"Off Duty" Escort Hookups

[bigvalboy]

400dollars IS a lot of money:p

 

It is a lot of money, but remember, corndog had sex with two escorts for that, so he def got his moneys worth.

[Guest Starbuck]

There's sex. (Which, personally, I enjoy.) And then there's manipulation and exploitation and shenanigans. (Which I don't tolerate--and certainly will not reward.) I apply a pretty simple guiding principle to distinguish between the two:

 

When I get fucked, it's because I want to get fucked.

[corndog]

I wouldn’t have posted about it here, and especially, with an expectation that all the responses would be in agreement with what I did.

I love all the responses, and I knew that I was putting myself out there. I expected some push-back, and frankly, I'm surprised that most of the posts have been supportive. This is why this forum is so awesome.

[Irtwo]

Corndog, the way Dutchmutch put it may have been a little blunt, but I think it does go to the crux of being able to answer your initial question. You are right that one's sex appeal can be subjective, so let me ask the question in way that can be totally objective: Have you ever hooked up with guys who look like them, in a non-escort/non-paying setting? I'm talking about meeting in a bar or online site, or where ever, and no payment on your part even for drinks. And I mean recently, like within the past 5 years or so. If you have, then you are totally in the right here (and good for you!); but if you haven't, then you owe them $300.

[+ purplekow]

Corndog, the way Dutchmutch put it may have been a little blunt, but I think it does go to the crux of being able to answer your initial question. You are right that one's sex appeal can be subjective, so let me ask the question in way that can be totally objective: Have you ever hooked up with guys who look like them, in a non-escort/non-paying setting? I'm talking about meeting in a bar or online site, or where ever, and no payment on your part even for drinks. And I mean recently, like within the past 5 years or so. If you have, then you are totally in the right here (and good for you!); but if you haven't, then you owe them $300.

I do not care if you are a kind of troll, troll's hire to scare other trolls, you do not owe those guys a penny. If they wanted pay for play, then they needed to make sure you knew it and agreed.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

They haven't asserted that I agreed to pay, only that "I should have known."

 

I'll be blunt. Fuck that.

 

Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.

[rvwnsd]

I recognize I am a little late to the party (not unlike guys number 2 and 3, come to think about it) but I don't think you owe them anything. Your text was clear: you were hanging out with them and would buy drinks. No mention of hiring them. "You should pay us $400" sounds like something someone would say when they are trying to take advantage of someone else. Frankly, you were generous when you gave them $100 for cab fare.

[recency]

This has been a most interesting thread. I have learned from it, and I appreciate all the contributions to it. I have asked escorts--never on the first occasion I arrange for their time--if they would like to go out for a bite when the session is over, if the vibe feels right. I don't pay for their time when I do this, just the meal check. This discussion has caused me to rethink what I believed to be generosity. Am I taking advantage of them? Should I stop asking?

[Guest Starbuck]

I have asked escorts--never on the first occasion I arrange for their time--if they would like to go out for a bite when the session is over, if the vibe feels right.

 

Trust the vibe.

 

I don't pay for their time when I do this, just the meal check. This discussion has caused me to rethink what I believed to be generosity. Am I taking advantage of them?

 

It'll be a sad day when buying someone a meal is regarded as taking advantage of them. I refuse to live in that world. EVERYBODY eats. EVERYBODY (no matter their profession) spends time off the clock. If a man you have invited to dinner isn't hungry, or doesn't want to share a meal with you, he can politely decline your offer.

 

Should I stop asking?

 

Please don't.

[+ newatthis]

There's some more context here that may be special to Montreal. More than one Montreal resident has told me that young guys there are not as hung up on age differences as we Americans are. Hanging out with someone your father's (or grandfather's) age is not a once-in-a-hundred-year event. Nor are longer-term relationships.

 

I've lost count of the number of times that I've struck up a conversation with a dancer, really hit it off, and ended up going to dinner with him and hanging out for the rest of the evening. Or mentioning to a dancer at Campus that I was planning to go over to Taboo later on and being asked if he could join me. Or hiring someone for an afternoon tryst and ending up spending the the evening together. These unexpected encounters are part of the charm of Montreal for me and one of the things that keep me coming back.

 

That's why corndog's story seems completely natural without assuming he was unrealistic about his attractiveness to these 20-something year olds.

 

(By the way, showing up way late is often the way millenials operate -- I don't think it says anything about their attitude towards corndog. If anything, it tells me that they didn't consider him any different from someone their own age.)

[+ Robster]

They haven't asserted that I agreed to pay, only that "I should have known."

You should have known what, that they were going to try to rip you off? I'm with Chris. Fuck that!

 

Rob

[Guest countryboywny]

Cavorting with a known escort (s) can be alot of fun. If I had been you, I would have been clear right up front about my intentions. I would have said something like, "If you want to come out and hang with me, I'll buy some drinks. Please understand that this is a "friends" thing and I won't be paying you for your time." These guys took advantage of the lack of clarity and tried to work it in their favor. It's always good to be clear about your intentions, but more so when you're spending time with guys that sell their time.

[+ Robster]

Cavorting with a known escort (s) can be alot of fun. If I had been you, I would have been clear right up front about my intentions. I would have said something like, "If you want to come out and hang with me, I'll buy some drinks. Please understand that this is a "friends" thing and I won't be paying you for your time."

Personally, I could never say something like that. If there's a way to convey that message without sounding rude, I've never been able to think of it.

 

Rob

[+ Gar1eth]

Cavorting with a known escort (s) can be alot of fun. If I had been you, I would have been clear right up front about my intentions. I would have said something like, "If you want to come out and hang with me, I'll buy some drinks. Please understand that this is a "friends" thing and I won't be paying you for your time." These guys took advantage of the lack of clarity and tried to work it in their favor. It's always good to be clear about your intentions, but more so when you're spending time with guys that sell their time.

 

Personally, I could never say something like that. If there's a way to convey that message without sounding rude, I've never been able to think of it.

 

Rob

 

I think the way to say it is-" I'm going to be out at so-and-so bar later on tonight. If you are interested in coming along I'd be happy to buy you drinks on a friend basis, but I'm not planning on hiring tonight"

 

Gman

[Guest countryboywny]

Personally, I could never say something like that. If there's a way to convey that message without sounding rude, I've never been able to think of it.

 

Rob

 

I get that, Robster. I made a bad choice of words, and I'd never use them like that. The point I was trying to make is that the situation should have been addressed, and I'm sure that there are much more kind and respectful words to accomplish the clarity. Gman gives an excellent example.

[Rudynate]

Such a slippery slope... Where escorts are concerned, I assume that the meter starts running if sex is involved.

 

It was unprofessional of the escorts not to make clear that the meter had started running, and bit naive of the OP to assume it hadn't.

 

I don't know that I would ever try to socialize with escorts off the clock - too much ambiguity to resolve - always having to check and see what is on the clock and off the clock. I suppose if a friendship with an escort matured into an organic friendship, some trust would develop and you wouldn't always be having to watch your back.

 

The sexual marketplace can be a nasty place - the vulnerability causes nice people to behave in ways they otherwise never would. Throw money into the mix, and it gets even nastier by at least an order of magnitude.

[+ purplekow]

Such a slippery slope... Where escorts are concerned, I assume that the meter starts running if sex is involved.

1. With any professional encounter, I assume that the meter is running when they tell me it is running. I was in Las Vegas and met a woman at the bar. We had a few drinks, played some Blackjack and had a good time. When she offered to come back to my room, she said it would be $500. I told her I was willing to have sex with her but if money was exchanging hands, she would have to be paying me. We reached an impasse and sex was not had.
   

[Rudynate]

1. With any professional encounter, I assume that the meter is running when they tell me it is running. I was in Las Vegas and met a woman at the bar. We had a few drinks, played some Blackjack and had a good time. When she offered to come back to my room, she said it would be $500. I told her I was willing to have sex with her but if money was exchanging hands, she would have to be paying me. We reached an impasse and sex was not had.
   

 

And that's a reasonable assumption. It is the way things should be, but often aren't, as the OP has reported.

[+ Robster]

1. With any professional encounter, I assume that the meter is running when they tell me it is running. I was in Las Vegas and met a woman at the bar. We had a few drinks, played some Blackjack and had a good time. When she offered to come back to my room, she said it would be $500. I told her I was willing to have sex with her but if money was exchanging hands, she would have to be paying me. We reached an impasse and sex was not had.
   

I read that on my phone as "We reached an impasse and sex was not bad".

 

Rob

[+ dutchmuch]

You're worthy, and I'm worthy, too.

 

 

[Guest countryboywny]

1. With any professional encounter, I assume that the meter is running when they tell me it is running. I was in Las Vegas and met a woman at the bar. We had a few drinks, played some Blackjack and had a good time. When she offered to come back to my room, she said it would be $500. I told her I was willing to have sex with her but if money was exchanging hands, she would have to be paying me. We reached an impasse and sex was not had.
   

 

LOL, PK you're not only handsome, you're very witty too!

[+ poolboy48220]

My roommate is 33 years younger than me. I do support him financially, but he honestly does seem to enjoy hanging out with me apart from that (although I usually can't keep up with him). If he doesn't enjoy it, he's kept up a supreme acting job for going on two years now.

[+ poolboy48220]

I have another friend that I first met in the bar, we hung out, had a great time, he seemed receptive to coming home, and when that came up he said he was an escort, and it'd be on the clock. At that point I was smitten and did take him home, and pay him; but the point is he brought it up BEFORE anything happened. He doesn't escort any more, and we're still good friends, six years later.

[Becket]

Sounds like a great adventure all around. Who can say how these things will develop as the evening progresses. Tell you one thing tho. Montreal is definitely on my bucket list. cheers

[sincitymix]

I read that on my phone as "We reached an impasse and sex was not bad".

 

Rob

lol, I read it the same, until I reread it:P