pissed off escort

[jakeleyman]

I made an escort angry. In my initial contact, I asked him if he bb'd and he said "yes for a little extra money." I messaged back that I don't play with guys who bb. He became outraged. I know that some of you will think that my concerns in general about guys who bb are naive and futile and I would not argue that. What I am wondering is about the way I forumulated the question to him and his response, and whether I should have been honest, or just told him my plans had changed when I learned about his practices. His attitude surprised me. I am slow at understanding personal responses and wonder what kind of, and how much error I made.

[rvwnsd]

I made an escort angry. In my initial contact, I asked him if he bb'd and he said "yes for a little extra money." I messaged back that I don't play with guys who bb. He became outraged. I ...wonder what kind of, and how much error I made.

 

I don't think you made any error. You asked a perfectly legitimate question, he answered it, and as a result of that answer you declined to hire him. Based on the information you provided, I don't think you did or said anything wrong.

[instudiocity]

Oh, yeah, I can see the escort's perspective -that you pulled a bait & switch maneuver on him.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

It's all about honesty.

 

Advertise as safe sex but do bb for more $

Not honest advertising.

[adriano46]

I usually approach this sensitive questions in another way: I tell an escort straight out that I prefer guys who do not smoke, do not take drugs of any kind, and who always practice safe sex. Inasmuch as I never bottom (and rarely top) and if we did go there, I would make sure there are condoms and lube available, I leave it to their own honesty to go through with the date. Now I am not naive, and I suspect that many more escorts (and gay men in general) bareback more than they would ever admit. But if I let that suspicion rule my own approach, I fear I would never hire at all.

 

I have been fortunate with a few friends who were/are popular escorts, and in the afterglow of a session, more than one has mentioned another or others who bareback (names that would surprise many here, as they come across as "never done that!"). It is from that perspective that I simply forego anal sex and am very very careful in oral. This might explain my small "fetish" that whomever I hire and for whatever length of time, the session begins we both of us showering up thoroughly (together) so that as far as I can, I assure he is squeeky clean (and so am I for him).

[+ poolboy48220]

The only thing you might have done differently, and this is a small distinction, is to ask if he played safe, rather than if he bb'd. Asking if he bb'd could come across as that was what you were looking for.

 

Other than that, you're fine.

[Amoco]

Pool boy...

 

The whole point of the OP asking the question from the other perspective was to imply to the escort that he wanted to BB, and by doing that, providing the greatest likelihood that the escort would tell him the truth. To pose it as a question that implies you want someone to play safe, "tells" the escort that to close the deal, he needs t say "Yes, I play safe only" - all it takes is a somewhat savvy guy who can read other people's's demeanor and language n such a way that can predict what someone wants. Though not technically dishonest, it is a bit manipulative, so the question becomes whether using that "set up" is fair - does the end justify the means

 

My opinion: this board is filled with tales of dishonesty in regard to multiple issues - not the least of which involves HIV status and their practices. Count me among the hirers who are told story after story by a multitude of escorts about "other guys" or "the really big names"who "you would be shocked" to know BB and some who work HIV +. So when I put this all together, until this occupation becomes more responsible in terms of testing and reporting results, I would suggest you do whatever necessary to find out the truth.

 

The one question I have is whether the guy's ad said he was "safe"

[Frequentflier]

I understand why the escort got angry. The question asked is probably most posed by clients that want to bareback and while escorts want to get with me for my looks, charm, humor and intelligence, they get with the rest of the client population for money. We're told (rightly) that we should assume every guy we get with is sick in some way and playing safe ourselves is the only answer. So, if we're thinking that way, why ask if someone barebacks? I imagine a lot of guys who bareback are defensive about that practice because in general society thinks that practice is dangerous and unacceptable. There are a lot of dangerous activities a client or escort can engage in, not just bareback sex. If we're going to hire an escort (or if someone chooses to escort), understand that there are risks and don't think that asking a question and hearing the answer you like is enough.

[Lancelot7]

The problem is that if you ask directly about HIV or BB, the escort may not want to make an announcement which can spread on the internet. but may still wish to be honest. If you ask and he does not respond, it may raise an inference that he is positive. The question puts him on the spot. I have sometimes said this "I will not ask you, but I will tell you that I would never intentionally hire someone who is positive or who BBs." If he is positive but honest, he can find an excuse to decline without raising an inference that he is positive. If he is negative and does not BB, he will probably assure me that he is negative and does not BB. If he ignores the statement, does not assure me, and agrees to a meeting, I may infer that he is not safe.

The escort who became angry when you declined his agreement to BB, apparently would have lied if you had asked him the question directly, so I would not feel bad about the result.

[MiamiLooker]

I messaged back that I don't play with guys who bb.

 

Was there really a need for you to respond to a question that wasn’t asked? Once he answered you regarding his bb, you knew you weren’t going to hire him. You should have just moved on at that point.

[bigvalboy]

Was there really a need for you to respond to a question that wasn’t asked? Once he answered you regarding his bb, you knew you weren’t going to hire him. You should have just moved on at that point.

 

MiamiLooker is correct here. It was your response that set him off. As Instudiocity mentions, to the escort it sounded like a 'bait-n-switch'...so yes, I think you should have just moved on at that point.

[BaronArtz]

It would have been very different if the OP had asked 'would you bareback for me if I offered you more money?' This is not an unusual question. There are freaks out there who ask this question, hoping to find a financially strapped, insecure, stressed out victim who will consent.

[RyanDean]

Ditto MiamiLooker.

[+ sync]

There are a lot of dangerous activities a client or escort can engage in, not just bareback sex. If we're going to hire an escort (or if someone chooses to escort), understand that there are risks and don't think that asking a question and hearing the answer you like is enough.

 

I couldn't agree more. Asking an escort about safe practices is pretty much a waste of time. Please, just go into the session with the determination to play safely.

[anotherjohnindupont]

I made an escort angry. In my initial contact, I asked him if he bb'd and he said "yes for a little extra money." I messaged back that I don't play with guys who bb. He became outraged. I know that some of you will think that my concerns in general about guys who bb are naive and futile and I would not argue that. What I am wondering is about the way I forumulated the question to him and his response, and whether I should have been honest, or just told him my plans had changed when I learned about his practices. His attitude surprised me. I am slow at understanding personal responses and wonder what kind of, and how much error I made.

 

Many of them bb up and down the country but in their ad the say the only play safe.

[Rudynate]

It was a little deceitful.

[marylander1940]

I made an escort angry. In my initial contact, I asked him if he bb'd and he said "yes for a little extra money." I messaged back that I don't play with guys who bb. He became outraged. I know that some of you will think that my concerns in general about guys who bb are naive and futile and I would not argue that. What I am wondering is about the way I forumulated the question to him and his response, and whether I should have been honest, or just told him my plans had changed when I learned about his practices. His attitude surprised me. I am slow at understanding personal responses and wonder what kind of, and how much error I made.

 

I do the same.

 

I email from my email account marylander1940@....... asking for safe sex. The next day I email from a different account asking for BB and 80% of the guys who agreed on safe sex only and who swore in the name of God they only play safe say "NP, I'll fuck you/get fucked by you raw for $50 surcharge..." LOL

[marylander1940]

Many of them bb up and down the country but in their ad the say the only play safe.

 

You betcha!

 

It was a little deceitful.

 

You think... Of course it was very deceitful and it worked.

 

The OP avoided hiring one more "BB queen" out there barebacking all over the country with strangers for an extra fee.

 

Talking about "sticks and carrots", I dropped Randy Blue and move on to Men.com when they started doing it raw.

[marylander1940]

I couldn't agree more. Asking an escort about safe practices is pretty much a waste of time. Please, just go into the session with the determination to play safely.

 

I just assume everybody is poz and I'm the only person in the world who is negative, maybe that's why I'm still negative at 74.

 

I get your point, but I'd rather ask if he plays safe and after that verify on my own with just another email. If he lied to me on the first reply about "safe sex only", and commits to BB on my 2nd email, I know he's more likely to "have it" and whether on PrEP or not he doesn't give a shit about doing it BB with a stranger.

 

That increases the risk of him having: HIV, herpes and all that kind of things by a huge margin and it's also an irresponsible behavior.

 

If you BB in front of the camera or to a strangers (clients) I won't hire you, I'll hire only guys who play safe with their clients.

[caliguy]

I made an escort angry. In my initial contact, I asked him if he bb'd and he said "yes for a little extra money." .

I don't understand though. He was honest with you. Next time he'll learn honesty gets you nowhere. Lastly, if you play safe what is the big deal afterall?

[loverboy95]

You did nothing wrong. I have asked escorts if they did bareback and they either did not respond to my e-mail or they danced around the question.

[+ dutchmuch]

You did nothing wrong. I have asked escorts if they did bareback and they either did not respond to my e-mail or they danced around the question.

 

Messy Eater, you don't say your favorite escort danced around this question???

[caliguy]

"BB top daddy looking to seed my son".

Ha. Sounds like someone has a treasure Island type fantasy. Dawson takes 50 loads. Lol

 

Seriously, I agree. There's usually a place to put down whether or not your into safe sex. If you leave it blank it's usually a sign that you aren't.

[+ FreshFluff]

Was there really a need for you to respond to a question that wasn’t asked? Once he answered you regarding his bb, you knew you weren’t going to hire him. You should have just moved on at that point.

 

To me, it's similar to "Help with etiquette if no longer interested after seeing further pictures" or "Should I tell the PR guy that I almost hired him, but decided against it after seeing his Instagram page?" It's easier on both of you if you just disappear instead of letting him know why you don't want to hire him. At that point, you're just one more potential.

[Rudynate]

This is another example of that sub-text that I have mentioned in another thread. Since people who do BB are considered depraved and amoral, normal standards of fairplay and decency don't need to be extended to them.