"Off Duty" Escort Hookups

[corndog]

Sorry if the setup for this question is long...

 

I just got back from a great weekend in Montreal. On Thursday, I setup a massage with an escort (Guy #1) that was very sexual and fun. When we were winding things up, he was asking about my weekend plans, and I told him that I'd be spending a lot of time in the bars, and casually mentioned that I'd be happy to buy him some drinks if he was out and about. Surprisingly, he responded enthusiastically, and asked me to text him when I was going out.

 

Friday, I texted him as I was going out, and he texted back asking if it was ok if he brought a friend along, and I offered to buy drinks for his friend also. As it turns out his friend (Guy #2) was also an escort, and we instantly hit it off. The three of us spent hours together on Friday night, hopping between Montreal's many bars and strip clubs. I bought all the drinks for these guys, but we were just "hanging out," not acting as client/escort/companion. They were using their real names, not their escort names, and friended me on Facebook. It was a super fun night out.

 

On Saturday, I texted back-and-forth with Guy #2 several times and asked him if he'd like to meet up again on Saturday night. I was a little concerned that my request could be misconstrued as an interest in hiring him, and so I texted him this:

 

I respect your work, and I don't want to play games. If you're hoping that tonight will go a certain way, let's talk about it now. Otherwise, I'm assuming that we're getting together to pass some fun time with good company, and I'm happy to buy a bunch of drinks.

 

As Saturday night progresses, he has expressed interest in meeting up, but it keeps getting later and later. Not really a problem for me — there's plenty of fun in Montreal. Around midnight, he finally shows up, and brings his boyfriend (Guy #3). I'm quite tipsy by then, and his boyfriend is a lot of fun, also an escort, and smoking hot. (Guys #2 & #3 have recent reviews here, so I'm avoiding their names.)

 

We're having a lot of fun at Campus, but it's getting late, and I really needed to stop drinking. In my inebriated state, it doesn't cross my mind to wonder why they're going with me back to my hotel, and before I know what's going on, we're all naked and sexing. It was kind of a dream come true, although I wish something like this would happen when I wasn't sloshed.

 

After this activity reached its logical conclusion and we were all getting dressed, the bomb dropped. One of them said "You should pay us $400." I was speechless and instantly sober.

 

I had never asked them for services. We had never discussed their rates (and they aren't listed in their ads). I saw them as a couple of horny guys who had enjoyed our night out, and being sexual beings, a little rolling around in the bed was a natural way to conclude a fun night out.

 

I told them that I had never agreed to this, and as a compromising gesture, handed them $100 "cab fare" as I gently but unequivocally pushed them out my hotel room door. They're not very happy with me now.

 

So, my question for everyone, but especially escorts, is this: since I knew these guys were escorts, was I wrong to believe that they were just horny and looking for fun? Or, were they wrong to assume that I was hiring them even though we had never explicitly discussed it, or discussed rates?

 

One reason that I've avoided mentioning their names is because I actually really like them, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them as escorts. They're smoking hot, seem like genuinely good people, and are probably very good at what they do. I'd like to figure out how to repair this budding friendship, but short of giving them another $300 (which would make me feel very taken-advantage-of) I can't see how I can make them see my side of this situation.

[sincitymix]

Hmmm.. that is a sticky situation. Id hate for it to seem like they waited until you were drunk and post coital to ask for $$. Your text message could have been taken out of context or just plain misinterpreted... after all your paying for an escorts time, and not for sex... but hmmm.. yeah.. my brain is going on all sorts of tangents, while trying to also look into playing devils advocate.

 

but yeah, based on how you described your nights and experience with them, it did seem pretty much like guys enjoying each others company, and a friendly indoor sport type of situation. If I was in your position, I certainly wouldn't have though I was in an "escort hire" situation either.

[rguer]

There was no contract. You owe them nothing, especially after sending that earlier text.

 

On the other hand, $400 for a couple of hours with two escorts in Montreal is not a bad rate.

[+ Gar1eth]

But I don't think they saw you as a friend. So really there is nothing to repair. In general friends don't charge their friends for sex. So if they charged you, they think of you as a client and not a friend.

 

Gman

[corndog]

On the other hand, $400 for a couple of hours with two escorts in Montreal is not a bad rate.

 

I agree completely, $400 isn't bad at all (especially with current exchange rates C$400 = US$332). But, if I decided to pay that I would do it when I was fresh and sober.

[ZhenXBear]

It's really unfortunate that this happened all the way around.

 

At some point you have to analyze it and say that either one of two things happened: A breakdown in communication somewhere during the events that transpired or the more unpleasant possibilities. I really would hope that they wouldn't just plan to ask for payment after the fact and that you'd acquiesce to the matter, even though there are a lot of people who simply would in a situation like that, no doubt. I'm trying to do a "crash analysis" here like the NTSB and figure out what happened. While this text seems straight forward with the additional information, I keep asking myself if there's some way it could be misconstrued. Did you get any sort of confirmation after sending it that indicated he understood that it was an "off the clock" meeting?

 

While I could see where it would be innocent enough for them to walk you back to your hotel room if you were "sloshed" as you indicated, if for nothing more than consideration for making sure you got there okay and were safe; anything beyond that was clearly beyond friendly concern. I'll play devil's advocate here for just a moment, since you might hear this from one side of the aisle or the other, as the post unfolds. Someone is bound "treat you as a hostile witness" and to prepare you for Court, I will assist and remark that while you report that you were highly inebriated/sloshed you retain a high recollection of the events that happened and the sequence of events immediately before and after the the encounter. While alcohol lowers people's inhibitions, I'm sure there was plenty of time to say "This is free, right?" or "We aren't on the clock, are we?" Especially considering, that it was a point of extreme concern to you earlier in the day.

 

Sure, I mean, you no doubt didn't mind what was happening, but I have to ask myself that if I was in that bar with these two "smoking hot guys" as you describe them, "Would these two guys who were interested in a 3-way pick me for it?" If my internal clock said, "But of course, Sir, who wouldn't want a charming, big bear like you for this trist" and I wasn't lying to myself then I'd have a clean conscience about whatever transpired after that. If the answer was "Um, probably not" but i'd been the guy's client for 4-5 years and bankrolled his last Audi A8, then I'd still have a clear conscience and probably not give it a second thought. If I'd hired him 2-3 times and it started to happen, I'd be asking questions about any presumed tab or fees for service.

 

As for myself: Bwhahaha, Someone pick me for a 3 way? *snort* cant ever see that happening, to be honest.

[corndog]

Thanks for your thoughtful response, ZhenXBear. To answer some of your questions...

 

Did you get any sort of confirmation after sending it that indicated he understood that it was an "off the clock" meeting?

Well yeah sure .. If u wanna have sex its cool too. Whatever u like

To me, that sounds almost like an offer to have sex for free.

 

I'm sure there was plenty of time to say "This is free, right?" or "We aren't on the clock, are we?" Especially considering, that it was a point of extreme concern to you earlier in the day.

I would be very uncomfortable asking those questions in the moment. They feel insulting and degrading and would undermine the feeling of friendship that was (or appeared to be) developing. I think that is why I posed the question in the earlier text message; I wanted to clarify the situation and avoid having to deal with it later.

 

Would these two guys who were interested in a 3-way pick me for it?

I believe that we all tend to ask ourselves questions like this, and I think it is incredibly unhealthy to do so. We all have insecurities and self-doubt, but we should not give in to it. The group of us had been having a lot of fun, laughing and carrying on, and I choose to find it very plausible that our connection lead to some sexual attraction. I believe that some escorts have a special talent to find attraction deep within people that are not classically attractive, and I optimistically believed that these guys had that talent and were kind of into me. As an example, I'm pretty sure that if I ever manage to hire Juan Vancouver, he'll find me hotter than hell, somehow.

[ZhenXBear]

Thanks for your thoughtful response. To answer some of your questions...

 

 

Well yeah sure .. If u wanna have sex its cool too. Whatever u like

To me, that sounds almost like an offer to have sex for free.

 

 

I would be very uncomfortable asking those questions in the moment. They feel insulting and degrading and would undermine the feeling of friendship that was (or appeared to be) developing. I think that is why I posed the question in the earlier text message; I wanted to clarify the situation and avoid having to deal with it later.

 

 

I believe that we all tend to ask ourselves questions like this, and I think it is incredibly unhealthy to do so. We all have insecurities and self-doubt, but we should not give in to it. The group of us had been having a lot of fun, laughing and carrying on, and I choose to find it very plausible that our connection lead to some sexual attraction. I believe that some escorts have a special talent to find attraction deep within people that are not classically attractive, and I optimistically believed that these guys had that talent and were kind of into me. As an example, I'm pretty sure that if I ever manage to hire Juan Vancouver, he'll find me hotter than hell, somehow.

 

Now that I've read your initial text and his text, the only thing I can comment on is that there's a smattering of ambiguity and polite subtly in both texts. I don't believe that either person's texts appear overtly evasive just subtle. Clearly really direct and to the point texts would have been like:

 

"...and I'm happy to buy a bunch of drinks, but I won't be hiring tonight" and "Well yeah sure .. If u wanna have sex its cool too. Whatever u like. We're available to hire for quality time tonight". But as you said, direct communication (especially during...um....intensive activities) could be offensive or awkward. It's just a matter of whether or not there was a breakdown in communication regarding hiring or the more unpleasant motives I mentioned above.

[+ Gar1eth]

Just as an FYI regarding my experience- in 13 years of hiring, I've had one escort in that entire time gift me with a freebie-and it was a really nice freebie as it was an overnight. Not that we had sex all night, but he liked snuggling while sleeping. So that wasn't bad at all. I did pick him up from the airport and pay for dinner. But in addition to the overnight, we stayed at his hotel- and I didn't pay for that either-although at breakfast the next morning (included with the room) I did tip the waitress.

 

 

Others on here may have had more luck in the escort liking them enough to occasionally offer a free experience.

 

Gman

[+ poolboy48220]

I would be very uncomfortable asking those questions in the moment. They feel insulting and degrading and would undermine the feeling of friendship that was (or appeared to be) developing.

+1, many times, to that.

 

I think you were pretty clear in your text. The "I won't be hiring tonight" is a good addition but I would not have thought of that phrasing.

 

I can remember one escort who offered off the clock time, and he was very straightforward about me not having to pay, "just whatever you can afford", which after the night I'd just spent with him, wasn't much. He just wanted to repeat what we'd done the night before. Apparently I'm very good at rimming.

[+ newatthis]

...On Thursday, I setup a massage with an escort (Guy #1) that was very sexual and fun. When we were winding things up, he was asking about my weekend plans, and I told him that I'd be spending a lot of time in the bars, and casually mentioned that I'd be happy to buy him some drinks if he was out and about. Surprisingly, he responded enthusiastically, and asked me to text him when I was going out.

 

Friday, I texted him as I was going out, and he texted back asking if it was ok if he brought a friend along, and I offered to buy drinks for his friend also. As it turns out his friend (Guy #2) was also an escort, and we instantly hit it off. The three of us spent hours together on Friday night, hopping between Montreal's many bars and strip clubs. I bought all the drinks for these guys, but we were just "hanging out," not acting as client/escort/companion. They were using their real names, not their escort names, and friended me on Facebook. It was a super fun night out...

This is an important piece of context that I think was missed in some of the replies. You had already been out with Guy #2 in a non-hiring context; you had no reason to think the end of the night's activities suddenly came with a pricetag (especially after your texts with him) and every reason to assume he understood this.

 

My guess (worth nothing ): these two boyfriends got to your hotel in a horny mood, included you in the fun, and, in their alcohol-befogged state (to be charitable), saw a chance to make some $$$.

[MiamiLooker]

Thanks for your thoughtful response, ZhenXBear. To answer some of your questions...

 

Well yeah sure .. If u wanna have sex its cool too. Whatever u like

To me, that sounds almost like an offer to have sex for free.

 

I would interpret “If u wanna have sex…” as “if you decide you want to hire me (for sex)”. Otherwise, why would he have even mentioned this before meeting up with you that night since it would open the door to a response from you of "Let's forego the clubbing and just meet for sex?"

[MiamiLooker]

... after all your paying for an escorts time, and not for sex...

 

That's not necessarily a universally accepted fact.

[+ purplekow]

That's not necessarily a universally accepted fact.

And this happened in Canada, where euphemisms for paid sexual contact are not necessary, though sometimes used.

[+ Gar1eth]

And this happened in Canada, where euphemisms for paid sexual contact are not necessary, though sometimes used.

Actually now they may be or even other excuses need to be used. Canada passed a federal law a few months ago where escorts aren't arrested but clients are.

 

Gman

[+ purplekow]

Hmmm. Seems clear you never hired them. As a physician, I never charge escorts for professional advise when they ask me for it in a social setting or during a hire. I believe few here would support my billing escorts or other social contacts, who ask for medical advice during our interactions.

It would not be any more acceptable, if I charged a relatively small fee, say half my usual office charge.

Since escorting is a profession, escorts should be held to a professional standard. It was their responsibility to make it clear that there would be a charge, before you guys got to rocking and rolling. Failing to do so, absolves you of a financial responsibility. They asked, you said no. If they choose to be petulant about it , you are now clear as to your status.

[tanman4u]

I respect your work, and I don't want to play games. If you're hoping that tonight will go a certain way, let's talk about it now. Otherwise, I'm assuming that we're getting together to pass some fun time with good company, and I'm happy to buy a bunch of drinks.

 

I think that pretty much summed it up from the get go. Anything that caused that to change as the night progressed should have been on their part to make clear.

 

I would be very uncomfortable asking those questions in the moment. They feel insulting and degrading and would undermine the feeling of friendship that was (or appeared to be) developing. I think that is why I posed the question in the earlier text message; I wanted to clarify the situation and avoid having to deal with it later.

 

I was thinking that exact same thing but you beat me to the comment. I'm even somewhat reluctant to ask an escort to dinner because of being so uncomfortable about making sure that the dinner is happening at $250 an hour too.

[maninsoma]

It honestly sounds like everyone was too drunk to know what he was doing. I do think the night started out with the clear understanding that you weren't hiring them, but without having been a fly on the wall during your drinking time together it's impossible to know whether you contradicted that understanding in some way. Unless you were so far gone that you don't remember your conversations with them, though, it does seem incredibly tacky that they would ask for money at the end of the encounter if they hadn't previously had a clear agreement with you that you were going to be paying them for time spent having sex with them. Even if you were being flirtatious and indicating that you intended to hire them at some unspecified time in the future, they should have had a clear understanding with you before you all went back to your hotel that that future time was now.

[+ dutchmuch]

Sorry if the setup for this question is long...

 

I'd like to figure out how to repair this budding friendship,

 

 

This 'friendship' is an assumption on your part.

 

Why else would "2 smoking hot escorts" want to spend an evening with you, culminating in a sexual tryst?

 

(WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.)

[MiamiLooker]

This 'friendship' is an assumption on your part.

 

Why else would "2 smoking hot escorts" want to spend an evening with you, culminating in a sexual tryst?

 

(WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.)

+1

[bigvalboy]

We're having a lot of fun at Campus, but it's getting late, and I really needed to stop drinking. In my inebriated state, it doesn't cross my mind to wonder why they're going with me back to my hotel, and before I know what's going on, we're all naked and sexing. It was kind of a dream come true, although I wish something like this would happen when I wasn't sloshed.

 

 

For your part, you were wrong to think that they were just horny and looking for fun. For their part, I don't think they assumed anything, I think they took advantage of your inebriated state. For me that is very deceptive, and nothing a so-called friend would do. But you bear some of the responsibility for allowing your intoxication to cloud reality. I would have paid the 400 and let them go, saved the drama, chalked it up to lessoned learned, and gone on and enjoyed the rest of your time in Montreal....p.s. I was set up like that once in Montreal, only instead of asking for the money, they stole it.

 

(WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.)

[tanman4u]

Why else would "2 smoking hot escorts" want to spend an evening with you, culminating in a sexual tryst?

 

Yikes, that's coming off a bit harsh don't you think? One of them had already expressed an interest in hanging out with him (the night before) and happily did so (even though it didn't wind up between the sheets). Have no escorts EVER ended up becoming friends with a client and had things progress to non-paying relations?

[bigvalboy]

But the interest in hanging out...was that genuine, or was it because corndog was footing the bill? The first red flag should have been, after corndog invited him out and offered to buy drinks, he called and asked to bring a friend. A that point they were taking advantage of him. I get it, they were hot, and 400 dollars is not a lot of money, corndog had fun, but when there weren't boundaries set, they took advantage of his good nature and intoxicated state.

[BaronArtz]

With all due respect, but if corndog was inebriated, he may not remember everything that was said, discussed, possibly agreed to - implicitly and explicitly.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

But the interest in hanging out...was that genuine, or was it because corndog was footing the bill? The first red flag should have been, after corndog invited him out and offered to buy drinks, he called and asked to bring a friend. A that point he was taking advantage of him. I get it, they were hot, and 400 dollars is not a lot of money, corndog had fun, but when there weren't boundaries set, they took advantage of his good nature and intoxicated state.

 

This, exactly. You don't invite your friend along for a free dinner or drinks and then protest about how you were under the impression that it was business and not pleasure. This is really unfortunate because it casts a pall over the whole idea that you can separate business and pleasure and enjoy each other's company over a coffee or some wine post-playtime without a punch card being a white elephant in the room.