Scruff Snub. conveniently timed personal emergency.

[+ purplekow]

I recently joined Scruff and have had several encounters with men I have met there.  

One gentleman with whom I had coffee and a prolonged conversation later contacted me.  After a friendly conversation,  I suggested that we watch Sunday football together as both of us were watching Thursday Football when he contacted me.  I invited him over for breakfast and football.   Thirty minute after he arrived, he received a phone call from a friend who had a personal emergency and my guest exited hastily to assist him.    

I am not a rube. I know that this was a prearranged phone call to get him out of a situation in which he did not want to be.  Frankly, I was glad he left.  My question is, have you ever been involved in a misadventure such as this?  I am still trying to figure out why he even bothered to accept the invitation.  

[+ Pensant]

That’s bizarre.

[maninsoma]

I'm confused as to why he agreed to come over with an exit plan already in place since you wrote that you had already met for an extended coffee date.  I think most men would simply decline the second date.  Did something happen during your half hour breakfast that would make him want to leave?  I mean, you yourself wrote that you were "glad that he left," so it sounds like things weren't going as well as during your initial coffee date.

[+ purplekow]

The only thing that happened is that he seemed detached and did not want to be there.  I made eggs and had bagels and cream cheese with lox.  I had asked if he had any dietary needs and he said no.  He did not drink juice though he poured it.  I had fresh fruit which he left untouched. He asked for water and did not drink it.   So I was happy he left, as it seemed he was just not pleased with anything going on.  If he had said that, it would have been less perplexing than this seeming ruse of a phone call from a  friend wh ohad been hit by a car while riding a bike.  He left hurriedly and made no pretense of being sorry to leave.  He did not call to acknowledge the situation.    

We are after all, adults and I expect honesty, even from guys I meet on a dating site which is rife with misrepresentation.  

[marylander1940]

21 hours ago, purplekow said:

I recently joined Scruff and have had several encounters with men I have met there.  

One gentleman with whom I had coffee and a prolonged conversation later contacted me.  After a friendly conversation,  I suggested that we watch Sunday football together as both of us were watching Thursday Football when he contacted me.  I invited him over for breakfast and football.   Thirty minute after he arrived, he received a phone call from a friend who had a personal emergency and my guest exited hastily to assist him.    

I am not a rube. I know that this was a prearranged phone call to get him out of a situation in which he did not want to be.  Frankly, I was glad he left.  My question is, have you ever been involved in a misadventure such as this?  I am still trying to figure out why he even bothered to accept the invitation.  

Happens all the time in "online dating". He could have at least stayed just for a potential friendship without sex., his loss! 

Just keep looking at the glass half full and enjoy free sex while occasionally hiring. Life goes on, I'm sure even he has been turned down after meeting in person.  

 

[liubit]

6 hours ago, purplekow said:

He did not drink juice though he poured it.  I had fresh fruit which he left untouched. He asked for water and did not drink it. 

That is just plain rude. 

[marylander1940]

14 hours ago, purplekow said:

  I had fresh fruit which he left untouched. He asked for water and did not drink it.   

 

8 hours ago, liubit said:

That is just plain rude. 

I wouldn't recommend folks to accept drinks from someone they just met especially in a private place unless it comes in a sealed container like a bottle of water or a can of soda/pop. 

[+ Gar1eth]

Years ago I arranged to meet a guy off one of apps one night (probably around 9 pm) at a hamburger place. The business was crowded and noisy. We had barely met-hadn't even sat down yet-and he said why don't we go to this other place where it will be less noisy. I said ok. I get there in my car. He's nowhere to be seen. I wait a few minutes. Then he texts me-says he realized it wasn't going to work out. I never saw him again-on the other hand that may he because I blocked him. 

[NipLuvr212]

1 hour ago, Gar1eth said:

Years ago I arranged to meet a guy off one of apps one night (probably around 9 pm) at a hamburger place. The business was crowded and noisy. We had barely met-hadn't even sat down yet-and he said why don't we go to this other place where it will be less noisy. I said ok. I get there in my car. He's nowhere to be seen. I wait a few minutes. Then he texts me-says he realized it wasn't going to work out. I never saw him again-on the other hand that may he because I blocked him. 

sorry, man, but the way you were treated is just unkind.... people should not treat one another that way, no matter what

[+ SirBillybob]

On 10/6/2025 at 4:51 PM, marylander1940 said:

Just keep looking at the glass half full …

… not the wasted full two glasses. 

Edited Tuesday at 11:15 PM by SirBillybob

[+ SirBillybob]

If the buddy wasn't two-wheelin' the guest was weirdly freewheelin'. 

Edited Tuesday at 11:18 PM by SirBillybob

[LookingAround]

I have a feeling he wanted sex and the food was unwelcome if sex was on his mind. He was seeing it wasn't going in the direction of his hopes so he decided to get out of Dodge. 

[DixNDollars]

I recently had such an experience on sniffies. We were talking and he invited me over to his place. As we walked into his bedroom, he suggested that the mood is not there and that I should leave.

I didn’t think too much about it. Albeit I was a bit frustrated and thought I was undesirable when I came out of his apartment, my spirituality training kicked in and stopped the cycle of negative self talk. The other party might have had a lot of reasons to do that, which is none of our business. I learned to respect and accept rejection better, and there is still a looooong way to go.

[maninsoma]

I'm sure most of us have been rejected many times.  One that stands out in my mind occurred about 30 years ago -- in other words, shortly before the internet started to get used by the masses.  I don't remember how we first communicated, but it was probably via a personal ad in a gay newspaper.  At any rate, I don't think we had exchanged photos but we had a nice, long conversation and the phone and agreed that we had a lot in common so we might become friends even if we didn't click physically.  We set a date for him to come over to my apartment to pick me up to drive to the beach.  When I opened the door to walk down the steps to meet him, he immediately said "this isn't going to work" and he walked away.  I remember laughing because it was so absurd, even though my ego was obviously also bruised a bit.  He was attractive but not exceptionally so, so that softened the blow.  That was one of my early lessons as a gay man that even if a guy on a dating app or platform says he's open to making friends, he likely won't actually be interested in becoming friends unless he also wants to have sex with you.

[+ purplekow]

16 hours ago, LookingAround said:

I have a feeling he wanted sex and the food was unwelcome if sex was on his mind. He was seeing it wasn't going in the direction of his hopes so he decided to get out of Dodge. 

Believe me, I would have gladly done without the food and the football had sex had he shown the slightest inclination.  On the first meeting we did make out a bit, so I was prepared for sex sometime during the encounter, I had put new sheets in the guess room.  I made sure my portable restraints were easily accessible, had lit a candle to scent the air.  Nice dime lighting.  Windows which face the street were curtained and closed.  Condoms, lube on the bed stand.  A few toys in the night stand.  The details of that possiblity were well covered.  He showed little or no interest in any aspect of what was going on and sex did not seem to be readily on his menu, though I was planning on ordering off the menu if needed.  

[+ purplekow]

5 hours ago, maninsoma said:

I'm sure most of us have been rejected many times.  One that stands out in my mind occurred about 30 years ago -- in other words, shortly before the internet started to get used by the masses.  I don't remember how we first communicated, but it was probably via a personal ad in a gay newspaper.  At any rate, I don't think we had exchanged photos but we had a nice, long conversation and the phone and agreed that we had a lot in common so we might become friends even if we didn't click physically.  We set a date for him to come over to my apartment to pick me up to drive to the beach.  When I opened the door to walk down the steps to meet him, he immediately said "this isn't going to work" and he walked away.  I remember laughing because it was so absurd, even though my ego was obviously also bruised a bit.  He was attractive but not exceptionally so, so that softened the blow.  That was one of my early lessons as a gay man that even if a guy on a dating app or platform says he's open to making friends, he likely won't actually be interested in becoming friends unless he also wants to have sex with you.

I was not hurt by his leaving as I said.  In fact, I called a friend and we watched the games together.  Sex was not on that particular agenda.  I am just perplexed why honesty is such a difficult thing to find.  I am not a piece of crystal ready to crack at a high pitched voice's vibration.  Rejection is nothing more than a wrong person, wrong time thing for me most of the time.  This situation is just about the lengths some people will go to in order to avoid saying a simple no.  

Edited Wednesday at 08:30 PM by purplekow

[+ purplekow]

By the way, neither of us has made an effort to contact the other.  I thought about just tweaking him and texting asking about his friends health, but I decided not to waste the time and that it may give him the idea that I bought the scenario he played out.  

[+ Gar1eth]

11 hours ago, purplekow said:

I made sure my portable restraints were easily accessible

 

11 hours ago, purplekow said:

A few toys in the night stand

But I have to ask as Julie Andrews once did-where are the simple (ie toy free) joys of the gayborhood?  Are those sweet simple pleasures gone for good?

Edited yesterday at 05:20 AM by Gar1eth

[+ purplekow]

YES.   At least, they are accompanied by imaginative use of special toys and everyday items.  It was ever such except, perhaps in the world you inhabit.  

Edited 17 hours ago by purplekow

[marylander1940]

On 10/8/2025 at 1:59 PM, purplekow said:

By the way, neither of us has made an effort to contact the other.  I thought about just tweaking him and texting asking about his friends health, but I decided not to waste the time and that it may give him the idea that I bought the scenario he played out.  

Why not?

You two can still be friends and get together to watch sports. You're newish in town, any potential friendship matters besides asking about his friend is basic politeness.