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BasketBaller

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saminseattle Collaborator

+ saminseattle

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We're having some conflict at home over what to watch on the big tv. The boys like the team sports best- soccer, rugby, volleyball, etc. We all agree on basketball. But they're exasperated that I want to watch diving, swimming, gymnastics, etc. I can't very well tell them I'm admiring the athletes' bodies, so I just say I want the whole range of the games.

 

Interesting article in the New York Times about gay men watching the Olympics. Aside from the obvious physical appeal, it does seem that gay men gravitate towards individual sports rather than team sports, and the Olympics is the biggest showcase of individual sports like those you mentioned. http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/14/fashion/rio-olympics-gay-men-athletes-audience.html?hpw&rref=fashion&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=well-region&region=bottom-well&WT.nav=bottom-well&_r=0.

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glennnn Mentor

+ glennnn

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I definitely agree with feeling unwelcome in the hyper straight world of male team sports. From an early age, before I learned to try to hide my bent for the arts, I was already persona non grata when it came to choosing up sides for sports- last chosen or ignored. It was self perpetuating, for without practice and participation in team sports during elementary school, I became hopelessly inept as a teen. I turned to swimming, diving, gymnastics, and, God Forbid, DANCE for physical activity. Anyplace where I competed individually without the pressure of "letting down the TEAM!! To this day, I have no use for team sports.

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BasketBaller Mentor

BasketBaller

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Just a shame you cant share your ogling thoughts with anyone there. Still you can always share with us cos we'd like to know!

 

I don't know when, or if, I'll open up to my sons about my sexuality, but maybe. When they were younger they used to urge me to date, but they've stopped doing that. They do talk to me about their girlfriends, which is nice. But I sometimes wonder if they suspect my interest in men, even if they have no idea I've acted on it. I certainly try not to openly look at guys when I'm with them. But the Olympics give me an excuse!

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BasketBaller Mentor

BasketBaller

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I definitely agree with feeling unwelcome in the hyper straight world of male team sports.

 

Oddly, I think I embraced team sports because even when I was too young to understand, I knew I was different, and didn't want to be. So I played and practiced hard to prove I was "normal." By high school I knew what it was but damn it, I'm not queer, I play varsity basketball! I think I fooled everybody but myself.

 

And paradoxically it gave me opportunities to hang out naked and shower with guys. Which also "proved" I was straight, except for the times I was nearly betrayed by my dick. Boners made it pretty hard to lie to myself, but I did for as long as possible.

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glennnn Mentor

+ glennnn

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@BasketBaller

I'm out to my wife, and a few close friends, but I'm reluctant to tell my 34 YO son. Its not that I'm afraid he will shun me or love me less. He's a theater guy and musician, very liberal, has close gay friends, attends Pride events with his lady. I just feel it's a complication he doesn't need in his life. Will it make him worry about my relationship with his mother, who I intend to stay with forever? I ask myself who gains? Do I NEED to tell him? Will it make my life or his better? I don't know. If I were seeking a long term relationship with a man, I would tell him, but as it is.......what's the point?

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beachboy Grand Master

beachboy

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Oddly, I think I embraced team sports because even when I was too young to understand, I knew I was different, and didn't want to be. So I played and practiced hard to prove I was "normal." By high school I knew what it was but damn it, I'm not queer, I play basketball! I think I fooled everybody but myself.

 

And paradoxically it gave me opportunities to hang out naked and shower with guys. Which also "proved" I was straight, except for the times I was nearly betrayed by my dick. Boners made it pretty hard to lie to myself, but I did for as long as possible.

A boner in the shower was always my fear, but of course the more I thought about it & the cause - the other guys' naked bodies- the bigger it got!

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mike carey Grand Master

mike carey

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I'm out to my wife, and a few close friends, but I'm reluctant to tell my 34 YO son.

So, your wife knows but your son does not, how do you manage that? I'm not suggesting that you have to tell him, but that seems to create a barrier for both you and your wife. I wish you well in whatever you decide, Glen!

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BasketBaller Mentor

BasketBaller

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@BasketBaller

I just feel it's a complication he doesn't need in his life. .

 

My boys are younger but this is precisely my thought. Teenagers have enough angst of their own, I don't want them to worry about me (I don't think they'd disapprove or be embarrassed, but you never know.) If I ever decide to pursue a relationship it'll be different, but for now, I'm discreet.

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glennnn Mentor

+ glennnn

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So, your wife knows but your son does not, how do you manage that? I'm not suggesting that you have to tell him, but that seems to create a barrier for both you and your wife. I wish you well in whatever you decide, Glen!

 

My son lives in a different town, and other than porn and this forum, I'm discreet even regarding my wife. I hire 6 or 7 times a year for a 2 hour block, always out of town in connection with a business trip, always an in call, always funded by my small business. The only overt activity I've participated in was Daddy's PS weekend. My wife was very generous and understanding about what I hope will be an annual event for me, and my son was oblivious. My friends accepted my orientation without any qualms (not a big surprise to any one so far) and it is not a subject that comes up much. I thought coming out would change everything, but life just goes on.

Thanks for your good wishes!

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gallahadesquire Grand Master

gallahadesquire

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@BasketBaller

I'm out to my wife, and a few close friends, but I'm reluctant to tell my 34 YO son. Its not that I'm afraid he will shun me or love me less. He's a theater guy and musician, very liberal, has close gay friends, attends Pride events with his lady. I just feel it's a complication he doesn't need in his life. Will it make him worry about my relationship with his mother, who I intend to stay with forever? I ask myself who gains? Do I NEED to tell him? Will it make my life or his better? I don't know. If I were seeking a long term relationship with a man, I would tell him, but as it is.......what's the point?

 

On the other hand, you're hiding a very important part of who you are and, at his age, he'd probably like to know. I speak out of no authority; my father died at 45, when I was 14 years old, and was more than mildly emotionally auditors me (read: nuts. Psychotic if not schizophrenic.) I saw his sister last week, who said I remind her of him,and she loved my laugh and stories. But I never, ever regretted his passing, nor would I want to go back and meet him.

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beachboy Grand Master

beachboy

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It never completely happened, but I sometimes had to cut the shower short and get dressed fast, even if I was still wet!

The other way I tried to prevent an embarrassing boner was to take care of myself before going into the showers, but it often used to rear up again!

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TruHart1 Grand Master

TruHart1

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Not quite as dumb as lecherous female news personalities oiling up a hot Tongan, but I love how USA men's basketball coach, Mike Krzyzewski, answers this tired, useless question about the team's housing on the cruise ship.

 

http://www.sportingnews.com/athletics/news/mike-krzyzewski-team-usa-basketball-cruise-ship-accomodations/1ubqkx11r1wq011c0zdcdgdzm2

 

When USA men's coach Mike Krzyzewski was asked Monday night by a French reporter what it was like living on a boat, Krzyzewski gave a lengthy response that made it clear Team USA is just visiting.

 

"Well, we don't live o
n a boat," Krzyzewski said,
. "We're staying on a boat. I actually live in Durham, N.C., and have a swimming pool. Once in a while I get on a raft and lie in there. But I've never really thought about living on a boat. Since 1992 the U.S. teams have stayed in different locations and because of the accomm
odations here, that was good.

 

"And it's not our boat. We're not the only people on the boat. There are other people on the boat that we see, that we say 'good morning' to, 'hello.' We've actually made friends on the boat. I never knew I would have boat friends. In fact now that I'm talking about it, I might go buy a boat. And put it in my — I’d have to have a bigger swimming pool. It’s a place to stay and we’re here to play basketball.

 

"And I’ll tell you what, the people in Rio have been unbelievable as far as their treatment of us and their hospitality. We’re fortunate to be here for the Olympics whether we’re on a boat or not."

 

TruHart1 :cool:

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purplekow Grand Master

+ purplekow

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@BasketBaller

I'm out to my wife, and a few close friends, but I'm reluctant to tell my 34 YO son. Its not that I'm afraid he will shun me or love me less. He's a theater guy and musician, very liberal, has close gay friends, attends Pride events with his lady. I just feel it's a complication he doesn't need in his life. Will it make him worry about my relationship with his mother, who I intend to stay with forever? I ask myself who gains? Do I NEED to tell him? Will it make my life or his better? I don't know. If I were seeking a long term relationship with a man, I would tell him, but as it is.......what's the point?

 

I can recall being about 25 years old and playing a game named Scruples. It was a mild Truth or Dare like game. Anyway, my father answered a question about smoking marijuana, telling us he had smoked marijuana while he was working in the Brooklyn Navy Yard during World War II. I remember being shocked and then I realized that my parents are people too and that they had lives and indiscretions and imperfection and peccadillos.

I think sometimes it is easier for children to realize that their parents are people than it is for parents to realize that their children are adults. Your son does not need to know, but given the right circumstances, I think letting him know is probably better. It is likely he will eventually find out, as many other people know and so it is that these things have a way of becoming unearthed, usually at an inconvenient time.

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sniper Grand Master

+ sniper

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I read something recently in Dan Savage that resonated with me about that topic - Dan had told his mother and siblings but not his father, and told them not to tell him yet. Eventually his mother sat him down and said, "You didn't come OUT of the closet - you dragged us IN with you." Glennnn, you may have unintentionally done this to your wife, whom I presume does not feel to address the subject with the person she is probably closest to in the world besides you. Especially if you just told your wife you're gay and then never brought it up again.

(Of course I say this as someone who only told my younger sister and never talks about it with my four older siblings - just figure they should be able to do the math after 45 years of never expressing interest in a girl, so take it with a grain of salt.)

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