It Had To Happen Eventually

[BasketBaller]

It think it is all relative, Gman. I believe @BasketBaller and I are about the same age. I turned 38 earlier this year and I'm beginning to say 20-something guys are young, which I know they are but just a couple of years ago, I would not have said so (or freely admitted it). When I hear BBaller talk about his sons, I do feel old. Wouldn't change for the world tho. My 30s have been awesome although somewhat randomly played. I'm gonna grab my forties by the balls and squeeze every drop of goodness outta them. I also plan to ignore negative self-talk about age.

Yes, I'm 40. My first child was born when I was 21, the twins when I was 23. And I've already lived several lives, so my 40s will just be the next chapter!

[+ Truereview]

It's not unreasonable to consider that possibility ....but I can only say for sure, we tried to made human sexuality "normal" for him, and removed the societal guilt from our own opinions of when and with who. Certainly my own experiences don't mirror his at all.....and I wasn't very specific about discussing my own sexual paths, as I know each person needs to find his own way around. We also have to consider the young woman, with whom he shared his first encounters...her own parents were driving that decision making process, not me.

Good points. Thank you. Perhaps being a virgin at 17 should be considered normal again and not shocking. Sitting here in Uruguay where some men and women are virgins at later ages. Relatively big city too. Can't help but wonder what's afoot. Rich dialogue, PA. I appreciate your response.

[pubic_assistance]

Good points. Thank you. Perhaps being a virgin at 17 should be considered normal again and not shocking. Sitting here in Uruguay where some men and women are virgins at later ages. Relatively big city too. Can't help but wonder what's afoot. Rich dialogue, PA. I appreciate your response.

Well.....what's NORMAL is what is comfortable to the emotional needs of the individual.

[BasketBaller]

�

Wow...seventeen and still virgins ? When MY oldest was 15, and started dating, I BOUGHT him a box of condoms and discussed how and why they needed to be used.

Didn't take long before he asked me to buy another box ! I, myself, started messing around with girls at 10 and by 14 was having full-on intercourse. I am shocked in today's world that

some boys are still virgins at 17...but then we live in NYC...so peer pressure to grow up in many ways is significant here.

I'm a little surprised, too, but we'd discussed it all long before they actually dated, and while I didn't pre-emptively buy condoms for them, I'd told them to ask me if they felt they wanted them. That may have been idealistic on my part, I know.

[+ Truereview]

Well.....what's NORMAL is what is comfortable to the emotional needs of the individual.

Good catch. Maybe the word choice should have been "common?"

[BasketBaller]

Personally, I love the fact that the twins have apparently made a conscious and informed choice of their own, despite living in or near what seems to be a large city like DC.

 

Me too, and yes, we're in DC. If they'd made a different choice, they's have had plenty of opportunities.

[BasketBaller]

You are a good father!

Yes, you are! Our kids may be different but the support from their dads is what matters. Remember, mine grew up without a mom, or a female in the house. They may idealize women in a way you and I don't. Taking the step of having sex might seem more monumental to them.

[pubic_assistance]

Me too, and yes, we're in DC. If thay'd made a different choice, they's have had plenty of opportunities.

Well....as a New Yorker...we consider DC to be quite conservative. My oldest only had his mom as a young boy. Raised him as a single parent.

[BasketBaller]

Well....as a New Yorker...we consider DC to be quite conservative. My oldest only had his mom as a young boy. Raised him as a single parent.

I love Washington, but sometimes it does feel like living in Mayberry.

[+ Truereview]

Remember, mine grew up without a mom, or a female in the house. They may idealize women in a way you and I don't.

Just curious again. I'm trying to make the connection between growing up without a mother, choosing to remain a virgin male, and maybe idealizing women. Say more.

Thank you for bearing with my questions, I'm just fascinated.

[BasketBaller]

Just curious again. I'm trying to make the connection between growing up without a mother, choosing to remain a virgin male, and maybe idealizing women. Say more.

Thank you for bearing with my questions, I'm just fascinated.

I'm just free-associating, haven't given this much thought. But growing up in a house with four men and no women, having lived through the loss of their mom at 6, may have given them a reason to hold women in very high esteem, more so than most boys. I don't know if that's a factor in their not having sex yet, but it could be-- they both have pretty serious girlfriends, long term, exclusive dating relationships. But kids their age get more encouragement to wait than you and I did. Even though I myself never urged them to wait, the national push for abstinence is out there and you can't avoid it. So while it's not more than opinion, I think kids are waiting longer nowadays.

 

Of course, it also could be that their girlfriends aren't willing. And in all our talks, all our open discussions of sex and relationships, all our sometimes gross and funny exchanges (and some of them have been very gross and very funny) they have gotten the message that women and their wishes are to be respected.

[pubic_assistance]

There is definitely a cultural shift toward waiting longer to indulge in full intercourse. ....keeping in mind that this does NOT mean that teenagers aren't experimenting with all other kinds of sexual explorations.

[BasketBaller]

There is definitely a cultural shift toward waiting longer to indulge in full intercourse. ....keeping in mind that this does NOT mean that teenagers aren't experimenting with all other kinds of sexual explorations.

True. There was an article in the Post not long ago about millennials not regarding oral sex as sex. So condom usage or the lack thereof might not be any indication of chastity.

[+ FreshFluff]

Well, that seems to settle that. Unless they were implying their older brother ISN'T a virgin...

 

If that was the case, would you feel disappointed, relieved, or indifferent?

[+ Gar1eth]

There is definitely a cultural shift toward waiting longer to indulge in full intercourse. ....keeping in mind that this does NOT mean that teenagers aren't experimenting with all other kinds of sexual explorations.

Fourteen and fifteen seem too young to me. Of course you are hearing from a man who was a total virgin until the age of 41.

 

Gman

[pubic_assistance]

Fourteen and fifteen seem too young to me. Of course you are hearing from a man who was a total virgin until the age of 41.

 

Gman

I had a 17 year old girlfriend when I was 14. She drove a Cadillac convertible ...used to love to fuck her in the back seat with the top down in the middle of a corn-field. Didn't feel "too young" to me....I was the happiest teenager in the world with a cool breeze blowing up my bare ass, as I plowed her from behind.

[BasketBaller]

If that was the case, would you feel disappointed, relieved, or indifferent?

 

Neither disappointed nor relieved, but I'm not sure "indifferent" is quite what I'd feel. Maybe "supportive" is a better word.

 

He's 19, a smart, mature young man at college. He doesn't have a serious girlfriend, or didn't as of summer. But I trust him to follow his judgement and do what's right for him, when it's right. I wouldn't be surprised if he weren't still a virgin, after a year of college, he's a sociable, good-looking, outgoing guy. But while I think he knows he's free to talk to me about anything, he also knows he isn't obligated to.

[mike carey]

But while I think he knows he's free to talk to me about anything, he also knows he isn't obligated to.

Well put, BB! At his age I was certain of nothing and didn't want to experiment with anything. My contemporaries were more certain and m0re adventurous (or so I understand).

[+ quoththeraven]

I am probably going to shock people, but my rule of thumb as a parent was that eighteen was the age at which I was comfortable with my daughter having non-oral interecourse. (I can't think of a better term that includes anal and vaginal but not orak sex.) Is that arbitrary? Yes, but I wanted her experimentation to remain on the lower intensity end of the scale. I don't feel high school students are generally emotionally mature enough to handle a full-on sexual relationship, let alone a sexual and romantic relationship.

 

I'm pretty sure I succeeded, although in part because in her older teen years she had a girlfriend, not a boyfriend. I do know (because she told me) that her boyfriend refused her offer of a clothed hand job on the basis of their age (15, which I took as meaning he didn't feel ready for that kind of relationship yet). Several years later, I overheard her tell a friend that she wasn't a virgin, but since at that point her only relationships were with other teen girls (in addition to a girlfriend from Ohio, she had friends from sumer camp who, like her, identified as bisexual), I wasn't sure what to make of it. In context, it was unlikely to refer to non-oral intercourse.

[+ glennnn]

Going way back, having premarital sex was WRONG! There was no allowance for, discussion of, or planning for the overwhelming force of sudden, unplanned passion. It just happened. If successful once, many more intimacies obviously followed. If she got pregnant, you got married. Period. I had zero sex Ed in school. My parents and preacher said, "No" to any sex at all. Maybe that's why I had sex with the Boy Scout Troop Leader. He couldn't get pregnant.

[+ quoththeraven]

Going way back, having premarital sex was WRONG! There was no allowance for, discussion of, or planning for the overwhelming force of sudden, unplanned passion. It just happened. If successful once, many more intimacies obviously followed. If she got pregnant, you got married. Period. I had zero sex Ed in school. My parents and preacher said, "No" to any sex at all. Maybe that's why I had sex with the Boy Scout Troop Leader. He couldn't get pregnant.

 

Relatively easy access to birth control, particularly the Pill, changed things a lot.

[mike carey]

Relatively easy access to birth control, particularly the Pill, changed things a lot.

Yes, but standards of morality changed as well, at least for some of the population. There were people who maintained a rage against any form of sex, or even sex ed, but that was not universal. The easing of morality wasn't driven solely by contraception making it less likely that players would be caught out.

[+ quoththeraven]

Yes, but standards of morality changed as well, at least for some of the population. There were people who maintained a rage against any form of sex, or even sex ed, but that was not universal. The easing of morality wasn't driven solely by contraception making it less likely that players would be caught out.

 

True, but contraception and the women's movement made it easier for people, especially women and girls, to reject the morality that said sex was only for married procreation and women needn't (or weren't supposed to) enjoy it. Which is totally at odds with the other view of women running through Western culture, which is that women are sexually voracious and untrustworthy.

 

So much for the vaunted Western rationality...

[LADoug1]

There is definitely a cultural shift toward waiting longer to indulge in full intercourse. ....keeping in mind that this does NOT mean that teenagers aren't experimenting with all other kinds of sexual explorations.

Also some girls think that even if they have anal sex they're still virgins.

[sincitymix]

Also some girls think that even if they have anal sex they're still virgins.

Hmm i guess when it comes to females the thinking is virginity= intact hymen or no vaginal penetration. Most of the girls i know pretty much had that mind set.