Opinion Question

[builder boy]

Good Afternoon!!! 
I wanted to get a little feedback really no wrong or right answer.   
I was curious though, if you engage in an overnight or weekend and your guest exhibits poor behavior, ie drinking to much they they really just pass out, engaging in long and often phone conversations, and ot just being interactive during the time period, do you feel that warrants an in full payment.   Just curious.  🧐 

[+ PhileasFogg]

I think you should define expectations in advance and honor the deal.  
 

If they operate outside the expectations, I think it should be communicated while they can still address the negative behaviors.

If all that fails, what you’ve described is an option, but I’d view it as a last resort.  

[builder boy]

I concur with that, and I guess, sometimes I have expectations that as it’s a business they would conduct themselves that way… But as of recently I have had a few experiences with this type of behavior has been exhibited so I was curious as to what others thought…

[+ Topseed]

My house, my rules. Period. I communicate in advance my expectations and my boundaries. Breaching that is sufficient reason to end the session immediately. I'm not tolerating some else's poor choices. Fee subject to my adjustment without discussion or negotiation.

[+ PhileasFogg]

3 minutes ago, builder boy said:

I concur with that, and I guess, sometimes I have expectations that as it’s a business they would conduct themselves that way… But as of recently I have had a few experiences with this type of behavior has been exhibited so I was curious as to what others thought…

Once I had a guy who I flew in FC.  He was drunk off the plane, then dinner, then club…by 10 he leaned into me and said “I’m f’d up and need to go to the room”.  He passed out diagonally on the bed as soon as we arrived.

At 2AM, he awoke horrified at his behavior and was profusely apologetic.  The rest of the weekend was great and he is now a regular.

To the contrary, last month there was an instance of someone getting obnoxious drunk.   For his safety, I needed to get him to bed and I kept my distance.    When he awoke, things were better, but by negotiation, I only paid for a couple hours of his time and not the overnight.   That’s the only time I’ve sought a modification in the agreed rate but the situation was beyond horrible to endure 

[builder boy]

That’s a perfect ending.  I have had a few different experiences as of late and not great  outcomes.  I have felt as of late it’s my job to do the entertaining and while their time is valuable mine not so much 

[PragueMen]

This is the most awkward situation. I’m literally dealing with that situation right now. In theory yes. In practice it gets very complicated. They will claim they did the job, you will claim they didn’t, and franky it is perspective. 
 

Honestly I’m not sure. This provider was VERY distracted but that’s because he has some mental health stuff that I understand. So I’ll propose half and see what he says. Remember they are human too.

Edited Sunday at 04:54 PM by PragueMen

[builder boy]

I have  done at least half in these couple of situations but was not well received…. I feel like it’s my job to do the entertaining and while their time is valuable mine not so much 

Edited Sunday at 05:16 PM by builder boy

[twiceshy]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

I think you should define expectations in advance and honor the deal.  
 

If they operate outside the expectations, I think it should be communicated while they can still address the negative behaviors.

If all that fails, what you’ve described is an option, but I’d view it as a last resort.  

I agree. Good behavior is hardly a universal concept. It’s the clear communication that’s key and rarely done well. I especially think communicating with time for course correction is important because that speaks to insight and response to feedback. 
 

From my limited experience, “ hey, when X happened that didn’t really sit right with me and I wanted to bring it up” helps everyone get and stay on the same page. 
 

My 2 cents 

Edited Sunday at 05:45 PM by twiceshy
Emoji removal

[jusmeinbr]

Reading this thread makes me glad I’ve always been a single-hour client.  I guess it helps that the three activities I enjoy (and the ONLY three) often cause an hour to seem like more than enough time.

Anyway, January of 2025 was the only time that I felt a provider showed up (at my home) really in no condition for an encounter.  What I did was to not say the first word about his condition, have a very half-hearted session, and then just talk with him briefly and, in a very subtle way, convey that I hoped the best for him all while knowing that I would never see him again.  
 

That was about our eighth session (but the first where I hosted).  He had the convenience of being able to just stop by my residence on his way for a later appointment the same day at a location about 60 miles west of me.  He indicated that client, though he was meeting him for the first time, intended to be a regular.  I have been told that client also opted to never hire him again so, in that condition, the provider lost one actual regular (me) and one prospective regular.

[nomad]

6 hours ago, builder boy said:

I have  done at least half in these couple of situations but was not well received…. I feel like it’s my job to do the entertaining and while their time is valuable mine not so much 

This perspective is a Stockholm syndrome viewpoint.  You are paying them to entertain you, not the other way around.  I'll speak for myself, but my time is more valuable than theirs.  If I'm taking time out of my normal day, getting a hotel room, etc, there is no way their time for which they are being paid for is more valuable than mine.  

[Boaxxx]

15 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Once I had a guy who I flew in FC.  He was drunk off the plane, then dinner, then club…by 10 he leaned into me and said “I’m f’d up and need to go to the room”.  He passed out diagonally on the bed as soon as we arrived.

At 2AM, he awoke horrified at his behavior and was profusely apologetic.  The rest of the weekend was great and he is now a regular.

To the contrary, last month there was an instance of someone getting obnoxious drunk.   For his safety, I needed to get him to bed and I kept my distance.    When he awoke, things were better, but by negotiation, I only paid for a couple hours of his time and not the overnight.   That’s the only time I’ve sought a modification in the agreed rate but the situation was beyond horrible to endure 

You have way more tolerance than me. Personally, I find it disrespectful to come off a plane drunk when I did not request a drunk or indicate that I have a drunk guy fantasy. And then to have it continue through dinner, the club and end with him passing out is unexceptionable and I would have been so mad an annoyed. Fortunately for you,  in the first instance, the situation turned around for the better. Unfortunately the second instance not so much. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

4 hours ago, Boaxxx said:

You have way more tolerance than me.

Thank you 😉.  It’s a double edged sword but I find there’s more upside than downside to forgiving when someone is genuinely apologetic 

[builder boy]

Unfortunately my experience was they while maybe somewhat apologetic expect full payment whether they provided their services and if not I am immediately the one in the wrong.  

[Nue2thegame]

I’ve never been in this situation but I’ve only done overnights with providers that I’ve already met and established good chemistry. I’ve never been disappointed in this setting. Having an unpleasant confrontation or being forced to endure a bad date defeats the original purpose. I can tolerate almost anyone for an hour but the individuals that I invite for an overnight are a much more select group.

Edited 9 hours ago by Nue2thegame
Grammar

[+ KensingtonHomo]

It's funny. We were talking with an escort yesterday about overnights. He's relatively new to the work but he's had almost all positive experiences. Neither he nor we have done an overnight. For us, since we hire as a couple, having a third person in the room when we're going to sleep is - frankly - weird. Plus our dog would not enjoy it.

I do understand single guys wanting a real boyfriend experience that includes overnights. But it does seem like a bigger risk to me. 

That said, I do agree with the general sentiment that you're hiring them to entertain you. And they're also a guest in your house. So, I agree with @Nue2thegame that these should be very curated people. 

[Nue2thegame]

59 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

It's funny. We were talking with an escort yesterday about overnights. He's relatively new to the work but he's had almost all positive experiences. Neither he nor we have done an overnight. For us, since we hire as a couple, having a third person in the room when we're going to sleep is - frankly - weird. Plus our dog would not enjoy it.

I do understand single guys wanting a real boyfriend experience that includes overnights. But it does seem like a bigger risk to me. 

That said, I do agree with the general sentiment that you're hiring them to entertain you. And they're also a guest in your house. So, I agree with @Nue2thegame that these should be very curated people. 

Yes, it poses several challenges and opportunities, sleeping preferences, what to do about snacks and beverages, breakfast, morning wood, other activities and conversation, to name a few. So the obligation to entertain goes both ways. My dog is a social butterfly and routinely performs turn-down service unprompted. She enthusiastically welcomes everyone and they have appreciated her. My overnights have been few and far between but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed them.