Need some courage

[seaboy4hire]

Just remember he works for you -- and it is his obligation both legally and ethically to provide you the most excellent level of healthcare of which he is capable, and in order for him to do so he should be aware

of your sexual, dietary, drug, alcohol, tobacco and other practices.

 

If you get a negative reaction when you tell him you are Gay - A Huge Flaming Fairy - Who Has Liza Minelli Undies and Judy Garland Bedroom Slippers on When you wear your RuPaul wig to make Oatmeal and a discussion with your Doc does not make you comfortable then it is time to find another practice/doctor.

 

Um will you please quit peeping through my windows? Thats just creepy.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[seaboy4hire]

This should be easy. Think of the much harder things you've had to face in life. It's your Dr he isn't allowed to discuss what goes on with others and reveal identity. Plus you see him prob 2 times a year. Breath and just let it out. If you were in Chicago I'd give you the name of my Dr who is absolutely fab! And I loathe Drs.

 

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Kippy]

All the best to you. I find it helpful when speaking with people that the more direct eye contact I maintain with them, the easier the words flow. It might be something that works for you too. It's your life-- not his! The complexities of gay health issues are many--I'm glad you're seeing your doctor. If he doesn't respond well-- find another.

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

[+ Keith30309]

This is all great advice to WC and also helpful. I, likewise, have never said anything to my doctor of 20 years. Clinically I believe he's a very good internist but, unfortunately, he's also pretty conservative and I'm not interested in being judged at every annual physical. I've been mulling changing to a closer doctor and this may be the impetus to doing that.

 

There is a national database that collects your medical info. So, I try not to get my HIV status into that database. My HIV testing does NOT include my real name. Make sure you protect your medical identity.

 

This is an excellent point and why I get STI screenings independently that can't be linked to my online history. It's been a while since I filled out a health certification questionnaire but I seem to recall one asking if I had ever been tested for several things.

[jjkrkwood]

Feeling this way is normal, WmC! I like the idea of writing down, and I also like verbalizing it. I actually stood in front of a bathroom mirror to practice how to tell it to my mom, who thought I was perfect in every way. My shame was so bad, I broke down a few times, but saying it to myself in the mirror helped me build the courage. I'm glad you are trusting your doc, plus it is a good idea to be upfront so he/she can help you be proactive - testing etc. the practicality of it is worth it. practice, baby, put the words in paper or onto the universe in front of a mirror. You can do this!

 

 

Mom is one thing, but a doctor ? They are supposed to be like priests, non-judgemental, although MY doctor is a douche-bag... The anxiety is due to fear of reaction, but the worst that can happen here is he'll have to find another doctor... (in network of course) . Once you are confident in WHO you are, the task of revealing it to others is easier..

[+ poolboy48220]

At my first appointment with my current doctor, back in 1997 or 1998, he asked if there were any other considerations or questions. I told him I was gay, he didn't bat an eye and asked if I was practicing safe sex, and that was pretty much the end of it. I've never (knock on wood) had any health issues related to that that needed discussing with him, but I'd feel totally comfortable doing so.

 

If he HAD given me any other reaction, I would have shopped around for a new doctor.

[+ Keith30309]

At my first appointment with my current doctor, back in 1997 or 1998, he asked if there were any other considerations or questions. I told him I was gay, he didn't bat an eye and asked if I was practicing safe sex, and that was pretty much the end of it. I've never (knock on wood) had any health issues related to that that needed discussing with him, but I'd feel totally comfortable doing so.

 

If he HAD given me any other reaction, I would have shopped around for a new doctor.

 

Putting aside the doctor's reaction (it IS his job) what practical implications are there of some specific procedure code or test being a permanent part of your medical history?

[jjkrkwood]

Putting aside the doctor's reaction (it IS his job) what practical implications are there of some specific procedure code or test being a permanent part of your medical history?

 

Actually, when my partner died of Aids, and I went to my doctor immediately afterwards to be tested, it was put in my file. I didn't take offense at that, but simply viewed it as precautionary based on my specific sexuality.

Every piece of information could prove useful to an overall medical history profile...

[+ SundayZip]

I'm part of a fairly progressive health care system so my experience might be an exception. When I went for my last physical exam, my doctor had just attended a new, in-house seminar on STDs and was actually excited that I was his first patient for whom he could use his new checklist for "men who have sex with men". It blew me away how thorough and professional the ensuing discussion went as well as the follow-up tests and vaccinations. As others have already posted, there's a lot more to it than an HIV test. Don't short-change yourself by not being 100% honest with your doctor.

[whipped guy]

@WmClarke I just caught this thread. I have always enjoyed your input in this forum and as such feel that I know you as a good guy even though we have never net. You have gotten much great advice here and I know that you will certainly approach things as you feel comfortable. Having been a healthcare professional I always used that as my excuse for making sure that I was tested on a regular basis for HIV, Hep, etc. So I never came out to any of my doctors over the years. Now that I am retired I am thinking of using the line that I am volunteering my services and as such would want to be tested simply due to that fact. I guess that I still don't have the courage to actually say the words. In that respect I'll bet that you will be a far better man than I.

 

I will be thinking of you today. I am confident that all will go perfectly!

[LADoug1]

Most of us have been in situations like this. If you have trouble verbalizing it write it on a piece of paper and hand it to him. Some people do this when they are afraid they will chicken out. Best of luck.

It might be good too to have a list of tests you would like done like HepABC, Herpes, HIV, HPV, Chlamydia, etal. If he sees this list he should realize that you are probably having sex with men. It may be a good ice-breaker so you can discuss your sexual health in detail with him. You might also ask about Prep.

 

If you get a negative, shaming response, then change doctors. I'm with Kaiser and when I changed docs I asked which doctor listed "comfortable treating gay men" in their profiles. I chose one from there and he's fantastic.

[+ WmClarke]

Just remember he works for you -- and it is his obligation both legally and ethically to provide you the most excellent level of healthcare of which he is capable, and in order for him to do so he should be aware

of your sexual, dietary, drug, alcohol, tobacco and other practices.

 

If you get a negative reaction when you tell him you are Gay - A Huge Flaming Fairy - Who Has Liza Minelli Undies and Judy Garland Bedroom Slippers on When you wear your RuPaul wig to make Oatmeal and a discussion with your Doc does not make you comfortable then it is time to find another practice/doctor.

Ha! I will probably do just that if it goes poorly!

 

 

There are other considerations for the general health of gay men which are different for men who do not participate in gay sex. Testing for Hepatitis B for example. A primary care physician should ask about sexual activity, but if he does not, you should tell him.

If you do not feel comfortable mentioning it to your doctor, for whatever reason, then you need to find another doctor.

They have asked in the past. But on a piece of paper with my name and patient ID on it! I'm just wary of databases--I work in IT and I KNOW how many unauthorized people can get to the days. HIPPA doesn't mean shit to some of the IT folks who run the systems. And that's what makes me nervous.

 

There's a good amount of sound advice here. I especially like the suggestion to write up a few notes to make sure you cover everything in your consultation. I've done this as well when needing to recall certain symptoms with my doctor.

 

It's normal to feel trepidatious about situations like these. Keep in mind your doctor is a medical professional, he or she has seen and heard a lot of embarrassing things over the course of practicing medicine. If your doctor reacts negativity, or behaves unprofessionally, you hold the ultimate trump card. You can fire him/her right there on the spot. Then find another doctor who is more tolerant.

 

IMHO it's important to share sexual orientation with a primary care doctor so that they have a full understanding of your case. There are many other medical conditions gay men can experience, not just risk of HIV. Besides, he or she may already know you are gay, they're not naive.

 

I make it a point to discuss my orientation with all of my doctors during our initial consultation. There's never been an issue for me yet.

 

Good luck

Thanks for the input! I'm pretty sure my doctor doesn't think I'm gay because we discuss my wife's terminal cancer all the time.

 

http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i57/2/9/28/frabz-YOU-CAN-DO-IT-MiniHamster-is-counting-on-you-994030.jpg

 

Just grin and bear it buddy, good luck.

Awwww! With mini-hamster on my side, how could I go wrong!?!!

[+ WmClarke]

Start with a simple statement, "I'm sexually active with men." My doctor didn't blink an eye when I told him I was gay but then he asked me if I was sexually active with men. He was smart enough to know that the one thing doesn't always mean the other.

That is almost word-for-word what I am planning on saying!

 

finally told my much-trusted, long-time straight doctor at last year's physical.....we've known each other since being busboys in college and he shares a lot of my interest in outdoor hobbies....he leans a bit liberal, I think, so that helped, I guess....instead of saying, "I'm gay" or "I'm bi" (still can't say it that way:(), I said something like, "I've been wrestling with my sexual orientation".....he didn't bat an eye, said it's definitely not a choice, and moved on to the prostate exam (jk)....after all these years, he may've already suspected it and, so, wasn't fazed by it.....he did not talk about habits and safety at all with me and that may've been because he knows I'm smart that way (or he was too busy at the moment?).....

 

except for a couple safe relatives, first straight person I've told

I've only told two friends--one gay and one straight. Great being able to talk to someone!

 

Perhaps you could mention it to his nurse. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://www.nursetogether.com/sites/default/files/nurse_articles/body/male-nurse-02.jpg

Can I do more than just talk to the nurse?! Maybe he's into older chubby bears....

 

When I came out to my wife and a few friends, I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say and read it to each of them privately through my stuttering and fear. It worked really well for me. I asked them not to question me until I was finished. It gave me a chance to say all that I needed to say without leaving anything out.

 

You are a valued and worthy human being. I wish I could hold your hand. Be proud of who you are.

i am definitely practicing in my head! Thanks for the support, glennn!

 

This should be easy. Think of the much harder things you've had to face in life. It's your Dr he isn't allowed to discuss what goes on with others and reveal identity. Plus you see him prob 2 times a year. Breath and just let it out. If you were in Chicago I'd give you the name of my Dr who is absolutely fab! And I loathe Drs.

 

 

Hugs,

Greg

Thanks, Greg! I think my doctor is pretty cool, but we will see...

 

All the best to you. I find it helpful when speaking with people that the more direct eye contact I maintain with them, the easier the words flow. It might be something that works for you too. It's your life-- not his! The complexities of gay health issues are many--I'm glad you're seeing your doctor. If he doesn't respond well-- find another.

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

I am opposite with the eye contact! But maybe that will help me spill more easily this time.

 

This is all great advice to WC and also helpful. I, likewise, have never said anything to my doctor of 20 years. Clinically I believe he's a very good internist but, unfortunately, he's also pretty conservative and I'm not interested in being judged at every annual physical. I've been mulling changing to a closer doctor and this may be the impetus to doing that.

 

This is an excellent point and why I get STI screenings independently that can't be linked to my online history. It's been a while since I filled out a health certification questionnaire but I seem to recall one asking if I had ever been tested for several things.

I have been doing my STI screens separately at a free clinic. But I just started the Hep vaccines (two days ago!) and thought I really need to tell my primary care physician that!

 

Mom is one thing, but a doctor ? They are supposed to be like priests, non-judgemental, although MY doctor is a douche-bag... The anxiety is due to fear of reaction, but the worst that can happen here is he'll have to find another doctor... (in network of course) . Once you are confident in WHO you are, the task of revealing it to others is easier..

Priests non-judgmental? I thought they were paid to castigate you for your flaws/sins!

 

At my first appointment with my current doctor, back in 1997 or 1998, he asked if there were any other considerations or questions. I told him I was gay, he didn't bat an eye and asked if I was practicing safe sex, and that was pretty much the end of it. I've never (knock on wood) had any health issues related to that that needed discussing with him, but I'd feel totally comfortable doing so.

 

If he HAD given me any other reaction, I would have shopped around for a new doctor.

Yeah, the worst possible outcome is that I will just have to shop around for a new doctor. I think I can handle that, as annoying as that may be....

 

Actually, when my partner died of Aids, and I went to my doctor immediately afterwards to be tested, it was put in my file. I didn't take offense at that, but simply viewed it as precautionary based on my specific sexuality.

Every piece of information could prove useful to an overall medical history profile...

Yup--that's a big motivation for me--my primary should really have the complete picture.

 

I'm part of a fairly progressive health care system so my experience might be an exception. When I went for my last physical exam, my doctor had just attended a new, in-house seminar on STDs and was actually excited that I was his first patient for whom he could use his new checklist for "men who have sex with men". It blew me away how thorough and professional the ensuing discussion went as well as the follow-up tests and vaccinations. As others have already posted, there's a lot more to it than an HIV test. Don't short-change yourself by not being 100% honest with your doctor.

That's really cool! Good that your doc is so current the issues!

 

@WmClarke I just caught this thread. I have always enjoyed your input in this forum and as such feel that I know you as a good guy even though we have never net. You have gotten much great advice here and I know that you will certainly approach things as you feel comfortable. Having been a healthcare professional I always used that as my excuse for making sure that I was tested on a regular basis for HIV, Hep, etc. So I never came out to any of my doctors over the years. Now that I am retired I am thinking of using the line that I am volunteering my services and as such would want to be tested simply due to that fact. I guess that I still don't have the courage to actually say the words. In that respect I'll bet that you will be a far better man than I.

 

I will be thinking of you today. I am confident that all will go perfectly!

Thanks for the support! Some day we will meet in person (are you coming to the Chicago meetup?) and I can thank you in person.

 

It might be good too to have a list of tests you would like done like HepABC, Herpes, HIV, HPV, Chlamydia, etal. If he sees this list he should realize that you are probably having sex with men. It may be a good ice-breaker so you can discuss your sexual health in detail with him. You might also ask about Prep.

 

If you get a negative, shaming response, then change doctors. I'm with Kaiser and when I changed docs I asked which doctor listed "comfortable treating gay men" in their profiles. I chose one from there and he's fantastic.

Done a lot of those tests at the free clinic, but they don't offer all of them. Another good reason to tell my primary.

[+ WmClarke]

THANKS to everyone for all the advice, input, and support! Just 5 hours until D(isclosure) Day!

[rvwnsd]

THANKS to everyone for all the advice, input, and support! Just 5 hours until D(isclosure) Day!

I just started reading this thread, so forgive the late entry. The relevant information is that you have sex with men. How you identify is beside the point. I like the approach of saying "I want you to know that I have sex with men." There are gay men who do not have sex with other people, so their health concerns would be very different than yours.

 

When I had my first appointment with my current physician in 2000 he asked me the following questions regarding sex and sexual health:

 

1. Do you have sex with men, women, or both men and women?
   
2. Are you in a sexually exclusive relationship?
   
3. When was your last HIV and STD screening?
   
4. What was the result of your last HIV and STD screening?
   
5. Do you practice safer sex?
   
6. Do you have any concerns about sex or sexual health that you would like to address?
   

He happens to be gay (I sought out a gay doctor) and at the time was in his mid-thirties, so I think he was a bit more progressive than many older physicians. After that first appointment I knew he was the doctor for me.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Lookin]

If you do end up getting stage fright, you could always ease into it by asking him what his advice would be for a patient who’s a little embarrassed about sharing a piece of medical history.

 

I’ve always been able to get myself into cold water, but usually ignore friends who suggest jumping in all at once. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://blogs.r.ftdata.co.uk/beyond-brics/files/2012/04/testing-the-water.jpg

[jjkrkwood]

If you do end up getting stage fright, you could always ease into it by asking him what his advice would be for a patient who’s a little embarrassed about sharing a piece of medical history.

 

I’ve always been able to get myself into cold water, but usually ignore friends who suggest jumping in all at once. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://blogs.r.ftdata.co.uk/beyond-brics/files/2012/04/testing-the-water.jpg

 

 

Oh lookin, somehow I always imagined you'd wear a two-piece ?

[+ Charlie]

It is worth remembering that there are gay men who have sex with women and straight men who have sex with men. When speaking with a doctor, the important thing is what you do, not why you do it. You need to tell the doctor what you reasonably believe you may have been exposed to, and what symptoms you may have; it is his/her job to do the diagnosis. If the doctor is obviously judgmental about your sexual orientation, should you choose to reveal it, then you do need to find a different doctor.

[+ WmClarke]

And there it is in black & white:

 

http://i1305.photobucket.com/albums/s545/WmClarke/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zps1jmfamkw.jpeg

[geminibear]

And there it is in black & white:

 

http://i1305.photobucket.com/albums/s545/WmClarke/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zps1jmfamkw.jpeg

easy peasy....."I use having sex with males as birth control"

[+ WmClarke]

I just started reading this thread, so forgive the late entry. The relevant information is that you have sex with men. How you identify is beside the point. I like the approach of saying "I want you to know that I have sex with men." There are gay men who do not have sex with other people, so their health concerns would be very different than yours.

 

When I had my first appointment with my current physician in 2000 he asked me the following questions regarding sex and sexual health:

 

1. Do you have sex with men, women, or both men and women?
   
2. Are you in a sexually exclusive relationship?
   
3. When was your last HIV and STD screening?
   
4. What was the result of your last HIV and STD screening?
   
5. Do you practice safer sex?
   
6. Do you have any concerns about sex or sexual health that you would like to address?
   

He happens to be gay (I sought out a gay doctor) and at the time was in his mid-thirties, so I think he was a bit more progressive than many older physicians. After that first appointment I knew he was the doctor for me.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Thanks for sharing this with me. Always like to hear success stories!

 

If you do end up getting stage fright, you could always ease into it by asking him what his advice would be for a patient who’s a little embarrassed about sharing a piece of medical history.

 

I’ve always been able to get myself into cold water, but usually ignore friends who suggest jumping in all at once. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://blogs.r.ftdata.co.uk/beyond-brics/files/2012/04/testing-the-water.jpg

I'm more of a "jump in--Cannonball!" kind of guy.

 

It is worth remembering that there are gay men who have sex with women and straight men who have sex with men. When speaking with a doctor, the important thing is what you do, not why you do it. You need to tell the doctor what you reasonably believe you may have been exposed to, and what symptoms you may have; it is his/her job to do the diagnosis. If the doctor is obviously judgmental about your sexual orientation, should you choose to reveal it, then you do need to find a different doctor.

Great perspective! Thanks for the advice--that's what I did--what I do, not why.

[+ WmClarke]

easy peasy....."I use having sex with males as birth control"

Exactly!!!!!!

[+ WmClarke]

Thanks again, everyone!

 

Went well--except my blood pressure was high. Gee, I wonder why?!! She wants me to go back on high bp meds, but I don't want the water retention or ED that comes with it.

 

Going back in a month to check the blood pressure again and start meds if needed.

 

Other than that, we're all good.

 

I can already feel my blood pressure dropping.....

[+ Truereview]

Thanks again, everyone!

 

Went well--except my blood pressure was high. Gee, I wonder why?!! She wants me to go back on high bp meds, but I don't want the water retention of ED that comes with it.

 

Going back in a month to check the blood pressure again and start meds if needed.

 

Other than that, we're all good.

 

I can already feel my blood pressure dropping.....

Time to celebrate!

http://media0.giphy.com/media/eA2LbvMeJvQiY/giphy.gif

[Lookin]

Oh lookin, somehow I always imagined you'd wear a two-piece ?

On the nose, as usual. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/thumbsup.png I use the low-rider truss whilst bathing in public. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif