What is the appropriate response to providers who can't stay

[carnalvore]

I realize I'm older and fatter than I used to be. But I thought providers were supposed to be professionals, and I'm not sure what to do in this situation. Some providers watch porn and ignore me completely, so that's not a good solution.

[topunderachiever]

HARD to say

[marylander1940]

46 minutes ago, carnalvore said:

I realize I'm older and fatter than I used to be. But I thought providers were supposed to be professionals, and I'm not sure what to do in this situation. Some providers watch porn and ignore me completely, so that's not a good solution.

Have you thought about dealing with your health issue? You can't do anything about aging but now there even drugs that help with weigh loss as long as you ALSO do your part and at least walk.

[nate_sf]

I'd suggest telling him "this isn't working for me" and tell him he needs to leave.

At that point, he'll either ask what he can do to correct things, or he'll pick up his stuff to leave. In order to avoid a confrontation you may still want to pay the full fee, just to get him to leave with minimal drama. That's the old adage with escorts, you're not paying them to show up, you're paying them to leave. But no tip, and you could also leave a less-than-stellar review.

Some other options could include not having porn playing (so he's focused on you, not the porn), and/or communicating to him what you would like to do together or had hoped to do together. Particularly if he's a younger provider, he may need to be given some direction.

You're right, a true professional should not be dissuaded by your age or body type. For a lot of us, those things are not an issue, and instead we're more interested in the chemistry and good energy. Some guys will put in their ad descriptions that they're open to all ages and body types... pick one of those guys!

[pubic_assistance]

25 minutes ago, nate_sf said:

a true professional should not be dissuaded by your age or body type. For a lot of us, those things are not an issue, and instead we're more interested in the chemistry and good energy. Some guys will put in their ad descriptions that they're open to all ages and body types... pick one of those guys!

Yup.

There are lots of pretty boys out there who aren't really prepared for the reality of fucking people who they aren't attracted to, or may even feel repulsed by.

If you feel less attractive than you once were (as we ALL do eventually feel) then choose someone who is maybe a little less than stunning themselves but more skilled at making you feel valued.

Edited January 25 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[BuffaloKyle]

Make sure you utilize the forum and only hire providers with a good track record of providing a great experience for all regardless of their size.

[mike carey]

10 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Have you thought about dealing with your health issue? You can't do anything about aging but now there even drugs that help with weigh loss as long as you ALSO do your part and at least walk.

Judgmental much? @carnalvore didn't say he had any health issues. He didn't say whether he exercises. He didn't say he was fat. What he said amounts to saying that he weighs more than he did before. That is hardly a pathology, and hardly uncommon. Maybe he can do some things to change, but there is a balance between finding providers who are happy to deal with you as you are, and working out if you need to change yourself. But the last thing you should do when a meeting with a provider doesn't go well is to blame yourself.

[maninsoma]

Did your thread title get abbreviated -- maybe the word "hard" is supposed to be at the end?  I ask because I am confused by the title and your post because it doesn't sound like you are saying that you want the escorts to stay longer but rather they aren't performing in a satisfactory manner when they are with you.

I agree with the suggestion to turn off the porn.  Unless you're with someone who can both pay attention to you and the porn at the same time, then make sure the porn is off.  You're not paying someone to watch porn.

I don't agree that you should offer them an easy out -- i.e., you can leave now and I'll pay you your full fee.  I think you probably do need to be more assertive about asking for your needs to be met while at the same time understanding that just because a guy is working as an escort he isn't a machine.  If you have difficulty negotiating sex/intimacy, view your hiring experiences as opportunities to practice those skills.  Ideally you can communicate what you desire, learn what turns the other guy on, and navigate having an experience you both end up enjoying despite the transactional nature of the experience. 

[mike carey]

Good catch, @maninsoma, it does look as if that key word is missing, I should have joined those dots after @topunderachiever's reply!

[aiseeya]

Pretty sure majority of clients have had these sort of experiences. Me self have lost count where providers simply failed to get their tool to stand to attention. Cost of doing business.

Echoing others, them most stunning providers not always the best suited option. 

[d.anders]

Hell, sometimes I needed porn to get me through a one night stand, and the guy was often good looking.

I guess when you're paying, it's a bad look. I think the advice about doing smart research is good advice. When you're paying, it's never good to deal with a non-professional, no matter what the service is.

[Simon Suraci]

Hire pros with good reputations. Nobody worth their salt is going to judge you, ignore you, or swipe your money after failing to perform. Do your research to minimize your risk of disappointment.

Professionals work with all ages and body types. Empathy and chemistry drive us.

Porn can be good in some situations and not in others. I find it distracting, personally. There is no one size fits all.

[Ali Gator]

I, too, thought the thread title meant 'can't stay longer than the appointment time'. 

[carnalvore]

On 1/25/2025 at 2:29 PM, pubic_assistance said:

Yup.

There are lots of pretty boys out there who aren't really prepared for the reality of fucking people who they aren't attracted to, or may even feel repulsed by.

If you feel less attractive than you once were (as we ALL do eventually feel) then choose someone who is maybe a little less than stunning themselves but more skilled at making you feel valued.

One good thing is that I used to be only attracted to twunks. I'm a bit of a racist so I never like whit guys such as myself, but to be fair, I never had a good experience with white guys.

Since moving to a Spanish colony, I have learned to adjust my expectations to what is available, and this has opened my eyes to the beauty of all types of men. For me, I like men who have above average masculinity, but no judgements on less masculine guys, such as myself.

 

Thank you for this.

[carnalvore]

On 1/26/2025 at 1:17 AM, maninsoma said:

Did your thread title get abbreviated -- maybe the word "hard" is supposed to be at the end?  I ask because I am confused by the title and your post because it doesn't sound like you are saying that you want the escorts to stay longer but rather they aren't performing in a satisfactory manner when they are with you.

I agree with the suggestion to turn off the porn.  Unless you're with someone who can both pay attention to you and the porn at the same time, then make sure the porn is off.  You're not paying someone to watch porn.

I don't agree that you should offer them an easy out -- i.e., you can leave now and I'll pay you your full fee.  I think you probably do need to be more assertive about asking for your needs to be met while at the same time understanding that just because a guy is working as an escort he isn't a machine.  If you have difficulty negotiating sex/intimacy, view your hiring experiences as opportunities to practice those skills.  Ideally you can communicate what you desire, learn what turns the other guy on, and navigate having an experience you both end up enjoying despite the transactional nature of the experience. 

Love this. Thank you. I'm learning to never take the offer that is too good to be true. 

Part of the problem is that I now live in a place, Puerto Rico, that has orders of magnitude less providers than where I used to live, DC.

Through the magic of pot, I've recently learned I can pleasure myself better than 95% of the men I see. But occasionally, I want the real thing. Sex accessories, such as toys but especially cockrings, help a lot. All my life I thought cockrings were only for tops. 

I want to thank everyone for helping me work this out.

Some people say all sex workers are hustlers. I know this isn't true.  Many sex workers work hard to make sure they provide me pleasure. (I also get off when they convince me that I'm giving them pleasure.) It just seems there are more hustlers right now.