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Need some courage

WmClarke

By + WmClarke
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WmClarke Mentor

+ WmClarke

Posted
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Tomorrow is my annual physical.

 

And I think it's time I told my doctor about my secret gay sex life.

 

Just afraid I'll chicken out by the time I my appointment rolls around.

 

Jeez--I'm getting really nervous just thinking about it. Stomach tightening up, throat drying out..... What the hell is wrong with me?

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Rickee Enthusiast

+ Rickee

Posted
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Most of us have been in situations like this. If you have trouble verbalizing it write it on a piece of paper and hand it to him. Some people do this when they are afraid they will chicken out. Best of luck.

+1

Outstanding advice.

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Truereview Grand Master

+ Truereview

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Feeling this way is normal, WmC! I like the idea of writing down, and I also like verbalizing it. I actually stood in front of a bathroom mirror to practice how to tell it to my mom, who thought I was perfect in every way. My shame was so bad, I broke down a few times, but saying it to myself in the mirror helped me build the courage. I'm glad you are trusting your doc, plus it is a good idea to be upfront so he/she can help you be proactive - testing etc. the practicality of it is worth it. practice, baby, put the words in paper or onto the universe in front of a mirror. You can do this!

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OneFinger Mentor

OneFinger

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I've gone thru some serious medical issues in the past 6 months. But, I've not felt it important to disclose my gayness to my Dr. I already know I'm HIV- and beyond that, what do they need to know? If your HIV status is unknown, then perhaps you need to disclose it. But, if your status is known, then why mention it??

 

There is a national database that collects your medical info. So, I try not to get my HIV status into that database. My HIV testing does NOT include my real name. Make sure you protect your medical identity.

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WmClarke Mentor

+ WmClarke

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Feeling this way is normal, WmC! I like the idea of writing down, and I also like verbalizing it. I actually stood in front of a bathroom mirror to practice how to tell it to my mom, who thought I was perfect in every way. My shame was so bad, I broke down a few times, but saying it to myself in the mirror helped me build the courage. I'm glad you are trusting your doc, plus it is a good idea to be upfront so he/she can help you be proactive - testing etc. the practicality of it is worth it. practice, baby, put the words in paper or onto the universe in front of a mirror. You can do this!

Wonderful idea on practicing. I hate looking at myself in the mirror--maybe if I put a brown paper sack over my head... ;)

 

Thanks for the suggestion!

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WmClarke Mentor

+ WmClarke

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I've gone thru some serious medical issues in the past 6 months. But, I've not felt it important to disclose my gayness to my Dr. I already know I'm HIV- and beyond that, what do they need to know? If your HIV status is unknown, then perhaps you need to disclose it. But, if your status is known, then why mention it??

 

There is a national database that collects your medical info. So, I try not to get my HIV status into that database. My HIV testing does NOT include my real name. Make sure you protect your medical identity.

That's how I've been doing it--free clinic every three months, without using my real name. Last test was last night and it was negative (28 day reactive test).

 

Who owns that national database? Why does it exist?

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Bearofdistinction Mentor

Bearofdistinction

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Tomorrow is my annual physical.

 

And I think it's time I told my doctor about my secret gay sex life.

 

Just afraid I'll chicken out by the time I my appointment rolls around.

 

Jeez--I'm getting really nervous just thinking about it. Stomach tightening up, throat drying out..... What the hell is wrong with me?

 

Just remember he works for you -- and it is his obligation both legally and ethically to provide you the most excellent level of healthcare of which he is capable, and in order for him to do so he should be aware

of your sexual, dietary, drug, alcohol, tobacco and other practices.

 

If you get a negative reaction when you tell him you are Gay - A Huge Flaming Fairy - Who Has Liza Minelli Undies and Judy Garland Bedroom Slippers on When you wear your RuPaul wig to make Oatmeal and a discussion with your Doc does not make you comfortable then it is time to find another practice/doctor.

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purplekow Grand Master

+ purplekow

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There are other considerations for the general health of gay men which are different for men who do not participate in gay sex. Testing for Hepatitis B for example. A primary care physician should ask about sexual activity, but if he does not, you should tell him.

If you do not feel comfortable mentioning it to your doctor, for whatever reason, then you need to find another doctor.

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ArVaGuy Veteran

+ ArVaGuy

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There's a good amount of sound advice here. I especially like the suggestion to write up a few notes to make sure you cover everything in your consultation. I've done this as well when needing to recall certain symptoms with my doctor.

 

It's normal to feel trepidatious about situations like these. Keep in mind your doctor is a medical professional, he or she has seen and heard a lot of embarrassing things over the course of practicing medicine. If your doctor reacts negativity, or behaves unprofessionally, you hold the ultimate trump card. You can fire him/her right there on the spot. Then find another doctor who is more tolerant.

 

IMHO it's important to share sexual orientation with a primary care doctor so that they have a full understanding of your case. There are many other medical conditions gay men can experience, not just risk of HIV. Besides, he or she may already know you are gay, they're not naive.

 

I make it a point to discuss my orientation with all of my doctors during our initial consultation. There's never been an issue for me yet.

 

Good luck

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ArVaGuy Veteran

+ ArVaGuy

Posted
Posted
There are other considerations for the general health of gay men which are different for men who do not participate in gay sex. Testing for Hepatitis B for example. A primary care physician should ask about sexual activity, but if he does not, you should tell him.

If you do not feel comfortable mentioning it to your doctor, for whatever reason, then you need to find another doctor.

 

 

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c262/cpapa8162/Avatar%20Options/applause.gif

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SundayZip Mentor

+ SundayZip

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Start with a simple statement, "I'm sexually active with men." My doctor didn't blink an eye when I told him I was gay but then he asked me if I was sexually active with men. He was smart enough to know that the one thing doesn't always mean the other.

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azdr0710 Grand Master

+ azdr0710

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finally told my much-trusted, long-time straight doctor at last year's physical.....we've known each other since being busboys in college and he shares a lot of my interest in outdoor hobbies....he leans a bit liberal, I think, so that helped, I guess....instead of saying, "I'm gay" or "I'm bi" (still can't say it that way:(), I said something like, "I've been wrestling with my sexual orientation".....he didn't bat an eye, said it's definitely not a choice, and moved on to the prostate exam (jk)....after all these years, he may've already suspected it and, so, wasn't fazed by it.....he did not talk about habits and safety at all with me and that may've been because he knows I'm smart that way (or he was too busy at the moment?).....

 

except for a couple safe relatives, first straight person I've told

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glennnn Mentor

+ glennnn

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When I came out to my wife and a few friends, I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say and read it to each of them privately through my stuttering and fear. It worked really well for me. I asked them not to question me until I was finished. It gave me a chance to say all that I needed to say without leaving anything out.

 

You are a valued and worthy human being. I wish I could hold your hand. Be proud of who you are.

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