Lost and Confused

[SomethingFun]

I found out recently that my husband is an escort, has been for a while(10 months now, found out 3 months ago.) He says that it's just a job, and that he can separate him self from being an escort, and loving me.
One of the main issue that I have is that he hides everything from me. His facebook, his friends. How do I trust him? should I trust him?  Is it truly just a line of work?

Our own sex life has gone down hill, he's willing to be erotic for them, but not for me. 

any advice would be nice.

 

Thank you in advance

[MscleLovr]

I suspect you already know the answer @David Diddle

Apologies in advice if you find my views robust. I think that in time, there will be healing and forgiveness. But that time is not now.
My view that if I married a man who was secretive by nature and turned out to have an entirely secret life, I’d skip counselling and seek a good divorce attorney at once.

If you used the term husband loosely, and you’re not legally married, I guess you should protect your finances and yourself promptly.

If you have a joint bank account, move your share before he empties the account.

If you own where you live, change the locks.

Get a full health check.

[SomethingFun]

we are legally married as of January. There are no joint accounts. every thing is separate.

[+ FrankR]

Make a list of the attributes you expect from a marriages. I suspect you will find very few of them apply in your case… He isn’t honest, he didn’t communicate, he didn’t care how his decision impacted you. Bottom line: he lied to you from before the day you got married. How could you trust him? His behavior could meet the definition of fraud, so speak to an attorney and get an annulment or divorce. 

[+ JamesB]

In my opinion, the core issue here isn’t necessarily that he works as an escort, people can have all kinds of professions or make personal choices for a variety of reasons. The real problem is that he chose to keep it from you. In any committed relationship, transparency and trust are essential. When one partner withholds something this significant, it creates a deep rupture in the foundation of that trust.

From my own experience and from what I’ve seen in others' lives, once that trust is broken, it’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to fully restore it. You begin to question everything: what else has been hidden, and what can you believe going forward.

As painful as it is, I agree with the advice others have already offered: consult a lawyer, get a divorce and move on. It may not feel like it now, but protecting your emotional well-being and long-term peace is worth making that difficult choice. You deserve honesty, respect, and someone who values the truth as much as you do.