Too straight looking to hook up with hot guys?

[N13]

You are jaded. You know what small problems are? Other people's problems.

 

Huh?

[+ Gar1eth]

Huh?

 

@purplekow means that it's easy to consider other people's problems that you don't have as not very important or minor.

 

At least that's my take on what @purplekow meant. If I'm wrong, I ask his pardon.

 

Gman

[Deadlift1]

Thanks for ur honesty kazoo.

[rustyrex]

LIke so many things, it's a numbers game. You have to realize that and relax and start playing the numbers game. It's easy to obsess and think you need to get THAT guy who you're hot for but who doesn't seem to appreciate what a catch you are. Truthfully, you don't need THAT guy. You were fine without him. So, forget about him and move on to the next one. Every once in a while, it will work, but it never works as well as you think it should. This is what the Buddhists call the reality of human suffering. Life is never quite what you think it should be.

 

Life is so much easier when expectations are put into perspective. I used to feel because I work out that I could have the muscular guy with no problems, the fact is after years of being in the gym and watching them I realize the only thing I want from a guy like that is sex. Honestly I started giving other types of guys a chance and the sex is fucking amazing. I never knew the regular guy could make me scream like a chick. Don't get me wrong....muscle guys are beautiful to look at but I've been with some body builders who weren't so good in the sac and mostly interested in themselves. I've had men that were way older than me or way heavier than me give me something to long for in the middle of the night. Plus regular guys treat you way better. They tell me, your hot...I'd never thought you'd go for me.... I tell them I'm just being me, there is no mystery, no bullshit, and if we click we can have an amazing thing together. Then they slap my ass and tell me they want another round.

[bigvalboy]

http://pdrutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lost-in-maze-400x245.jpg

[Bertster]

I have women of different backgrounds hitting on me all the time for example.

 

 

Straight women can be a different kettle of fish altogether - I know most of the hotter chicks that I went to school with, ended up settling with guys that they wouldn't even have allowed to have approached them in bars a few years before that, because their looming biological clock causes them to ditch their previous standards, and look for someone who is a realiable provider so they can raise kids with them.

[Kevin Slater]

Straight women can be a different kettle of fish altogether.

 

Straight women. Fish. Huh huh, huh huh.

 

Kevin Slater

[Walker1]

OP, why don't you hire to ease yourself into the pool.

[+ quoththeraven]

Life is so much easier when expectations are put into perspective. I used to feel because I work out that I could have the muscular guy with no problems, the fact is after years of being in the gym and watching them I realize the only thing I want from a guy like that is sex. Honestly I started giving other types of guys a chance and the sex is fucking amazing. I never knew the regular guy could make me scream like a chick. Don't get me wrong....muscle guys are beautiful to look at but I've been with some body builders who weren't so good in the sac and mostly interested in themselves. I've had men that were way older than me or way heavier than me give me something to long for in the middle of the night. Plus regular guys treat you way better. They tell me, your hot...I'd never thought you'd go for me.... I tell them I'm just being me, there is no mystery, no bullshit, and if we click we can have an amazing thing together. Then they slap my ass and tell me they want another round.

This is exactly what I'm getting at. If what you want is great sex, focusing only on the best looking guys is using the wrong criterion.

 

Not saying that no one who's good-looking is good in the sack, just that those aren't even close to the same thing. And if your dick doesn't applaud the idea of looking for great sex, something's wrong.

[+ quoththeraven]

Straight women can be a different kettle of fish altogether - I know most of the hotter chicks that I went to school with, ended up settling with guys that they wouldn't even have allowed to have approached them in bars a few years before that, because their looming biological clock causes them to ditch their previous standards, and look for someone who is a realiable provider so they can raise kids with them.

Except were they ever looking for more than instant gratification with those guys? In which case marrying someone who is a reliable provider (possibly they see it as "someone responsible who has ambitions") isn't settling.

 

There's also the question whether the idea of men having to be reliable providers to be marriageable or to start a family with could go away. (It hasn't to any extent yet.) Maybe, maybe not. The following article touches on that and other things as well, including why (according to one terrible researcher) lesbians shouldn't exist.

 

https://familyinequality.wordpress.com/2014/02/24/price-of-sex/amp/

[mike carey]

I don't doubt the OP's sincerity in stating his dilemma, and I'll ignore some of the snarky comments. Bottom line, I can see that someone could be uncomfortable with how he relates to other men and what message he and they are sending as he walks the streets of NYC. He is nervous, he is uncomfortable, he doubts his ability to attract other men. Is he the only one? I think not.

 

All of the advice to settle down, chill, or whatever is good. Do all of that. Beyond that, just relax. I think that you should take @Eric Hassan up on his offer to meet you for a coffee and a chat. He's a great guy and not inexperienced. You need to let go of your inhibitions, talking to someone who understands that can only help.

[Guest RBmont-real]

You likey my post, OP (nycboi), but some of the more troll-lurking-under-the-billygoat-bridge contributors here would chalk that up to you and I being the same ... not sure whether that means we are alike or one person.

 

I think my posts are average. I am not the brightest light on the terrace trellis. However, there are some heavy hitters here. Their messages can be distilled to mirror the type of response you might get from an Abby-Ann column but they are nevertheless reasonably sound.

 

You do seem to be willing to consider owning how you might be getting in your own way. That is a promising sign. While I admire the magnanimity behind some contributors' offers to provide free sidebar mentoring, I suggest you seek a licensed clinician to go over things. In addition, the signal-to-noise ratio tends to be noise-loaded in forums such as this, if you were to continue this thread. That said, communicating with one of the posters here might be viable if private individual or group therapy is simply not in the cards. The next best strategy, perhaps, but your spidey-sense for danger-danger regarding motives is a muscle that is already fairly developed if somewhat spastic.

 

I don't pretend to dispense the wisdom of Solomon here, though there seems to be a rumor going that we were split at birth. Anyway, you are 34 and I am 59-ish. Would that I were 34. But that subject is best left for my therapy. By the way, I was not offered free consultation for my apparent hot mess of a personality. What's that about?

[+ FreshFluff]

Straight women can be a different kettle of fish altogether - I know most of the hotter chicks that I went to school with, ended up settling with guys that they wouldn't even have allowed to have approached them in bars a few years before that, because their looming biological clock causes them to ditch their previous standards, and look for someone who is a realiable provider so they can raise kids with them.

 

Women's relationships with alpha males are akin to playing the lottery. Generally speaking, women have sex with the alpha male, in hopes that the alpha will choose them instead of one of the many other women available to him. As George Bernard Shaw put it, "the maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first rate man than exclusive possession of a third rate one."

 

But eventually, most women want to settle down. If the alpha lottery doesn't work, they settle for a beta male, who is less desirable and scarce and thus has to offer support to land a woman. The woman is typically much less attracted to the beta than to an alpha, but she fulfills her marital duty in exchange for stability and partnership.

 

There's also the question whether the idea of men having to be reliable providers to be marriageable or to start a family with could go away.

 

It will go away about the same time that men stop being attracted to hot women.

 

I do have a childhood friend who, because of her earlier experiences, didn't want to get married. She ended up marrying quiet early, but the agreement was that once they had kids, she'd work and he'd stay home with the kids. She ended up doing very well. Now, like a wealthy man, she travels the world while her husband stays home with the kids. I'd say that's the exception that proves the rule.

Edited September 3, 2017 by FreshFluff

[+ quoththeraven]

Women's relationships with alpha males are akin to playing the lottery. Generally speaking, women have sex with the alpha male, in hopes that the alpha will choose them instead of one of the many other women available to him. As George Bernard Shaw put it, "the maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first rate man than exclusive possession of a third rate one."

 

But eventually, most women want to settle down. If the alpha lottery doesn't work, they settle for a beta male, who is less desirable and scarce and thus has to offer support to land a woman. The woman is typically much less attracted to the beta than to an alpha, but she fulfills her marital duty in exchange for stability and partnership.

 

 

 

It will go away about the same time that men stop being attracted to hot women.

 

I do have a childhood friend who, because of her earlier experiences, didn't want to get married. She ended up marrying quiet early, but the agreement was that once they had kids, she'd work and he'd stay home with the kids. She ended up doing very well. Now, like a wealthy man, she travels the world while her husband stays home with the kids. I'd say that's the exception that proves the rule.

And then there are those of us who are repulsed by alpha males and want partners with whom we can share our lives and the many shades of gray in between (allusion to that book not intended).

 

I don't know what the proportion is, but I don't think anyone knows or has bothered to find out.

 

I also think the rest of your post is oversimplified and conflates sexual attraction (hotness) with relationship attraction.

[+ kov78]

Anyone else just loveeading @Eric Hassan post.. I do!!! Spot on as always

[P Gren]

I've noticed that most guys I like that pass me by ignore me. I suspect that it is because they just assume I'm straight? Thing is that I have this jock New York look on me (and to be honest I really don't go out that often nor have actually never frequented a gay bar/club). It's a bit frustrating.

 

I'm actually good looking and work hard for my body. It's usually the types that I dislike that tend to give me a look. The masculine muscle studs are the only men I'm usually into. Anyway, my height is 5'11 and I weight 183 pounds. I have a cute face and nice beard. It's like I have the potential but it never happens. I've had my hookups but usually 2-3 per year. It's usually foreplay more than anything... Another thing is that I find most hookups sites disgusting. When I tried Grind I felt so dissappointed. Too many weirdos there. The only guys I found attractive never responded me (or they just happened to be scams). Any thoughts about it? Please forgive my grammar btw, I wrote this from my phone.

I haven't read any of the four pages of this post but from the first you're coming across as a game player/scammer and sound really unappealing.

[BaronArtz]

I haven't read any of the four pages of this post but from the first you're coming across as a game player/scammer and sound really unappealing.

 

Really? I didn't get that impression at all.

[jjkrkwood]

Is this thread STILL breathing ???

[socurious]

I am not an scammer. I ended up on this board because I was actually thinking in hiring an escort. It's funny because at least one of my first hookups is featured on this forum. I was a bit shocked when I find out here was escorting.

Edited September 6, 2017 by nycboi

[Good Grief]

Okie dokie. As @jjkrkwood wonders (and suggests)...

 

Let us be done.

 

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120508191126/smuff/images/thumb/a/a5/Not_sure_what_to_say.gif/500px-Not_sure_what_to_say.gif

[P Gren]

I am not an scammer. I ended up on this board because I was actually thinking in hiring an escort. It's funny because at least one of my first hookups is featured on this forum. I was a bit shocked when I find out here was escorting.

Okay

[+ Gar1eth]

By the way, I was not offered free consultation for my apparent hot mess of a personality. What's that about?

If you will only kindly point me to the proper thread, I will give you pearls of such great price that they (along with $4.50) will get you a grande caramel frappachino at Starbucks.

 

Gman

[socurious]

After two years I haven't had what I expected. I lost my physique and now look average in the body department. It's fine though. I'm still alive.

[+ Gar1eth]

After two years I haven't had what I expected. I lost my physique and now look average in the body department. It's fine though. I'm still alive.

 

Welcome back!

 

I'm glad you're still alive. As for the physique-not that I've ever had one-but what better time to regain it than during self quarantining caused by a Pandemic unless of course you are happy with the way you look now?

 

 

Gman

[marylander1940]

Wow. It must be so hard being so good looking and picky. People just throwing themselves at you all the time. I can't imagine the stress of it all.

 

It's over once he wakes up... ?