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Dating a closeted bi man…


Michael PhD

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On 11/18/2023 at 4:25 PM, Michael PhD said:

Appreciate the feedback. 
 

I am not planning to see either. 
 

My bi buddy isn’t out and I don’t plan on outing him by telling his son that I know his dad in that way. He’s upset and hasn’t talked to me after this all came out and I promised I wouldn’t see his son again. 
 

My buddy’s son and I have met for almost 3 years. We are more than fuck buddies. Friends at minimum. No long term potential but we have mutual respect and what I find challenging is how abrupt this will be for him to hear without sharing context. I’ve been vague with him this past month when he texts but he can tell something is off. Doesn’t feel right to ghost him. Doesn’t feel right to lie. Doesn’t feel right to not share something to help him understand. 
 

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it aside from not meeting either for play… navigating how to end the “relationship” is challenging. 

This is a fascinating personal story that lends itself to be contemplated from different perspectives. I believe that nobody has spoken on behalf of the son. From the post quoted above, I understand you have a long term, friendly, and caring relationship with the son. From his perspective, it is utterly unfair that you are ghosting him and planning to cut all ties without any explanation. I’d suggest instead to cut ties with the father; the son should not be punished for the closeted life style his father has chosen. I would also suggest that you find a way to have a heartfelt if not entirely transparent conversation with the son in order to continue your friendship with him, without outing the father of course. Just a thought putting myself in the son’s shoes. He seems to really care for you and wants to keep seeing you. After all, the father is the one who has been acting selfishly without ever considering his son’s feelings. The father’s sole interest has been protecting himself and his closeted sexuality at any cost all his life. Don’t fall into the father’s life trap. 

Edited by musclestuduws
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3 hours ago, musclestuduws said:

This is a fascinating personal story that lends itself to be contemplated from different perspectives. I believe that nobody has spoken on behalf of the son. From the post quoted above, I understand you have a long term, friendly, and caring relationship with the son. From his perspective, it is utterly unfair that you are ghosting him and planning to cut all ties without any explanation. I’d suggest instead to cut ties with the father; the son should not be punished for the closeted life style his father has chosen. I would also suggest that you find a way to have a heartfelt if not entirely transparent conversation with the son in order to continue your friendship with him, without outing the father of course. Just a thought putting myself in the son’s shoes. He seems to really care for you and wants to keep seeing you. After all, the father is the one who has been acting selfishly without ever considering his son’s feelings. The father’s sole interest has been protecting himself and his closeted sexuality at any cost all his life. Don’t fall into the father’s life trap. 

I think I would be mortified if I had been intimate with someone my dad had been with. I would feel just as mortified if it had been the other way.  I think the dad is grossed out and protecting his son from the same feeling.  

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2 hours ago, MaybeMaybeNot said:

I think I would be mortified if I had been intimate with someone my dad had been with. I would feel just as mortified if it had been the other way.  I think the dad is grossed out and protecting his son from the same feeling.  

Regardless of what each of us may assume, the son deserves at the very least not to be ghosted without having some kind of conversation. Again, it’s not necessary to tell him anything about his father but  just the consideration of giving him a valid if vague reason not to continue seeing each other, or perhaps even finding a way to remain just friends, or rather friendly  

 

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On 11/25/2023 at 4:41 PM, jeezifonly said:

If, instead the closeted bi man you were dating was a closeted bi woman, and she expressed interest in a 3-way, and you brought her daughter as the guest, Netflix would build a series around it. 

Like a rom-com!!

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I wonder if the father was upset that videos and pictures of his son's sexual escapades are spreading around in the cloud?

Nothing wrong with any of them being a sexual athlete.  Still, I expect a lot of people want private encounters to remain private and might be taken aback that one's own son had a digital record of sexual adventures now being shared around.

Edited by TonyDown
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18 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

Whenever I don’t know what I should do, I search for a nugget of wisdom in Nikki Minaj songs. I suggest you 

 

fuck who you want and fuck who you like
Dancehall life, there's no end in sight”

Hmmm... wasn't that one of Dame Vera Lynn's big hits? 

Or maybe I'm thinking of, "There'll be blue balls over the white cliffs of Dover" and "We'll beat again, don't know where, don't know when"?

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19 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

Whenever I don’t know what I should do, I search for a nugget of wisdom in Nikki Minaj songs. I suggest you 

 

fuck who you want and fuck who you like
Dancehall life, there's no end in sight”

I wonder if she learned these valuable  life lessons from the Trinidadian cousin who got swollen balls after being inoculated with the COVID vaccine. 🤣

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