It Had To Happen Eventually

[BasketBaller]

Well put, BB! At his age I was certain of nothing and didn't want to experiment with anything. My contemporaries were more certain and m0re adventurous (or so I understand).

At his age I was sleeping with girls to prove to myself I was straight, and wasn't honest enough to acknowledge that I was certain of nothing. I think he's wiser, in many ways, than I was.

[+ quoththeraven]

Also some girls think that even if they have anal sex they're still virgins.

 

I agree that sincitymix's definition of virginity is the prevalent one. For more, see this:

 

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/definition-virgin

 

which starts with "To some, a virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse (that is, penis-to-vagina intercourse)."

[+ glennnn]

I agree that sincitymix's definition of virginity is the prevalent one. For more, see this:

 

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/definition-virgin

 

which starts with "To some, a virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse (that is, penis-to-vagina intercourse)."

 

It makes sense....holding hands isn't sex, kissing isn't sex....hugging/frottage isn't sex,..hand genital contact isn't sex,....mouth genital isn't Really sex,....anal?????? Probably not. Sooooo, only penis vagina is sex! Yes! I'm a virgin, mom!

[BasketBaller]

It makes sense....holding hands isn't sex, kissing isn't sex....hugging/frottage isn't sex,..hand genital contact isn't sex,....mouth genital isn't Really sex,....anal?????? Probably not. Sooooo, only penis vagina is sex! Yes! I'm a virgin, mom!

Hmm, this is making me wonder about what my "virgin sons" meant!

[+ Truereview]

Hmm, this is making me wonder about what my "virgin sons" meant!

Lol! Don't get into your head, bud. What matters is that the twins are already defining life choices in their own terms - what a wonderfully adult thing to do. Whether their definition fits mine or your definition of virgin or sex is irrelevant. The key is they are applying their own form of critical thinking.

[+ quoththeraven]

Virginity is a much more loaded and socially-promoted concept for girls/women than for boys/men. I'm not saying there aren't parents and organizations that equate virginity with purity for boys/men too, but it's certainly had less social importance, both historically and now, than it's had for girls and women.

[BasketBaller]

Lol! Don't get into your head, bud. What matters is that the twins are already defining life choices in their own terms - what a wonderfully adult thing to do. Whether their definition fits mine or your definition of virgin or sex is irrelevant. The key is they are applying their own form of critical thinking.

Agreed 100%! Despite starting this conversation, I really am fine with whatever choices they make since I know they're thoughtful guys who are mature for their age. I don't need to know, but I'm open to knowing if they want me to. I don't want them to feel they have to hide anything, or that they have to disclose anything. Well, except for their grades, I guess.

 

In other news, the twin applying to the Naval Academy had his interview yesterday-- he's the "alpha," the more outgoing one. I left the room for the interview at our house but I could hear him talking. I couldn't believe how grown up he sounded. Then at the dinner table he and his brother cracked up telling me about someone farting in class.

 

Maybe I do live in a sitcom.

[+ glennnn]

Hmm, this is making me wonder about what my "virgin sons" meant!

 

 

No, no! I didn't mean to give you any doubts. Your only danger now is rotator cuff damage from giving yourself well-deserved pats on the back for your son raising skills. :):)

[+ sniper]

Something else that I think is delaying sexual activity for a big chunk of kids is the age of helicopter parenting and the fact that high school and college applications are MUCH more competitive than they used to be. The amount of time my nieces, who are decent students but not top of the class, have to spend on schoolwork is a great deal more than I spent in the 80s, and I was at the top of my class. They really don't have time for boyfriends. I'd think the one who wants to go to Annapolis probably views it similarly - he's got a lot to lose if he knocks a girl up - they don't take applicants with children.

[+ sniper]

Also BB you mentioned they have a gay uncle - is that your brother or your wife's brother? Does he know you're gay? It possible he inadvertently spilled the beans - or they noticed some similarity between you and put two and two together?

Or maybe you just forgot to clear your browser history....

[+ Truereview]

Also BB you mentioned they have a gay uncle - is that your brother or your wife's brother? Does he know you're gay? It possible he inadvertently spilled the beans - or they noticed some similarity between you and put two and two together?

Or maybe you just forgot to clear your browser history....

Even if gay uncle spilled the beans or cache clearing failed, it is obvious that the twins and their older brother are willing to patiently wait for Dad to come out when he is comfortable doing so. The interesting thing about all this is that they (Dad and sons) are all probably waiting for each other bc of good intent. That's the sitcom of Life.

[BasketBaller]

The amount of time my nieces, who are decent students but not top of the class, have to spend on schoolwork is a great deal more than I spent in the 80s, and I was at the top of my class. They really don't have time for boyfriends. I'd think the one who wants to go to Annapolis probably views it similarly - he's got a lot to lose if he knocks a girl up - they don't take applicants with children.

 

Yes, very true. The application process for the Academy is insane, and it includes the need to pass a fitness test and a medical exam, and to get a Congressional nomination. You have to really want to go there, and he does. I don't see him risking screwing it up.

Also BB you mentioned they have a gay uncle - is that your brother or your wife's brother? Does he know you're gay? It possible he inadvertently spilled the beans - or they noticed some similarity between you and put two and two together?

Or maybe you just forgot to clear your browser history....

 

He's my late wife's older brother. he doesn't live nearby but the boys have always loved him and have always known he's gay. I haven't talked about myself with him, so I don't know if he knows or suspects, but I suppose he could. That will be an interesting conversation to have, too. I don't think we're too similar but maybe the boys could have picked up on something. I am VERY careful with browser history and we don't share a computer, but something could have slipped by somehow.

[+ sniper]

It could have been something as simple as hearing someone else say in another situation, "Look if a guy who looks like that is still single at age X, there's a reason." and then it clicked for them.

If you've got a kid with the brainpower that the Naval Academy is on his radar, then I strongly suspect your kids are smart enough to have figured it out.

 

Then again my college friends took out a personal ad for me looking for a woman for me when we were 30(Oh, it was a great ad, complete with picture of me, both in the city I lived in and the city I worked in, telling the readers that they were taking the ad out on my behalf, "and we can 100% guarantee that he's a virgin."). That was my breaking point and I came out to them. "Three math degrees from MIT and you dipshits can't put one and zero together?"

[+ Truereview]

Then again my college friends took out a personal ad for me looking for a woman for me when we were 30(Oh, it was a great ad, complete with picture of me, both in the city I lived in and the city I worked in, telling the readers that they were taking the ad out on my behalf, "and we can 100% guarantee that he's a virgin."). That was my breaking point and I came out to them. "Three math degrees from MIT and you dipshits can't put one and zero together?"

Maybe their strategy was to act like dipshits to provide you a silly vehicle by which you could finally do it. Don't underestimate MIT grads...ever! Acting stupid is almost always a smart strategy.

[+ sniper]

No they were genuinely clueless. I got a lot of "I just thought you were one of those asexual people" comments from various people as I came out to them. I was able to mask my lust for men, but I couldn't really feign interest in women. I was never the kind of person who could force myself to eat my vegetables.

[+ Truereview]

No they were genuinely clueless. I got a lot of "I just thought you were one of those asexual people" comments from various people as I came out to them. I was able to mask my lust for men, but I couldn't really feign interest in women. I was never the kind of person who could force myself to eat my vegetables.

I believe ya. Thanks for elaborating.

[+ Gar1eth]

Lol! Don't get into your head, bud. What matters is that the twins are already defining life choices in their own terms - what a wonderfully adult thing to do. Whether their definition fits mine or your definition of virgin or sex is irrelevant. The key is they are applying their own form of critical thinking.

 

Yes and 'no' since there is more than pregnancy to worry about. Diseases can be caught from certain of these 'non' sex acts too. But if the boys/girls involved don't consider certain of the acts to be actually 'sex' they may not think they need to be checked when they actually do. Even hand jobs might not be totally safe. I don't know whether any case has actually been recorded. But for example all syphilis requires 'theoretically' is skin to skin contact. A chancre inside a vagina with a tongue or finger inserted....

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

It could have been something as simple as hearing someone else say in another situation, "Look if a guy who looks like that is still single at age X, there's a reason." and then it clicked for them.

If you've got a kid with the brainpower that the Naval Academy is on his radar, then I strongly suspect your kids are smart enough to have figured it out.

 

 

But possibly not. Maybe it's my generation (and those preceding it also) and this current generation is more open, but I'm 55, and on an emotional basis it's still hard for me to think about my parents having sex. I mean I know they did-three times as I have two siblings.

 

But... And especially in this case with @BasketBaller not having dated since his wife died-#1. There is a good possibility that they might not credit their Dad with having the same types of feelings they have. #2. Even if they can credit it, if he hasn't really dated, they might think he isn't interested in sex anymore.

 

Gman

[+ sniper]

I think maybe they also got to an age where they realized there was a potential downside...like what if he starts dating someone they don't like etc. They may know other kids with bad step-relations.

[+ quoththeraven]

Then there is just the general "ew" factor of associating parents with sex.

[BasketBaller]

It could have been something as simple as hearing someone else say in another situation, "Look if a guy who looks like that is still single at age X, there's a reason." and then it clicked for them.

If you've got a kid with the brainpower that the Naval Academy is on his radar, then I strongly suspect your kids are smart enough to have figured it out.

 

But... And especially in this case with @BasketBaller not having dated since his wife died-#1. There is a good possibility that they might not credit their Dad with having the same types of feelings they have. #2. Even if they can credit it, if he hasn't really dated, they might think he isn't interested in sex anymore.

�

Then there is just the general "ew" factor of associating parents with sex.

All of these are quite possible. I know when they were urging me to start dating they thought it was because I was grieving. The irony is their mom would have wanted me to go on and marry again if I found someone. My interest in women had ebbed away, though.

 

The big mystery for me is why they stopped encouraging me, and of course, it might be that they just got tired of it and gave up. Or adolescence distracted them. Or they began to worry about an unsuitable stepmother. Or they decided I had had enough sex for my lifetime after all. Or discovered/discerned/decided I'm playing on the other team. Eventually, I'll know.

[sincitymix]

Something else that I think is delaying sexual activity for a big chunk of kids is the age of helicopter parenting and the fact that high school and college applications are MUCH more competitive than they used to be. The amount of time my nieces, who are decent students but not top of the class, have to spend on schoolwork is a great deal more than I spent in the 80s, and I was at the top of my class. They really don't have time for boyfriends. I'd think the one who wants to go to Annapolis probably views it similarly - he's got a lot to lose if he knocks a girl up - they don't take applicants with children.

i knew a guy in high school that was on track for an all expense paid scholarship to Annapolis. He had to give everything up when his HS girlfriend got pregnant. she demanded he get a job right that moment. no college for him.

few years later i found out from a mutual friend that the baby turned out not to be his.

[+ quoththeraven]

i knew a guy in high school that was on track for an all expense paid scholarship to Annapolis. He had to give everything up when his HS girlfriend got pregnant. she demanded he get a job right that moment. no college for him.

few years later i found out from a mutual friend that the baby turned out not to be his.

 

Are they divorced/separated?

[sincitymix]

Are they divorced/separated?

 

divorced with much hatred and bitterness. Extreme hate as in omg this guy might kill her. She ruined his dreams. his whole life was being in the military and going to Annapolis.

dont know what hes doing now. its been a very long time since i caught up on what he was doing.

[+ FreshFluff]

divorced with much hatred and bitterness. Extreme hate as in omg this guy might kill her. She ruined his dreams. his whole life was being in the military and going to Annapolis.

dont know what hes doing now. its been a very long time since i caught up on what he was doing.

 

It's hard to blame him.