dud. Your sister is immature and unwilling to compromise A SLUT. If she wants a future with this boyfriend, encouraging him to sneak out of his parents’ home to sleep with her won’t endear her to them when they catch on, which they will eventually SHE SHOULD JUST GET PREGNANT.

It should not offend her if you explain calmly that your lifestyles are polar opposites SHE IS A SLUT, so you will be finding another place to live. Offering to help her find another roommate would be generous and should not offend her, but that responsibility should be hers.

Dear Abby: My husband never wears his wedding ring. In fact, he wears jewelry only when going out. I’ve brought this to his attention many times over the years. Most recently, I noticed he donned all his “going-out jewelry” with another ring on his right ring finger. It’s as if he consciously chose to wear all the jewelry except the wedding ring.

I have noticed this many times and have questioned it. His answer is always, “I can’t wear it with what I do for a living.” Abby, he works in an office by day and drives a boat in his spare time. Please help me clarify this. — Incomprehensible in New Jersey

Dear Incomprehensible: I’ll try. If I had to guess, this is happening because your husband doesn’t want to be easily recognized as married REMINDED HE IS MARRIED TO AN INSECURE NAG.

Edited November 25, 2023 by samhexum
for shits and giggles

[+ WilliamM]

I suggest you  tone down your criticism. Nobody is perfect 

[+ nycman]

38 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

I suggest you  tone down your criticism. Nobody is perfect 

 

because sometimes the cute little eye roll emoji…just isn’t enough.

[samhexum]

50 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

I suggest you  tone down your criticism. 

Now what fun would that be?

[Guest]

Dear samhexum: You offer the very best advice!

[samhexum]

On 11/25/2023 at 11:49 AM, Km411 said:

Dear samhexum: You offer the very best advice!

Dear Abby: I overheard my adult child speak to his significant other in a way I have heard only one other time. My child was not raised that way. My spouse and our children lived in what I thought was a traditional upbringing. I was shocked the first time and calmly expressed that speaking to another person with those words was disrespectful. I chalked it up to being young and not being mindful of other people’s feelings.

Once again, although I was not attempting to eavesdrop, I heard the same language. I expressed that I was disappointed, embarrassed and ashamed of that language directed at another person. I suggested therapy to deal with this, but it scares me to think I don’t know my own child and they are capable of such behavior. Is it possible I raised a Jekyll and Hyde or a young adult with no sense of pride or manners? — Not My Child

Dear Not My Child: It is possible that you raised an adult child who has trouble controlling their temper and forgets that vulgarity and disrespect lessen the target’s respect for the invective-thrower. Therapy might help if your child is open to it, but having suggested it, the time has come for you to step out of this unfortunate scenario. (The exception would be if you are afraid the verbal abuse could escalate.) WHAT THE @%! IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU *@%!ING EAVESDROPPING &#$!%? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS MOTHER@%!ING THERAPY.

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I were excited to go on an $11,000 Caribbean cruise. His 22-year-old son was not that enthusiastic. We invited him to join us for dinner, shows or to play games, but the majority of the time he refused. The only time he’d join us was for events that were paid for in advance.

He called his mom, grandmother and girlfriend every night, but not once did he call his father’s mother. To me, it seems like he’s not interested in his father, grandma or me. The moment we arrived home from vacation, he bolted out the door to meet his girlfriend and slept at his mom’s house. What can I do to bring this family together? — Social Disaster

Dear Social Disaster: Although at 22 your boyfriend’s son is legally an adult, he didn’t act like one on that trip. In fact, he demonstrated that he was uninterested and didn’t want to interact with his father or with you. It is nice of you to want to bring him and his dad closer, but it’s time for you to step back and let them work it out. Nothing you can do will fix this. WHAT A SHOCK! A 22 YEAR OLD DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS DAD (who is probably trying to buy his love with an $11,000 cruise after letting the Mom’s side of the family raise him) & HIS GIRLFRIEND!

Dear Abby: Three days before my daughter “Ginger’s” wedding, her fiance called to announce that he could not marry her because she’s bisexual. It’s something he knew about for a year but waited until three days before the wedding to mention.

Needless to say, my husband and I were shocked, embarrassed and devastated. We had gone to a wedding with Ginger and her fiance the Saturday before her wedding date, and they were excited about their own wedding, talking about the home they were building and about having a baby. By the following Wednesday, it was over! She has reimbursed us for half of our expenses for the wedding.

Ginger has since been involved mostly with women who have stolen from her, treated her badly and lied to her. We no longer trust our daughter because we thought she was happily engaged, but she lied when she told us how happy she was and how great she and her fiance got along. We cannot accept the current situation, and our relationship with her is now very strained.

We told her to live her life but not to bring these women around. Since then, she has chosen to stay away. We miss our daughter but are not willing to accept this behavior. We don’t think Ginger is even trying to gain back our trust. Please give us your best advice. — Lost in Louisiana

Dear Lost: Has it occurred to you that your daughter may be a lesbian who tried to appease you and her father by claiming to be bisexual? It is a blessing to all concerned that the wedding was canceled. IS JUST AN IDIOT?

If you’re a regular reader of my column, you surely must be aware that some women have dysfunctional “manpickers.” In your daughter’s case, she’s having the same problem choosing her female partners. Rejecting her because you don’t want “those women” around is not the solution to her problem HER CHOICES WOULD BE LOSERS REGARDLESS OF THEIR SEX.

Instead, suggest she seek counseling at the nearest LGBTQ community center so she won’t continue seeking love in all the wrong places BUY A PET ROCK AND ENTER A NUNNERY.

 

Edited December 6, 2023 by samhexum
for absolutely NO @%!*ING reason at all!

[samhexum]

I worked with a career coach who gave me guidance about asking for a raise and promotion. It was bad advice, and I was fired. Can I sue the coaching firm?

Wow — that must have been spectacularly bad advice. What did you do, threaten the boss? Pretend you had another offer to get a counter? Blackmail the boss? Any of those typical best practices?

I can’t imagine what the advice is that got you fired, but I think you would be hard-pressed to prevail, particularly because if the advice was egregious, it reflects poorly on you for following it. Even the worst career coaches aren’t that bad, so it sounds like there was a serious disconnect between you and the company about your level of performance.

Ask for clarity from your employer as to why you lost your job so that you can learn from it. SHOULD CHECK YOUR DEODORANT TO SEE IF IT’S WORKING, AND IF IT IS, ASSUME YOU HAVE A HORRIBLE PERSONALITY AND REPUTATION.

I need advice for my daughter, who is a recent master’s graduate in marketing. She’s interested in pursuing a career with Norwegian Cruise Line, specifically on one of their ships, since it has the same name as her. What and how do you suggest she get in touch with the right person to communicate her interest in wanting to work for that specific ship? And suggestions on how she should compose an email to them to get her exact point across?

Hi, mom. I get it. I have children, and we desperately want to help them. Sometimes, our desire to help actually hurts them despite our best intentions. It would have been better for you to steer your daughter in my direction, so she could ask for my advice directly. Just don’t reach out to an employer on your daughter’s behalf. She shouldn’t communicate her interest in working on a specific ship — particularly if only for the reason that she and the ship have the same name.

She should apply to jobs within the company that she’s qualified for and explain what it is about the company and cruise industry that appeals to her (other than her name). Once she’s inside and proven herself, then she can explore transferring based on the company’s internal policy. THANK GOD NONE OF THEM ARE MORONS LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THROWING AWAY HER COLLEGE TUITION.

Gregory Giangrande has over 25 years of experience as a chief human resources executive. Hear Greg Wed. at 9:35 a.m. on iHeartRadio 710 WOR with Len Berman and Michael Riedel. Email: [email protected]. Follow: GoToGreg.com and on Twitter: @GregGiangrande

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 18 years, so I know his family well. His mother and I have a cordial, but not warm, relationship that’s sometimes a lot of work. She has always been hard to shop for, but the last two times I’ve given her gifts (at Christmas and her last birthday), instead of a thank-you card, she actually returned the gifts with a note saying she’d never use them.

Now I’m not sure what to do. It’s obvious we have different tastes. When I ask her what she’d like, she demurs and says something like, “I’m sure you’ll choose something nice.” If I don’t send her a gift, it’s sure to be taken as a rebuff. What are my other options? (For what it’s worth, my husband has been no help here and considers gifts to be wholly my territory.) — Clueless in Ohio

Dear Clueless: It is a HUGE breach of etiquette to return gifts the way your mother-in-law has done. Now, if you must give her something, you are free to ask her what she COULD use. (Might she like a gift card from her favorite store?) KILL THE BITCH! (an oldie, but a goodie!)

Dear Abby: I’m a paramedic. My wife constantly asks me to pick up additional 12-hour shifts so we have more money coming in, but says she can’t do any more overtime at her job. She says she does so much work around the house that it makes us even.

She takes vacation time to go to theme parks and out with her friends while expecting me to save my time off and use it only when I can go with her. I don’t think this is fair. How do I address this without starting a fight? — Tired in the East

Dear Tired: I agree that what your wife is doing isn’t fair. As to how to address it without starting a fight, a “fight” may be what you need to clear the air and work out your budget. A paramedic should not be working when they are exhausted. They need their wits about them, which may present a problem if they are not 100%. KILL THE BITCH! (an oldie, but a goodie!)

Dear Abby: For years, my sister has been planning to retire and move in with my husband and me. She lives out of state, so this is a major move for her. It was never a problem — until now. She is a strong anti-vax advocate and refuses to get vaccinated for COVID. My husband said she can’t move in with us unless she is. How can I tell her diplomatically that she’s no longer welcome to live with us? This is really upsetting for me, and I would appreciate your advice. — Distraught in Michigan

Dear Distraught: Whether to get vaccinated is a personal choice. You have made yours, and she has made hers. Quit being “diplomatic,” and don’t debate this with her. TELL her the terms under which she is welcome to move in. If she cannot meet those terms, she will have to make other living arrangements. PERIOD. KILL THE BITCH! (an oldie, but a goodie!)

[samhexum]

May I suggest that they may not be able to READ that instruction...

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I have been seeing the same man for a year and a half. In the beginning, we were, basically, friends with benefits, and we were OK with that. Having both gone through recent breakups or divorce, neither of us wanted anything serious. However, after six months passed, I started falling for him. He always made clear that if he didn’t want to go down that road, we would break ties, but the way he acted indicated that maybe one day there would be more.

After eight months, we found out I was two months pregnant. Our baby changed how we both felt about a relationship, but we had things we needed to work through before going down that road. I started therapy — not for him, but because I knew I needed it for myself and, ultimately, our daughter.

We moved in together five months ago. Being together with our daughter has been wonderful. It has made me fall even more in love with him. When I recently told him I want to officially be his lady, he said there are still a few things he wants me to work on — not personality changes, but things like the fact that I’m pushy. I recognize I can be that way, and impatient too, but I feel I wouldn’t be so pushy if he gave me more definitive answers. What do you think about this? — Ready for a Real Relationship

Dear Ready PUSHY BROAD: I applaud you for seeing a therapist to work through your issues. Now I think the time has come for you and this man to seek couples counseling to determine whether you can iron out your differences. I am not sure whether you two were really on the same page from the beginning of this relationship. Counseling should help you decide how to move forward now that there is a child involved, because you WILL be co-parenting for a long time, regardless of the direction your relationship takes. HE CAN DEAL WITH HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN WHO IS ‘pushy… and impatient too, but feel[s] I wouldn’t be so pushy if he gave me more definitive answers’ AND THINKS IT’S HIS FAULT HER PERSONALITY FLAWS ARE MAKING HIM HESITANT.

Dear Abby: My husband and I own a parrot we take with us pretty much everywhere. He draws a lot of attention and questions from strangers, which I’m usually happy to answer.

You might be surprised at how many people own or have owned birds, and many of them love to share their stories about how their parrot or parakeet died. (It’s often from neglect or improper care or breeding.) These stories are often related in a jovial way, as if they should be amusing or relatable. It really upsets me to have to stand there nodding with fake amusement or sympathy. I am tempted to say something snarky, but I refrain.

I love birds, and I don’t like being reminded how disposably they are treated. People don’t tend to share graphic stories about dead dogs, cats or children in public. It makes me sad to hear about their dead birds every time I go outside to enrich my own pet’s life. What can I say to stop this unwanted and depressing storytelling before it gets started? — Bird Lover in North Carolina

Dear Bird Lover: Try being honest and telling these people that hearing about their experience makes you sad, and why ANNOYING SOMEBODY PSYCHOTIC ENOUGH TO TAKE A BIRD WITH THEM EVERYWHERE IS A STUPID THING TO DO. That should shut ’em up.

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Dear Abby: Our son “Ted” met a young lady, “Gina,” who I really like. She told him she had polycystic ovary syndrome and would have a hard time conceiving. Well, she got pregnant and they ended up, spur of the moment, going to the courthouse to get married.

When Gina went into labor, we drove three hours to be with them and stayed in a hotel, only to be told she didn’t want company. She’d had a horrible three-day labor that ended with a C-section. I sort of understand her not wanting to see anybody, but we dropped everything and weren’t able to even see our grandchild.

My husband, “Peter,” has a lot of resentment toward Gina and Ted. My problem is, when Peter and I married, I was three months pregnant. He has it stuck in his head that Gina “trapped” Ted into getting married. When Peter and I went through a rough patch, he made that comment about us a couple times.

When Ted and Gina come here, which isn’t often, my husband makes no effort to get to know Gina, only to judge her. I try to text or FaceTime them every week or so to check in. I work the night shift, so I sleep during the day and am back up when they are asleep. How can I help my husband to see that they really do love each other and to help make Gina part of the family? — Torn Mother-in-Law

Dear Torn: It appears your husband still has some unresolved issues regarding the circumstances of your marriage that he has projected onto your daughter-in-law. Point out to him that this hasn’t escaped your notice, and suggest that if he wants anything resembling a healthy relationship with his son, Gina, that baby AND YOU, he must start talking with a licensed therapist. It may also require some sessions with a counselor who specializes in family therapy, if Ted and Gina are willing. Cross your fingers. If your husband won’t agree to it, go without him. TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE A SCHEMING TRAMP, IT DOESN’T MEAN GINA IS ONE, TOO. AND REMIND HIM THAT IF HE HAD WORN A CONDOM, NONE OF THIS WOULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED.

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Dear Abby: Three months ago, my husband of 30 years came home from work, told me he wasn’t happy anymore and said he wanted a divorce. He announced he was moving in with his brother until he could find a place. Six days later, I found out he’d moved in with a woman he’d been seeing for a few months.

I am devastated. He flaunts his new heifer all around town, forcing her on our granddaughters and rubbing her in my face. My divorce has been filed on the grounds of adultery. I can’t believe he dragged my adult children into the middle of this and made them lie to me.

I have been trying to let go, but how do you let go of someone who gave you so much to remember? I’m still very much in love with him. After such a long marriage, must I just let it end like this? — Dumbfounded in Tennessee

Dear Dumbfounded: I suppose you could talk to your lawyer and try to drag out the divorce, hoping your husband will “come to his senses.” But at some point, you will have to admit to yourself that the man you married isn’t the person you thought he was.

You have every right to feel pain and anger, but your time and money would be better spent in the office of a licensed mental health professional. That your adult children went along with keeping you in the dark is shameful. It will take time to work through this, and the sooner you start, the better. YES

Dear Abby: I moved to a rural area a couple of years ago and was surprised at how friendly my neighbors were. They seemed eager to help at first. I got sick and had to spend a few days in the hospital. I asked the couple to please feed and water my pets until I could come home. They did, but they also made a copy of my house keys, entered my home after I returned to work and stole several thousand dollars’ worth of stuff from me.

I am hurt and very angry over this. The police said I have to show receipts to prove ownership of the things that were taken. But most of it I have owned for years, and I no longer have the receipts.

I’m going to confront this couple, but how do I get over what they did? I can’t believe how trashy and low-class they are. They both have jobs. I live alone on one salary. A lot of the things they stole I had to save up to pay for. They are nothing more than liars and thieves. What do you suggest? — Victimized in Oklahoma

Dear Victimized: Please accept my sympathy. You trusted your neighbors, and they took advantage. But the horse is out of the barn. Change the locks on your house if you haven’t already done it. Install security cameras linked to your cellphone so you have a record of who enters your property when you are out. Photograph and list the serial numbers on your valuable items and store it away from home. (A safety deposit box would be a safe place.) And insure any items of value so you are protected in case it happens again. KILL THE BASTARDS!

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• Dear Abby: My girlfriend is the loveliest, smartest, most compassionate and supportive person I know. We have been together for a year and a half. When we first met, we hung out a few times. When I told her my feelings toward her, she responded that she was in an open relationship, so I backed away.

  Months later, we met up again. I helped her with a carpentry project, and she said she was done with the open relationship stuff and wanted a monogamous relationship. I agreed. We have a caring, supportive relationship that means the world to me.

  Multiple ex-boyfriends call her and want to hang out, and she wants that, too. What bothers me is worrying the exes’ intentions may not be good, yet she feeds into it and tells me I need to trust her. I struggle with jealousy, anger and distrust when this happens, and I have shared those feelings with her, but she can’t let these folks move on. She says I’m stealing her freedom and controlling her by asking her to ignore them. This is the biggest problem in our relationship, but everything else is great. Are my emotions wrong? — Insecure in New Hampshire

  Dear Insecure: Your emotions are not “wrong.” Your emotions are your emotions. Sometimes there is sacrifice involved when we form new relationships. Your girlfriend may have many fine qualities, but if she can’t understand that you feel these former lovers are a threat to your relationship, rather than attempt to “control her,” realize she isn’t the girl for you. IS A THOUGHTLESS, SELFISH, INSECURE SLUT. Sorry!

  Dear Abby: I have developed several serious health conditions that won’t get better. I am at high risk for respiratory illnesses. Even a common cold can have a serious impact on my life. My family just doesn’t get it. My husband does not understand my situation and my needs. His social life puts me at risk, yet he continues to attend large gatherings and events such as concerts. I have had COVID twice, and avoiding hospitalization is crucial. I’m currently on oxygen and will be until I die.

  There are places I would like to visit, and things I would like to do while I still can. But my husband balks, especially if his plans need to be changed. I can’t do these things or travel without assistance. I NEED him now. With every “not now” and “we will see,” I grow increasingly frustrated and depressed. What can I do? — Bucket List in Kansas

  Dear Bucket List: Recognize the person you married is selfish and self-centered. “Not now” and “we will see” mean NO. (What a guy!) His refusal should not mean you mustn’t enjoy the activities you dream about. You may, however, have to become creative and arrange for someone other than your husband to accompany you. He may not like it, but please consider it. KILL THE BASTARD, COLLECT THE INSURANCE $, AND HIRE SOMEBODY YOUNG, STRONG, HEALTHY, & HOT TO ACCOMPANY YOU (& do other things for and to you) ON YOUR BUCKET LIST EXCURSIONS.

 

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Dear Abby: My grandmother and I have lived together for the past 22 years. She raised me from the age of 3. We used to be best friends. However, over the last few years, things have changed. We don’t agree on a lot, and we have very different opinions on almost everything. We argue and fight with name-calling, threats and a lot of disrespect.

I have suggested we go to counseling a couple of times, but she’s never shown any interest. I know I have an anger problem, which I take full responsibility for. I also know the best thing to do in these situations is probably to turn around and walk away, but sometimes she pushes my buttons and I can’t help but fight back.

I understand this is a problem that needs to be fixed, and I want to, but I don’t know how to start. I know you’ve written a booklet about anger. What can I do short of moving out? — Out of Control in Colorado

Dear Out of Control: By admitting you have an anger problem, you have already taken a significant first step in dealing with it. You and your grandmother aren’t the only people experiencing heightened emotions these days. We live in increasingly stressful times that have affected most of us in one way or another.

Because you are now an adult, the nature of your relationship with your grandmother may have changed. As adults, you are entitled to your own opinions. However, reasonable adults don’t try to inflict their opinions on the people they love.

Recognizing what causes these flare-ups can help you avoid taking anger out on each other. It takes self-control and maturity to react calmly instead of exploding. Saying, “We both feel strongly about this. Can we discuss this another time?” and then going for a walk can help to maintain a calmer perspective.

My Anger Booklet contains many suggestions for managing and expressing anger appropriately in various situations. This is a skill that will prove increasingly important as you grow older. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

We live in a time in our society when anger and divisiveness have reached new heights. As we have seen in the media, explosive anger is the most dangerous of all. Perhaps anger management should be taught in schools to help people more effectively communicate in a healthy manner. IGNORE MY BLATANT CASH-GRAB, KILL THE BITCH, AND SAVE YOURSELF A FEW BUCKS.

Dear Abby: I have been dating this girl for eight months. She tells me she and her ex-boyfriend remain good friends, and that he is her best friend. She sees him regularly and says she has gotten over him. I plan to marry her, but she wants to invite him to our wedding. The ex gives my girlfriend money. She says no sex is involved. Should I drop her over this? — Alarmed in Texas

Dear Alarmed: Probably, because accepting money from her ex-boyfriend indicates she is not independent of him A WHORE.