Surprise Personality Change - Roller Coaster providers

[Ali Gator]

11 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I can’t recall ever being in the position of thinking about tipping the owner of a restaurant or cafe. 
Hair salons or at least the ones I use are small businesses and I think if provided a cut by either the owner or one of their associates I tip the same. 
I guess others have different practices. Each to his own. 

As a former small business owner, I will share this...

The 'rule of thumb' (and long-time protocol among many over the years), is this:

An owner sets their prices, and those prices cover all their expenses, their salary each week, and their profits each quarter. If the prices don't, then they're doing something very wrong - and need to recalculate their pricing so it does cover all the above. 

So by tipping the cafe owner, or the hair salon owner, etc. I'm essentially  telling her that I know better than she does, and I've taken it upon myself to determine she needs help financially, because she's not earning enough with the prices she has set for her business. In other words, I'm insulting her as a business owner. I'm essentially telling she's not charging enough to earn a living, so my extra few bucks will supplement her income. That's insulting to any business owner who should be respected by customers, instead.

Of course, servers or stylists who are not 'on staff' are completely different, as they are not owners and have no control over pricing and profits, etc. So yes, they may need help with their personal finances, and tipping supplements their income. 

[ShortCutie7]

28 minutes ago, Ali Gator said:

As a former small business owner, I will share this...

The 'rule of thumb' (and long-time protocol among many over the years), is this:

An owner sets their prices, and those prices cover all their expenses, their salary each week, and their profits each quarter. If the prices don't, then they're doing something very wrong - and need to recalculate their pricing so it does cover all the above. 

So by tipping the cafe owner, or the hair salon owner, etc. I'm essentially  telling her that I know better than she does, and I've taken it upon myself to determine she needs help financially, because she's not earning enough with the prices she has set for her business. In other words, I'm insulting her as a business owner. I'm essentially telling she's not charging enough to earn a living, so my extra few bucks will supplement her income. That's insulting to any business owner who should be respected by customers, instead.

Of course, servers or stylists who are not 'on staff' are completely different, as they are not owners and have no control over pricing and profits, etc. So yes, they may need help with their personal finances, and tipping supplements their income. 

I’ve always found there to be one major hole in this protocol: when you randomly walk into a barber shop/salon or restaurant, how often does the owner or manager introduce themselves as such?  What if you theoretically have no way of knowing that the person cutting your hair or waiting your table happens to be the owner or manager?  Wouldn’t it be insulting to NOT tip someone providing a service for which you would customarily tip?

[mike carey]

2 hours ago, ShortCutie7 said:

I’ve always found there to be one major hole in this protocol: when you randomly walk into a barber shop/salon or restaurant, how often does the owner or manager introduce themselves as such?  What if you theoretically have no way of knowing that the person cutting your hair or waiting your table happens to be the owner or manager?  Wouldn’t it be insulting to NOT tip someone providing a service for which you would customarily tip?

Further to this, if the owner is the person who serves you, you don't know whether they have a tip sharing arrangement for everyone doing public-facing work. With a sole trader, you know who sets the price and who would get any tip, in any business with both owners and others serving customers, you don't.

[Ali Gator]

11 hours ago, ShortCutie7 said:

I’ve always found there to be one major hole in this protocol: when you randomly walk into a barber shop/salon or restaurant, how often does the owner or manager introduce themselves as such?  What if you theoretically have no way of knowing that the person cutting your hair or waiting your table happens to be the owner or manager?  Wouldn’t it be insulting to NOT tip someone providing a service for which you would customarily tip?

Usually, in a restaurant / cafe, the staff wear some kind of uniform. The owner / manager ordinarily does not - purposely, so if a customer wants to 'speak to someone in charge', they can easily spot them. The one walking around the coffee shop or the restaurant without the black polo shirt with the name of the business above the front pocket is most likely the owner / manager. And if that is the person who comes over to the table to wait on me for my visit, I will smile and ask "Are you the manager?" They respond 'yes', or 'Actually, I'm the owner.'

In a hair salon, pet groomer, etc. I always ask if they're the owner or manager when I make my first appointment with them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking an employee to identify their title in the company you're doing business with. I used to get asked all the time when I owned my business. I didn't have uniforms for staff - it was 'casual but professional' (meaning no jeans and tees / sweatshirts, sweats, etc.) When I answered, they would almost always respond with a nice compliment ("This is my first time here - I love your store!", or "You're my favorite store!" type of responses).

[mtaabq]

On 4/19/2025 at 2:47 PM, jeezifonly said:

When I hire, I’ve always been able to accept a couple things from the get-go:

1. He’s interested in/attracted to me because that is what I am paying him to be for the length of our session.

2. He has a life that can be as stressful and complicated as that of us flabbier average mortals.  

When he can no longer play the part of being interested, I find it easy to move on. 

Hey jeezifonly - thank you. I needed to read that tonight.