Provider relationships for the long haul

[PiSquared]

I’m in Fla.  Been using RM about 3.5 years. Met some flakes but mostly a lot of nice guys. A couple of them became very regular and we got close. We’d talk even if we were not meeting up. Just to check on one another and encourage each other. I sent cards and gifts. Text on occasion. Not constant. I’ve discerned over time what I really crave is not just the physical fun we have, which is amazing, but the close relationship with a man I’ve never been able to achieve as a child or grown man. Certainly not every guy I’ve met, but a few special ones. Finding that on RM is near impossible. One of my two regular guys went off on me yesterday telling me to delete him from my phone, that he will never have respect for me as I paid him for sex, that I should never contact him again. Hurtful stuff but all I could do was honor his request and delete the contact. Has anyone ever found a forever friend- even if it doesn’t involve sex anymore- on RM? 

[marylander1940]

39 minutes ago, PiSquared said:

I’m in Fla.  Been using RM about 3.5 years. Met some flakes but mostly a lot of nice guys. A couple of them became very regular and we got close. We’d talk even if we were not meeting up. Just to check on one another and encourage each other. I sent cards and gifts. Text on occasion. Not constant. I’ve discerned over time what I really crave is not just the physical fun we have, which is amazing, but the close relationship with a man I’ve never been able to achieve as a child or grown man. Certainly not every guy I’ve met, but a few special ones. Finding that on RM is near impossible. One of my two regular guys went off on me yesterday telling me to delete him from my phone, that he will never have respect for me as I paid him for sex, that I should never contact him again. Hurtful stuff but all I could do was honor his request and delete the contact. Has anyone ever found a forever friend- even if it doesn’t involve sex anymore- on RM? 

You're pointing 2 extreme kind of relationships with escorts. I have 2 with the ones I occasionally text, talk on the phone and exchange jokes, etc. I know one of them also has a similar relationship with a frequent poster in this forum because the 2 of them told me about it and I guess he also keeps in touch with other clients. 

The guy who "went off..." I've never had an escort freak out on me that way but I've had some who turned disgruntled after I "moved on" and stopped hiring them. I wonder if PNP had something to do with him getting mad with you or simply he assumed the relationship had to be more profitable and that didn't happen. 

[LA90046]

1 minute ago, marylander1940 said:

I wonder if PNP had something to do with him getting mad with you

This was my first thought.

[marylander1940]

4 minutes ago, LA90046 said:

This was my first thought.

 

[TT3690]

I thought I had this sort of relationship with a guy I've known for over 2 years, but he hasn't returned my texts in over 3 months now (for the record, he has had silent periods before, but not this long). I should probably 'just move on', but I still feel attached.

[myophile]

I don’t know if it’s an option for you, but I’ve had more luck developing clos(er) contact with providers I’ve met outside of RM, through this forum, and by word of mouth. Many of the guys on RM are in the biz short-term, out to make a quick buck; or if that wasn’t their intention at first, they tend to burn out and fall by the wayside soon enough. But there is a small-ish community of providers who actively seek clients for clos(er) longterm hiring arrangements, and who value and cultivate friendships among their regulars. Most of them are not on RM, and either do not advertise at all any longer, or don’t depend on it for new clients. Vin Marco is one such provider, Apollo Phoenix is another, Tristan Baldwin is yet another — none of them based in your part of the country, unfortunately, and Apollo does not travel. But I’m sure there are others. One word of advice, though: a friendship with one of these guys is like any other friendship, based on common interests, and mutual trust and respect. But you should never lose sight of the fact that there is a transactional aspect to this relationship, no matter how close it grows, and you ignore it at your peril. The mutual liking may be genuine, but don’t assume that you are the guy’s best friend, or his only friend; and for your own sake, try not to invest your emotions too heavily. My friendships with providers are like my friendship with my trainer — I love the guy, we socialize, we share lots of stuff having nothing to do with the gym; but if I stopped seeing him professionally I wouldn’t expect necessarily that the friendship would carry on at quite the same level.

Edited September 21, 2023 by myophile

[ICTJOCK]

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What a great thread.   I got into the business because of the encouragement of several friends.   Due to referrals,  I have new clients and have developed friendly relationships with a number.   Some closer.   For those who remain recurring clients today,  my service is viewed separately than our friendship.    I am lucky enough that many of these men are not flakes and my interaction is mature and appreciative.    I always make it a point to treat clients the way I would like to be treated,   with respect and responsibility.

 

 

[myophile]

9 minutes ago, ICTJOCK said:

 

You make a great point about the separate-but-equal aspects of these friendships! It’s hard to talk about — the “service” and the friendship aren’t two opposing factors, but we’ve all been taught to think about them that way. It’s a shame — we need a new vocabulary!

Edited September 21, 2023 by myophile

[Guest]

First off, sorry that happened to you.... with limited info ( not that I'm requesting it ) it's difficult to try and speculate on why the provider had a change of heart and why there's radio silence now... 

This is another one of those very touchy discussions and loads of people bicker about it all the time but I'm here to tell you that yes, you can find what you described as a "forever friend" or very long lasting friendships.... how can I say this???? Because I still see many of the same people I saw from day 1....  that's quite a long time and people are dead wrong if they think you can't develop deep affection and various forms of love  for people that allow you into their lives. The people I confide in the most, the people I trust the most, I met in "this" capacity. Of course you're not gonna be close and best friends with everyone you see and that's perfectly fine because it would be impossible. It might be easy to fool a person for an hour or 2 but you can't fool people for years.... and that works for both sides of the fence. 
 

@myophile was absolutely correct... because I see so many repeat people and have seen them time and time again, year after year, I've not had to rely on advertising sites. Seeing people that you truly enjoy spending time with who are responsible, reliable, who keep their commitments, no one here  has said it but that's not a luxury, that's opulence. When I say I'm grateful I'm as serious as a heart attack! Again, I'm certain this all works in reverse as well. 

Edited September 21, 2023 by Guest

[big-n-tall]

I'm so sorry.

I understand the pain and hurt it causes (all too well) when someone, anyone, you built a friendship or trust does a 180 inexplicably from how they treated you. I think we all have experienced that at some point in our lives. I have had people just vanish and stop responding to any form of contact. In some cases, I don't know if they are alive or dead, with no way to find out the why of it all. I even had a friend flat out tell me to not contact him anymore. As he spiraled into conspiracy theories, I refused to share his beliefs. We had a lot of fun times together and I miss him terribly, but he decided to isolate himself (from other friends and family as well). If you can and the opportunity is there, fight for the relationship. If not, the best thing is to accept it and try to move on from the pain. Grow from it but don't become jaded to others because of it. As the saying goes, "people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime."

As far as finding a long lasting genuine friendships\ with a provider... it's absolutely possible. I am friends with a handful (which I've discussed in random topics on the forum through the years). I'm actually traveling with one tomorrow for a few days. He's since retired from escorting. I haven't hired him or seen him sexually for some time now, but we travel together frequently.

Some of the providers I've met, I've seen more than a decade. As others have stated over time, you build a fondness for each other... build a trust. If you have mutual interests a relationship can deepen and flourish. I would say don't try to force a friendship and let the relationship grow naturally.

Maybe talk to a therapist, if you aren't already. Maybe you can get the advice or tools you need to help you to learn to form close bonds with male friends.

You'll be ok.

Edited September 22, 2023 by big-n-tall

[Guest]

6 hours ago, PiSquared said:

...Has anyone ever found a forever friend- even if it doesn’t involve sex anymore- on RM? 

Yes. And that regular who went off on you has a screw loose. Too bad for him. It's not on you.

Edited September 22, 2023 by Unicorn

[soloyo215]

13 hours ago, PiSquared said:

I’m in Fla.  Been using RM about 3.5 years. Met some flakes but mostly a lot of nice guys. A couple of them became very regular and we got close. We’d talk even if we were not meeting up. Just to check on one another and encourage each other. I sent cards and gifts. Text on occasion. Not constant. I’ve discerned over time what I really crave is not just the physical fun we have, which is amazing, but the close relationship with a man I’ve never been able to achieve as a child or grown man. Certainly not every guy I’ve met, but a few special ones. Finding that on RM is near impossible. One of my two regular guys went off on me yesterday telling me to delete him from my phone, that he will never have respect for me as I paid him for sex, that I should never contact him again. Hurtful stuff but all I could do was honor his request and delete the contact. Has anyone ever found a forever friend- even if it doesn’t involve sex anymore- on RM? 

Sorry that you had that kind of bad experience with those two. That said, in my experience and opinion, it is less likely that providers will become closer or more personal. It's a protection/safety thing (in my opinion). Many clients and many providers that I have known do have a perception of each other as some kind of "product you buy" and not a person you are hiring, or a "pathetic loser who has to pay", not a person that is paying you. That is a sad reality, and I'd dare to say that historically that has been most of the overall societal perception of people involved in any side of this industry.

That's a long way for me to say, that yes, you can get those nasty responses from providers, but also yes, clients can/have treated providers with the same lack of humanity. I've been fortunate to have good experiences with providers, some of which have extended their friendship, but I also know that there are some who are not interested in anything other than the transactional aspect of the event, as polite, personable and friendly as they are with me.

The "I will never have respect for you" attitude is more of a projection, in my opinion. Seems like his way of detaching from something that he might feel ashamed of doing. Think of it as men who say "I'm not gay, my boyfriend is".

[Guest]

1 hour ago, soloyo215 said:

The "I will never have respect for you" attitude is more of a projection, in my opinion. Seems like his way of detaching from something that he might feel ashamed of doing. Think of it as men who say "I'm not gay, my boyfriend is".

You make an excellent point and likely to be the case. Pity 😕 

[Guest]

I’m new to this, but have quickly realized my interest goes beyond physical; it’s a professional friendship that attracts me most, similar to the 15-year relationship I have with my trainer (though platonic). Understanding that sites like RM might not be the best platform to find providers who have prospects of becoming long term engagements, how does one find providers like those active in this forum who don’t advertise?

[+ azdr0710]

saw this thread only since it was resurrected two hours ago......

Vin alluded to an important point in his Sept 21 post upthread:  we only have limited info about this......remember that there are three sides to every story!!....we've only heard one so far......