I've Woken Up From My Fool's Dream--and I Feel Slightly Better

[jjkrkwood]

But I also understand the OP's urge to cancel some of his profiles. Too much head games and too little product to show for all that effort.

 

Yes alot of head games but only IF you take it seriously, DONT ! If the product comes, it comes, but dont search, expect, or STRESS over it...

[jjkrkwood]

I ave found this looking but not acting to be a parricularly american phenomenon both at sex clubs and on sex sites. In europe at the clubs people are truly there to fuck there is less stand and pose in the room. Paris and berlin particularly. Also for me grindr is way way more successful in terms of the chat to fuck ratio. There is something in the american gay character that is more about just racking up points getting someone to agree to meet u than in the actual meeting. I think its partially sexual lack of confidence. I look good enough to get you but am i sexually good enough for you tomhave a good time with me. Not the same thing. Lays bare lies told by the perfect body and face. Being good sexually is a wnole different kettle of fish than looking good and being able to attrwct someone. So often you find someone who is sexually attractive to look at is NOT so sexually attractive in the event. Hence the fear of crossing over and actually trying to deliver on the pictures promise....blu

 

My motto has always been, " if you dont like Sane, dont play in the sandbox". I am not into games or game players.

[+ Charlie]

There are far too many things in this thread for me to respond to, so I'l try to keep it short and simple.

 

All those gays/straights/men/women who feel that they never got all the sex and romance that they believe is normal, are themselves the norm. We live in a culture that is so saturated with propaganda for sex and romance that we think there is something wrong if we aren't getting it, too, "just like everyone else." Probably the majority of Americans are frustrated by unsatisfied longings. Everyone wants to be Thelma jumping into bed with young Brad Pitt, or thinks that if they only looked like Angelina, they would be married to mature Brad Pitt. I'm no Buddhist, but I do believe that most of our mental pain is the result of desire, and the only way to reduce it is to renounce desire for that which we do not/can not have. Instead of drooling over the untouchable hunk dancing bare-chested in the spotlight, try to find something attractive in the schlubb sitting in the corner drinking a beer. Instead of looking for American Idols, focus on American Average Guys. The best sex I have ever had has usually been with men from whom I didn't expect too much. I suspect that is also the philosophy of many of the best escorts.

 

Yesterday I was in a tennis clinic with a guy who is professionally successful, is quite handsome and has a body that plenty of men would pay good money just to touch; yet he became furious every time he didn't hit a winning shot. I wanted to smack him and say, "Look around you. It's a beautiful day in a beautiful place, and you are getting good exercise; you ought to be enjoying what you have right this moment, not angry because you aren't hitting better than Roger Federer." Embrace what is available, whatever that may be.

 

The obsession with body image has run amok in our society. I was never a beauty, was bald in my 20s, and was skinny as a rail. I worked out at a gym regularly for years, but I didn't have the raw material to create a hot bod. I was more concerned with being healthy, and enjoying my body. I had lots and lots of sex, not because of my looks, but because I accepted and was comfortable with them. I am not naturally aggressive, but I projected confidence, which was just as effective in attracting sexual partners. I never focused on the hottest guy in the room, yet I sometimes ended up with them, because more attractive men than I were so afraid of rejection, that they sent out negative vibes to the very men they wanted. I don't like being rejected for sex any more than the next guy, but I never feared it or was devastated by it when it happened. There are worse things in life, like feeling miserable about yourself.

 

Finally, the match-up websites probably work best when two people with very specific, compatible goals happen to connect ("red-headed cigar-smoking bear seeks small middle-aged Asian with dress sock fetish"), and it sounds like your interests are considerably more general. If the sites are just stimulating fantasies that keep being dashed, then you are probably being sensible to drop them. Someone here (Raul?) suggested that you start doing things where you might meet people who turn out to be compatible because of a shared non-sexual interest, and I think that is the best course of action, because you will be getting other kinds of satisfaction even if you don't find sex or romance.

 

And stay tuned here. Lots of us like you.

[+ Gar1eth]

There are far too many things in this thread for me to respond to, so I'l try to keep it short and simple.

 

All those gays/straights/men/women who feel that they never got all the sex and romance that they believe is normal, are themselves the norm. We live in a culture that is so saturated with propaganda for sex and romance that we think there is something wrong if we aren't getting it, too, "just like everyone else." Probably the majority of Americans are frustrated by unsatisfied longings. Everyone wants to be Thelma jumping into bed with young Brad Pitt, or thinks that if they only looked like Angelina, they would be married to mature Brad Pitt. I'm no Buddhist, but I do believe that most of our mental pain is the result of desire, and the only way to reduce it is to renounce desire for that which we do not/can not have. Instead of drooling over the untouchable hunk dancing bare-chested in the spotlight, try to find something attractive in the schlubb sitting in the corner drinking a beer. Instead of looking for American Idols, focus on American Average Guys. The best sex I have ever had has usually been with men from whom I didn't expect too much. I suspect that is also the philosophy of many of the best escorts.

 

Yesterday I was in a tennis clinic with a guy who is professionally successful, is quite handsome and has a body that plenty of men would pay good money just to touch; yet he became furious every time he didn't hit a winning shot. I wanted to smack him and say, "Look around you. It's a beautiful day in a beautiful place, and you are getting good exercise; you ought to be enjoying what you have right this moment, not angry because you aren't hitting better than Roger Federer." Embrace what is available, whatever that may be.

 

The obsession with body image has run amok in our society. I was never a beauty, was bald in my 20s, and was skinny as a rail. I worked out at a gym regularly for years, but I didn't have the raw material to create a hot bod. I was more concerned with being healthy, and enjoying my body. I had lots and lots of sex, not because of my looks, but because I accepted and was comfortable with them. I am not naturally aggressive, but I projected confidence, which was just as effective in attracting sexual partners. I never focused on the hottest guy in the room, yet I sometimes ended up with them, because more attractive men than I were so afraid of rejection, that they sent out negative vibes to the very men they wanted. I don't like being rejected for sex any more than the next guy, but I never feared it or was devastated by it when it happened. There are worse things in life, like feeling miserable about yourself.

 

Finally, the match-up websites probably work best when two people with very specific, compatible goals happen to connect ("red-headed cigar-smoking bear seeks small middle-aged Asian with dress sock fetish"), and it sounds like your interests are considerably more general. If the sites are just stimulating fantasies that keep being dashed, then you are probably being sensible to drop them. Someone here (Raul?) suggested that you start doing things where you might meet people who turn out to be compatible because of a shared non-sexual interest, and I think that is the best course of action, because you will be getting other kinds of satisfaction even if you don't find sex or romance.

 

And stay tuned here. Lots of us like you.

 

The point which I always maintained in previous threads since I fisrst started posting about my life was that no one--ok most guys-- weren't interested in having sex with me. And it looked like the only sex I was ever going to get in my life was the bought and paid for kind. Then it was suggested to me that I should get on the sites like Grindr, Manhunt, Scruff, and etc because I could probably meet people and increase my chance for sex. Well I did have a few encounters--but they were very few and mostly far between. In fact the number of encounters were so negligible--that if my sex life were an algebraic equation--you could eliminate the the variable of how many times I had sex without causing any real change to the equation.

 

So once I signed up for the sites and saw all the hunk guys--it was making me horny--but I still wasn't getting sex which was extremely frustrating. So I decided if I wasn't getting sex. it would be better to delete my profiles from the sites--so at least I wouldn't have to look at all the hot guys who wouldn't even give me a 1st look much less a second.

 

So my original contention from previous threads--remains pretty much intact--I apparently can't have sex for the most part unless I pay for it.

 

And apparently Charlie--you and Raul agree because you are advising me to undertake hobbies for the purpose of non-sexual friends--I guess it's nice to be agreed with--lonely but nice.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

The point which I always maintained in previous threads since I fisrst started posting about my life was that no one--ok most guys-- weren't interested in having sex with me. And it looked like the only sex I was ever going to get in my life was the bought and paid for kind. Then it was suggested to me that I should get on the sites like Grindr, Manhunt, Scruff, and etc because I could probably meet people and increase my chance for sex. Well I did have a few encounters--but they were very few and mostly far between. In fact the number of encounters were so negligible--that if my sex life were an algebraic equation--you could eliminate the the variable of how many times I had sex without causing any real change to the equation.

 

So once I signed up for the sites and saw all the hunk guys--it was making me horny--but I still wasn't getting sex which was extremely frustrating. So I decided if I wasn't getting sex. it would be better to delete my profiles from the sites--so at least I wouldn't have to look at all the hot guys who wouldn't even give me a 1st look much less a second.

 

So my original contention from previous threads--remains pretty much intact--I apparently can't have sex for the most part unless I pay for it.

 

And apparently Charlie--you and Raul agree because you are advising me to undertake hobbies for the purpose of non-sexual friends--I guess it's nice to be agreed with--lonely but nice.

Gman

 

Gman, I am sure you appreciate being told the TRUTH, rather than being lied to? There is no denying that men will often gravitate and seek out the most attractive guy (in their eyes) that they can find. But the truth remains that there is a cover for every pot, although there may be alot more pots than covers. It could take time, alot of time, and in the meantime, yes you will go without sex unless you pay for it, but your guy will come along. You seem to have the impression that everyone BUT you is having sex 24/7, thats NOT the case. YES it may be easier for some to find than others, but thats LIFE... Keeping an open mind and a good attitude is crucial. If you kill the possibility before it even arrives, life really has no purpose. Stop being down on yourself, and YES, get your focus OFF sex. Its doing you no good dwelling on it. There are numerous GAY oriented groups for all sorts of activites, which can present you will a possibility of meeting and SEX. But dont approach it from a SEX angle.

Just chill man, and let things happen naturally. Life always holds surprises.

[Phil_musc]

Excellently put, JJ!

[Guest MajorTomp]

Well guys, I'm going to have to be the exception here. I have ManHunt and A4A profiles and I've been quite successful on both sites. In fact, I'm a little two successful. Last weekend I had a manhunt arranged hookup scheduled for Sun night but in the meantime, I had lunch with a 38 yo new meet from MH and we wound up in his office swapping blow jobs, Sat night i had an appointment with one of my favorite rentboys, a very hot mid 40s blond and we spent the better part of the evening in his bed, then Sunday morning I received a text from a previous hook up (cute Italian guy), he woke up horny and wanted a booty call! Got home about noon and fell back in bed, thank god my Sunday evening date rescheduled!

 

Meanwhile, I've got three guys emailing for encore engagements and I've got three other guys trying to schedule a first time visit. I've been told that being a top in my home town is like being in the service business, but geez, a guy needs some rest! I have no doubt that if I wanted a FB right now, I'm but a few texts away from being on my way!

 

I do exercise everyday, I've dropped 30 pounds and eat right! Best shape I've been in since I was 25! Oh, yea I'm on the higher side of mid fifties. I'm very picky about who I hook up with too!

 

There is sex out there guys but you have to earn it!

[Decatur Guy]

Gman, I am sure you appreciate being told the TRUTH, rather than being lied to? There is no denying that men will often gravitate and seek out the most attractive guy (in their eyes) that they can find. But the truth remains that there is a cover for every pot, although there may be alot more pots than covers. It could take time, alot of time, and in the meantime, yes you will go without sex unless you pay for it, but your guy will come along. You seem to have the impression that everyone BUT you is having sex 24/7, thats NOT the case. YES it may be easier for some to find than others, but thats LIFE... Keeping an open mind and a good attitude is crucial. If you kill the possibility before it even arrives, life really has no purpose. Stop being down on yourself, and YES, get your focus OFF sex. Its doing you no good dwelling on it. There are numerous GAY oriented groups for all sorts of activites, which can present you will a possibility of meeting and SEX. But dont approach it from a SEX angle.

Just chill man, and let things happen naturally. Life always holds surprises.

 

That's some damn good advice.

[+ Gar1eth]

Gman, I am sure you appreciate being told the TRUTH, rather than being lied to? There is no denying that men will often gravitate and seek out the most attractive guy (in their eyes) that they can find. But the truth remains that there is a cover for every pot, although there may be alot more pots than covers. It could take time, alot of time, and in the meantime, yes you will go without sex unless you pay for it, but your guy will come along. You seem to have the impression that everyone BUT you is having sex 24/7, thats NOT the case. YES it may be easier for some to find than others, but thats LIFE... Keeping an open mind and a good attitude is crucial. If you kill the possibility before it even arrives, life really has no purpose. Stop being down on yourself, and YES, get your focus OFF sex. Its doing you no good dwelling on it. There are numerous GAY oriented groups for all sorts of activites, which can present you will a possibility of meeting and SEX. But dont approach it from a SEX angle.

Just chill man, and let things happen naturally. Life always holds surprises.

 

All right there are many things I could say to this- but I will only mention a few as I am getting ready for a job interview in a city I don't want to live in but apparently beggars shouldn't be choosers with either jobs or sex. And as has been overly apparent from my previous posts, I like to eat- and I need a job for that.

 

But no, I don't expect that everyone else is having sex 24/7. Yes, I do think that the majority ( or at the very least a large proportion of gay men have sex more often than I do- or did at one time) and started earlier - either with makes or females. And finally, it is very easy to say that you should chill out and wait for it- when you are having sex on a regular and frequent basis. You might as well be saying to me ( and others in my same boat), "Let them eat cake"!!!!!!

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

All right there are many things I could say to this- but I will only mention a few as I am getting ready for a job interview in a city I don't want to live in but apparently beggars shouldn't be choosers with either jobs or sex. And as has been overly apparent from my previous posts, I like to eat- and I need a job for that.

 

But no, I don't expect that everyone else is having sex 24/7. Yes, I do think that the majority ( or at the very least a large proportion of gay men have sex more often than I do- or did at one time) and started earlier - either with makes or females. And finally, it is very easy to say that you should chill out and wait for it- when you are having sex on a regular and frequent basis. You might as well be saying to me ( and others in my same boat), "Let them eat cake"!!!!!!

 

Gman

 

Well Gman, you certainly have an answer for everything, and at this point, all I can say is IF you are obsessing over SEX, which apparently you are, and cant find it for whatever reasons you PERCEIVE are preventing it, then DO something about it rather than coming up with excuses for every suggest or recommendation you are offered. A person who really doesnt want to do anything to bring about change in their life really isnt worth anyones time. Lets face it, no guy is just gonna have sex with you because you whine about not having any. Especially a drop-dead, gorgoeus escort kinda guy that you seem fixated on. I will always be supportive of people that want to help and better themselves, but you seem to be looking for a Magic fix, with no effort on YOUR part and that just aint gonna happen. For Anyone !

[josephga]

I find that the best times on some of these sites can be like 1 to 3am in the mornings.

I don't sleep very well so on sat nights I charge the cell fully charged take the phone to bed lol log into grindr around midnight. that's when I get the biggest responses.

[jjkrkwood]

I find that the best times on some of these sites can be like 1 to 3am in the mornings.

I don't sleep very well so on sat nights I charge the cell fully charged take the phone to bed lol log into grindr around midnight. that's when I get the biggest responses.

 

one might say you are getting hits from the Desperate ones? Alot of us make do with "self service" when we are horny. Its quite efficient.

[josephga]

They some hot college guys on line at 2am in the morning. you can get the guys home studying late night and the non club guys

[+ Gar1eth]

Well Gman, you certainly have an answer for everything, and at this point, all I can say is IF you are obsessing over SEX, which apparently you are, and cant find it for whatever reasons you PERCEIVE are preventing it, then DO something about it rather than coming up with excuses for every suggest or recommendation you are offered. A person who really doesnt want to do anything to bring about change in their life really isnt worth anyones time. Lets face it, no guy is just gonna have sex with you because you whine about not having any. Especially a drop-dead, gorgoeus escort kinda guy that you seem fixated on. I will always be supportive of people that want to help and better themselves, but you seem to be looking for a Magic fix, with no effort on YOUR part and that just aint gonna happen. For Anyone !

 

JJK-- of course I have an answer. I've been dealing with this all my adult life- I was closeted- and was afraid of sex- but if the few times I did go to gay clubs- anyone had ever been interested- maybe I wouldn't have been closeted for so long. I'm not blaming anyone for not being my Prince Charming- just maybe if I had a few lucky breaks- things might have been different.

 

As for the rest of what you have said- you may be 75% correct- however as I said much earlier I this thread- I don't have the stick-to-it-ness to probably change. This is not only a problem in this arena- it's been a problem my whole life- I don't seem to be the type of person who can gut it out-- when others seem to be able to put out a final burst of energy to complete a task- I've always been the one who at the point of exhaustion- instead of putting on a burst of speed to finish- get slower and slower until the task takes me 3 times as long to complete.

 

As for obsessing about sex- I'm lonely and horny- and I think about being lonely and horny a lot. I wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend or even a good f-ckbuddy. And I'm sad because of the way I'm put together, I doubt I ever will- not impossible just improbable

 

But I don't really obsess a whole lot- not since I deleted all the apps. Then I was really obsessing because I was constantly exposed to things ( guys) I was attracted to and would never be able to have.

 

So as I said in my original post- I feel better in general now that I am not constantly bombarded by the unobtainable.

 

I appreciate all who took the time to answer. Many of the suggestions were spot on even if I can't follow them because of my own personal issues Or because I already known they won't work.

 

Y'all can keep this thread going if you want, this is my last post on this thread.

 

 

 

Gman