Responding to clients who say I love you

[Tigger]

This is such an important point. A grown man doesn't wake up and suddenly realize that life just isn't worth living if he can't live it with his escort. If he falls madly in love, it's because he allowed it to happen. He started seeing too much of the escort, he discarded boundaries that should have been allowed to remain in place, etc., etc.

 

I don't remember Mike describing a Romeo and Juliet scenario. You can fall in love without declaring to someone that your life is over if they don't reciprocate. But in general I'd say people don't have sex with people they hate. They have some feeling of like or lust for the partner. Once you like/lust someone, you can't always control how you feel about them or how the feelings develop-especially if you add sex into the mix. Most people aren't Mr. Spock planning out their relationship feelings in advance.

 

"Barely even friends, then somebody bends unexpectedly"

 

 

 

Tangent time. Sorry Mike, but you aren't really getting much advice from escorts anyways. :)

 

I didn't realize this query was supposed to be restricted to escorts. If I was wrong in answering it, I'm sorry.

 

As a famous director once said, "The heart wants what it wants."

 

Do you know who said that? I have used that quote dozens of times to explain the unexplainable when it comes to matters of the heart. It doesn't make it any less true, but I would love to know who the hell I'm quoting.

 

The origin of the quote is rather unsavory. I hate myself when I use it. But it seems so apropos sometimes I can't help myself.

 

The sordid history of the quote is that Woody Allen said it in an article describing his love affair with his one time step-daughter now wife Soon-Yi (Previn) Allen around the time he left Mia Farrow.

 

If that doesn't revolt you, this article might.

 

 

Woody Allen’s relationship with Soon-Yi is creepier than you could imagine

 

By

Derrick Bryson Taylor

 

July 30, 2015 | 9:35am

 

 

Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn

Photo: FilmMagic

Woody Allen says his 23-year relationship with Soon-Yi Previn worked because of their previous parent-child relationship.

 

“I’m 35 years older, and somehow, through no fault of mine or hers, the dynamic worked,” the 79-year-old director told NPR in an interview published Wednesday. “I was paternal. She responded to someone who was paternal.”

 

 

 

“She deferred to me, and I was happy to give her an enormous amount of decision-making just as a gift and let her take charge of so many things,” he continued. “She flourished. It was just a good luck thing.”

 

But the couple holds contradictory views on why their relationship worked. Previn, 44, told Time in 1992, “To think that Woody was in any way a father or stepfather to me is laughable.”

 

The two began their relationship in the late ’80s when Allen was dating Mia Farrow, with whom he adopted several children. Previn is Farrow’s adopted daughter from her failed marriage to composer André Previn.

 

“I started the relationship with her and I thought it would just be a fling. It wouldn’t be serious, but it had a life of its own. And I never thought it would be anything more. Then we started going together, then we started living together, and we were enjoying it. And the age difference didn’t seem to matter. It seemed to work in our favor actually,” Allen said of their romance.

 

 

Allen, Previn and their children walk down Fifth Avenue during the Easter parade on April 20, 2003.

Photo: Getty Images

Allen and Previn married in 1997 and have two adopted children together.

 

“She enjoyed being introduced to many, many things that I knew from experience, and I enjoyed showing her those things. She took them, and outstripped me in certain areas that I showed her,” he continued. “That’s why I’m a big believer in luck. I feel that you can’t orchestrate those things. Two people come along and they have a trillion exquisite needs and neuroses and nuances and they have to mesh, and if one of them doesn’t mesh, it causes a lot of trouble. It’s like the trace vitamin not being in your body. It’s a tiny little thing, but if you don’t have it you die.”

 

Acknowledging that it’s often said that relationships require “work,” Allen candidly disagreed with the idea.

 

“If you feel that you have to work at it — a constant business of looking the other way, sweeping stuff under the rug, compromising — it’s not working.”

Edited November 24, 2015 by Tigger

[MikeyGMin]

I didn't realize this query was supposed to be restricted to escorts. If I was wrong in answering it, I'm sorry.

 

Heavens no. The forum is called "Ask an Escort" but there are always tons of non-escorts with opinions. I last participated in these forums nine years ago and nothing appears to have changed.

 

 

The origin of the quote is rather unsavory. I hate myself when I use it. But it seems so apropos sometimes I can't help myself.

 

Now that I know its origin, I will certainly never say "a wise man once said…" But there is no denying the simple truth that the heart wants what the heart wants. It isn't always logical, and it isn't always pretty, but it is what it is.

 

That said, I don't agree that it's the escorts responsibility to end the arrangement. The client needs to get their shit together or they should be the one to stop calling the escort. The poor escort gets financially penalized either way, but they shouldn't have to do it to themselves.

 

 

 

 

[Tigger]

Heavens no. The forum is called "Ask an Escort" but there are always tons of non-escorts with opinions. I last participated in these forums nine years ago and nothing appears to have changed.

 

 

 

Thanks

 

Now that I know its origin, I will certainly never say "a wise man once said…" But there is no denying the simple truth that the heart wants what the heart wants. It isn't always logical, and it isn't always pretty, but it is what it is.

 

My former chaplain where I used to live would not agree-or at least he based his sermon on the fact that the heart may want what it wants. But that's why we have intellect for control. If the heart wants something bad like a child wants candy, we adults prevent it.

 

That said, I don't agree that it's the escorts responsibility to end the arrangement. The client needs to get their shit together or they should be the one to stop calling the escort. The poor escort gets financially penalized either way, but they shouldn't have to do it to themselves.

I would say that someone with unrequited love may not be able to control how he feels. An escort who keeps seeing a client under those circumstances is just egging the client on-giving him groundless hope. It's like administering heroin to a heroin addict. If the escort continues seeing the client, there's a chance that the client becomes even more entangled. Sex and endorphins combined with the loneliness a lot of clients feel are a potent brew.

 

 

Years ago I was smart enough to stop seeing an escort. I didn't even love him. But I liked him. I wanted to be friends. I don't think the escort particularly disliked me. He even had mentioned that I wasn't difficult to please. But I wanted to be a friend and not a client. I was fairly sure that was never going to happen. It was difficult. I can't even imagine how much more difficult it would have been had I actually been in love with him. If I had loved him, I might not have been able to keep myself from hiring him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 29, 2015 by Tigger

[BaronArtz]

 

Years ago I was smart enough to stop seeing an escort. I didn't even love him. But I liked him. I wanted to be friends. I don't think the escort particularly disliked me. He even had mentioned that I wasn't difficult to please. But I wanted to be a friend and not a client. I was fairly sure that was never going to happen. It was difficult. I can't even imagine how much more difficult it would have been had I actually been in love with him. If I had loved him, I might not have been able to keep myself from hiring him.

 

 

I sympathize with you. I went through something similar. But I was not smart enough to end it. He did end it. It was painful.

[jimboivyo]

it's ok to love an escort. it's ok to love a client.

 

it's not ok for either to take advantage of that

[Rudynate]

Thanks

 

I would say that someone with unrequited love may not be able to control how he feels.

 

But he has total control over how he behaves. In controlling his behavior, he can achieve a degree of mastery of his feelings, as you found.

[LADoug1]

The moment I started to even begin to imply I was developing an emotional attachment with an escort he kindly answered "I don't have a boyfriend and I love what I do". He probably had said this many times before because it was the perfect and kind answer. I still love this escort as a friend but am not in love with him because of what he said. I think he handled it beautifully.

[Guest countryboywny]

it's ok to love an escort. it's ok to love a client.

 

it's not ok for either to take advantage of that

 

Love means different things to different people and to different degrees. When I tell someone that I love them, it's an expression of my true feelings. I don't expect to hear "I love you too" back unless it's a true feeling. In the context of a client/escort relationship, I enjoy the feeling that I have expressed myself. Jimboivyo hits the nail on the head.

[Tigger]

But he has total control over how he behaves. In controlling his behavior, he can achieve a degree of mastery of his feelings, as you found.

 

There's a reason you aren't supposed to feed bears in a zoo or you don't take an alcoholic to a bar. You don't keep offering someone something that they can never have. I'd say this goes doubly for sex with all the endorphins it produces.

 

Love means different things to different people and to different degrees. When I tell someone that I love them, it's an expression of my true feelings. I don't expect to hear "I love you too" back unless it's a true feeling. In the context of a client/escort relationship, I enjoy the feeling that I have expressed myself. Jimboivyo hits the nail on the head.

 

This sounds very nice. But this sounds more like love as opposed to "being in love".

Any reputable mental health/relationship expert will tell you that if you are in love with someone unobtainable the best thing to do is distance yourself-allow the immediacy of the emotion to fade. Find a hobby.

[geminibear]

There's a reason you aren't supposed to feed bears in a zoo

 

What?!?! says who? I'm not sure I like where this is going

[+ Truereview]

What?!?! says who? I'm not sure I like where this is going

 

Dinner's served, GBear...

 

http://41.media.tumblr.com/3ae634ae0ab159a2b100de0541ff29c8/tumblr_nmyflx4iDE1qf383ro1_500.jpg

[geminibear]

Dinner's served, GBear...

Thanks True that's is some serious bear snack....

[Mikegaite]

This is not at all the direction I thought this thread would go in lol, but I absolutely approve.

[big-n-tall]

This is not at all the direction I thought this thread would go in lol, but I absolutely approve.

 

And what direction did you think it would go Mr. Gaite?

[MikeyGMin]

This is not at all the direction I thought this thread would go in lol, but I absolutely approve.

 

Did you get a single piece of useful advice on how to let a guy down easily?

 

(I just assume that's what you meant and could be totally wrong.)

[MikeCruiseNYC]

I look them right in the eye and tell them I love them too, because I do.

[Rudynate]

There's a reason you aren't supposed to feed bears in a zoo or you don't take an alcoholic to a bar.

 

Alcoholics attain mastery over their obsession by never picking up the first drink, a day at a time.

[RussJohnson]

I look them right in the eye and tell them I love them too, because I do.

 

Really?

[gp0560]

Tangent time. Sorry Mike, but you aren't really getting much advice from escorts anyways. :)

 

Do you know who said that? I have used that quote dozens of times to explain the unexplainable when it comes to matters of the heart. It doesn't make it any less true, but I would love to know who the hell I'm quoting.

 

If you're still looking for the source of that quote, try Pascal. From Wikipedia, about a TV show named "The Heart Has Its Reasons":

 

Comes from

Blaise Pascal

, a 17th-century French author, who said, « Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point » ("The Heart Has Its Reasons that reason does not know").

[+ Gar1eth]

If you're still looking for the source of that quote, try Pascal. From Wikipedia, about a TV show named "The Heart Has Its Reasons":

 

Comes from

Blaise Pascal

, a 17th-century French author, who said, « Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point » ("The Heart Has Its Reasons that reason does not know").

 

 

I 1st became aware of that quote in 6th grade as I read M. L'engle's Newberry Award winning A Wrinkle In Time. The character of Mrs. Who uses that quote.

 

Gman

[Guest countryboywny]

This sounds very nice. But this sounds more like love as opposed to "being in love".

Any reputable mental health/relationship expert will tell you that if you are in love with someone unobtainable the best thing to do is distance yourself-allow the immediacy of the emotion to fade. Find a hobby.

 

I'm in love with my family, my friends, and, yes, an escort or three.. If you define "being in love" as having an expectation of monogamy, marriage and a house with a white picket fence, then I agree. I am certainly aware that my relationship with an escort will never come to that and it isn't a problem for me. BUT, when you tell someone that you love them and the feeling is true, it's the ultimate compliment you can give someone. It tells the person he is worth loving, and that you value him. Whether or not he feels the same thing towards me is up to him. I know there is a difference between love and lust and also that different people want different things in their escort relationships. I also know many guys tip-toe around the "love" thing, but for me, I'd rather be honest about how I feel about someone.

[Tigger]

Alcoholics attain mastery over their obsession by never picking up the first drink, a day at a time.

 

And people who know them and care about them don't offer them alcohol. In the same way that an escort who knows his client has developed an unhealthy attraction to him should quit seeing the client and not fan the flames.

[Tigger]

I'm in love with my family, my friends, and, yes, an escort or three.. If you define "being in love" as having an expectation of monogamy, marriage and a house with a white picket fence, then I agree. I am certainly aware that my relationship with an escort will never come to that and it isn't a problem for me. BUT, when you tell someone that you love them and the feeling is true, it's the ultimate compliment you can give someone. It tells the person he is worth loving, and that you value him. Whether or not he feels the same thing towards me is up to him. I know there is a difference between love and lust and also that different people want different things in their escort relationships. I also know many guys tip-toe around the "love" thing, but for me, I'd rather be honest about how I feel about someone.

 

I'm not sure what you are describing is really 'being in love' and if it is, it's more on the unusual side. The majority of people I know while there may be multiple people they love are not 'in love' with multiple people at one time. Some people are polyamory. But it's not the norm.

 

But actually being in love with an escort in most cases is probably not a good thing. In general how many people can tolerate being in love with anyone, escort or not, frequently be with them/have sex with them (actions that are normally considered things that bond and strengthen relationships), and know that in spite of all the time and sex together that the other person doesn't feel the same way about them. The majority of the people I know would get depressed about the fact that the other person isn't in love with them. It doesn't lead to a good mental health situation. If it did, then why would there be so many tragedies written about unrequited love. In an unrequited love situation it would be too easy for the object of affection, even without meaning to, to take advantage. In an escort/client situation, an escort who is a mensch will do everything he can to make sure the client is let down easily, not take advantage of the situation, and in many cases probably needs to distance himself from the client as how is the client supposed to get over the object of his affection when presented with him on a frequent basis.

 

But I am out of this thread. I'm even going to pick the 'unfollow' option.

Edited November 25, 2015 by Tigger

[Rudynate]

And people who know them and care about them don't offer them alcohol. In the same way that an escort who knows his client has developed an unhealthy attraction to him should quit seeing the client and not fan the flames.

 

That may be true. However, an alcoholic who is living sober successfully would never give away responsibility for his/her sobriety to anyone else. A person whose relationship with an escort has gone awry has no less of a responsibility to manage the situation.

[Griffin Donavon]

I go with it, if they want the boyfriend experience I give it to them. With escorting its a whole different side of me, i am there to fulfill there deepest fantasy without hesitation..

 

However, Every situation is different..