Yet another kissing thread. Why is it a big deal?

[viewing ownly]

I'm taking the reverse angle here. Why do so many providers of penetrative sex, rim jobs, and blow jobs draw a firm line with mouth to mouth contact? They are being seen for a small amount of time, and are acting interested with everything else it is that they do. If they're lucky, and I'm sure the situations are rare but do exist, they may have a mutual attraction in the person that hired him.

Having sex and providing oral pleasure are intimate acts, regardless of how tender or rough they are being performed. It is simply insanity to feel that mouth-to-mouth contact is any more or less homosexual of an act with another man than doing these other things. There's many different threads from the client's perspective of why men won't kiss them, and it is more so of feeling less manly or "too gay" than having anything to do with the client's breath. I think of a kiss as a sensual hello of sorts, since typically that's where intimacy begins with people of all sexes. 

[maninsoma]

Your last sentence answers your question.  A kiss is sensual and typically the beginning of something intimate.  For some that sense of intimacy is something they'd rather avoid, and getting one's dick sucked doesn't elicit the same feelings of intimacy (at least for some).

[Wings246]

Just like you, I can never understand why some providers are so repelled by it.  My theory: kissing involves a higher level of emotional and psychological component that is not as "easy" as the mechanical actions of anal, rimming, and oral activities.  Maybe the emotional / psychological investment is too much to ask for.

[DMonDude]

It's because everyone has different lines of comfortability. It's not always about what is more or less manly/gay. Some people very much do see certain acts as more intensely sexual or romantically intimate than others. It is not insanity to feel that way, it's just different to how you feel (which is insanity to feel your way to feel is the only way to feel). It's the other side of the spectrum of the clients like many here who can't feel any connection unless kissing is involved. And that's specifically because it's generally a more intimate/romantic associated action. The flip side of that for some providers means kissing is too close/crossing a boundary for a "work" interaction. It's really that simple.

The order of what actions/areas of your body are less or more intimate to interact with are not objective. They are different for everyone. There's plenty of people who don't see kissing as that intimate, many will be at a club and make out on first flirtation just for fun, or someone may cheat on a partner and go "it was just a kiss". It's just not the same for everyone.

So just because a provider may be ok letting any client interact with their genitals doesn't mean they should automatically be comfortable with kissing. Yes, even for people in this line of work. I think you are greatly underestimating the emotional/psychological investment that Wings246 mentioned, that is required to do the job.

I'd also add. That by your own logic here, you should also be asking, why aren't providers who top also ok with bottoming or vice versa. And that's clearly silly because they don't have to provide something they aren't comfortable or ok with providing. Just because kissing isn't genital based or penetrative doesn't make it different to that.

Edited 6 hours ago by DMonDude
added comparisons, adjusted paragraphs

[jeezifonly]

The reason it strikes me as odd, is that a large portion of the general population either has, or would be willing to, make out with a first date, or even a with a complete stranger at a club or a party, and not even consider it cheating on a partner not in attendance, because it's just kissing... 

Random lines drawn around intimacy to suit internal conflicts. 

[viewing ownly]

1 hour ago, DMonDude said:

It's because everyone has different lines of comfortability. It's not always about what is more or less manly/gay. Some people very much do see certain acts as more intensely sexual or romantically intimate than others. It is not insanity to feel that way, it's just different to how you feel (which is insanity to feel your way to feel is the only way to feel). It's the other side of the spectrum of the clients like many here who can't feel any connection unless kissing is involved. And that's specifically because it's generally a more intimate/romantic associated action. The flip side of that for some providers means kissing is too close/crossing a boundary for a "work" interaction. It's really that simple.

The order of what actions/areas of your body are less or more intimate to interact with are not objective. They are different for everyone. There's plenty of people who don't see kissing as that intimate, many will be at a club and make out on first flirtation just for fun, or someone may cheat on a partner and go "it was just a kiss". It's just not the same for everyone.

So just because a provider may be ok letting any client interact with their genitals doesn't mean they should automatically be comfortable with kissing. Yes, even for people in this line of work. I think you are greatly underestimating the emotional/psychological investment that Wings246 mentioned, that is required to do the job.

I'd also add. That by your own logic here, you should also be asking, why aren't providers who top also ok with bottoming or vice versa. And that's clearly silly because they don't have to provide something they aren't comfortable or ok with providing. Just because kissing isn't genital based or penetrative doesn't make it different to that.

Note that I indicate many, and not all pertaining to kissing. As for topping and bottoming preferences, position varies from guy to guy, so I see your point there to lump kissing in with personal preference, so I see where you're coming from for me to be much less judgemental.

However, I truly enjoy seeing men (of course only going by watching porn, so in a way a terrible example) who had highly limited resumes on what they were willing to do end up letting their guard down over time - and as a result, they are FAR more fun to watch. Someone willing to do more is probably going to get more business. If a guy is willing to lock lips, it's astonishing how many more men would be interested in his company. 

[DMonDude]

2 hours ago, jeezifonly said:

The reason it strikes me as odd, is that a large portion of the general population either has, or would be willing to, make out with a first date, or even a with a complete stranger at a club or a party, and not even consider it cheating on a partner not in attendance, because it's just kissing... 

Random lines drawn around intimacy to suit internal conflicts. 

It's almost as if it's based on mutual attraction (or lack thereof) and individual choice.

Edited 3 hours ago by DMonDude

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I love kissing. If a provider isn't only down to kiss but is also a good kisser. That said, some people do consider kissing more intimate than giving head or fucking. It's just their point of view, and there's a degree to which I agree with it. 

Another factor for gay men is that we have been trained as men to objectify the people we have sex with. That's a training many of us - myself included, to some extent - have not unpacked. Layer on porn where everyone is perpetually hard, where there's often a lot of aggression even if it isn't a dom/sub scene, and the focus is not on kissing; it's on penetration. Another angle is that besides being intimate, kissing can be a bit overwhelming - especially if you're riding high on fucking or being fucked. For me, it took me a long time to appreciate the afterglow because in the few moments after orgasm, I'm often overstimulated. So being kissed or having someone - even my husband, who I love dearly - in my face can feel intrusive. 

Now add to that that this is work for the provider. They want to perform well. If you're a good client or they think you will be, they want repeat business, so maybe they're focusing on maintaining their erection, maybe they're trying to read you, maybe they're trying to hold off on cumming. 

Also, there are a lot of awful kissers out there, and people don't always have good hygiene. So if you're a provider who's had a bunch of bad kissers with questionable breath, which has fucked over your performance in the past, it may make you take kissing off the table. We hooked up with a guy in P Town, not a provider, and he was the worst kisser. Maybe he was nervous, but he was also somewhat stiff, and not far into it, we both lost our erections. He also didn't give good head. So it was a frustrating experience. 

So lots of reasons!