How Many Of You Are Married To A Woman AND Hire Male Escorts for Gay Sex

[+ HornyRetiree]

I am curious as every now and then, I pick up a comment about a wife.

 

How long ave you been living the double life?

 

How frequently do you have M2M sex (free or paid)??

[DiscoveringMe]

I'm really interested in the responses to this one. I am married to a woman and just had my first gay sex experience a few months ago (I'm now in my 30's). I'm not sure calling it a double life is fair, as like me, some people in this situation may be bisexual. Would you say a married man secretly seeing female escorts is leading a double life, or would you simply call them a cheater or something of the like. Perhaps it's one in the same.

 

For those willing to answer your question, I'm interested in how people compartmentalize this aspect of their life. This has been a major source of internal conflict for me. Experimenting was about answering my own sexuality questions, but now there is so much more I want experience. I struggle with balancing what is right for me versus what is right for my family. One may argue that those are one in the same, but restructuring your life and family can be a scary proposition.

 

Apologies if that's more than asked for

[big-n-tall]

There was a guy on these boards who was married and closeted. I can't remember his handle right now. He used to post regularly, then one day his daughter or someone close to him found out about his gay affairs (as it were). He made some posts about it and how he had to possibly not return to posting. Then he stopped posting.

 

If he returned, he may be using a different handle.

[mike carey]

You may wish to check out @glennnn' comments in other threads.

 

Edited to remove detail some posters thought inappropriate.

[Good Grief]

I don't presume to speak for him, but @glennnn has posted in here about his experience hiring, and coming out to and remaining with his wife. So it does happen, and it's not always a 'double life'.

 

So why bring up anything on his behalf?

[marylander1940]

So why bring up anything on his behalf?

 

To provide a statement on the question raised without any commentary, and by including his handle alert him to the thread.

 

I would have suggested him to post on here, but I would have never posted something that personal in behalf of another poster.

 

Damn I can't imagine the reaction if I had done this.

[+ Autumnal]

Unless someone feels it's important that they share this information - then it is nobody's business. IMHO.

[BasketBaller]

I know there are a number of widowers like me here. I first acknowledged my attraction to men (and only to myself) after I was married, but didn't intend to act on it. After my wife's death it was several years before I got up the courage to hire someone for my first sexual experience with a man. I must confess part of my complex reaction was "What was I waiting for?!?" I don't hire often, but all my sexual encounters since she passed away have been with men. So am I bi, gay, what? I think of myself as bi still, but don't really ever fantasize about women any more, so I'm certainly closer to the gay end of the spectrum.

[+ HornyRetiree]

I'm not sure calling it a double life is fair, as like me, some people in this situation may be bisexual.

 

My bad! I was married to a woman for 20 years and had a very active M2M sexual segment to my life - I considered that I was living a double life! I loved my wife and functioned sexually w/in the marriage --- but she wasn't a man w/ a penis!! Things were different back then and it was believed it (m2m attraction) would go away if we did what we were supposed to do -- HA!!! Plus, at that point in life I was not prepared to lose my family.

 

My married to a woman saved my life! as I had to be SO CAREFUL not to bring anything home. Had I been a single Gay Man, I expect I would be a panel on The Quilt today!

 

When we divorced it was for reasons other than my sexuality -- and she was shocked when I came out to her AFTER all proceedings were done.

 

Now married to my husband for 19 years -- we have played together and individually some -- I have hired once and plan a couple more -- basically to enjoy "my ideal" -- there is still free sex aplenty.

 

SO my apologies from projecting a term I used regarding myself on others!!!

[DiscoveringMe]

SO my apologies from projecting a term I used regarding myself on others!!!

 

No apologies necessary!

 

I think every path leading people to this forum will be unique. That's why the question is so interesting. For all I know, my story may read like yours in several years!

[marylander1940]

My bad! I was married to a woman for 20 years and had a very active M2M sexual segment to my life - I considered that I was living a double life! I loved my wife and functioned sexually w/in the marriage --- but she wasn't a man w/ a penis!! Things were different back then and it was believed it (m2m attraction) would go away if we did what we were supposed to do -- HA!!! Plus, at that point in life I was not prepared to lose my family.

 

My married to a woman saved my life! as I had to be SO CAREFUL not to bring anything home. Had I been a single Gay Man, I expect I would be a panel on The Quilt today!

 

When we divorced it was for reasons other than my sexuality -- and she was shocked when I came out to her AFTER all proceedings were done.

 

Now married to my husband for 19 years -- we have played together and individually some -- I have hired once and plan a couple more -- basically to enjoy "my ideal" -- there is still free sex aplenty.

 

SO my apologies from projecting a term I used regarding myself on others!!!

 

We're glad to know about your happy endings!

[+ WilliamM]

Plus, at that point in life I was not prepared to lose my family.

 

My married to a woman saved my life! as I had to be SO CAREFUL not to bring anything home. Had I been a single Gay Man, I expect I would be a panel on The Quilt today!

 

Perhaps you can an answer something that has really confused me. I corresponded regularly with a member of this site with a wife and children. He was open about corresponding with others here too. He assumed I was very interested in his wife and children.

 

Shortly after the Rentboy arrests he left this site, but joked about other people who left at the same time. We did keep in touch a little, The last time I suggested we finally meet in person,

 

I never heard from him again.

 

Should I have made it clear that I wanted to meet him as a person, not a sexual partner?

 

To be fair, I am also asking this question to see how you will answer it and even if you will answer

[+ HornyRetiree]

Perhaps you can an answer something that has really confused me. I corresponded regularly with a member of this site with a wife and children. He was open about corresponding with others here too. He assumed I was very interested in his wife and children.

 

Shortly after the Rentboy arrests he left this site, but joked about other people who left at the same time. We did keep in touch a little, The last time I suggested we finally meet in person,

 

I never heard from him again.

 

Should I have made it clear that I wanted to meet him as a person, not a sexual partner?

 

To be fair, I am also asking this question to see how you will answer it and even if you will answer

 

Not sure exactly what you are asking or why?? Also not sure what your interest is in this former? member and his family. HONEST communication is all I can offer.

[+ WilliamM]

Not sure exactly what you are asking or why?? Also not sure what your interest is in this former? member and his family. HONEST communication is all I can offer.

 

I asked because I know very few people who are married and hire escorts. My interest in the former member is only because he completely changed when the Rentboy arrests were made public even though he joked about other married men who left the site before him.

[liubit]

I knew about my attraction to men when I was married --I guess I knew it since I was a teenager, but refused to acknowledge it--, but I never acted on it. It just didn't feel right to cheat on my wife. I started hiring after my divorce, about 25 years ago. And boy, have I made up for lost time

[+ HornyRetiree]

It just didn't feel right to cheat on my wife.

 

I "justified" by believing that I wasn't cheating as it wasn't with another woman! TOTAL BS, I know -- but that was my life.

[MikeBiDude]

I "justified" by believing that I wasn't cheating as it wasn't with another woman! TOTAL BS, I know -- but that was my life.

I used a similar rationale back in the day

[MartyB]

I am curious as every now and then, I pick up a comment about a wife.

 

How long ave you been living the double life?

 

How frequently do you have M2M sex (free or paid)??

I am married to a woman. We haven't had sex for about 10 years. About 7 years ago I started hiring masseurs and then escorts. I was always gay but never I never went there out of fear. We are together for financial and friendship reasons. My wife knows I'm gay but I do not flaunt what I do. I did enjoy sex with her and women but it does not compare with the excitement eroticism and natural feel that I have with a man. If I had been born maybe 20 years later my life would have gone in a whole different direction. This is why I only have had sex with escorts/masseurs it makes it less like "I'm cheating ". I know that's a falacy bit it works for me.

[+ poolboy48220]

Two friends from years back, gay men married to a woman, both with very different experiences.

 

One came out, the wife said that if he ever acted on any of it she'd put him through a nasty divorce and make sure he never saw his daughters again. He pulled back from all his gay friends and stayed married.

 

Another came out, he and his wife still live together as best of friends, separate bedrooms. He's very open & goes to plenty of gay events.

[Bearofdistinction]

You may wish to check out @glennnn' comments in other threads.

 

Edited to remove detail some posters thought inappropriate.

 

Also - No longer active -- But LeighBosstoad was married - had kids - had a successful divorce from wife and a continuing relationship with her - and as I recall was marrying a man with whom he shared his adventures with Gentleman Callers.

[Bearofdistinction]

I am curious as every now and then, I pick up a comment about a wife.

 

How long ave you been living the double life?

 

How frequently do you have M2M sex (free or paid)??

 

Outside of this Board -- I am regularly approached on other gay social sites for "dates" with men who are married to women -- Some say they are "Discreet - aka Closeted" and others claim that the Wife knows and does not care or wants to watch or join in.

 

For me -- I prefer Gay men and Open Bi men.

 

Once had a fwb/relationship with a married guy in the closet -- which I did not know for a year - until she hacked his email and txts and started calling me at 2-4am screaming -- NEXT

 

And Not again!

[+ WmClarke]

I am curious as every now and then, I pick up a comment about a wife.

 

How long ave you been living the double life?

 

How frequently do you have M2M sex (free or paid)??

No longer, but it lasted exactly 2 1/2 years.

 

Right when I started and thought I'd better tell her and deal with the consequences (divorce, open relationship, whatever she wanted), she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I sought out a lot of advice and everyone told me the same thing: don't tell her. So I didn't.

 

For those willing to answer your question, I'm interested in how people compartmentalize this aspect of their life. This has been a major source of internal conflict for me.

I just kept it discreet and played safe when I could. I did not compartmentalize at all, mentally. I have always been gay; I was 13 when I realized it; and then waited 37 years to act on it. I was surprised, but I did not feel any guilt at all. Perhaps over a decade of no sex helped with that.

 

Experimenting was about answering my own sexuality questions, but now there is so much more I want experience. I struggle with balancing what is right for me versus what is right for my family. One may argue that those are one in the same, but restructuring your life and family can be a scary proposition.

Sorry I can't help you with that. I didn't need to deal with that until my wife beat cancer. Unfortunately, she didn't, so the issue never arose.

 

It was just 10 days ago (9 months after she died) that I told one of our children I was having an overnight male guest.

[Rudynate]

I am curious as every now and then, I pick up a comment about a wife.

 

How long ave you been living the double life?

 

How frequently do you have M2M sex (free or paid)??

 

 

Is that necessarily a double life?

[Cyd_StVincent]

Very interesting to read. I had really assumed that a lot of my clientele would be men who are trying out being gay who were currently in relationships with women and wanted to try out gay sex with a pussy still involved - but what I find much more of is gay guys who've never even been with someone with a vagina. I am really interested in the experience of learning about or satisfying a part of your sexuality that isn't held in a relationship through sex work though.

[+ HornyRetiree]

Is that necessarily a double life?

 

I considered that it was for me at the time -- a public "straight" life and a private gay life.