Hmmmm... am I getting the brush off?

[mattr]

About a year ago, I started texting with a very well reviewed escort, inquiring when he may be in my area. As soon as he said he was coming to town, I booked him. However a week before our meeting, I cancelled because I had a very bad upper respiratory infection and was starting a second round of antibiotics. I purposely cancelled early (rather than wait and see if I started feeling better) because I did not want him to be left high and dry.

 

Fast forward to yesterday when I noticed on rentmen that said escort would be in my area in a few weeks. I texted him, reminded him of who I was and asked about booking him. I let him know when I would not be available so that he could choose the date/time that would be convenient for him from the remaining time. He texted me later and said he gave his previous clients first dibs on his time when traveling before making himself available to the general public. While I understand this from a business perspective, he was advertising the dates of his visit on rentmen so I would assume that he was taking appointments from the general public. We texted back and forth good naturedly for a while before I went to bed. In the morning I found texts stating that I could certainly make arrangements to visit him in his home city. Had he said he was fully booked or unavailable on the dates when I was available I would have been ok. However I got the impression that he was not interested in meeting me on this visit. Am I being too sensitive?

[marylander1940]

About a year ago, I started texting with a very well reviewed escort, inquiring when he may be in my area. As soon as he said he was coming to town, I booked him. However a week before our meeting, I cancelled because I had a very bad upper respiratory infection and was starting a second round of antibiotics. I purposely cancelled early (rather than wait and see if I started feeling better) because I did not want him to be left high and dry.

 

Fast forward to yesterday when I noticed on rentmen that said escort would be in my area in a few weeks. I texted him, reminded him of who I was and asked about booking him. I let him know when I would not be available so that he could choose the date/time that would be convenient for him from the remaining time. He texted me later and said he gave his previous clients first dibs on his time when traveling before making himself available to the general public. While I understand this from a business perspective, he was advertising the dates of his visit on rentmen so I would assume that he was taking appointments from the general public. We texted back and forth good naturedly for a while before I went to bed. In the morning I found texts stating that I could certainly make arrangements to visit him in his home city. Had he said he was fully booked or unavailable on the dates when I was available I would have been ok. However I got the impression that he was not interested in meeting me on this visit. Am I being too sensitive?

 

I guess he must be very successful and his regulars have priority. Good for him!

[+ Truereview]

We all have gut instinct and we all tend to overthink things. The key is balancing things out whereby we listen to our gut but we don't allow our personal sensibilities to get in our way of our objective. What I heard loud, clear, and a factual objective in your post is that you want this guy. Everything else is theory. Bottomline: don't give it another thought, give the guy the benefit of the doubt, go get yourself laid with your best regular, and keep your fingers crossed that when you are in the abovementioned escort's home city, you can give him the fuck of his life.

[Jim Corrigan]

Maybe.The best escorts have lots of loyal clients,especially when traveling.I would not take it personally.Maybe let him know that if there are cancellations you would still be interested.

[AdamSmith]

We all have gut instinct and we all tend to overthink things. The key is balancing things out whereby we listen to our gut but we don't allow our personal sensibilities to get in our way of our objective. What I heard loud, clear, and a factual objective in your post is that you want this guy. Everything else is theory. Bottomline: don't give it another thought, give the guy the benefit of the doubt, go get yourself laid with your best regular, and keep your fingers crossed that when you are in the abovementioned escort's home city, you can give him the fuck of his life.

Very sage advice. You are not marrying him, just hiring him. (As someone who routinely falls in love with his escorts, I can say this.) To OP, you may need to think whether you are unhealthily over-invested. Proceed.

 

(Again, my closest friends I met by hiring them.

 

But that needs a Bessemer furnace purification and honesty process to see if both of us are worthy.)

 

[rvwnsd]

It doesn't matter why he did not book a time with you, the fact of the matter is he didn't book a time with you. I would suggest you find another escort and have an awesome time. If you happen to be in his home city and he is still escorting, give him a whirl. Or not.

[+ azdr0710]

based only on what you've told us (including "very well-reviewed escort"), sounds like he was keeping himself available for reliable regulars (including some who may book meetings of several hours) and booked himself up.....having canceled (even for good cause) on him certainly didn't instill a sense of urgency to book an unknown like you, I presume.....however, he tried to soften the blow by offering to meet you in his hometown, where, I'd guess, business is not as brisk as when he travels (I know several guys with this predicament).....if you really dig him, see if you can plan a trip to his burg....sounds like he'll see you

[Becket]

Sounds like he's making you sweat a little. Does this heighten your desire for him or does this "dance" turn you off? If you really want him then adjust your attitude. Make this scenario part of the fantasy. Just proceed as if he is a potential lover who is playing hard to get. Enjoy the 'tete-a-tete' and congratulate yourself for being so persistent and 'ultimately' irresistible when finally you do bed him. OR..........

move on to whoever is next.

[Juan Vancouver]

Here is another take on this whole situation, not that the opinions you have got so far are not clever.

 

I am going to interpret that exchange as if I were the escort.

 

You contacted me LONG time ago from far away. I notified you when coming to your area and you booked immediately. However, a few days before the session you cancelled. I am entirely certain that your reasons to cancel are valid and your intentions have always been honourable. Sadly this fits perfectly the profile of the time wasting guy who only wants to be in touch with escorts but will never actually meet them. Yes, this seems to be a very popular pastime.

 

In my locale, having one of those guys is annoying; while travelling somewhere else, having one of those guys could be the difference between being in the red or not.

 

As a rule of thumb, someone who fits this profile will never again get the chance to book a session with me. Fortunately I have a lot of entirely reliable clients to keep me busy and I just rather not take that risk again. It's not cost effective.

 

Not all is lost, though.

 

The problem is that I don't trust your seriousness when it comes to actually meeting me, however, I have been convinced by guys to book a session after this kind of interaction because they contacted me, apologized for the lost session (depending on how late they cancelled) and offered to pre-pay the next appointment. The agreement is that if he doesn't show up, the fee is non-refundable. Depending on how late they cancelled, some even offered to pay for half of the session they didn't honoured.

 

I am sure you can imagine that ALL of those men who booked under those circumstances showed up to their session on time, with bells on.

 

Yes. It sounds to me like you are on a black list. The only way to get yourself out of it it's not by promising and/or convincing; the only way to get yourself on the good list again is to prove that you are an actual client.

 

If he is a well-reviewed escort, if you really want to meet him and he is really hot, it might make sense for you to take the pre-payment risk.

 

Some of those previous black listed clients are now amazing regulars that I look forward to every single time.

[Juan Vancouver]

Sounds like he's making you sweat a little. Does this heighten your desire for him or does this "dance" turn you off? If you really want him then adjust your attitude. Make this scenario part of the fantasy. Just proceed as if he is a potential lover who is playing hard to get. Enjoy the 'tete-a-tete' and congratulate yourself for being so persistent and 'ultimately' irresistible when finally you do bed him. OR..........

move on to whoever is next.

 

NOOOO!!!!

 

Please don't listen to this no-doubt well intentioned advise.

 

He is not playing a game. He is likely not wanting to make you suffer and expecting you to beg him or pester him until he breaks down.

 

This is NOT a game. He is not in this profession to "show" people or teach them a lesson. He is escorting to make money.

 

This choice is entirely a financial risk assessment process.

 

If you start playing a game, insisting, begging, pestering, chances are he will think you are a crazy stalker and will never meet you, will block your name and number and will be hyper-alert to new messages form different numbers who sound like you.

 

It's not a game. Playing will not get you to see him.

 

Pony up. Show you are trustworthy.

[Becket]

Well that was a bit dark, @JuanVancouver. I love the dance, the chase, the game. It enriches my fantasy. It doesn't have to deteriorate into the horrors that you describe so vividly. I'm not just hiring a guy for sex. I'm entering into a relationship, if even just for 55 minutes. Yes, he is escorting to make money. But IMHO the best escorts attempt to meet a variety of client needs. These needs may be physical, emotional, and spiritual. Yes, money will be exchanged. But the guys who keep me coming back are the ones who bust their butts to provide an experience that far exceeds just the physical. They don't see the 'dance', the 'game' as a threat to their existence. Rather they understand that for many clients, the sex is one of the least important parts. But you know all this, @JuanVancouver. Otherwise you would not be the success that you are.

[Juan Vancouver]

@Becket,

 

I entirely understand and respect the dance of seduction and the game of back and forth. That is an amazing thing and can make a session incredibly hot.

 

The problem is when people start playing games during the booking process. It is very possible that you play those games and end up booking a session, but I have been escorting 11 years and 98% of the people who start playing that kind of games will never book a session and will have you on the phone for hours throughout long periods of time.

 

If you are into the pull back so I can desire you more, or vice versa, let your escort know that during the efficient booking process that is respectful of the escort's time, and when you meet him, by all means be as aloof as if turns you on, pull back, push, insist... it's a free for all.

 

You rightly say that you are entering an interaction for 55 minutes. During those 55 minutes let go and feel free to play whatever games you want to play.

 

I am talking about the year, months, weeks days before the session. Believe me, there are people out there who think it is incredibly enthralling to make their escort work hard for the session, who promise and back off, who play coy, who want to be convinced, lured, romanced. If you are ready to pay the escort for his time during the weeks this process might take, by all means go crazy but if you want to engage someone for weeks and pay him only for an hour, that I do find that reprehensible.

 

Experienced escorts can detect that pattern in less than five minutes and will mysteriously not be available until 2025.

[rvwnsd]

After my initial reply to this post, @mattr, I remembered a similar experience. I booked a session with a well-reviewed escort whom I had wanted to see for a very long time. He was visiting in February, when I typically get bronchitis, and sure enough I got sick. I cancelled and he was very gracious when I did so. He even checked up on me to see how I was feeling.

 

Fast-forward to the following year. He emailed me that he would be visiting in February and asked if I wanted to book an appointment. I replied that I would love to, but given I usually get sick at that time I was hesitant to book an appointment that I might not be able to keep. I suggested we touch bases when he arrived in town and get together if I was feeling well and he had an opening.

 

He emailed me upon arriving and asked how I was feeling. My annual bout with bronchitis was over and so we scheduled a playdate. It was wonderful.

 

Since then, I resist the urge to book in advance with a guy who is travelling to my city during cold and flu season. Too often I have to cancel and that is no fun for anyone.

[Rudynate]

After my initial reply to this post, @mattr, I remembered a similar experience. I booked a session with a well-reviewed escort whom I had wanted to see for a very long time. He was visiting in February, when I typically get bronchitis, and sure enough I got sick. I cancelled and he was very gracious when I did so. He even checked up on me to see how I was feeling.

 

Fast-forward to the following year. He emailed me that he would be visiting in February and asked if I wanted to book an appointment. I replied that I would love to, but given I usually get sick at that time I was hesitant to book an appointment that I might not be able to keep. I suggested we touch bases when he arrived in town and get together if I was feeling well and he had an opening.

 

He emailed me upon arriving and asked how I was feeling. My annual bout with bronchitis was over and so we scheduled a playdate. It was wonderful.

 

Since then, I resist the urge to book in advance with a guy who is travelling to my city during cold and flu season. Too often I have to cancel and that is no fun for anyone.

 

I've come to a similar conclusion. The thing I had to back out of early this year when I was sick involved too many moving parts. I would think hard before I made an arrangement like that again.

[JayCeeKy]

Just because you "feel" that the escort is shunning you does NOT make it a fact. Feelings are not facts. One of the major factors that makes people depressed, anxious, and generally miserable are called Cognitive Errors (sometimes called "habits of the mind"). And one of the most frequently used CE is "jumping to conclusions." When we become convinced that we KNOW why others are acting even without them saying so, we are jumping to conclusions. When I was doing relationship therapy I noticed that "jumping to conclusions" by conflicted partners was usually a toxic ingredient in that relationship. You have concluded that the escort is reacting negatively to you but have not actually bothered to find out if you are correct. For your own peace of mind, might I suggest you either ask him if he is upset with you, or better yet, accept his explanation and get on with your life.

[Rudynate]

Well that was a bit dark, @JuanVancouver. I love the dance, the chase, the game. It enriches my fantasy. It doesn't have to deteriorate into the horrors that you describe so vividly. I'm not just hiring a guy for sex. I'm entering into a relationship, if even just for 55 minutes. Yes, he is escorting to make money. But IMHO the best escorts attempt to meet a variety of client needs. These needs may be physical, emotional, and spiritual. Yes, money will be exchanged. But the guys who keep me coming back are the ones who bust their butts to provide an experience that far exceeds just the physical. They don't see the 'dance', the 'game' as a threat to their existence. Rather they understand that for many clients, the sex is one of the least important parts. But you know all this, @JuanVancouver. Otherwise you would not be the success that you are.

 

 

But suppose one has made it onto an escort's black list. Is that so bad? It's not like being blacklisted during the Macarthy era. There isn't a database where escorts share information about blacklisted clients, the way the insurance industry does. Life goes on, you keep hiring, just not THAT escort. Life was good before you ever tried to hire him. It's not even personal. He just made a decision that he wants to allocate his bandwidth in away that doesn't include you. Juan made it sound darker than it is.

[jawjateck]

Parsing motives will hurt your head and your heart. Best to not go there.

[Rudynate]

Parsing motives will hurt your head and your heart. Best to not go there.

 

I'm going to write that down. Beautiful!

[jawjateck]

I'm going to write that down. Beautiful!

 

Awww shux!

 

I'm glad I started hiring after studying Hooboy's reviews AND before I started reading the forum. Some of this seriousness would have scared me away from an awesome hobby.

[mike carey]

Some of this seriousness would have scared me away from an awesome hobby.

And it's to our benefit that you did adopt this hobby, your blog illuminates the possibilities for us all.

[Rudynate]

Awww shux!

 

I'm glad I started hiring after studying Hooboy's reviews AND before I started reading the forum. Some of this seriousness would have scared me away from an awesome hobby.

 

I did the same. I started hiring in the late 90s when Hooboy didn't even exist. First stumbled on Hoobay in ~2005. I checked out the forum and didn't like the tone of some of the posts I read, so I stayed away. Only joined a couple of years ago.

[Juan Vancouver]

I am puzzled but he fact that people seem to think my view on this is "too dark". Is it that hard for you guys to imagine having to conduct a business while at the same time having ten or so guys at all times trying to engage your attention constantly -and emotionally demandingly- without the intention of hiring you? An efficient business owner will be able to spot those people and swiftly, with no emotions at all, will find a way to disengage, make a note and continue working. I am not talking about hatred, or punishment or games. I am talking about a simple, detached risk assessment choice.

 

Try to imagine running a business and having to deal with this. Every. Single. Day.

 

Many times a day.

 

You have concluded that the escort is reacting negatively to you but have not actually bothered to find out if you are correct. For your own peace of mind, might I suggest you either ask him if he is upset with you, or better yet, accept his explanation and get on with your life.

 

If I have decided I am not investing more time on someone because they have appeared to be a time waster and that someone calls me asking me whether I have bad feelings or whether I am angry or whether I dislike them, (All of this language that should have no place in a professional relationship with someone with whom I have never met) I will very warmly, very politely, very effectively reassure them that I think they are wonderful, that I so wish I could meet them but that sadly I am simply just not available for a long, long, LONG time.

 

An emotional time waster, in my experience, has to be handled kindly and with as much care to help him resolve his emotions, otherwise he will continue pestering.

 

If someone calls me matter of factly and tells me -without any emotions or drama- that he thinks I might be avoiding to schedule a session with him, if I feel that he is behaving in a respectful and adult way (not to asses his personal worth, but to asses whether we can have a respectful, drama-free professional relationship) then I would explain to him that the specific details of our past interactions have made me think he is not serious about meeting. I will explain why, and I will let him know that if he is really interested in meeting me, I'd consider it if he pays for the session in a non-refundable advance.

 

Some people accept this, some scuff and get defensive. Some decide to go ahead and re-book.

 

There is absolutely nothing dark about this. It's not about hurt feelings. Again, it's only about risk assessment.

[+ Keith30309]

I'm really surprised at the amount of text/email interaction that appears to go on with some escorts/clients... is this the norm?

I'm looking at my last few hires text conversations and they seem to be very terse and only over a short period of time. I think I'm missing out on something here.

 

(Regarding the framing of this discussion in purely mercantile terms, my very last hire informed me that not only did he not enjoy sex but that every escort considered their interaction with a client to be 100% business and the objective was to maximize income. Period. I think someone else in the Forum referred to this as the considering of clients to be a pile of cash they stick their dick into. I'm not sure this is good for anyone and gratefully look back at some of the terrific guys I've been able to connect with.)

[Rudynate]

I am puzzled but he fact that people seem to think my view on this is "too dark". Is it that hard for you guys to imagine having to conduct a business while at the same time having ten or so guys at all times trying to engage your attention constantly -and emotionally demandingly- without the intention of hiring you? An efficient business owner will be able to spot those people and swiftly, with no emotions at all, will find a way to disengage, make a note and continue working. I am not talking about hatred, or punishment or games. I am talking about a simple, detached risk assessment choice.

 

Try to imagine running a business and having to deal with this. Every. Single. Day.

 

Many times a day.

 

 

 

If I have decided I am not investing more time on someone because they have appeared to be a time waster and that someone calls me asking me whether I have bad feelings or whether I am angry or whether I dislike them, (All of this language that should have no place in a professional relationship with someone with whom I have never met) I will very warmly, very politely, very effectively reassure them that I think they are wonderful, that I so wish I could meet them but that sadly I am simply just not available for a long, long, LONG time.

 

An emotional time waster, in my experience, has to be handled kindly and with as much care to help him resolve his emotions, otherwise he will continue pestering.

 

If someone calls me matter of factly and tells me -without any emotions or drama- that he thinks I might be avoiding to schedule a session with him, if I feel that he is behaving in a respectful and adult way (not to asses his personal worth, but to asses whether we can have a respectful, drama-free professional relationship) then I would explain to him that the specific details of our past interactions have made me think he is not serious about meeting. I will explain why, and I will let him know that if he is really interested in meeting me, I'd consider it if he pays for the session in a non-refundable advance.

 

Some people accept this, some scuff and get defensive. Some decide to go ahead and re-book.

 

There is absolutely nothing dark about this. It's not about hurt feelings. Again, it's only about risk assessment.

 

Ah - but most people don't really like seeing the sausage made.

[marylander1940]

I am puzzled but he fact that people seem to think my view on this is "too dark". Is it that hard for you guys to imagine having to conduct a business while at the same time having ten or so guys at all times trying to engage your attention constantly -and emotionally demandingly- without the intention of hiring you? An efficient business owner will be able to spot those people and swiftly, with no emotions at all, will find a way to disengage, make a note and continue working. I am not talking about hatred, or punishment or games. I am talking about a simple, detached risk assessment choice.

 

Try to imagine running a business and having to deal with this. Every. Single. Day.

 

Many times a day.

 

 

 

If I have decided I am not investing more time on someone because they have appeared to be a time waster and that someone calls me asking me whether I have bad feelings or whether I am angry or whether I dislike them, (All of this language that should have no place in a professional relationship with someone with whom I have never met) I will very warmly, very politely, very effectively reassure them that I think they are wonderful, that I so wish I could meet them but that sadly I am simply just not available for a long, long, LONG time.

 

An emotional time waster, in my experience, has to be handled kindly and with as much care to help him resolve his emotions, otherwise he will continue pestering.

 

If someone calls me matter of factly and tells me -without any emotions or drama- that he thinks I might be avoiding to schedule a session with him, if I feel that he is behaving in a respectful and adult way (not to asses his personal worth, but to asses whether we can have a respectful, drama-free professional relationship) then I would explain to him that the specific details of our past interactions have made me think he is not serious about meeting. I will explain why, and I will let him know that if he is really interested in meeting me, I'd consider it if he pays for the session in a non-refundable advance.

 

Some people accept this, some scuff and get defensive. Some decide to go ahead and re-book.

 

There is absolutely nothing dark about this. It's not about hurt feelings. Again, it's only about risk assessment.

 

I understand the teasing yinz (escorts) take over and over again, but one strike you're out? I'd give the OP another chance.