I've Woken Up From My Fool's Dream--and I Feel Slightly Better

[maxwellissmart]

Of course its Easier and efficient Joe, Safer? (maybe, maybe not) , Fulfilling ? (perhaps), but COSTLY ? Definitely, and for those of us that like to have sex More than once a week, it can put you in the poorhouse if you Cant afford it... Even at once a week, you are spending $200 - $300, which is $800 - $1200 per month. Yes I would love to pickup the phone everytime I am horny and Hire a hot escort with a Big cock to satisfy me, but I would probably then need to live in a cardboard box on the street. Otherwise, it would be a No-brainer.

 

Exactly, and if you have body issues holding you back from meeting someone—you could hire a bevy of personal trainers for those prices. Everyone can improve their body with some exercise. The irony about that is a client I saw multiple times over the course of the past two months just left. Big guy—completely out of shape. Great personality and awesomely hot sex.

[+ Gar1eth]

Exactly, and if you have body issues holding you back from meeting someone—you could hire a bevy of personal trainers for those prices. Everyone can improve their body with some exercise. The irony about that is a client I saw multiple times over the course of the past two months just left. Big guy—completely out of shape. Great personality and awesomely hot sex.

 

My body issues aren't holding me back from meeting someone- they are holding other people back from wanting to meet me. :o

 

And no you are wrong- if 'everyone' could do it with trainers- then we wouldn't be a nation of apple dumplings. Most people my size- I'm extrapolating here- are not happy being this big.

 

As for the quality of the sex- sigh- I wish you hadn't brought that up. I'm probably only mediocre at best. Part of this is due to being slightly underendowed. And yes I know that some will say that size doesn't matter. But if you are so small that you, pardon the expression, fall out easily- or that depending on the other guy's anatomy- you are unable to hit their prostate- then- you are just a bit too small.

 

My best hope during sex for the other guy is that there will be 'lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill- but with nothing dirty going on'

 

Gman

[Decatur Guy]

Hey Gman!

 

I want to take this in a different direction for a minute. I think it's good to disconnect from those sites if they're bringing you nothing but anxiety.

 

I know you've mentioned your weight before in posts. Maybe 2012 is the year to focus on you and making yourself healthier and feel better -- not to pick up guys but to make sure you go into your 50s feeling as healthy and energetic as possible. I hope you can devote time to yourself several times a week to taking walks, eating well and perhaps getting involved in some type of exercise program.

 

I'm vowing to rededicate myself to my long walks and going back to the gym more regularly after my brain surgery last year. Anytime I get on a spell of two weeks or more of doing that, I start to feel so good. And no telling the spillover effects that may have down the road.

[maxwellissmart]

My body issues aren't holding me back from meeting someone- they are holding other people back from wanting to meet me. :o

 

Please. There's a subculture for just about anything and everything these days. If two guys can share an enthusiasm for shit, then it's not out of the realm of possibility for you to find someone who enjoys a larger man.

 

And no you are wrong- if 'everyone' could do it with trainers- then we wouldn't be a nation of apple dumplings. Most people my size- I'm extrapolating here- are not happy being this big.

 

It is a proven fact that everyone benefits from regular exercise. The only reason why we are a nation of "apple dumplings" is because people 1) don't exercise long enough to see results and 2) don't decrease their caloric intake to a reasonable level. I've seen porn films with pudgy, soft bear stars who went on to get into incredible shape. They are no different than you or me (and yes, I've been fat).

 

As for the quality of the sex- sigh- I wish you hadn't brought that up. I'm probably only mediocre at best. Part of this is due to being slightly underendowed. And yes I know that some will say that size doesn't matter. But if you are so small that you, pardon the expression, fall out easily- or that depending on the other guy's anatomy- you are unable to hit their prostate- then- you are just a bit too small.

 

Many guys don't even like anal sex, and I use my fingers more often than not to tackle the prostate. I have two things going for me in the sex department: my enthusiasm, and my mouth. Find what works for you and focus on that.

 

My best hope during sex for the other guy is that there will be 'lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill- but with nothing dirty going on'

 

There's nothing more pathetic than a sympathy fuck for all parties concerned. One of the hottest things about hooking up with an older man (usually, anyway) is his worldview of sex. He's been around the block and is not only unfraid and unashamed of it, but willing to share that knowledge with you. He's familiar and comfortable with his body and takes the time to get familiar with yours. He's got an imagination and if something isn't working, he has a backup plan and will try something else. He's taken the time to learn the mechanics of kissing and touch. Sex is something that isn't always great. But it's rarely flat-out bad. And usually that's because the other partner is lazy and uninvolved and wants you to do everything with no reciprocation. If you have at least one thing worth sharing in bed—concentrate on that and feel good that you have that in your pocket. If you don't—hire someone and ask them to help you develop some better techniques.

[josephga]

I think he needs more self confidants. I knew this guy once his name was Lamar. Lamar was this mid 40's short dummy Little guy. Lamar always had a cute little twink on his arm.

Because he himself thought he had it. lol If you think low of yourself or lack self assurance it will project.

[+ Gar1eth]

Please. There's a subculture for just about anything and everything these days. If two guys can share an enthusiasm for shit, then it's not out of the realm of possibility for you to find someone who enjoys a larger man.

 

Well as a fat guy, I will tell you that chub chasers are not easy to find. And there is a good chance they might be a little on the strange side.

 

 

 

It is a proven fact that everyone benefits from regular exercise. The only reason why we are a nation of "apple dumplings" is because people 1) don't exercise long enough to see results and 2) don't decrease their caloric intake to a reasonable level. I've seen porn films with pudgy, soft bear stars who went on to get into incredible shape. They are no different than you or me (and yes, I've been fat).

 

I don't think I really mean impossible as much as I do improbable- at least for me. I've tried trainers. Working out gives me a headache. And you probably missed the part where I said I lack 'stick-to-it-ness'

 

 

Many guys don't even like anal sex, and I use my fingers more often than not to tackle the prostate. I have two things going for me in the sex department: my enthusiasm, and my mouth. Find what works for you and focus on that.

 

There's nothing more pathetic than a sympathy fuck for all parties concerned. One of the hottest things about hooking up with an older man (usually, anyway) is his worldview of sex. He's been around the block and is not only unfraid and unashamed of it, but willing to share that knowledge with you. He's familiar and comfortable with his body and takes the time to get familiar with yours. He's got an imagination and if something isn't working, he has a backup plan and will try something else. He's taken the time to learn the mechanics of kissing and touch. Sex is something that isn't always great. But it's rarely flat-out bad. And usually that's because the other partner is lazy and uninvolved and wants you to do everything with no reciprocation. If you have at least one thing worth sharing in bed—concentrate on that and feel good that you have that in your pocket. If you don't—hire someone and ask them to help you develop some better techniques.

 

I'm not saying all my encounters have been disasters. On the other hands it's hard to know. An escort who tells his client the sex was lousy is probably not going to be very successful. And it's hard not to be envious of those tops who don't cum at the drop of a hat, have firmer and longer lasting erections than I do, and can f-ck like the energizer bunny.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

Please. There's a subculture for just about anything and everything these days. If two guys can share an enthusiasm for shit, then it's not out of the realm of possibility for you to find someone who enjoys a larger man.

 

It is a proven fact that everyone benefits from regular exercise. The only reason why we are a nation of "apple dumplings" is because people 1) don't exercise long enough to see results and 2) don't decrease their caloric intake to a reasonable level. I've seen porn films with pudgy, soft bear stars who went on to get into incredible shape. They are no different than you or me (and yes, I've been fat).

 

Many guys don't even like anal sex, and I use my fingers more often than not to tackle the prostate. I have two things going for me in the sex department: my enthusiasm, and my mouth. Find what works for you and focus on that.

 

There's nothing more pathetic than a sympathy fuck for all parties concerned. One of the hottest things about hooking up with an older man (usually, anyway) is his worldview of sex. He's been around the block and is not only unfraid and unashamed of it, but willing to share that knowledge with you. He's familiar and comfortable with his body and takes the time to get familiar with yours. He's got an imagination and if something isn't working, he has a backup plan and will try something else. He's taken the time to learn the mechanics of kissing and touch. Sex is something that isn't always great. But it's rarely flat-out bad. And usually that's because the other partner is lazy and uninvolved and wants you to do everything with no reciprocation. If you have at least one thing worth sharing in bed—concentrate on that and feel good that you have that in your pocket. If you don't—hire someone and ask them to help you develop some better techniques.

 

Max, you are always on the mark, but I seem to remember previous posts from Gman, where he said that HE is usually not attracted to the guys that are attracted to him. I think a broader view of type would Help gman, since he obviously does get "Hits". I have often had sex with guys that were NOT my ideal DREAM man, but I found "something" that I liked and worked with that.

 

As for the "small" endowment thing and your advice, I also am not a mega hung guy, just average with a BIG set of balls. But I was never into anal, either as top ir bottom. But I do love anything ORAL, and my sexual career has been fulfilling in that genre, both for me, and the men on the receiving end. (And FYI, I am NOT stunningly Handsome, (wink). So your advice here to find what WORKS for you is incredible prolific....

[Steven_Draker]

I don't have a miracle pill for Gman, but thought that in order for others to love you and accept you just the way you are, you need to love yourself in the first place. And I think that has been Gman's main flaw for some time now. That requires some work on yourself which not necessarily means subscribing at the gym and getting yourself a nice body.

 

I'd try to focus on other things. As we grow older, priorities in life change. Do you have real good friends with whom you can hang with? I'd think about getting myself surrounded by really good friends and people who appreciate you and vice versa. It's a starting point. The "butterfly" will come and sit on your shoulder when you least expect it.

[maxwellissmart]

Max, you are always on the mark, but I seem to remember previous posts from Gman, where he said that HE is usually not attracted to the guys that are attracted to him. I think a broader view of type would Help gman, since he obviously does get "Hits". I have often had sex with guys that were NOT my ideal DREAM man, but I found "something" that I liked and worked with that.

 

As for the "small" endowment thing and your advice, I also am not a mega hung guy, just average with a BIG set of balls. But I was never into anal, either as top ir bottom. But I do love anything ORAL, and my sexual career has been fulfilling in that genre, both for me, and the men on the receiving end. (And FYI, I am NOT stunningly Handsome, (wink). So your advice here to find what WORKS for you is incredible prolific....

 

It all starts with attitude. Whether you're walking into a bathhouse or a coffeeshop to meet someone for a date—the other person is going to pick up very quickly if you're full of self-loathing or have a general lack of confidence. That's not to say that you should be full of yourself either—and confidence is something that is gradually established. But don't set yourself up for failure from the get-go by removing yourself from the game, justifying it by saying: "well, they aren't going to like me anyway because I don't have ______ or I'm too _____." There is no perfect method for consistently finding sex—we all get rejected at one time or another because we aren't the square peg that fits into the round hole. I turn down clients who offer me lots of money because even the money isn't enough. And likewise, I get turned down on Manhunt, because being good-looking isn't always enough. I agree with JJ in that one has to keep an open mind when it comes to sex, because you might be turning down a mind-blowing time simply because the person is a different race, age, or something you're not otherwise used to. Indeed, if you're complaining about not getting laid and no one is contacting you or making overtures, there's something wrong. If you're complaining about not getting laid and people ARE trying to get into your pants—there's likely something wrong with your attitude.

[+ Gar1eth]

Max, you are always on the mark, but I seem to remember previous posts from Gman, where he said that HE is usually not attracted to the guys that are attracted to him. I think a broader view of type would Help gman, since he obviously does get "Hits". I have often had sex with guys that were NOT my ideal DREAM man, but I found "something" that I liked and worked with that.

 

As for the "small" endowment thing and your advice, I also am not a mega hung guy, just average with a BIG set of balls. But I was never into anal, either as top ir bottom. But I do love anything ORAL, and my sexual career has been fulfilling in that genre, both for me, and the men on the receiving end. (And FYI, I am NOT stunningly Handsome, (wink). So your advice here to find what WORKS for you is incredible prolific....

 

 

Just a slight correction--It's not that I am not attracted to guys who are attracted to me--but in general I'm not attracted to guys with my type of physique. As for changing what attracts me--to quote someone I hate quoting because I'm not sure of his morals--"the heart wants what it wants". You can try to say at the end of the day that are going to totally change what you like--but on a practical level--I'm not sure you can.

 

As for getting hit on JJK--it did happen a few times on the sites--usually they were 800 miles away at a minimum--one guy was from Jeddah--Saudi Arabia--but it was very, very rare. And any sex--4 or 5 times in 6 months on the sites--that did happen--happened because I was the instigator.

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

It all starts with attitude. Whether you're walking into a bathhouse or a coffeeshop to meet someone for a date—the other person is going to pick up very quickly if you're full of self-loathing or have a general lack of confidence. That's not to say that you should be full of yourself either—and confidence is something that is gradually established. But don't set yourself up for failure from the get-go by removing yourself from the game, justifying it by saying: "well, they aren't going to like me anyway because I don't have ______ or I'm too _____." There is no perfect method for consistently finding sex—we all get rejected at one time or another because we aren't the square peg that fits into the round hole. I turn down clients who offer me lots of money because even the money isn't enough. And likewise, I get turned down on Manhunt, because being good-looking isn't always enough. I agree with JJ in that one has to keep an open mind when it comes to sex, because you might be turning down a mind-blowing time simply because the person is a different race, age, or something you're not otherwise used to. Indeed, if you're complaining about not getting laid and no one is contacting you or making overtures, there's something wrong. If you're complaining about not getting laid and people ARE trying to get into your pants—there's likely something wrong with your attitude.

 

Again--"the heart wants what it wants"--but in any case I received very few overtures--it wouldn't be unusual for maybe 1 every 2 months. As for self confidence--when I go to a bath house--I do not huddle in the corner--have my shoulders hunched--sit in a corner with a towel over my head and sign hanging around my neck reading "I'm pitiful--would you have sex with me anyway"--but when you are walking down the halls of a bath house--with a towel on and you see the people actively going around to the next hallway or corner when you walk by--or pointedly turn their backs--you get the feeling they aren't interested. You guys that are in good shape, young guys, or escorts--don't know what it's like for us in the gay world that are commonly called trolls. Why would all of us even know that word--and what it implies--if it wasn't used commonly. JJK even referenced this in a previous thread about older guys where the sex doesn't come as easily--well as I replied then--translate "doesn't come as easily" to "almost never".

 

And yes--I should work out and lose weight--and if I had even a ha'penny for every time I've thought that--or tried to do it--I'd have more cash than is awarded by Publisher's Clearing House. Just like it's hard to change what you want--it's very hard to do this--kudos to those of you who can--and have done it--kudos to the people like Mr. Draker who are in such excellent shape that people's tongues literally fall out of their mouth when they see him--I have age, personality, and genetics all working against me. On top of that I have a job with irregular hours and the fact that no matter what I do--exercise-wise I get a headache--and if I decrease the intensity to the point that I don't get a headache--then it's not enough to do me any good--I get frustrated and quit. Plus because of physical limitations about the only thing I can do is treadmill and it's dreadfully boring and hurts my ankles besides--and I cant stand listening to things on headphones while I use it.

 

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

I don't have a miracle pill for Gman, but thought that in order for others to love you and accept you just the way you are, you need to love yourself in the first place. And I think that has been Gman's main flaw for some time now. That requires some work on yourself which not necessarily means subscribing at the gym and getting yourself a nice body.

 

I'd try to focus on other things. As we grow older, priorities in life change. Do you have real good friends with whom you can hang with? I'd think about getting myself surrounded by really good friends and people who appreciate you and vice versa. It's a starting point. The "butterfly" will come and sit on your shoulder when you least expect it.[/color]

 

Yes-Steven--you are correct--I do need to like myself more. But just like I need to work out more--my feelings for myself are what they are. As for friends I just moved and started a new job "back home" in September. Luckily I have two friends from college--who have become better friends now. They are both female--and straight. And they have both been very supportive. In fact I came out to them several months ago--this was very significant as they were only the 3rd and 4th people from my past who I have come out to. And the 1st two I came out to have since the years we were friends come out as gay themselves. Unfortunately the job has turned sour--they either lied or changed the job responsibilities--to the point that if I had known what they were going to want from me--I would have told them "respectfully" that I am not the guy you want--and would never have taken the position to begin with. It's the only job I can do in this vicinity--so I am now starting job hunting again--and will have to be moving away in the 4 to 6 months--most likely out of state to a place I will know no one.

 

As for male friends--either straight or gay--I have none here--I am not sure how to go about doing it--and I question about the effort--when I am 99.9% sure of moving in 4 months.

 

And regarding priorities changing--you are right again. If you consider maybe a late bloomer 1st having sex at 18 years of age--well I kept myself away from sex until I was 41--no necking, no petting, no kissing, no circle jerks--for 23 years. My priorities now are I'd like sex--I'd also like a relationship--even if only a f-ckbuddy. Non fuck buddy male friends would also be nice--but I'm in limbo--because of the job move. And even afterwards--it's looking like most of the jobs are going to be in cities the size of West Bumf-ck where gay life will be minimal to non-existent--so even if I were better at making friends--there most likely won't be any 'like-minded" friends to be had.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

Gman, I dont think there is anything else that ANYONE can say to you. You are the one living your life and only YOU know what it is and how it is.... You also seem to have a rebuttal for every suggestion or idea offered, so it kinda looks like we are at an impass here.

 

I tend to think that when it gets to the point of NO RETURN, you will act and do something positive for yourself. But life will nOT change if you dont do soemthing to change it. You mentioned above getting sex when you were the instigator. Perhaps thats the key? You need to instigate more, which shows positive attitude and confidence. If that works, REPEAT IT.... All anyone here can do is to wish you luck, and reinforce to you that you are not alone in your experiences. YES there are people that are successful in love and Sex, but in the BIG picture, the Greater percentage is NOT.... Peace.

[instudiocity]

Gman, at age 44, my 5'8" frame carried 220 pounds around in great fashion - nobody would believe I weighed 220 pounds - I don't know why, I knew I did. I had been working out with a trainer for 2 years, and wasn't loosing weight - I was actually gaining some weight between developing muscles and using the training as an excuse to continue overeating. I developed diabetes and had my endocrinologist yelling at me every six months.

 

Two years ago, after 10 years working with a personal trainer 2 days a week, 52 years old, diabetic and 256 pounds, I got fed up. A friend gave me a BodyBugg - which is a little device that measures your calories burned. I learned that I was eating and (alcohol) drinking 2,400 calories per day, while my resting body would only burn 1,500 calories a day. Since a pound equals 3,600 calories not burned, I was working at gaining a pound every 4 days - I don't know why I wasn't 500 pounds except maybe some days, I burned as much as I was eating.

 

So using the BodyBugg and counting my calories - I tried to limit my calorie intake to 1,500 calories per day - in six months, I lost 10 pounds. This was working pretty good, so I started walking - just walking, listening to my iPod, sometimes smoking a cigar, just walking. Keeping myself at 1,500 calories per day, I lost gradually - never more than 2 pounds a week.

 

It's been two years now, I've lost 60 pounds, and I'm no longer diabetic. My favorite escort when I saw him for the first time in six months exclaimed as I took my shirt off, "My God, you've lost weight!"

 

Talking about feeling better about my body! YEA!. So I know you don't have stick-to-it-tiveness. But I'd like to challenge you to get a BodyBugg and start logging your calorie intake, forget about training and exercising. Just keep a record of what you eat for a while.

 

What you will find out is that you will start having debates with yourself. "If I don't eat that, I can have a few calories later for a dessert. I now refuse anything with refined sugars because the calorie count is too high compared to the size of the bite you get. I don't miss sugar anymore. A bowl of fruit is quite satisfying, filling and you can eat a lot without taking on a bunch of calories. I don't do fast food, because they've programmed their foot to make you crave more food. So I try to eat fresh, whole foods including whole grains.

 

Try it - just for one week, add up your calories and learn how you're overloading in the buffet line. I'm sure as you figure it out, you'll feel better - at 51 you're just a kid! And remember MASTERBATION BEATS MASTICATION!

[Phil_musc]

Interesting idea, this BodyBugg thing. Sounds like it could be promising. In addition to that, I think everyone has really tried to offer supportive words and good advice here. Gman, you do say that when you exercise you get a headache and when you do it at an intensity that doesn't give you a headache, it is too little to be effective. I'm wondering if your body might require a little more warm-up time - not just on the individual exercise sessions, but also before you make any serious progress. The human body is like a machine and it will respond if you work it. But it is not a machine in that the same program and intensity will not work for everyone. When you have exercised, did you give yourself enough time - if you got headaches, then you should dial back the intensity to a level that you can do and stay there for a while. Then move up GRADUALLY. You may be expecting results too fast for what your own individual body can do. But give yourself a chance - your body will adjust and develop at its own rate.

 

So many supportive and kind men here - I know where I'm coming when I have an issue to work through.

[JT Brooklyn]

Gman..Moving On to other things is what Life is all about! You stop moving and in most cases you have really stopped living...

[+ FreshFluff]

Gman,

 

I'm a straight woman, so I will never know exactly what you're going through. But I, too, have a very narrow group of people to whom I'm attracted, and I've given similar rebuttals to friends about why it's not possible to change that. (Frankly, when I've tried to change that, the relationships were very unsatisfying.) But occasionally, someone does come along who satisfies everything I want and, even if those don't work out, those moments make it all worthwhile. I'm hoping the same happens to you.

 

Regarding weight loss, I've found that continuing your current meals with small changes is an easier way to start than changing your whole diet. For me, one of the keys to maintaining weight is to stop eating when I feel "reasonably full" rather than sated--since I know I'll feel fuller in 10 minutes. If you go out to eat a lot, order just an appetizer and see how you feel afterwards. Also, eating veggies before meals tends to fill you up. Regarding exercise, recent studies show that food intake has a bigger impact on weight loss than exercise. (Also, have you tried interval training--bumping up the intensity for short periods and then going back to the base level? That may alleviate your problem.)

[gcursor]

Very nice post Gar1eth.

 

I only belong to a few sites however I don't really look to pursue sex on any of them. I mainly look for people just to chat with. Personally I have met some really nice guys off of GRINDR but I've learned to approach the profile from a way that piques people's interest by being creative, inventive and have a bit of a mystery. on GRINDR, in particular, people are so bored with the "hi, how are you?" and "Great body" and "wanna have sex?" that they respond to the more unique opening lines. Do I think that any of them will have sex with me? I have no idea. But they tell me about their life and we talk about things like friends should talk about.

 

You have to learn HOW to use each service to its own particular advantage! You have to think somewhat creatively and strategically somewhat. For example, personally I believe that GRINDR can be used effectively if you use the block feature and if you have grindr extra which gives you unlimited blocks. The entire concept is that you have to learn to block people who will in no way be what you're looking for for whatever reason. Most people talk to people on GRINDR then find out they don't like them and stop talking to them but never block them. That means those people are still available and keep coming up as a suitable candidate. However if those people are blocked then that frees up an extra slot for somebody new..somebody that you can be yourself with. If that one doesn't work out then it's on to the next one.

 

You should never think of it as a marathon. I might spend an hour each night on GRINDR nurturing different things. Like all good things, it takes time, patience, and understanding.

 

Gcursor

[+ Gar1eth]

Very nice post Gar1eth.

 

I only belong to a few sites however I don't really look to pursue sex on any of them. I mainly look for people just to chat with. Personally I have met some really nice guys off of GRINDR but I've learned to approach the profile from a way that piques people's interest by being creative, inventive and have a bit of a mystery. on GRINDR, in particular, people are so bored with the "hi, how are you?" and "Great body" and "wanna have sex?" that they respond to the more unique opening lines. Do I think that any of them will have sex with me? I have no idea. But they tell me about their life and we talk about things like friends should talk about.

 

You have to learn HOW to use each service to its own particular advantage! You have to think somewhat creatively and strategically somewhat. For example, personally I believe that GRINDR can be used effectively if you use the block feature and if you have grindr extra which gives you unlimited blocks. The entire concept is that you have to learn to block people who will in no way be what you're looking for for whatever reason. Most people talk to people on GRINDR then find out they don't like them and stop talking to them but never block them. That means those people are still available and keep coming up as a suitable candidate. However if those people are blocked then that frees up an extra slot for somebody new..somebody that you can be yourself with. If that one doesn't work out then it's on to the next one.

 

You should never think of it as a marathon. I might spend an hour each night on GRINDR nurturing different things. Like all good things, it takes time, patience, and understanding.

 

Gcursor

 

GC,

 

I'm glad you found something that satisfies you. But that's not why I am, errr was, on the sites. I was on there to meet people- maybe make some friends- hopefully, at least occasionally, have sex. But don't get me wrong, I have used the services to text. But at the end of the day, what I need is male companionship in person in the form of a living breathing person whose body warmth I can feel. And I'm not just talking about sex. I have some very nice email pen pals. I don't need need more guys that I can't be with in person. And seeing all the hunky guys- both young and old- and being turned down for friendship requests- even by the ones that said they were looking for friends- was just deepening my feelings of aloneness.

 

Since I deleted the apps- my mood is a lot better. I'm not having much interaction with other gay guys, true, but it's better than always being presented with guys I can't have right there on the screen of my phone.

 

Gman

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

GC,

 

I'm glad you found something that satisfies you. But that's not why I am, errr was, on the sites. I was on there to meet people- maybe make some friends- hopefully, at least occasionally, have sex. But don't get me wrong, I have used the services to text. But at the end of the day, what I need is male companionship in person in the form of a living breathing person whose body warmth I can feel. And I'm not just talking about sex. I have some very nice email pen pals. I don't need need more guys that I can't be with in person. And seeing all the hunky guys- both young and old- and being turned down for friendship requests- even by the ones that said they were looking for friends- was just deepening my feelings of aloneness.

 

Since I deleted the apps- my mood is a lot better. I'm not having much interaction with other gay guys, true, but it's better than always being presented with guys I can't have right there on the screen of my phone.

 

Gman

 

Gman

 

There is an old song that goes"You cant always get What you Want"... and that goes for EVERYONE Gman, not only you. As far as those guys looking for "Friendship" on those hookup sites, thats just a euphenism for "SEX", and those rejected friends requests are merely guys telling you that you are NOT their type for Sex. I think by now you've learned the Game ? And dont take it personally. these people DONT KNOW YOU and have no intention of meeting. If you are feeling better being away from the sites, then follow your gut, and TRY to learn that you are worthy of Happiness, and it will come to you. Hopeful, YES, optimistic, YES, but it sure beats being a sour and depressed person.

[josephga]

There is an old song that goes"You cant always get What you Want"... and that goes for EVERYONE Gman, not only you. As far as those guys looking for "Friendship" on those hookup sites, thats just a euphenism for "SEX", and those rejected friends requests are merely guys telling you that you are NOT their type for Sex. I think by now you've learned the Game ? And dont take it personally. these people DONT KNOW YOU and have no intention of meeting. If you are feeling better being away from the sites, then follow your gut, and TRY to learn that you are worthy of Happiness, and it will come to you. Hopeful, YES, optimistic, YES, but it sure beats being a sour and depressed person.

 

I agree looking for friends on those sites is a euphenism for "SEX. people that are truly just looking for friends don't care about age, body size, race or looks. They just use the term looking for friends so they can come off less *****ish lol

[jjkrkwood]

I agree looking for friends on those sites is a euphenism for "SEX. people that are truly just looking for friends don't care about age, body size, race or looks. They just use the term looking for friends so they can come off less *****ish lol

 

Slutty ????

[josephga]

Slutty ????

 

i said w*horeish its funny you can't say w*hore on here

[maxwellissmart]

i said w*horeish its funny you can't say w*hore on here

 

Pronounced: wuh-HORE.

[Guest Spanky]

Gareth,

 

The bit about getting a headache whenever you work out has me scratching my head. I've never heard of this before. Have you ever discussed this with a doctor to see if perhaps you have some sort of mineral or chemical imbalance? I have no idea what could cause something like that, but I can't recall ever hearing someone say that exercise made them feel worse. Also realize that you'll get benefit form even moderate activity. If you can't run, swim, bike, lift, paddle, or whatever, you can at least walk for an hour a day to start getting more active.

 

ISC made a good suggestion with the bodybugg. I wear a heart rate monitor for every workout so I have at least a general sense of what I am burning. And the simple act of writing down everything you eat and every calorie you expend through exercise will almost certainly be a positive step in that it will make you more cognizant of what's going in and what you're burning. Don't have a heart rate monitor or a body bugg - then get a $10 pedometer and track your steps. Track these numbers on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Share them with someone every week so that you have to be accountable to someone other than yourself. If you don't have someone to share them with in real life, then hell, you can PM them to me.

 

Finally, I think JJK had an interesting observation. For every piece of advice that you've been given, you seem to have a reason why it won't work. It almost seems that you're resigned to being unhappy and - maybe even subconsciously - you are setting up barriers that will keep you from even trying. It might be time to talk to a counselor or psychologist that has expertise in dealing with gay men. I am sure that they are out there (I've seen lots of other threads within these walls where people talk about psychologists with this area of expertise). I don't know you at all so I can only go by what I read here, but it could very well be that you've got some serious self-esteem issues that you need to address before anything is going to change.

 

Whatever you do, know that we all wish you best and will support you. Do let us know how you get on.