pissed off escort

[LookingAround]

You played a game of "gotcha" with the escort and it involved implied deceit on your end. Of course he got angry. If you don't want an angry escort don't manipulate and play games.

[maninsoma]

I am with all of the others who don't understand why you would reply with a "gotcha -- I'm not going to hire you now because you admitted you bareback." I don't fault you for the initial inquiry, but it would make much more sense to simply not respond after getting an initial reply that makes you not want to hire the guy.

[+ SundayZip]

What you did sounds like a form of entrapment. You asked if he bb'd in a way that sounded like you might want to bb. But then you turned around and insulted him when he said yes. I understand why the escort would be angry.

[Becket]

I agree with some of the others. The way you asked the question seemed a little "tricky." At the very least there was an immediate misunderstanding between the two of you. Just touch base with the fellow, say you're sorry for the misunderstanding, and move on. Both of you will feel better. cheers

[whipped guy]

I have been fortunate with a few friends who were/are popular escorts, and in the afterglow of a session, more than one has mentioned another or others who bareback (names that would surprise many here, as they come across as "never done that!"). It is from that perspective that I simply forego anal sex and am very very careful in oral. This might explain my small "fetish" that whomever I hire and for whatever length of time, the session begins we both of us showering up thoroughly (together) so that as far as I can, I assure he is squeeky clean (and so am I for him).

Adriano... I have been pondering your post all day... and I have heard similar stories about more than one "safe only" escort... I don't know what kind of connotation goes along with my screen name, but I do and have done the wild things that I enjoy because it is my version of "safe sex". Heck, I've never heard of anyone getting HIV from a flogger or nipple clamp... at least not yet. Let's just say that I played safely (doing MY type of thing) with one of those guys who bareback and likewise have played with guys about whom there have been rumors of them being positive. Of course, I learned of these situations after the fact, but still it gave me a clear conscience that I had no reason to worry. In any event, I always assume the other guy is a poz and proceed accordingly from there.

 

Plus, I like your Shower Fetish... Prrhaps we should start a thread down in the Fetish Forum...

[caliguy]

people who do BB are considered depraved and amoral, normal standards of fairplay and decency don't need to be extended to them.

I'd also extend that to judgmental a-holes but maybe that's just me. .

[doitb4ugo]

I beleive you came of as morally superior and a bit judgemental. Does it seem okay to be this way with someone who would bareback (he definitely being morally bankrupt himself) or should a human beng be treated with some small amount of courtesy which reflects more on the man who gives it than the man who receives it.

[bigvalboy]

I beleive you came of as morally superior and a bit judgemental. Does it seem okay to be this way with someone who would bareback (he definitely being morally bankrupt himself) or should a human beng be treated with some small amount of courtesy which reflects more on the man who gives it than the man who receives it.

 

Beautifully stated.....triple like

[jakeleyman]

As the original poster on this thread, I sincerely want to thank those who responded. I really wanted an honest take on this and feel I got that. I don't want to drag this out. I agree with most everything which was said, incuding those who called me deceitful, naive and judgmental.

[corndog]

I'm going to admit to being a deceitful game-player. When I'm vetting someone, particularly someone who is unreviewed, I generally contact using two different contact methods -- phone numbers or email addresses.

 

First, I ask them if they like to parTy, or if they're willing to bareback for an additional fee. This conversation is usually quite direct, and perhaps even borderline rude. At this point, I either learn that they're a drug user, or that they bareback, or maybe they say "no" to both and are then leery to have an appointment with me -- I haven't come across as a good potential client. At this point, they're going to see me as an unsafe or shifty client, so I usually drop communication with them using this identity. (Although, I'll admit, I have sometimes lashed out at them for being idiots who have no regard for their wellbeing or that of their clients.)

 

Depending on their answers, a while later, I contact them from a different phone or email address. In the course of my discussion with them, I'll mention that I'm always safe, and they invariably will assure me that they are too. From this second identity, I establish a positive rapport, unburdened by difficult, accusatory questioning. I don't think there is a good way to get an honest answer from someone if they are a drug user or practice unsafe sex without being somewhat of a jerk, and I don't want that to be the first impression an escort has of me.

 

Some people have asked "Why not just assume that everyone is positive, and use a condom?" Well, I do that, too. However, this comes down to honesty and trust. It isn't just about someone's HIV status, or their recreational drug use, or their willingness to bareback. This is a lot like escorts who advertise with fake pictures. Some of those guys are, in fact, pretty good looking themselves, I'm sure. However, once I know that a guy is dishonest, I begin to question my safety and security in their presence.

 

When you're naked, alone in a room with a guy, you're vulnerable. Vulnerable to theft, violence, and countless other things. But, at the same time, it's very difficult to experience intimacy without giving them your trust. I just can't do that when I know they've lied to me about these important things.

 

Secondly, I think there is a huge difference between someone who is truly committed to safe sex, and someone who is "willing to" use a condom. Safe sex is a joint responsibility, and requires both parties to pay attention. If you're having sex with someone who doesn't care one way or another, you've got to monitor things much more closely, which isn't always easy when your ass-up, face-down.

[sincitymix]

personally I could care less if the guy bare backs. I play safe.. so either he puts a condom on or I don't hire.

[+ peterhung85]

I made an escort angry. In my initial contact, I asked him if he bb'd and he said "yes for a little extra money." I messaged back that I don't play with guys who bb. He became outraged. I know that some of you will think that my concerns in general about guys who bb are naive and futile and I would not argue that. What I am wondering is about the way I forumulated the question to him and his response, and whether I should have been honest, or just told him my plans had changed when I learned about his practices. His attitude surprised me. I am slow at understanding personal responses and wonder what kind of, and how much error I made.

 

You did it PERFECTLY!!! That's exactly how you can filter out the guys you do not want to see!!! I say: NICELY DONE!!!

[sincitymix]

You did it PERFECTLY!!! That's exactly how you can filter out the guys you do not want to see!!! I say: NICELY DONE!!!

 

Hmmm I cant tell if you are being genuinely approving.. or being sarcastic. :confused:

[Steven_Draker]

Lastly, if you play safe what is the big deal afterall?

 

If you had no intention of bare backing with the escort what does it matter if he bare backs with anyone else?

 

Of course, IT DOES MATTER !

 

EACH TIME YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE, YOU ALSO SLEEP WITH HIS PAST !

 

 

Guys who bareback are more exposed to STIs, than guys who use a rubber.

34% of the participants in the study IPERGAY (on-demand TRUVADA) have contracted another STI like syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia or Hepatitis C.

 

source: http://sante.journaldesfemmes.com/m...itement-preventif-qui-suscite-tant-d-espoirs/ (in french)

[rvwnsd]

This is another example of that sub-text that I have mentioned in another thread. Since people who do BB are considered depraved and amoral, normal standards of fairplay and decency don't need to be extended to them.

 

I beleive you came of as morally superior and a bit judgemental. Does it seem okay to be this way with someone who would bareback (he definitely being morally bankrupt himself) or should a human beng be treated with some small amount of courtesy which reflects more on the man who gives it than the man who receives it.

 

Although I would not ask the safer sex practices question the same way the OP did, I do want to point out that the only two posts in this thread that have accused people who bareback of being "depraved and amoral" and "morally bankrupt" have been made by the two of you. The OP does not wish to have sex with someone who barebacks. That's his right. He asked a straightforward question ("do you bareback") and the escort gave a straightforward answer (yes, but it will cost extra). Perhaps the two of you feel that people who bareback are "depraved and amoral" and "morally bankrupt." If that's the case, then own your statements, but don't transfer that sentiment to someone who asked a question.

 

Furthermore, I don't see a whit of difference between the OP's line of "vetting" and the googling of pictures, googling and skip-tracing phone numbers, locating escorts' "real" Facebook pages, and other measures that are routinely discussed in this forum. Unless a potential client informs an escort that he is doing these things, then that potential client is just as guilty of being deceitful and sneaky as the OP. Actually, more so because the OP actually asked the question "do you bareback." He didn't try to dig up clues and make innuendo without the escort's knowledge.

 

One last point, how is accusing the OP of being "judgmental," "deceitful," and "sneaky" not being judgmental?" All of you who live in beautiful glass houses really ought to reconsider whether recreational stone-throwing is such a good idea. They can easily ricochet and break a wall. You will never be able to reconstruct that wall seamlessly, no matter how hard you try.

[ZhenXBear]

Clearly I understand the difference between unprotected and protected sex but I don't really have a frame of reference to the pressure some people have experienced.

 

Even my long term boyfriends over the years never asked me to consider it. I've seen it in the porn industry but my assumption is that people have HIV p24 core antigen testing done prior to filming unprotected scenes; this narrows the detection window down to 3-10 days. This might be my own logical assumption though but it would seem to be the only way to ensure someone's safety. Lock them in a chastity belt and test them on day 11 for the p24 protein or something? Who knows...

 

In thinking about the OP's situation it would seem that he would have likely gotten a different answer had he phrases the question differently. If the real objective is to avoid risk it would seem the best choice would be to simply use universal precautions and treat all potential partners the same, since even people who exercise safe sex practices are a risk, although likely statistically smaller.

[+ peterhung85]

Hmmm I cant tell if you are being genuinely approving.. or being sarcastic. :confused:

100% genuine. I DO think he did excellent!

[TruHart1]

You did it PERFECTLY!!! That's exactly how you can filter out the guys you do not want to see!!! I say: NICELY DONE!!!

 

Hmmm I cant tell if you are being genuinely approving.. or being sarcastic. :confused:

 

100% genuine. I DO think he did excellent!

 

Yes...Peter is, in truth, always 100% genuine in every dealing I have experienced with him myself!

 

TruHart1

[mike carey]

Yes...Peter is, in truth, always 100% genuine in every dealing I have experienced with him myself!

 

Damn, I hate this site. I came here thinking I could just find out a bit about the escorts I had seen in the reviews (and the clients, as it turned out). Instead of that I keep finding new guys to add to my wish list. I just hate it!!!

[LookingAround]

And guys to take off my wish list.

[Rudynate]

.

 

Furthermore, I don't see a whit of difference between the OP's line of "vetting" and the googling of pictures, googling and skip-tracing phone numbers, locating escorts' "real" Facebook pages, and other measures that are routinely discussed in this forum. Unless a potential client informs an escort that he is doing these things, then that potential client is just as guilty of being deceitful and sneaky as the OP. Actually, more so because the OP actually asked the question "do you bareback." He didn't try to dig up clues and make innuendo without the escort's knowledge.

 

 

Exactly my point.

 

It must be that a lot of regular posters don't work or something. I can't really imagine devoting that much time to researching an escort. If I like his photos and his profile, I contact him. We have a brief phone conversation, maybe exchange a couple of texts and it's done. I have always considered safe sex my responsibility. If it even comes up, I say we need to be safe. I always have condoms, so it's no problem.

[mike carey]

I guess it depends how often you have been burnt and how much time you have to check. I have the time but have never done the checking, but the guys I have called have been reasonably public in what they do. Each to his own, I guess.

[Rudynate]

I guess it depends how often you have been burnt and how much time you have to check. I have the time but have never done the checking, but the guys I have called have been reasonably public in what they to. Each to his own, I guess.

 

That is true. I have had good luck with my hires. They always looked like their pics and they delivered as promised.

[MiamiLooker]

It’s very short-sighted to think that the only reason a client takes the two or so minutes to check a prospective hire’s pics and phone number is to verify their sexual practices. Unfortunately, very few escort recommendations can be found on Angie’s List.

[ZhenXBear]

100% genuine. I DO think he did excellent!

 

Yes...Peter is, in truth, always 100% genuine in every dealing I have experienced with him myself!

 

TruHart1

 

We could probably even move that to 110% genuine