Hey Doc, I suck cock

[+ purplekow]

Okay so this is probably not the way you want to come out to your doctor, but I want to stress to all forum members that you should definitely come out to your doctor. If you do not feel comfortable letting your doctor know about your sexual practices, find one with whom you will be comfortable.

Today I received the results of an HIV test I did on a patient with weight loss. I specifically questioned him about sexual practices and risk factors for HIV as part of my evaluation. Despite his denials, I went ahead and order the HIV test as part of the evaluation. Whether he is gay or not does not change the outcome, but it did lead me to consider that it is important for all men who have sex with men to come out to their doctor. Even if you are closeted to your family and friends, you need to tell your doctor. It is okay to request utmost discretion with the information.

 

With closeted men, I usually document their sexual activities in a way which is clear to me and which would not be obvious to others perusing his chart. Something along the lines of: testing for STD including HIV negative. Where as with a man who does not identify as having sex with men I might document STD testing negative With men who openly identify as gay I would document something along the lines of "most recent HIV testing done...."

[rvwnsd]

The first thing I did when I started my coming out process was to find a gay doctor and come out to him. When I moved to San Diego I interviewed a couple of physicians who advertised in the Gay and Lesbian business directory and happened upon one that I really liked. He is still my physician. I am out to him and we are able to openly discuss my sex practices and he has given me extremely useful information over the years. He is also very well-respected in the medical community and the community at large. His husband is one lucky guy.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

This makes me laugh every time I think of it.

 

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/41/415fa7064bffdacda7168d1f7cbfd256f53ed56b201b9b7daa8e3ed5ea7c3ecf.jpg

[+ Robster]

Chris, that is awesome.

 

Rob

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

I haven't been explicit with my doctor that I'm gay, but I'm sure he must assume so. For one, I ask for an HIV test to be included as part of the bloodwork done on my annual physical. Also, the first time he did a prostrate exam he said, "this will hurt a little," to which I replied, "I doubt it."

[sincitymix]

I once went through a long span of time without sex. my doctor kept asking if I had sex everytime I went in for an exam, test for everything under the sun and then some. I angrily confronted my doctor as why he kept ordering these expensive lab tests. He told me, my other patients lie to me.

Take me at my word. don't lump me in with all the others.

[+ azdr0710]

just had my annual physical with my very good longtime doctor this morning....after all this time, finally told him somewhat obliquely that I'm gay (yup, still having trouble saying the word out loud - I think my exact words to him were, "I'm wrestling with my sexual orientation" )....he didn't care at all (I feared he'd dump me).....whew!.....he's very much tolerant and open-minded, agreed it's not a choice and we're cool with it all......asked him about getting STD blood tests added to my regular blood work and he said not needed....I get an occasional free finger prick HIV test at the clinic and syphilis, requiring a true blood test, is infinitely more rare than HIV, he said.....the thing to be concerned with is chlamydia, he said, and he gave me the warning signs....

 

....the baby steps continue for me.....

[+ Gar1eth]

Unfortunately not all doctors are as accepting as they should be in spite of the Hippocratic Oath. Also with the advent of Electronic Health Records with everyone and their dog being able to access them, it makes the 'revelation' even scarier. But Purplekow is right-it needs to be done. As a second best if you feel you can't come out to your physician, try to search for a gay men's (or a queer gender) testing clinic. They may even have the names of gay friendly physicians that they can make a referral to. Luckily when I lived in a smaller city where I didnt feel comfortable finding a physician, there was a gay practice in the large metropolis 30 miles away. I decided to use them, and then if I had any acute minor illnesses that I couldn't make it to them, I used a local Doc-in-the Box.

 

Gman

[+ quoththeraven]

I don't exactly have this problem, but I as good as told a former GP of mine that I do anal by arching my back during a rectal exam. It was an automatic, unconscious response. That was a little embarrassing. It was not, however, the reason I left that practice.

[rvwnsd]

Unfortunately not all doctors are as accepting as they should be in spite of the Hippocratic Oath...

 

True, but easily solved by locating a gay or gay-friendly doctor.

 

...Also with the advent of Electronic Health Records with everyone and their dog being able to access them, it makes the 'revelation' even scarier...

 

The "Privacy Rule" of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) has been in force for more than a decade. Having worked on privacy rule compliance for a large healthcare provider and having gone through not one but two parents' health crises and ultimate demise I can tell you that it is very difficult for anyone to get anyone else's health records. After my mother died my father had to jump through hoops to get her hospital records. Granted, hackers can hack into an insecure health records database, but the nurse at your doctor's office could easily photocopy your paper-based records back in the day.

[maninsoma]

Unless you live in a small town and are living a double life (married to a woman but having sex with men on the side, hoping not to get caught), then there's no reason to not be open with your doctor about your life. That includes your sexual behavior but also drug and alcohol use. Why go to a doctor for a physical evaluation and then either withhold information from or lie to the doctor, resulting in a less thorough examination? If you are living a double life, well, I better not open that can of worms here.

[+ quoththeraven]

Unless you live in a small town and are living a double life (married to a woman but having sex with men on the side, hoping not to get caught), then there's no reason to not be open with your doctor about your life. That includes your sexual behavior but also drug and alcohol use. Why go to a doctor for a physical evaluation and then either withhold information from or lie to the doctor, resulting in a less thorough examination? If you are living a double life, well, I better not open that can of worms here.

 

I think the concern is the possibility of compromising one's quality of care if the doctor is prejudiced against gay people. It's not a completely irrational fear. You're absolutely right that the doctor needs to know in order to provide services effectively, but it's a pain to switch doctors and a patient might be on edge afterwards trying to detect any backlash if the doctor doesn't upfront say, "Thank you for telling me; it's not an issue for me" when the information is disclosed.

[LookingAround]

Despite his denials, I went ahead and order the HIV test as part of the evaluation.

 

Where I am, one cannot order an HIV test without the patient's permission. You're saying you just went ahead anyway because you wanted to?!?!

[+ Gar1eth]

Unless you live in a small town and are living a double life (married to a woman but having sex with men on the side, hoping not to get caught), then there's no reason to not be open with your doctor about your life. That includes your sexual behavior but also drug and alcohol use. Why go to a doctor for a physical evaluation and then either withhold information from or lie to the doctor, resulting in a less thorough examination? If you are living a double life, well, I better not open that can of worms here.

 

I think the concern is the possibility of compromising one's quality of care if the doctor is prejudiced against gay people. It's not a completely irrational fear. You're absolutely right that the doctor needs to know in order to provide services effectively, but it's a pain to switch doctors and a patient might be on edge afterwards trying to detect any backlash if the doctor doesn't upfront say, "Thank you for telling me; it's not an issue for me" when the information is disclosed.

 

 

Unfortunately-things like the following can happen even in this day and age

 

"Pediatrician refuses to treat baby with lesbian parents and there’s nothing illegal about it"

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/19/pediatrician-refuses-to-treat-baby-with-lesbian-parents-and-theres-nothing-illegal-about-it/

 

Gman

[maninsoma]

Unfortunately-things like the following can happen even in this day and age

 

"Pediatrician refuses to treat baby with lesbian parents and there’s nothing illegal about it"

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/19/pediatrician-refuses-to-treat-baby-with-lesbian-parents-and-theres-nothing-illegal-about-it/

 

Gman

 

That would be a valid concern for someone living in an area without access to choices in terms of medical providers. But while I think this doctor's actions were reprehensible, it isn't like Oak Park, Michigan is in the middle of nowhere. So, to bring this back to the original topic, which makes more sense: Stay in the closet with your doctor, receiving substandard care because you don't feel comfortable coming out to him/her? Or come out to your doctor and then find a different doctor if the first one exhibits bias? I know I would choose the latter route. I'd rather face the devil I know than the devil I don't, and the notion of staying in the closet for fear of alienating my doctor is just ludicrous. Then again, I came out when I lived in a small town in Michigan nearly forty years ago and I've never made an effort to hide my sexuality since that time. Not that I go around talking about being gay everywhere, but I've never had a job where I wasn't out since day one. I just don't understand the concept of pretending to be heterosexual just to gain acceptance from some people who might otherwise judge me negatively.

[Rudynate]

Okay so this is probably not the way you want to come out to your doctor, but I want to stress to all forum members that you should definitely come out to your doctor. If you do not feel comfortable letting your doctor know about your sexual practices, find one with whom you will be comfortable.

Today I received the results of an HIV test I did on a patient with weight loss. I specifically questioned him about sexual practices and risk factors for HIV as part of my evaluation. Despite his denials, I went ahead and order the HIV test as part of the evaluation. Whether he is gay or not does not change the outcome, but it did lead me to consider that it is important for all men who have sex with men to come out to their doctor. Even if you are closeted to your family and friends, you need to tell your doctor. It is okay to request utmost discretion with the information.

 

With closeted men, I usually document their sexual activities in a way which is clear to me and which would not be obvious to others perusing his chart. Something along the lines of: testing for STD including HIV negative. Where as with a man who does not identify as having sex with men I might document STD testing negative With men who openly identify as gay I would document something along the lines of "most recent HIV testing done...."

 

 

Here in San Francisco, we often say that San Francisco is 49 square miles surrounded by reality. This is one of those occasions when I realize how true that is. Here, it is almost laughable that one wouldn't be out to one's Dr. I had a gay doctor, but we never clicked - I never liked him, I felt like he didn't like me. So I switched. The guy that I switched to is someone who helped me with an urgent (not emergent) issue around a holiday. Even though it was a holiday, he made it a point to stay in close touch with me, promptly reported lab results, and was generally there for me. I switched to him the first opportunity I could. He's straight, but he's possibly the best PCP I have ever had. I like him a lot.

[+ Gar1eth]

That would be a valid concern for someone living in an area without access to choices in terms of medical providers. But while I think this doctor's actions were reprehensible, it isn't like Oak Park, Michigan is in the middle of nowhere. So, to bring this back to the original topic, which makes more sense: Stay in the closet with your doctor, receiving substandard care because you don't feel comfortable coming out to him/her? Or come out to your doctor and then find a different doctor if the first one exhibits bias? I know I would choose the latter route. I'd rather face the devil I know than the devil I don't, and the notion of staying in the closet for fear of alienating my doctor is just ludicrous. Then again, I came out when I lived in a small town in Michigan nearly forty years ago and I've never made an effort to hide my sexuality since that time. Not that I go around talking about being gay everywhere, but I've never had a job where I wasn't out since day one. I just don't understand the concept of pretending to be heterosexual just to gain acceptance from some people who might otherwise judge me negatively.

 

 

I'm glad for you. I truly am. But some of us may have reasons job-wise where we can't come out-for example possibly needing to rely on references from those who disapprove of gays-and some of us just may not be that brave. In my case-at least when I was working-both applied.

 

 

 

However I was out to my doctor when I found a gay practice. I have not been out to non-gay practices. I've definitely considered it but haven't done it.

 

Just wondering -have you ever lived in the Bible Belt?

 

Gman

[+ purplekow]

Where I am, one cannot order an HIV test without the patient's permission. You're saying you just went ahead anyway because you wanted to?!?!

He denied that he had risk factors. I ordered the tests with his knowledge because it was clinically indicated.

[+ LIguy]

Several weeks ago I was rushed by ambulance to a hospital ER because of an extremely fast irregular heartbeat (and the incredibly hot EMT and police officers didn't help the heartbeat any) and while laying in the ER cubicle with my brother and sister in law a nurse(?) comes in and asks me if I want to be tested for HIV and says they ask all patients. I just found the situation uncomfortable and declined the test as I had already just been tested 2 weeks before but I felt that i should've been asked in private.

Next week I have an appt for a Holter monitor and I was asked to fill out a questionaire online to save time at my appt. Now I understand all the cardiac questions it asked but it also asked if I was sexually active and if so was it with men or women. Maybe it was ok to ask if sexually active but why ask if with men or women?

[dannyboynyc]

I have a gay GP and a straight gastroenterologist. I generally prefer gay doctors (I live in NYC), but, by chance I found this gastroenterologist many years ago and we clicked. When it's time for anal exams, the GP does a prostate exam painlessly . . . I can't say the same for the gastroenterologist. Experience matters . . . :-)

[rocky]

I have a gay GP and a straight gastroenterologist. I generally prefer gay doctors (I live in NYC), but, by chance I found this gastroenterologist many years ago and we clicked. When it's time for anal exams, the GP does a prostate exam painlessly . . . I can't say the same for the gastroenterologist. Experience matters . . .

[rocky]

This has been interesting to me since I've found out my doctor knows more about me or

has more power of my life than I realized. I've never told my doctor that I'm gay; but

here I am 61, single, gee wonder. But, my doctors office when I see him, every 6 months, (another issue); the ask if I want a HIV text, they say they do this for every single person. Anyhow I've said yes a few times, but wonder, why should my singleness have something to do about this?

[rvwnsd]

...But, my doctors office when I see him, every 6 months, (another issue); the ask if I want a HIV text, they say they do this for every single person. Anyhow I've said yes a few times, but wonder, why should my singleness have something to do about this?

 

It is not uncommon to say something like "Bob ate every single chocolate Easter egg." It does not mean Bob left the married chocolate Easter eggs behind, it means he ate all of them. Therefore, "every single person" could mean one of two things: "every person who is unmarried or not part of a domestic partnership" or "every person."

 

You could ask them what they mean by that statement and if they only ask those who are not married you could ask why they don't ask everyone.

[maninsoma]

Several weeks ago I was rushed by ambulance to a hospital ER because of an extremely fast irregular heartbeat (and the incredibly hot EMT and police officers didn't help the heartbeat any) and while laying in the ER cubicle with my brother and sister in law a nurse(?) comes in and asks me if I want to be tested for HIV and says they ask all patients. I just found the situation uncomfortable and declined the test as I had already just been tested 2 weeks before but I felt that i should've been asked in private.

Next week I have an appt for a Holter monitor and I was asked to fill out a questionaire online to save time at my appt. Now I understand all the cardiac questions it asked but it also asked if I was sexually active and if so was it with men or women. Maybe it was ok to ask if sexually active but why ask if with men or women?

 

Why ask if a man is sexually active with men or women? Because if a man is having sex with other men, then the doctor might want to check for STDs in that man's ass. If the man is having sex with a woman, she might be fucking him with a strap on but unless that strap on is also being used in someone else there's no risk of infection from that activity.

[+ LIguy]

Why ask if a man is sexually active with men or women? Because if a man is having sex with other men, then the doctor might want to check for STDs in that man's ass. If the man is having sex with a woman, she might be fucking him with a strap on but unless that strap on is also being used in someone else there's no risk of infection from that activity.

I understand that but for a Holter monitor?