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Of being alone on Valentine's...


Truereview
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This morning, I reflect on my choice to have a Valentines date. I'm finally ready, but I do mourn my choice for solitude in previous years. This passage by Chanel Dubofsky kinda does it for me:

 

...We have bought this, I think, the idea that being alone is something we should avoid at all costs. Women who are alone, who live alone after a certain age, who aren't partnered, are pathetic and deeply suspicious. Men who are alone are either oversexed, perpetual teenagers, sad, asexual creatures, or creepy perverts. Being by yourself is not a choice anyone in their right mind is supposed to opt for.

 

Charles Bukowski wrote, "Loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude." It's important to know the difference between being alone and being lonely, and they're often confused. For me, being alone is something I choose, loneliness is the result of being alone, or feeling alone when I haven't chosen it, but they aren't the same, and they don't necessarily lead to one another.

 

It's assumed that if you are alone, you must be lonely, or there must be something wrong, especially in a culture in which we emphasize the... couple as the symbol of the ultimate satisfaction. Spending time alone is another method of developing a relationship with myself, of actively engaging with what I want and what the possibilities could be. It's a loss, I think, that being alone has become something else that we police socially, because the result is that we miss out on an important part of what it means to live in our bodies.

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For me, being alone is something I choose, loneliness is the result of being alone, or feeling alone when I haven't chosen it, but they aren't the same, and they don't necessarily lead to one another.

 

For me, this is the heart of the matter. I completely acknowledge and agree that being alone is very different than being lonely and it's all about your choice in the matter. Unfortunately, the importance of choice factors into the opposite condition.

 

I have a number of very good and reliable friends. I can have company and companionship at any time. However, I am no longer single by choice and therefore can feel quite lonely in the midst of all this potential company.

 

It's really just two sides of the same coin, but my hope for you TR continues to be that you will change your mind and lock someone down. ;)

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For me, this is the heart of the matter. I completely acknowledge and agree that being alone is very different than being lonely and it's all about your choice in the matter. Unfortunately, the importance of choice factors into the opposite condition.

 

I have a number of very good and reliable friends. I can have company and companionship at any time. However, I am no longer single by choice and therefore can feel quite lonely in the midst of all this potential company.

 

It's really just two sides of the same coin, but my hope for you TR continues to be that you will change your mind and lock someone down. ;)

You, sir, are a sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and hope. Personally, I see you falling in love with a Tico and moving to CR to make your life even livelier. Besito, - TR

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I love being alone. I love my solitude, my independence, my time to reflect and appreciate all that is my life, and I understand that I may never co-habitat with anyone again, and I'm OK with that, actually prefer it...I think. I don't associate being alone with loneliness. For me they are not one and the same.

 

Today I am going to a Valentine's day party, where most likely there will be more people singled than coupled, so I'm putting on a cute little top and hoping for the best...;)

 

So whatever you have chosen for the day TR, I wish you the hottest, sexiest day ever.....

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I am frequently having to correct people that although I am alone, I am far from lonely. I, too, prefer my solitude. What I do miss about Valentine's Day is from my days of living in NYC. A good friend (female) and I would go to my favorite French bistro for dinner on that day. The bistro has long been closed, and the friendship moved on years ago (distance and her getting married).

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I am frequently having to correct people that although I am alone, I am far from lonely. I, too, prefer my solitude. What I do miss about Valentine's Day is from my days of living in NYC. A good friend (female) and I would go to my favorite French bistro for dinner on that day. The bistro has long been closed, and the friendship moved on years ago (distance and her getting married).

But a lovely memory...thanks for sharing!

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Write yourself an insincere message on a tacky Hallmark card; eat some supermarket bought chocolates from a dusty box; have your dog lick you on the cheek and then call out for Chinese food from a particularly bad Chinese restaurant. VOILA a better VD than 95% of the coupled people in the US.

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Send yourself a meaningless Hallmark card signed with XXX and OOOO, eat some week old Supermarket bought chocolates out of a dusty box and have your dog lick you on the cheek. There, you have had a better VD than 95 % of the coupled people in the US.

 

Write yourself an insincere message on a tacky Hallmark card; eat some supermarket bought chocolates from a dusty box; have your dog lick you on the cheek and then call out for Chinese food from a particularly bad Chinese restaurant. VOILA a better VD than 95% of the coupled people in the US.

 

The other option is to spend your Vday playing One of these posts is not like the other and you'd still have a better VDay than 95% of the coupled people in the US ;)

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Valentines Day has never been a thing for me just as, more controversially, I can take Christmas get-togethers or leave them. For me, a meeting is special for the fact that it happens, not for the day on which it happens. For that, I understand that for some people, some days are important, be that Valentines, Christmas or Thanksgiving.

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I love being alone. I love my solitude, my independence, my time to reflect and appreciate all that is my life, and I understand that I may never co-habitat with anyone again, and I'm OK with that, actually prefer it...I think. I don't associate being alone with loneliness. For me they are not one and the same...

 

Wonderfully stated. This is the exact way I feel. And, I appreciate knowing there are others out there with similar feelings and life choices.

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This morning, I reflect on my choice to have a Valentines date. I'm finally ready, but I do mourn my choice for solitude in previous years. This passage by Chanel Dubofsky kinda does it for me:

 

...We have bought this, I think, the idea that being alone is something we should avoid at all costs. Women who are alone, who live alone after a certain age, who aren't partnered, are pathetic and deeply suspicious. Men who are alone are either oversexed, perpetual teenagers, sad, asexual creatures, or creepy perverts. Being by yourself is not a choice anyone in their right mind is supposed to opt for...

 

Thank you for sharing this!

 

Brilliant, one more thing women who are alone are called childless or "left-women", men are called bohemians... The typical double standard, will we ever get over it.

Kim Cattrall finds the term 'childless' offensive and considers herself a mother despite not having children

 

“I have young actors and actresses that I mentor, I have nieces and nephews that I am very close to so I think the thing that I find questionable about being childless or childfree is - are you really?

 

“There is a way to become a mother in this day and age that doesn’t include your name on the child’s birth certificate. You can express that maternal side very clearly, very strongly.”

 

The Sex and the City star said that while she may not be a “biological” parent, “I am a parent”. Cattrall admits that she “didn’t change nappies,” but says she instead helped her niece though medical school and sat down with her nephew when he was “having a really tough time” joining the army.

 

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/kim-cattrall-finds-the-term-childless-offensive-and-considers-herself-a-mother-despite-not-having-10501571.html

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Thank you for sharing this!

 

Brilliant, one more thing women who are alone are called childless or "left-women", men are called bohemians... The typical double standard, will we ever get over it.

Kim Cattrall finds the term 'childless' offensive and considers herself a mother despite not having children

 

“I have young actors and actresses that I mentor, I have nieces and nephews that I am very close to so I think the thing that I find questionable about being childless or childfree is - are you really?

 

“There is a way to become a mother in this day and age that doesn’t include your name on the child’s birth certificate. You can express that maternal side very clearly, very strongly.”

 

The Sex and the City star said that while she may not be a “biological” parent, “I am a parent”. Cattrall admits that she “didn’t change nappies,” but says she instead helped her niece though medical school and sat down with her nephew when he was “having a really tough time” joining the army.

 

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/kim-cattrall-finds-the-term-childless-offensive-and-considers-herself-a-mother-despite-not-having-10501571.html

The Samantha Jones character is the persona in Sex & the City I identify with the most. Sounds like Catrall holds some similar perspectives as I do as well. Cool connection, MD! Ty.

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I love being alone. I love my solitude, my independence, my time to reflect and appreciate all that is my life, and I understand that I may never co-habitat with anyone again, and I'm OK with that, actually prefer it...I think. I don't associate being alone with loneliness. For me they are not one and the same.

 

That's me. :)

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It sounds like you had a lovely Valentine's Day, and I'm happy for you. It does sadden me when people who are single allow Valentine's Day to upset them and make them feel lonely. The day only has as much power as we give it. It can be hard to ignore all the messages of love and gifting, but I do my best. My partner and I are both in agreement that it's a holiday we ignore entirely. It's been studied and the serotonin production from a gift that is unexpected is 4 times greater when there is an expectation, so I'm gonna continue showing my love in unexpected ways when I chose and not when I'm told to.

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