Need a date for my Harvard Commencement

[Str8boyluvr]

So...I'm just testing the waters on this idea. I'm graduating from Harvard on May 29th. I have no family coming. They disowned me years ago for being gay. It is a major, major milestone in my life and it would be nice to have at least one person there to support me.

 

I'm not local to MA and none of my so called "friends" are willing to make the trip there. Obviously some do have a legit reason (work etc).

 

Tickets to the Harvard Commencement are a much sought after item, with far more people wanting to attend than there are tickets, and selling them is prohibited. While it is a long day, it's pretty spectacular. Michael Bloomberg is the afternoon Commencement Speaker this year (OK - that might not be a draw for some folks...lol)

 

Would it be wrong of me to try and find an escort who I trust and who would be willing to exchange their time for a ticket to each of the days events, and join me for dinner? No money would change hands.

 

I feel weird even posting this, but I'd probably feel even worse knowing I was there alone.

 

Any and all advice is appreciated.

[MFLV]

I'd like to add my congratulations to you and sorry to hear that no family will be there. You might want to contact some of the local guys and meet before hand. Doesn't sound like you are expecting anything from them other than their presence at the event. I think you will want to free enough in spirit to enjoy the festivities and if you invite someone that you don't know at all that could put a damper on the day for you. So if you can have a couple meetings with a guy that doesn't have to travel too far it might serve you better. The reason I say local is that I would assume that the guy would have to find a place to stay , wasn't sure if you are offering they stay at your place, and that might limit anyone's desire tu come as they have an outlay of funds that they aren't recouping. I have seen ads that they guys says they are Ivy League educated so they might want to participate. But again I'd meet before you invite so you can spell out the parameters of your special day.

[Guest]

Let me first say that you have my sympathies for not having a supportive family. That must be very hard, and you are to be congratulated for both getting into and getting through Harvard without their support. I couldn't have done it myself. You must have had to work through college and take a bunch of hefty loans. As part of my personal legacy, I'm leaving my alma matter a hefty sum to use for scholarships supporting students who have been rejected by their families due to the student's sexual orientation (although I don't anticipate passing away any time soon!).

There are a lot of events which are attended almost exclusively by family members and those close to the person involved: weddings, school plays, graduations/commencement, etc. I hate to say this, but probably the most boring of these are the graduation/commencement exercises. One has to sit through long speeches on subjects which are mainly of interest to the attendees (if that), then watch name after name be called and a bunch of people you don't know walk across a stage in identical dress. At least with weddings and school plays there's some entertainment, and good food in the former. There is, of course, nothing wrong with trying to find an escort who would be willing to exchange his time for a ticket. But--let's face it--Harvard Commencement is hardly the Academy Awards, and I doubt you'll find an escort who will find this enjoyable enough to do it for free. I myself would only go to a commencement exercise of an immediate relative, nephew/niece, or a very close friend if the event were a driveable distance. I wouldn't even go to my own commencement exercises if it weren't to show appreciation for those who supported me during my schooling.

Even if you were to find an escort who would do it for free, what would you say to your friends when he was there? Tell them that you gave a ticket to someone to whom you're not close because you didn't want to be alone? Or make up an elaborate lie? Your class-mates are bound to ask questions, and might continue to ask questions for some time after you graduate if you keep in touch. I don't know how many tickets you get, but I'm sure you've got to know people who would be very appreciative if you gave them your tickets. Surely you must have friends who are familiar with your family situation (most of my friends from my alma matter were gay, though not all), and would understand. They will appreciate the generosity of your gifting your tickets for years to come.

I don't know with what degree you graduated, but I would guess that as a Harvard graduate, you'll probably rake in the big bucks in the not-too-distant future. Hopefully, you will be generous with your success, and this will create a new cadre of friends and substitute family. I truly empathize with how the commencement serves as a stark reminder for you of your family's rejection. However, there's probably nothing you can do about their feelings at this time. Years from now, I don't think you'll care whether or not some escort attended your ceremonies. But anybody you gave your tickets may remember YOU fondly. If you find it too painful to go through the ceremony alone, I would just skip it (but that's just me).

[shadowcatzxxx]

I agree with most of what Unicorn says, and like both previous posters, would like to wish you heartiest congratulations on a major lifetime achievement.

 

Condolences on your family. Still amazing, though, unfortunately, still not unheard of.

 

I cannot imagine being able to get through any college - much less Harvard - with no support (financial or emotional) from family. You must be an incredibly strong and determined person with, as they say, your "eyes on the prize." Many, many congratulations!!!

 

Knowing a bit about Harvard commencements from personal experience, I can venture to say that they can be more interesting than most ... in terms of quality of speakers, etc. They are also fascinating social displays of a particular cross-section of American society ... the good, the bad, the ugly, and the absent. Think of attending as doing field research on peculiar ritual customs of some aboriginal group, somewhere.

 

Given how much effort you must have put in to earning your degree, I would (IMHO, of course) not recommend that you skip it.

 

I don't think an escort would be right as company... and this is my version of Unicorn's "just me". That might stay in your memory as a way to try to compensate for others' absence/lack of support in a way that might seem hollow. Depends entirely on how you think you would feel about it, and the nature of your relationship with the escort.

 

Celebrating with a favorite escort AFTER the event, on the other hand, could be quite splendid. "Living well is the best revenge."

 

Congrats (and sympathies) again, and very best wishes.

[adriano46]

str8boyluvr,

 

Let me add to the other here first of all congratulating you on this tremendous milestone. I appreciate what you wrote and where you are coming from, but I also think the advice of others above may be something to listen to. I am a grad student for the 5th time in my life and sometimes I attend the ceremonies, other times I don't. Oddly, I value more the degrees where I ATTENDED (and believe it or not, at 90% of them I was ALONE as my grad degrees were all over the place - including Europe - and no one wanted to take the time and make the trip). BUT I strongly recommend that YOU ATTEND because this is YOUR ACHIEVEMENT and no one should take that moment from you. If anything, take loads of selfies.

 

As for hiring an escort to attend -- I would stay far away from that. My reasons are many: this will be an extended "hire" and most guys would not do it for free given it means giving up two days of their time.

 

I would concentrate on the classmates who are graduating who are friendly with you and understanding, and enjoy the moment with them - you would be amazed at how "adoptive, supportive, and affirming mothers and fathers can be to a graduate whose family has abandoned them (and I am sure this is true at Harvard too), so if they reach out to invite you to functions, go by all means and enjoy being in a circle of celebrants rather than with someone you are hiring. You can subtly mention your dilemma and leave it to a classmate to suggest you join his/her family.

 

By all means, if you want to have a blow out afterwards, hire a guy for an hour or a few hours and go for it. You might be surprised too through Grindr, Tumblir and other social networking that there are older gentlemen out there who would find it a privilege to stand in for your family at such an event (and some of them might also be Harvard grads) as a sort of distant uncle and they would gladly do it for free. I know you may prefer younger, but who knows what you might find on the social network who would be willing to attend and root for you.

[Str8boyluvr]

Thanks for the support and kind words guys....it really does mean a lot to me. It sucks to even have to deal with this - but nevertheless it will still be a happy day for me and I get more excited about it every week. I just sent in the Cap and Gown form this week - too cool! Oh I'm definitely going to attend. I worked hard for this and paid my own way, working the whole time. I'm graduating debt free with a Masters in Biotechnology (3.9 GPA).

 

I do like the idea of celebrating with an escort afterwards, and having someone to enjoy a celebratory dinner with...not to mention maybe "dessert". I don't have a favorite escort there - haven't hired that much, although from what I've read - there are one or two who I think might be ideal. I will have a hotel room so they can stay with me.

 

I have ordered my tickets (Harvard Commencement consists of three events each requiring a separate ticket). I do plan to give them away to other graduating students, but I had hoped to save one for myself (hence the escort proposal).

 

As for people questioning me about who my guest is - no issues there - it's such a big Commencement it's easy to be discreet and everyone is too busy with their families anyway. There are a number of pre-graduation events and I will be attending those alone.

 

I still have two months so there's time to think on it and plan.

[+ FreshFluff]

I'm so sorry that your family disowned you and aren't decent enough to show up for your graduation. Let's face it: There are a lot of families who would love to have a son as bright and accomplished as you.

 

Do you have friends in the Master's program whom you're close to and who know your situation? If you do, I'm sure they'd be happy to "adopt" you and take you out to dinner with them. In a huge graduation like that, you'd only see your guests after the ceremony anyway. The ceremony itself will be spent with your friends while any guests sit far away.

 

Many congratulations, and best wishes for what will surely be a bright future.

[Str8boyluvr]

I've never come out since after what happened with my family, I've always feared others would reject me for being gay. So at work, in my neighborhood and at school no one knows my situation and unfortunately there's no one I feel comfortable speaking to about it. I'm sure there are some who suspect, but it's never been discussed. That's why I was thinking of an escort since at least the "gay" part would be moot. Not an ideal solution I know - just trying to find a way to make the day more complete.

[MFLV]

You might want to post this question in the Ask an Escort section and get some feedback from that crowd. I hope it works out for you. You obviously want to celebrate which is warranted. Good luck and again congratulations !

[+ FreshFluff]

I've never come out since after what happened with my family, I've always feared others would reject me for being gay. So at work, in my neighborhood and at school no one knows my situation and unfortunately there's no one I feel comfortable speaking to about it. I'm sure there are some who suspect, but it's never been discussed. That's why I was thinking of an escort since at least the "gay" part would be moot. Not an ideal solution I know - just trying to find a way to make the day more complete.

 

You could always say that your parents can't make it because of a sick family member or whatever.

 

BTW, given the nature of that university, I think most people will readily accept you for who you are. I don't blame you for being traumatized though.

[shadowcatzxxx]

Given your obvious intelligence, might I recommend (for a post ceremony celebration) Andrew Irons (not to be confused with AJ Irons, who is also handsome, hot and friendly, but doesn't live in Boston).

 

Andrew is an exceptionally (almost impossibly) handsome, beautifully (almost unbelievably) built, and genuinely nice guy. As far as I can tell, he is only escorting to help put himself through school. (He is definitely a student, and definitely very smart.)

 

If you like his type, I can't think of a better person to celebrate with. He hasn't been advertising lately, as his availability is limited, and I'm certain he has a list of regulars who are lined up for his available dates. You can find his stellar reviews and the contact info he makes public on Daddys reviews.

 

Congrats again, and good luck!

[whipped guy]

First sincere congratulations! That is quite an accomplishment and an achievement of which to be quite proud. Plus, I know for a fact that there are many here who can totally relate to your situation.

 

Personally, as someone who had to sit through not only commencements of my own, but also those of others, I am not sure if it would be worth having an escort present. Unless, you especially feel the need to know that there is at least one person out there who at least superficially would be rooting for you... so as to make things seem "more complete" as you mention. From my point of view I would rather spend the time bonding with friends and acquaintances. You can then save the escort to celebrate at a later time... either later that day or whenever... and that would most definitely include dessert. Of course it will be easy to make excuses for why your family is not there. Those who are in the closet become quite adept at things such as that. I just sincerely hope that having to make excuses does not become a life long endeavor. As I mentioned above, many of us here can unfortunately relate...

 

In any event, I am confident that given your aptitude you will certainly make the correct decision on what ultimately will be the best course of action. Here's wishing you all the best!

[Guest]

I've never come out since after what happened with my family, I've always feared others would reject me for being gay. So at work, in my neighborhood and at school no one knows my situation and unfortunately there's no one I feel comfortable speaking to about it. I'm sure there are some who suspect, but it's never been discussed. That's why I was thinking of an escort since at least the "gay" part would be moot. Not an ideal solution I know - just trying to find a way to make the day more complete.

 

You could always say that your parents can't make it because of a sick family member or whatever.

 

BTW, given the nature of that university, I think most people will readily accept you for who you are. I don't blame you for being traumatized though.

 

Let me just re-iterate how impressed I am with your achievement. I'm all the more impressed that you were able to do this and finish debt-free, and with a difficult degree, Summa cum laude to boot. I can't say that I would agree with FreshFluff's advice, and make up a tall story about a sick family member. First of all, a statement like that opens a door for sympathy and asking who in your immediate family is sick. Secondly, I think that people appreciate honesty. It's OK to say "They couldn't make it," and, if pressed, you could say "It's not something I care to discuss at this time, if you don't mind." In addition, if you were to get close to someone later on, and they found out you made up a story about a sick relative, they wouldn't like it.

I'm very concerned for you when you say that you're not out to anyone. I don't know when you came out to your family. Certainly, your fear of coming out is understandable given your family's inappropriate reaction. But I feel it's absolutely essential that you find a circle of supportive friends, and that you don't feel you have to go around lying to everyone you come into contact, from friends to work to neighbors. As someone with a highly marketable education and skill, it is imperative that you seek employment in a gay-friendly environment, even if it means a lower overall compensation. In fact, I would hope that you would be able to ask in an interview of any company you might work for if they have domestic partner benefits for same-sex couples.

If you live in a gay-hostile environment, you need to move to one that isn't. I don't specifically discuss my sex life at work or in the neighborhood, but I go to company events and homeowner association meetings with my partner, and my sexual orientation is obvious to anyone who knows me long enough. At the university, I went to what was then called the Gay and Lesbian Alliance. That door may be closing on you soon, but there are plenty of other gay organizations in which to meet people, as well as, of course, places to meet people on-line. When I went to my university, they even had a special graduation party for gays and lesbians who didn't have supportive families (luckily, I didn't need that resource). Maybe you could ask.

Despite your family's shocking rejection, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to live a happy, prosperous life. In fact, other than your family situation, you are in an enviable position. I don't know whether you're good-looking or not, but if you are--what a package! This is, in fact, your total commencement. You have your whole life ahead of you, so choose wisely. One thing I can promise you: you will be happiest if you live an honest, open life. I have my faults, but anyone who knows me knows: lack of honesty isn't one of them, and people appreciate me for that. The commencement exercises may be uncomfortable for you, but you will get through them and move on. No reason not to be extremely successful in the game of life. And remember: living well is the best revenge.

[+ purplekow]

Hardiest congratulations on your accomplishment. I also fall with group that supports an escort before, after, or even during but not as a guest. (Lots of room under those graduation gowns and after that what other memory of your graduation would you need? Top, of my class and in the fieldhouse during the ceremony.) I would like to speak to the handling of the question as to if your family is there. If asked, I think a Harvard man would be honest, but not blunt. "My family chose not to attend, but thanks for asking after them" is honest and should deflect further cross examination. If you should have to swat off further questioning, I would continue you with "It is a personal matter I would rather not discuss on such a glorious day."

 

The absence of family is likely to leave a small vacant place in your heart. An escort's presence will never fill that hole.

 

You have two months between now and then, perhaps with luck and industry you can meet someone that you want to be there and who wants to be there for you. Make that happen and you will have two things to celebrate on that day.

[+ FreshFluff]

Let me just re-iterate how impressed I am with your achievement. I'm all the more impressed that you were able to do this and finish debt-free, and with a difficult degree, Summa cum laude to boot. I can't say that I would agree with FreshFluff's advice, and make up a tall story about a sick family member. First of all, a statement like that opens a door for sympathy and asking who in your immediate family is sick. Secondly, I think that people appreciate honesty. It's OK to say "They couldn't make it," and, if pressed, you could say "It's not something I care to discuss at this time, if you don't mind." In addition, if you were to get close to someone later on, and they found out you made up a story about a sick relative, they wouldn't like it.

 

You're right, Unicorn. "They couldn't make it" said in the right tone would be much better.

 

As someone with a highly marketable education and skill, it is imperative that you seek employment in a gay-friendly environment, even if it means a lower overall compensation.

 

I completely agree, and if you choose the right location, it's unlikely that you'll have to trade off compensation for a supportive environment. In Silicon Valley and New York, the better the company/firm, the more gay friendly it is likely to be. For example, Goldman Sachs and Google are known for being particularly supportive of LGBT people. Investment banks with non-supportive environments tend to be less well known and prestigious. However, especially in the financial sector, you'll want to make sure that not only the company as a whole, but the specific people to whom you report, to are supportive.

 

(I mention the financial sector because I'm somewhat familiar with it and because many grads in your field end up there.)

[gallahadesquire]

i was a resident at a Harvard Teaching Hospital (the then Beth Israel, boston, now "BI Deaconess". It came with an academic position. I am an Associate Member of the Harvard Medical School Alumni Association (and $2.00 will get me a cup of coffee).

 

I'd be glad to accompany you as a dear old Uncle, who thinks the way your family treated you to be heinous and reprehensible.

[+ Gar1eth]

i was a resident at a Harvard Teaching Hospital (the then Beth Israel, boston, now "BI Deaconess". It came with an academic position. I am an Associate Member of the Harvard Medical School Alumni Association (and $2.00 will get me a cup of coffee).

 

I'd be glad to accompany you as a dear old Uncle, who thinks the way your family treated you to be heinous and reprehensible.

 

I'm truly very sorry about the OP's Family. Gallahadesquire, what a kind offer (I'm serious here- I never know exactly how things may sound on the Forum/Internet when a few of us on here tend towards the more sarcastic). I wish I were in the neighborhood, I'd offer to go or at least celebrate with the OP before or after, but I'm on the northern West Coast currently.

 

Gman

 

(PS Galahadesquire- I know I owe you a long email. It's all to do with me and not you. I'm trying. )

[Diverdan]

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. What an accomplishment, and has others have said, you have a wonderful life ahead, so put the negatives behind you. Gallahadsquire has made you a wonderful offer and certainly has the credentials and position to be a worthy "uncle" to stand in for your family. My very best wishes to you as you move forward in life. There are so many good suggestions here, so I won't add any more. Just know that there are many here who are rooting for you and ready to help in any way possible.

DD

[bigvalboy]

I too would like to extend my congratulations. It is a phenomenal accomplishment, and no one should dampen that day for you, certainly not a family that has not been supportive. This thread is filled with excellent suggestions, so I will not add any at this time, however I would like to say that I stand with DD on this. I think what Gallahadsquire has suggested is an amazing offer, and I hope you will consider it. For now, this stranger will be thinking about you on your day of commencement and wishing you all the best. I hope you realize that your community of support goes far beyond those that you know.

[+ Charlie]

You say that this is a Master's degree, so I assume you have already been through an undergraduate graduation ceremony. Did family or other supporters attend that one? How did you feel about it? For me, graduation ceremonies, unlike weddings, are occasions that seem very important at the time, but not afterwards. I enjoyed my undergraduate graduation (sort of: it was held outdoors and I was heavily doped with allergy medication), but I felt no inclination to also attend the ceremonies for my graduate degrees, even though my proud parents would have been happy to come. As a professor, I sat through many tedious graduation ceremonies (including a much-hyped speech by a well-known governor, which was a ten minute assortment of cliches), yet I appreciated the emotions felt by students who had worked hard to achieve that goal.

 

It sounds like what you would like is affirmation for what you have accomplished from someone outside Harvard, but that is not what you would get from hiring an escort to attend. Is there anyone else--high school or undergraduate teacher, former classmate, extended family member, etc.--who would be pleased to see what you have done, whom you could invite? I was most pleased that my childhood nextdoor neighbors travelled a couple hundred miles to see me graduate.

[+ Funguy]

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. What an accomplishment, and has others have said, you have a wonderful life ahead, so put the negatives behind you. Gallahadsquire has made you a wonderful offer and certainly has the credentials and position to be a worthy "uncle" to stand in for your family. My very best wishes to you as you move forward in life. There are so many good suggestions here, so I won't add any more. Just know that there are many here who are rooting for you and ready to help in any way possible.

DD

 

I won't add a list of suggestions but what Diverdan and BVB have written sums it up. MANY MANY CONGRATULATIONS AND HEARTFELT KUDOS are being sent your way from many many people. You have, at least, this community rooting for you, not just right now, but for your future.

 

You should think hard about this being not just your graduation from a Harvard Graduate School, but for life in the future and a natural point of embarkation. Don't put it off as many of us of an earlier generation had or have. Embrace life as you start out with the greatest tools one can have!

 

We'll be putting May 29th in our calendars!

 

And be a,

 

Funguy

.

[marylander1940]

Thanks for the support and kind words guys....it really does mean a lot to me. It sucks to even have to deal with this - but nevertheless it will still be a happy day for me and I get more excited about it every week. I just sent in the Cap and Gown form this week - too cool! Oh I'm definitely going to attend. I worked hard for this and paid my own way, working the whole time. I'm graduating debt free with a Masters in Biotechnology (3.9 GPA).

 

I do like the idea of celebrating with an escort afterwards, and having someone to enjoy a celebratory dinner with...not to mention maybe "dessert". I don't have a favorite escort there - haven't hired that much, although from what I've read - there are one or two who I think might be ideal. I will have a hotel room so they can stay with me.

 

I have ordered my tickets (Harvard Commencement consists of three events each requiring a separate ticket). I do plan to give them away to other graduating students, but I had hoped to save one for myself (hence the escort proposal).

 

As for people questioning me about who my guest is - no issues there - it's such a big Commencement it's easy to be discreet and everyone is too busy with their families anyway. There are a number of pre-graduation events and I will be attending those alone.

 

I still have two months so there's time to think on it and plan.

 

First of all, I'm sorry about what happened between your family and you, and I'm glad things for younger generations have changed. I'm sure one day they'll be proud of your accomplishments in life.

 

I'm glad you're acknowledging you don't only want company during the even and you want to have fun afterwards, that improves the scenario a lot.

 

I don't recall you mentioning how old you're.

 

Are you looking to hire someone who will pass as your bf or someone who can pass as your "trophy bf" (clearly younger and hotter than you)?

 

I've never come out since after what happened with my family, I've always feared others would reject me for being gay. So at work, in my neighborhood and at school no one knows my situation and unfortunately there's no one I feel comfortable speaking to about it. I'm sure there are some who suspect, but it's never been discussed. That's why I was thinking of an escort since at least the "gay" part would be moot. Not an ideal solution I know - just trying to find a way to make the day more complete.

 

Coming out is a personal choice, it's all up to you.

[McLeanspider]

They disowned me years ago for being gay. It is a major, major milestone in my life and it would be nice to have at least one person there to support me.

 

Damn, some people don't change. I've been in your place... time goes by and almost heals it.

 

[video=youtube;MmqNiFJyI28]

[Diverdan]

WOW... this is hard to watch and recognize that stuff like this was produced and distributed. Thanks for sharing.

[Str8boyluvr]

Hi Everyone - My apologies for not responding the last couple of days. I was traveling for business and still putting the finishing touches on my Thesis. So where to begin....

 

Gallahadesquire - you are quite a Gentlemen and I will give serious consideration to your offer. To think that someone who doesn't know me from Adam would offer their time and support as you have leaves me feeling quite special indeed.

 

Someone asked about my undergrad degree - no my family did not attend that one either. But I had a boyfriend and folks from where I interned who came to support me. Much different climate than the Harvard Commencement.

 

Interesting idea about asking former classmates, childhood friends and neighbors. There was one person here in my current neighborhood who offered - but sadly - her intentions were not exactly respectable - and she's not someone I feel I can trust.

 

I'd LOVE to meet a special someone and have them attend the graduation - but alas my work and school schedule barely permit me to take a walk much less meet and date someone in the short time before May 29 - but never say never!

 

To everyone who have been so kind, sent me PM's and expressed their support on this thread - I am sincerely indebted to you. It may sound silly - but it's true - this thread was the first time anyone has wished me congratulations on completing the degree. To know that some of you may be watching the live broadcast on May 29th - even if for a short period or in the background as you work, really does impress me.

 

Come Hell or high water I will be there....one of those black robes with a Crimson collar ( or whatever that thing is called lol).

 

I've also entered the Commencement Speech competition - you can read more about it at commencement.harvard.edu I'll know in a couple of weeks if I made the first cut.

 

I had an interesting thing happen to me on campus yesterday. A very tall and beautiful guy (maybe 21 or so) and his mom were walking around campus. The boy caught my eye and I noticed they were quite interested in a couple of buildings such as Widener library to which they had no access since a valid Harvard ID is required for entry.

 

I had some free time and approached them and offered to take them in as my guests. Their reaction was priceless (especially the cute boy). They were very kind and appreciative - truly good people. I was glad I could do that for them. It made me appreciate what I have and how fortunate I am to have been granted admission there. I'll remember them now every time I walk on campus.

 

I'm taking the next few days to rest my mind - only 2 months left - so much to do. But it's awesome!