What's with the (no) kissing?

[Wolfer]

So I know every escort has his own limits and preferences and such, with even mutual oral and fucking not being guaranteed and such. I'm curious where the limit on no kissing comes from?

 

I'm a person that can't even fathom thinking about sex without kissing. It's like the most essential thing to me... I was talking to a regular of mine about this. I was telling him about an escort I'd seen that said he would kiss and then didn't.

For the regular he said it was purely related to hygiene: if a client is clean (like I am, minty fresh!) he kisses, otherwhise he does not. He said escorts sell their dick and ass, not their mouth. Also, a dick can smell a bit but isn't necessarily as gross as a filthy mouth (paraphrasing him here). So nothing to do with intimacy and such.

 

I just saw "Pretty Woman" and I liked the (fantasy) explanation she gave: it's to protect herself from falling in love with her clients because kissing is too intimate and real feelings might get mixed up. Nice sentimental drivel there, but I doubt this would be a reason in the real world...

 

To me... You know... Well... Ugh, what I mean is... What's the difference between sticking a dick or tongue in your mouth? That's what I don't get. To me it's all one blur of sexual activity anyway. But then again, I can't fathom having sex without a blowjob or a good fucking either, so I'm not being hypocritical in making kissing essential.

 

See, you could say: "Stop trying to figure things out, Wolfer". But I'm a Gemini rising, and we have a visceral need to figure things out. And figuring things out and understanding them make me all warm, fuzzy and tingly inside.

 

Do you kiss with clients or not? If not, why not? If you do, is there a reason you do do? (obscure 30-Rock reference there)

 

Another similar enigma I've recently come across: two escorts offering their services as a duo, so that means they do a threesome with a client BUT it states clearly in their ad: "We're only friends. What this means is we don't fuck each other. We can play but not suck or fuck each other."

What's up with that? If you're comfortable enough to get naked and have sex (with another person) in front of each other, and find each other hot enough to "play" with each other and get turned on by that... what's the difference about just, you know, going for it all the way with each other?

 

That limit almost seems arbitrary and reminds me of this SNL sketch:

 

(If you don't wanna watch it, basically an actress is auditioning and has absolutely NO limits on what she'll do in front of the camera except wear a costume or clothes of any kind).

Edited October 14, 2015 by Wolfer

[Rudynate]

Don't discount the human factor in escorting. In general, not just with escorts, you often encounter interesting rules people have about kissing. The one I like, is with closeted guys, or bi guys or whatever, is as long as they don't kiss they're not gay. They can even take it up the ass, and as long they don't kiss, they're not gay.

[Wolfer]

Don't discount the human factor in escorting. In general, not just with escorts, you often encounter interesting rules people have about kissing. The one I like, is with closeted guys, or bi guys or whatever, is as long as they don't kiss they're not gay. They can even take it up the ass, and as long they don't kiss, they're not gay.

Yeah, I've heard of this too. It makes equally no sense to me... It seems like an interesting sort of self delusion. But then we all delude ourselves in various ways about ourselves and how we act in the world, of course.

[+ DickyF]

The intimacy-based explanation sounds reasonable to me. If it's just animal-like sex then kissing is probably minimal. How much kissing is there at a gloryhole? If it's the BFE then it must include passionate kissing imho.

I like both versions btw!

[Juan Vancouver]

I can't speak on behalf of all escorts, but I am like your friend.

 

I can't imagine sex without kissing. The spring that makes my dick hard is hidden somewhere in my lips. I kiss because I love it and if we meet I will want to kiss you. As my reviews can attest I am a great kisser and do it with gusto... unless, of course, you have bad breath.

 

Onions, coffee, garlic, any kind of food, cheeses, gastrointestinal problems, dental problems, badly affixed dental prosthesis, sinus and other infections. The reasons for bad breath are many, they sometimes are in our blind spot, which means that we may not even be able to think about correcting them. We don't know that we don't know that which we ignore, and therefore we have absolutely no desire to fix it.

 

And of course, the rule number one about bad breath is:

 

He who has bad breath (or bad overall hygiene) is always adamant he is fresh, clean, minty and delicious. You never know when you have bad breath.

 

If you are with me and I am not kissing you, you have bad breath. There is no mystery there. I will let you know, I will ask you to brush your teeth, I will give you mints. If you pretend to brush your teeth and come back and I still don't kiss you, it's because you have bad breath.

 

Believe me, I so wish you didn't, because the session would be so much more fun! It would be hotter and more exciting. I am not lying to avoid kissing you.. I WANT to kiss you. If I am not kissing you... you have bad breath.

 

A cut dick will be clean 95% of the times. Unless you have incredibly bad hygiene and haven't showered at all, sucking dick is an incredibly safer bet than kissing. It's not because it's more intimate, it's just less stinky.

 

Also, a dick will not force its tongue out, trying to stick it as wet and deep into your tonsils, as some people do. If you try to rape my tonsils, if you try to pass on gobs of saliva into my mouth, I will actually let you know that doesn't do it for me. If after ten attempts you keep trying to rape my throat while attempting to push back my face into yours, I will forget about "kissing" and will focus on your dick, or ass.

 

If you are an adult having sex, then you should have a support system. Find a friend to whom you can ask whether your breath smells often. Ask your dentist. Learn proper dental hygiene. Avoid bad breath causing foods and habits, especially before having sex. If you have a beard or moustache, trim it to human proportions and make sure it's impeccably clean, shampoo it carefully to erase smells, brush it to make sure theres nothing on it, Ask your partner if you notice hesitation on his part, and LISTEN to what he says. Don't slobber all over his face, thinking it sexy. Don't rape his throat. Don't force his face in place. Remember kissing is a two way language that requires listening, proposing, and negotiating. Notice when he recoils in horror, notice when he moans with pleasure.

 

If you do all this, I assure you, all good kissers will want to kiss you and won't be able to hold back.

 

And all of those who don't kiss... who gives a shit about them? Who cares!

[Rudynate]

Yeah, I've heard of this too. It makes equally no sense to me... It seems like an interesting sort of self delusion. But then we all delude ourselves in various ways about ourselves and how we act in the world, of course.

 

I agree. I think it's pretty sexy. I'll play along.

[BaronArtz]

I asked the following question to an escort friend of mine (the guy never asks for pictures or stats prior to a first meeting) 'what do you do when a client you see for the first time really turns you OFF?' It could be because of appearance, rude attitude, poor hygiene ... whatever. You are the escort and you are turned OFF. He replied that in his mind he knew it would be an absolutely miserable hour. But he would not send the client away. AND he would not kiss the client. Maybe, not kissing is a defense mechanism? It's a perspective on things. I sort of understand it ... people are not machines.

[oz_carter]

I maybe in the minorty here. But I rarely kiss in the mouth. And it has nothing to do with the escort's breath or the fact that he will be sucking my cock as we play along. I will kiss him on his neck or his back but rarely in his mouth.

[Wolfer]

Also, a dick will not force its tongue out, trying to stick it as wet and deep into your tonsils, as some people do.

I see, that makes sense. With a dick there are less surprises and you can be more in control. But different folks, different strokes, because I love it when I guy forces his tongue out and sticks it all the way down my throat.

 

AND he would not kiss the client. Maybe, not kissing is a defense mechanism? It's a perspective on things. I sort of understand it ... people are not machines.

I'm curious to know whether the no kissing was only when he was turned off by the client or that he did not kiss in general with clients?

I hope I don't come across expecting escorts to be machines... We are all humans and I fully respect an escort's limit. I just recognize we're not a good match and move on. I have my own limits on what I do and don't do and expect to have these respected also.

 

I maybe in the minorty here. But I rarely kiss in the mouth. And it has nothing to do with the escort's breath or the fact that he will be sucking my cock as we play along. I will kiss him on his neck or his back but rarely in his mouth.

That's interesting, do you have any particular reasons as to why not? Is it just something that doesn't interest you, like some people just aren't into rimming or handjobs?

[liubit]

To me, long, deep, passionate kissing is an essential sexual activity. Without it, I am simply NOT turned on, no matter how gorgeous my partner is. I am wired that way...I therefore ask before hiring if the guy is definitely into it. Of course, they all say they love it, especially when their rent is due and I have said that it is a deal breaker I have been disappointed several times but I have found in Prague that most (if not all) Czech boys are excellent kissers and truly enjoy doing it , both when they advertise as gay or bisexual.

 

I understand Juan's dislike of "tonsil raping", it does not turn me on either. Kissing has to be sweet and hot at the same time, with an active tongue that carefully explores and caresses lips and cheeks, and plays with the other tongue, but never in a rough and invasive way. I do not need to feel "gulped" or to have his teeth clash aginst mine because of uncontrolled thrusts that pretend to be passionate....That is just bad, sloppy kissing...

Edited October 15, 2015 by liubit

[+ poolboy48220]

Agreed. I've tricked with a few guys who made me feel like a rake handle was being shoved in my mouth.

[Rudynate]

When you're with somebody who doesn't kiss, it isn't awful.

To me, long, deep, passionate kissing is an essential sexual activity. Without it, I am simply NOT turned on, no matter how gorgeous my partner is. I am wired that way...I therefore ask before hiring if the guy is definitely into it. Of course, they all say they love it, especially when their rent is due and I have said that it is a deal breaker I have been disappointed several times but I have found in Prague that most (if not all) Czech boys are excellent kissers and truly enjoy doing it , both when they advertise as gay or bisexual.

 

I understand Juan's dislike of "tonsil raping", it does not turn me on either. Kissing has to be sweet and hot at the same time, with an active tongue that carefully explores and caresses lips and cheeks, and plays with the other tongue, but never in a rough and invasive way. I do not need to feel "gulped" or to have his teeth clash aginst mine because of uncontrolled thrusts that pretend to be passionate....That is just bad, sloppy kissing...

 

 

Tonsil raping is great if the connection is very passionate, to the extent that both partners want to eat each other alive. But those experiences are singular. So, for the most part, it's off the table. If somebody wanted to start that way, it would be totally obnoxious.

[Wolfer]

So maybe I'm understanding tonsil raping wrong? Granted, I also have very limited experience... So far I've only kissed with three escorts (and I've kissed maybe 5 or 6 people in total in my life). The first escort I didn't like the way he kissed. He did stick his tongue in my mouth but it didn't feel great.

The second one, we just seem to devour each other. Our tongues are completely down each other's mouths and I absolutely love every second of it (I'm getting hard just thinking about it). The third one I love to kiss like that too, although he has an interesting way of kissing, he almost laps at your mouth with his tongue.

 

I don't slobber, though. Hahaha, that's just messy. But I feel a bit... weird that I like kissing deep with tongue so much now.

[+ Gar1eth]

This has all been discussed long ago, Wolfer. But I agree with you. It's very hard for me to have sex without kissing. But there are posters (clients) right here in River City, errrr I mean this Forum, who aren't particularly 'into' kissing also because it does nothing for them. For me-I'm in the camp of it helping make me hard.

 

I've passed up meeting some incredible looking escorts because they didn't kiss. One in the past was Jason Land. He was blond, muscular, all-American looks-one my favorite types of guys.

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_3GsDVD4bQfw/Rc1AOv1y1yI/AAAAAAAAAAw/JrwMLxRxEsc/s400/JA63Pumps.jpg

 

Jason told me he didn't like to kiss. But I'm pretty sure he classified himself as gay.

 

More recently I didn't meet with Trenton Ducati who while he kissed in his porn videos doesn't kiss clients while escorting.

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LYOY2JrM_tI/VLQ9yInn5bI/AAAAAAAA7ss/JixRzIsVH8Y/s1600/trenton-ducati-2.jpg

 

 

Even if the client is attractive, I doubt that kissing is going to lead to the escort falling in love with the client. And if the client likes the escort, he could probably fall in love whether they kiss or not.

 

I'm sure there are multiple reasons for not kissing. In most cases unless the person isn't into kissing I'm sure it's a boundary issue. While having sex seems pretty intimate, most tallywackers and butts are fairly interchangeable. Yes, some will be longer, smaller, larger-but they don't give you the 'essence' of the person. Ahhh but the face, that's the external seat of personality. It's what makes you, you. Not kissing is a way for the escort to be less involved. I've heard of couples-escort/escort and escort/non-escort who reserve kissing as something special in their relationship that they don't share with clients.

 

Gman

Edited October 16, 2015 by Gar1eth

[SteelFan]

It's a deal breaker for me. No Kissing = No Hiring

[Rudynate]

So maybe I'm understanding tonsil raping wrong? Granted, I also have very limited experience... So far I've only kissed with three escorts (and I've kissed maybe 5 or 6 people in total in my life). The first escort I didn't like the way he kissed. He did stick his tongue in my mouth but it didn't feel great.

The second one, we just seem to devour each other. Our tongues are completely down each other's mouths and I absolutely love every second of it (I'm getting hard just thinking about it). The third one I love to kiss like that too, although he has an interesting way of kissing, he almost laps at your mouth with his tongue.

 

I don't slobber, though. Hahaha, that's just messy. But I feel a bit... weird that I like kissing deep with tongue so much now.

 

To me tonsil raping, is having your tongue deep enough into your partner's throat that you touch the back of his throat with your tongue. When you're both into each other that much, it can be great. But, as I said, that sort of connection is rare. So, practically speaking, it's kind of gross.

[+ Gar1eth]

So maybe I'm understanding tonsil raping wrong? Granted, I also have very limited experience... So far I've only kissed with three escorts (and I've kissed maybe 5 or 6 people in total in my life). The first escort I didn't like the way he kissed. He did stick his tongue in my mouth but it didn't feel great.

The second one, we just seem to devour each other. Our tongues are completely down each other's mouths and I absolutely love every second of it (I'm getting hard just thinking about it). The third one I love to kiss like that too, although he has an interesting way of kissing, he almost laps at your mouth with his tongue.

 

I don't slobber, though. Hahaha, that's just messy. But I feel a bit... weird that I like kissing deep with tongue so much now.

 

To me tonsil raping, is having your tongue deep enough into your partner's throat that you touch the back of his throat with your tongue. When you're both into each other that much, it can be great. But, as I said, that sort of connection is rare. So, practically speaking, it's kind of gross.

My 1st experience with Fr Kissing occurred with my 1st experience of sex which occurred with my 1st experience of hiring an escort (I scored a hat trick. It was an afternoon of incredible firsts). I was 41 at the time. Before this I had thought the idea of French Kissing was gross. Boy when I'm wrong I'm wrong!!!

 

In regards to 'tonsil raping'-I must confess that I am one of those guys who does like someone inserting their tongue into my mouth as far as it will go. However as with most good things, there are limits. I have a fairly easy gag reflex. (I've been known to gag at the dentist's office when they insert the film to take an x-ray. ).

 

If an escort were to touch my (former) tonsillar area (I had my tonsils out at age 6) or past it, I would probably start gagging. In this case the limit is only theoretical, as apparently I've never been with any escorts possessing an extraordinarily long Gene Simmons-like tongue able to reach back that far.

 

 

http://myths.answers.com/other/facts-and-myths-about-gene-simmons-tongue

 

 

 

I've also never had an escort (or my few non escort encounters) had anyone try to transfer a large amount of their saliva into my mouth. That just sounds gross. I'm also not really fond of those porn scenes where they spit into each other's mouths

(or anuses-but I'm not into rimming either).

 

 

But we mustn't forget that kissing doesn't always need to be mouth-to-mouth. I also discovered during that long ago first escort experience that I loved having my neck and ears kissed, licked, and nibbled on. Prior to that I had no idea my neck and ears were erogenous zones for me.

 

 

Gman

[Juan Vancouver]

Tonsil raping is great if the connection is very passionate, to the extent that both partners want to eat each other alive. But those experiences are singular. So, for the most part, it's off the table. If somebody wanted to start that way, it would be totally obnoxious.

 

Let me clarify. If both partners want to eat each other alive, that is just called kissing. And yes, it's pretty hot, and pretty rare.

 

Tonsil raping is when one partner, without warm up, without care and without reciprocation seems intent in pushing his tongue as deep into his protesting partner's mouth as he can. One attacks, the other tries to squirm away.

 

Tonsil raping is a one way street. And sadly, it is terribly common. A couple clients in this forum have written that the way to ensure an escort "kisses" is to thrust their tongues as deep into their mouths as they can as soon as the escort walks through the door. "If he doesn't like that, send him his way", was their advise.

 

So gross in so many ways.

 

But I feel a bit... weird that I like kissing deep with tongue so much now.

 

Don't feel weird. You are entitled to like whatever you like. That's awesome. Just make sure to avoid the temptation to think that because you are paying someone to spend time with you, your way of intimacy has to be obeyed. Intimacy is a two way street, otherwise it's just rape. Propose, listen, respect, negotiate, enjoy.

 

There are clients and escorts, however, who believe the escort is just a machine that has to fake enjoyment doing things he abhors. As long as the escort fakes well, the client is happy. That is not intimacy, though. All you have to do is chose which camp you want to live in.

 

Even if the client is attractive, I doubt that kissing is going to lead to the escort falling in love with the client.

 

In that, when it comes to me, at least, you are wrong. But it doesn't have anything to do with the client being hot, or beautiful. If the client is clean, respectful, present, considerate and is treating me like a human being, if he is listening to my kissing and is abandoning into his own, it is really hard NOT to fall in love a little... In the height of the passion there is this delicious abandon that has to take place and my heart breaks a little and it makes it bigger and stronger. If I don't fall in love a little during the session, I feel the session didn't take off.

 

In order to never compromise my clients' feelings, it is my duty, as a responsible escort to to get that little infatuation filed in a secret place in my heart and move on, grateful, happy, fulfilled.

 

Mutual kissing is where it's at!

[+ Truereview]

...if he is listening to my kissing and is abandoning into his own, it is really hard NOT to fall in love a little... In the height of the passion there is this delicious abandon that has to take place and my heart breaks a little and it makes it bigger and stronger. If I don't fall in love a little during the session, I feel the session didn't take off...Mutual kissing is where it's at!

 

Ay, ay, ay...in bold above, my feelings encapsulated exactly. Kissing, to me, is the key to intimacy and possibly vulnerability. If we are not willing to surrender ourselves to either, what you will have in your hands is a collection of random hook ups instead of a string of human connections. Nothing bad with the former, but the latter, to me, is so much hotter! To Juan's eloquent point, for the human connection to happen, it has to be a 2-way street - client and compa gotta be willing to play, and to do so, listen to you partner, follow their cues

[Wolfer]

While having sex seems pretty intimate, most tallywackers and butts are fairly interchangeable. Yes, some will be longer, smaller, larger-but they don't give you the 'essence' of the person. Ahhh but the face, that's the external seat of personality. It's what makes you, you. Not kissing is a way for the escort to be less involved.

Ah, wow, this actually makes sense to me... Yes, the face is where we are the most personal. Bodies are interchangeable to a certain extent. But then to me involvement and intimacy are cornerstones of good escort services.

 

I've heard of couples-escort/escort and escort/non-escort who reserve kissing as something special in their relationship that they don't share with clients.

Yeah, this one always reeked of bullshit to me. To me it just seems again like a way of self delusion to hide inner shame or guilt about behaviour or types of relationships they're not completely comfortable with having or doing.

 

To me tonsil raping, is having your tongue deep enough into your partner's throat that you touch the back of his throat with your tongue.

Ahah! So I was misinterpreting it! No, they don't need to go to the back of my throat. I think one escort did that and I didn't like it one bit. But stick their tongue completely in my mouth? Yes, please!

 

I'm also not really fond of those porn scenes where they spit into each other's mouths

(or anuses-but I'm not into rimming either). But we mustn't forget that kissing doesn't always need to be mouth-to-mouth. I also discovered during that long ago first escort experience that I loved having my neck and ears kissed, licked, and nibbled on. Prior to that I had no idea my neck and ears were erogenous zones for me.

You and I are not so different, Gman. I'm also not a fan of the spitting, as in I'm like "EW DON'T DO THAT". And until last week I thought I had not a single erogenous zone on my body until a beefy latino took charge of me and worked my ears, neck and back into ecstacy.

[+ Gar1eth]

You and I are not so different, Gman. I'm also not a fan of the spitting, as in I'm like "EW DON'T DO THAT". And until last week I thought I had not a single erogenous zone on my body until a beefy latino took charge of me and worked my ears, neck and back into ecstacy.

 

There's a scene from the late 1980's comedy Cheers where Carla the barmaid's ex husband-a sleazy guy named Nick Tortelli-supposedly has this magic power over women. Diane the educated know-it-all, who is slumming as a barmaid, is repulsed by Nick. At the end of one episode, he motions to Diane and says he wants to whisper into her ear. She starts out skeptical, and then almost faints. I thought the scene was funny. But I had no experience to relate it to until almost 20 years later. And when I did finally have some experience and many times since, I've felt like

 

 

Gman

[Wolfer]

HAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAHAHAAAAAA

I love that song, I sent a video of me singing that same verse to a friend of mine yesterday. Have you seen the original song in its original movie musical scene? It's supposed to be serious, but looking at it from a modern perspective it is hilarious.

[+ glennnn]

The intimacy-based explanation sounds reasonable to me. If it's just animal-like sex then kissing is probably minimal. How much kissing is there at a gloryhole? If it's the BFE then it must include passionate kissing imho.

I like both versions btw!

 

Dicky,

"How much kissing is there at a gloryhole?"....sounds like a great title for CW hit....or a church camp round. Lol

[+ Lance_Navarro]

So maybe I'm understanding tonsil raping wrong? Granted, I also have very limited experience... So far I've only kissed with three escorts (and I've kissed maybe 5 or 6 people in total in my life). The first escort I didn't like the way he kissed. He did stick his tongue in my mouth but it didn't feel great.

The second one, we just seem to devour each other. Our tongues are completely down each other's mouths and I absolutely love every second of it (I'm getting hard just thinking about it). The third one I love to kiss like that too, although he has an interesting way of kissing, he almost laps at your mouth with his tongue.

 

I don't slobber, though. Hahaha, that's just messy. But I feel a bit... weird that I like kissing deep with tongue so much now.

 

For me kissing is one of the best and most intimate and sensual parts of sex and connection. It's rough for me when I have a client that doesn't like to kiss, and it is usually because they identify as straight and it's just too intimate from their perspective. In these cases though I love to get as close to their lips as possible and match breathes without actually touching lips. In regards to the "tonsil raping", I have to say, it's a turn off. I enjoy a decent amount of tounge when kissing, but when kissing becomes almost all tounge and no lips, I no longer enjoy it. Usually if it's my first appointment with a client I will give them a little of it, but will move to kissing their neck, ears, chest, or elsewhere because I just don't enjoy the excessive amount of tounge. The next time I see them I will ask them for a little more lip.

 

I understand that we all like different things, but it's important that we try and "read" our partner to understand what they enjoy and try and meet them half way. Most guys I've asked about this agree that kissing that's all tounge is not enjoyable for them.

[Moneymike68]

While kissing is important, the amount of intimacy involved in is much greater than a simple bj or anal. There are a few escorts I hire regularly that I find to do perfectly good work, who just happen not to have the kissing connection with me. I look at it as a bonus (boyfriend experience) vs a necessity (great escort experience), and always let the escort initiate it. Clients pick escorts knowing that we like what we see and immediately start fantasizing a passionate connection, they usually don't have the same luxury- so why push the issue? I don't find great service/ companionship to be hindered by the lack of a hot make out session, but if my hire is interested bring it on!