Housing Complex for Elderly Gays...Would You Prefer It?

[JackTwist]

Interesting article in today's issue of USA TODAY: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2011-12-29/gay-seniors-housing/52269290/1?csp=34news

 

If there was an affordable housing complex specifically for elderly gay people, would you want to live there as opposed to other mainstream senior-living options?

[+ Gar1eth]

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2011-12-29/gay-seniors-housing/52269290/1?csp=34news[/url]

 

If there was an affordable housing complex specifically for elderly gay people, would you want to live there as opposed to other mainstream senior-living options?

 

I'd give it a lot of thought.

 

Gman

[OneFinger]

On the surface this type of housing is really something I'd consider. But, have you ever noticed how divisive and fragmented the gay community is? Seems like there is always a lot of internal / bitch fights within a lot of gay organizations. At least that's what I have observed in my local community.

 

My main concern would be the cliques or social "ranking" that could exist. Sometimes the gay community is its own worst enemy.

[+ deej]

When I was a teenager, there was no way in hell this kind of option would ever be available. While it still isn't available, the thought that it might become available someday relatively soon is something I didn't expect to see in my lifetime.

 

I'd consider it. Probably strongly favor it.

[+ glutes]

hold on to your pocketbook....

 

It sounds great until you look at the pricing.

For a complex in Santa Rosa California the monthly runs over $6,000, after a major by-in.

The following site doesn't even mention prices: http://www.fountaingrovelodge.com/

[jjkrkwood]

When you consider how negatively society treats seniors, and then add the GAY element to it, gay themed housing on the surface seems like an attractive option.

 

But then you consider how "bitchy" gays can often be, and add the age element to that, and you have an option that appears a little LESS attractive. However in the final analysis, spending your remaining years with people you have things in common and life experiences with, makes it a BETTER option for ME....

[leigh.bess.toad]

It is certainly something that I would consider very strongly. Yes, we can be a bitchy lot. And maybe it's just me, but the support I've received from so many in the gay community as I've come out would make me a little less fearful of that. I doubt that we would ever see any place like that in Richmond, but with as rapidly as I see things changing, who knows.

 

But it is an interesting idea worth considering. At least for me.

[Bosguy]

I would definitely consider it. As far as bitchy goes, have you ever visited anyone in a senior facility. When my Mother was in one, she didn't want to do bingo with the "old people" so she had daily "cocktails and conversation" in her apartment (because of demand had to be moved to rec room). I'd love that spunkiness in this type of facility

 

Boston Bill

[+ Axiom2001]

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2011-12-29/gay-seniors-housing/52269290/1?csp=34news[/url]

 

If there was an affordable housing complex specifically for elderly gay people, would you want to live there as opposed to other mainstream senior-living options?

 

I would be willing to reside in a gay senior citizen complex provided it was located in a progressive city, i.e. San Francisco and afforded me to have many of the "bests" during my latter years!

 

I was in Los Angeles two days ago; there was a senior complex which I passed by; I would NOT want to live in the "City of Angels" due to its horrendous traffic congestion, especially on its freeways. I live about 2 hrs away

from San Francisco and gauge myself so that I will not have to be caught in traffic jams on the specific freeways that I usually drive. It's always smooth sailing!

[+ Charlie]

I would be willing to reside in a gay senior citizen complex provided it was located in a progressive city, i.e. San Francisco and afforded me to have many of the "bests" during my latter years!

 

I was in Los Angeles two days ago; there was a senior complex which I passed by; I would NOT want to live in the "City of Angels" due to its horrendous traffic congestion, especially on its freeways. I live about 2 hrs away

from San Francisco and gauge myself so that I will not have to be caught in traffic jams on the specific freeways that I usually drive. It's always smooth sailing!

 

I suspect that if I'm in a senior housing situation, I won't care about traffic, because I won't be doing much driving, if any. One of the most upsetting signs that you are losing it, for a senior, is when they take your driver's license away.

[mansniffing]

Thanks Jack Twist for the reference to the URL. A very good article.

[foxy]

Years ago I used to talk with friends about where we would wind up in our "golden years" and the subject of a gay nursing home came up. Our vision was that they would bring in go go boys on Friday and Saturday nights to keep everyone's hearts pumping. The idea of being in a nursing doesn't thrill me but if it had to happen it would be comforting to know it was at least gay friendly. I think there's a good chance we will be seeing more of this and I hope it works.

[adriano46]

I may be the one lone voice of dissent here.

 

While sometimes (maybe more a decade ago) I saw myself retiring in my late 50"s (that has not happened!!!!) to a nice spa resort in Southern California or the Florida Keys, where I operated a sort of gay free-for-all B&B, with a big clothing-optional swimming pool, state-of-the-art master gym with enormous steam and dry saunas, and a half-dozen swarthy masseurs for the guests, cocktails every night around the pool with theme nights every now and then, leisurely candlelit dinners with a top tier chef serving an array of healthy yet also delicious dinners with the finest wines available.... well, you all know where this went. It will not happen in my lifetime.

 

In reality, I enjoy very much mixed company - friends who are gay and straight, male and female, and also the interchange of age groups. While I hope and pray I would not be relegated to a nursing home (as we did to my mother, who despised us all for doing this -- although it was the best opton for her as she developed dimentia and had strokes)... my hope is that I would be able to retire in a small simple apartment or condo but in an area where there still are children, teens, young adults, middle aged and then US (the Golden Age group). Sure it would be great to have gay friends around but I also think it my get pretty tedious and even boring after a while -- unless by some miracle I DO win the Lottery and can build that golden gay spa filled with staff hired from the catalogue of models in the Gallary Forum provided by Justaguy or Lee!!!!!

[+ Charlie]

Thanks, Jack, for the link. Maybe I will have to move back to Philly when the time comes for me to move into such a facility. Then I could rejoin some old acquaintances who are mentioned in the article.

[Mark450]

Yes I would like to live in one of these communities at some point. I would also like to point out that these communities do not discriminate against straight people, so they are not exclusively gay. I don't know how many straight people will want to live there but they are certainly welcome to do so.

[Toulouse]

I love this idea and would prefer to live around other gay men in my golden years. And I think "Foxy's" concept of go-go boys on Friday and Saturday nights is spectacular! Perhaps we could have monthly "Rentboy" parties too!!

[Epigonos]

I CANNOT think of anything worse than living in an age restricted community.

 

After my father died my mother decided that she no long wanted to maintain her home on the other side of town. She and my sister found her a very nice apartment in a rather large complex built around an open beautifully landscaped courtyard. At 78 my mother was by far the oldest resident. Each afternoon she would go out into the courtyard, have a cup of coffee and read (the Readers Digest, can you believe it). Soon young mothers stopped by and said hello. Mother would offer them a cup of coffee and something she had baked (she loved to cook). Quickly her afternoon coffee group grew to between six to eight young mothers with babies and small children in tow. When the weather was poor they met in my mother’s apartment. At a certain point someone got the bright idea that they needed to have a barbecue every Saturday or Sunday during the summer. Mother always made deviled eggs and a huge salad. It eventually got to the point that if my sister and I wanted to do something with our mother we virtually had to make an advance appointment. Her days became filled will baby siting while mothers when grocery shopping, going to the local mall to window shop with young mothers pushing strollers, going to the various sporting events in which the kids participated, spending evening going to school plays and concerts. Miss Ruth as she was called, by all, became a vital member of her community. Mother spent 12½ incredibly happy years in that complex. At nearly 91 she began suffering from mini strokes which affected her hearing and vision. She refused to move in with either my sister or myself so she entered an extremely nice assisted living facility. Six months after she left her apartment she died quietly in her sleep. That happened in 1995 and I am, to this day, convinced that when she could no longer hear the laughter of children and the voices of people of all ages she decided it was time to go.

 

Sorry to have bored you all with this rather long treatise but it explains why this sentimental old fool will avoid an age restricted community at all cost.

[raulgmanzo]

In reality, I enjoy very much mixed company - friends who are gay and straight, male and female, and also the interchange of age groups.

 

I'm with Adriano and Epigonos in this regard. I love variety.

During some intervening years (before I get old and feeble) I hope to live somewhere else other than where I currently live.

However other than weather I can't imagine a better place to retire than where I currently live.

A huge variety of people from rich to poor, young to old, gay friendly, able to walk to anything, etc.

 

I wouldn't be dependent on relatives for day to day living or company but living in a big city, steps from buses and train lines that serve huge airports means that even if I can't travel well others would have no excuse not to visit me.

 

Plus living in a cool interesting urban neighborhood that appeals to young folks (compared with a complex) means that I could always offer to let a neice or nephew stay in my cool apartment for a visit in the big city or even live a while when they come here for college in exchange for helping me out a bit.

 

I'd NEVER have to wait for the shuttle bus or activities director, I could just shuffle on next door or down to the corner. Yeah it might take me an hour with my walker perhaps to go what currently takes 2 minutes. But so what? I'd be passing neighbors who knew and loved me and get to tease the little kids and bitch at the teenagers.

 

The crossing guard at the corner (who has been there 30 YEARS!) would happily stop traffic for me and my walker although actually I can shop, even go to church if I want without even crossing a street.

 

The corner bodega actually checks up on people who they don't see in a while, the neighborhood cafe delivered me free soup and a sandwich when they asked about me and a neighbor said I had the flu.

 

Also a city or metropolitan area that is big enough to support a "gay" housing complex is probably big enough and progressive enough to have neighborhoods where you could feel comfortable. So unless I was a complete invalid I can't imagine living in a "special" complex.

[CowboyUp]

They are going bankrupt and are apparently not delivering the service that current residents were promised: http://www.sfreporter.com/santafe/blog-2880-condo-owners-up-in-arms-over-rainbowvision-santa-f.html

[adriano46]

Epigonos, very beautiful view.

[trilingual]

Some of the first efforts at gay retirement housing seem to have failed. They were pretty high-priced. Beyond my means, for sure. I'd welcome a gay-friendly senior housing community. It doesn't have to be exclusively gay, but definitely oriented to LGBT seniors with staff and residents who are supportive and at ease with gay people. The last thing I'd want is to spend my final years with a bunch of prejudiced judgmental people! I know most of us, including me, want to be independent as long as possible. But life doesn't always work out the way we hope and many of us may find ourselves needing to live some place where we can get a variety of assistance as we grow older. An LGBT-friendly senior complex could be just the solution. There should be more of them. In fact, all senior facilities should be LGBT-friendly, just as they're obligated not to discriminate on other grounds! That would solve the problem!

[Phil_musc]

I've actually been thinking about this recently, having visited with my father in his retirement community for Christmas. There are several things that have emerged from what has been written above, not the least of which is that a retirement community is not the same thing as a nursing home. Where my dad lives is a life-care facility which means that as he ages and deteriorates (and everyone does unless they die abruptly from being run over by a bus or suffer a fatal heart attack) the facility will move him to assisted living, skilled care living, etc. This is really wonderful because it means that he will never be without some sort of appropriate care being available to him. Some of the posters here must be thinking as they age, they will still enjoy robust health and all the typical freedoms (such as unassisted travel to say nothing of the occasional outing with a rentboy of their choosing) that they enjoy now. That is certainly something to hope for, but there are no guarantees. Two other thoughts leap out at me: Epigonos, what you describe is ideal and something we would all wish for; your mother aged with dignity and she became sort of an elder village mother to help with those in her community. Who could ask for a better old age than what she experienced? Of course this is an ideal situation - part of the circle of life - it takes a whole village to raise a child, and her community was richly rewarded by her presence, and she of course received rewards and intangible compensations in turn. It was the classic win-win. And she lived a long and fruitful life that benefited everyone who came in contact with her. I was genuinely touched by what you wrote - who could not be? This is a strong argument in favor of living within a diverse community. However, in many parts of the US, gay people have not been as well accepted and there might not be communities that would welcome an openly gay version of your mother. For these people, a gay retirement community seems ideal. For those of you who worry about the bitchiness of old queens, well, it is what it is; get over it. But then too, people who make it into their 80's and 90s generally have a different perspective on things and maybe learned a few additional means of communication with their fellow humans that don't necessarily include the acerbic barb and the mean-spirited put-down. And one learns, also, to put such comments and behaviors in their proper light and context, a skill that many of us have been working on for our entire lives. Then too there is the kinship of having lived basically outside the norm of society - that counts for something, or at least it should. The other thing that concerns me though, is that while I think a gay retirement community would be a great idea, so many of the baby boomers who might have gravitated to such an institution have been lost to us through AIDS. The baby boomer gay generation was the first to come through with a greater sense of self acceptance and an expectation of being treated fairly and equally by the rest of society. But so many were lost to us through this terrible disease, and ultimately such a retirement community runs as a business. Are there sufficient numbers of gay men and women who would make such a facility economically viable?

[+ nycman]

I think an important point in this thread is looking at the financials of any retirement community

you wish to join. If they go belly up, you will get fucked over. The financial health of the

endeavor is more important that how many meals a day they serve, how big the pool is, or

even how gay friendly they are.

 

Yes, I want 3 gourmet meals a day, served beside a heated Olympic pool where the

local college water polo team practices nude every day at noon.....but if the numbers don't

add up, and they don't have tons of money in reserves to survive "down turns" in the economy,

guess what....the pool will be filled in, the food will be worse than a college dorm meal plan, and

the humky water polo team will be replaced with the local all-girls synchronized clarinet band.

 

If they don't have open and audited books...run.

 

If they do....go over them with your accountant and investment advisor....the way you would

any large and somewhat risky investment

 

Look for substance….not flash.