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How far do you allow “dating” clients (or escorts)…If at all?


Jarrod_Uncut

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In the past couple years I been moving towards building connections with clients beyond just the appointment part of things. I know everyone has differing philosophies surrounding it. By boyfriends I don’t necessarily mean “we’re in a relationship” scenario. Moreso just a situation where I spend time with a client off clock and then just have the “Time” occasionally. Call it friends with benefit$ so to speak. 

In the past few months I “seen” a couple clients. But it ends up they’re either playing around with the situation (one client I was seeing off clock every now and then, took 4 months to tell me that he’s in a dating situation with someone, which explained his often mysterious unavailabilities 🤦🏾‍♂️, or they tend to want a lot out of it.
 

One recently I’ve known for a couple years, cut me off because I wanted to join an invite on the town, the night of our “appointment”. But I’ve spent plenty of extra off clock time (general hanging out before/after a session) with him, so not sure why he made a big stink out of it.

We also live an hour apart so I usually end up devoting my whole night at his place (which is closer to the city). Especially Saturday nights, which are generally the most eventful night of the week. We used to go out together, but he had previous addiction issues that resurfaced, and had to stop. So most nights were just spent at home or going out to dinner. Which was fine sometimes, but not every single time I come up. It was becoming like he was trying to control and monopolize my time in the area. Plus I’d do it without even asking for the overnight rates many professionals would probably charge.

This has me considering to scale back on doing extended “hangouts” with clients. It seems some start expecting me to “behave” or not discuss anything that involves conflicting “communication”. It’s not the first time I’ve had a situation where instead of working out a disagreement, the “client buddy” resorts to just burning the bridge and leaving resentment. 
 


 

 

 

 

Edited by Jarrod_Uncut
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3 hours ago, Marctraveler said:

This is a very good question one that I would have started a similar thread on. Since I’m not a provider, I wouldn’t be suitable to answer this question but here’s my attempt to build on OP’s question - in my current situation I have a crush on this provider that I have seen multiple times, and I feel like the feeling is mutual, but this provider has repeatedly told me that there’s interest in dating me in the future, but not now, because he didn’t think it would be fair to date me now while seeing other clients. The thought of him dangling a carrot to keep me as a repeat client did cross my mind multiple times, but there’s no reason why he would do that because I am not one of those clients who would hire him for overnights or for multiple days or for weeks on end and so he wouldn’t be losing out much if I did stop seeing him. So for now he just wants to be friends. Would you guys accept this friendship and continue paying for his service just to see/spend time with him when there are feelings involved or would you walk away? Looking for advice from both providers and clients. Anything helps. Much appreciated.


I always feel anytime someone talks about not wanting to date, is not something worth expecting “down the line”. I dealt with that from an old friend of mine. I was into him, he was into me but initially it was “if I stopped” he would consider it. But that never happened because he was too busy “getting around” himself. However, eventually we finally got around to him letting me fuck him, so that was a surprising turning point. Things might have progressed into a relationship, but by then I had already moved cities and we weren’t about to be living with each other.

I’d say continue the service if you can accept the situation for what it is: an arrangement. But don’t put all your eggs there holding out for something to change. 

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  • Jarrod_Uncut changed the title to How far do you allow “dating” clients (or escorts)…If at all?

I have become quite “fond” of a handful of regulars and love their company, but I rarely seek to spend time with them off the clock. As has been stated ad infinitum on this board, this is a business and boyfriend relationships don’t often turn out well. That said, I met a new provider Monday night who’s one of the best initial meets I’ve ever had. He’d like to join me for an occasional hike off the clock. I’m open to that, but I’m under no illusions about it leading to a “boyfriend” relationship. I love my alone time and I’m not interested in a long-term relationship, thus my fondness for this hobby.

Edited by Pensant
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I've only ever had extended appointments with one escort.  We also developed a friendship.  The boundaries were always clear:

I typically hired him for overnight appointments, and a couple of times for a few days.  During those occasions, most of the time we spent was obviously just "hanging out" time but I was paying him our agreed-upon rate for the appointment (not just an hourly rate with a bunch of no-cost time on either end of the session).

When we hung out "off the clock," it was not connected with an appointment.  We might go to dinner or a movie together, and then part ways.

In other words, we didn't mix the business appointments with the purely friendly get togethers.  I paid him for the former, not the latter.  And it was clear that we weren't dating; we were just friends hanging out.

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2 hours ago, Storm4U said:

I do not date clients. 

Read below 🙃 

7 hours ago, maninsoma said:

And it was clear that we weren't dating; we were just friends hanging out.

But see, that’s the thing my regular said when we were discussing the situation. He was like, “I thought we were friends” and something like he didn’t know I was on clock the whole time, something of that effect. I’m like, I wasn’t on clock the whole time…but I told him TECHNICALLY if I was being a by the book escort: I would be charging him for every hour that we spend together.
 

Somehow, he had a definition that I was his “friend” that he could also pay for “the S word” when he wanted to. But in between, he was buying me birthday and Christmas gifts, and taking out to dinners: Sooo, I did acknowledge that there was a “relationship” going. But not one that involved a commitment. Of course any kind of regular interaction with another human, is a relationship technically.
 

I think people call things “friends” a lot but that definition needs to not be used to describe sexual situations. You can’t be friends and have sex. Can we invent another word for it? People either use friends to mean “I can do whatever I want” or “we’re dating but not exclusive”. Which the latter is what I believe was being expected. That we were dating but not exclusive.

This is also why I prefer to be in a relationship when escorting (surprise surprise, right?). If I was playing by the book, and was involved with someone: I may have said “thanks, but I can’t accept this”. But being single, I don’t mind accepting such gestures. Also I find married and previously divorced men tend to understand these things a bit more. They can do things with less expectations because they already know, unless you married or engaged…there’s no need to assume a situation beyond what it is. And the way many gay dudes behave in situations, where they just ghost at random with no closure: I’ve come to accept that realization as well.

However I was “friends” (again, using the F word) with a married guy last year and decided to cut it off this year. He was a bit TOO open than what I felt comfortable with, and was just the proverbial “unavailable man”. 

Edited by Jarrod_Uncut
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On 2/1/2023 at 5:20 PM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

In the past couple years I been moving towards building connections with clients beyond just the appointment part of things. I know everyone has differing philosophies surrounding it. By boyfriends I don’t necessarily mean “we’re in a relationship” scenario. Moreso just a situation where I spend time with a client off clock and then just have the “Time” occasionally. Call it friends with benefit$ so to speak. 

In the past few months I “seen” a couple clients. But it ends up they’re either playing around with the situation (one client I was seeing off clock every now and then, took 4 months to tell me that he’s in a dating situation with someone, which explained his often mysterious unavailabilities 🤦🏾‍♂️, or they tend to want a lot out of it.
 

One recently I’ve known for a couple years, cut me off because I wanted to join an invite on the town, the night of our “appointment”. But I’ve spent plenty of extra off clock time (general hanging out before/after a session) with him, so not sure why he made a big stink out of it.

We also live an hour apart so I usually end up devoting my whole night at his place (which is closer to the city). Especially Saturday nights, which are generally the most eventful night of the week. We used to go out together, but he had previous addiction issues that resurfaced, and had to stop. So most nights were just spent at home or going out to dinner. Which was fine sometimes, but not every single time I come up. It was becoming like he was trying to control and monopolize my time in the area. Plus I’d do it without even asking for the overnight rates many professionals would probably charge.

This has me considering to scale back on doing extended “hangouts” with clients. It seems some start expecting me to “behave” or not discuss anything that involves conflicting “communication”. It’s not the first time I’ve had a situation where instead of working out a disagreement, the “client buddy” resorts to just burning the bridge and leaving resentment. 
 


 

 

 

 

What you describe is called transference and countertransference -- crossing boundaries and allowing or encouraging personal life to encroach on business life. As a licensed massage therapist, transference is an ever-present danger. I've felt an instant emotional connection with many clients, male and female. A male client -- a first timer -- had a whopping BIG hard-on during his massage. It took every ounce of reserve I had not to pull back the sheet and have a taste. Oddly enough, once this client became more comfortable with me, he confided other male massage therapists had performed oral sex on him! BUT, as a professional, I know I cannot meet them for coffee, or "hang out," or have any contact other than our business relationship. Sometimes, it's hard to stay to my side of the imaginary line, but I know doing so overall makes for no hurt feelings, no hidden agendas, no mixed messages, and -- most importantly -- no lost clients.

Edited by misterhumphries
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1 hour ago, misterhumphries said:

What you describe is called transference and countertransference -- crossing boundaries and allowing or encouraging personal life to encroach on business life. As a licensed massage therapist, transference is an ever-present danger. I've felt an instant emotional connection with many clients, male and female. A male client -- a first timer -- had a whopping BIG hard-on during his massage. It took every ounce of reserve I had not to pull back the sheet and have a taste. Oddly enough, once this client became more comfortable with me, he confided other male massage therapists had performed oral sex on him! BUT, as a professional, I know I cannot meet them for coffee, or "hang out," or have any contact other than our business relationship. Sometimes, it's hard to stay to my side of the imaginary line, but I know doing so overall makes for no hurt feelings, no hidden agendas, no mixed messages, and -- most importantly -- no lost clients.

Great interpretation…

The only alternative I can think of, is perhaps if it’s an out of town client. I’ve hung out with a few even from the forum who meet off clock: and it can be helpful because sometimes I don’t have time to find people to do things with. So in that case I don’t mind. And some regulars have offered extra rooms in their place as well, which can be helpful in between days I have bookings.
 

I still know a couple I know who would let me stay in their bed&breakfast for 2-3 nights off clock. But they were pretty easy, paid for a visit, go to dinner, and by 9 they’d be in bed lol. Made for great photo shoots and overall meditative deep thinking since it was in the mountains. 
 

It’s just when it comes to local meets and then it starts becoming a regular thing. That’s where things tend to get a bit dicey.  In this particular case, since I’m local, the guy was wanting to see me very often which I think created this “idea” of something. If I’m just visiting 2-3 days, they may not see me again until 2 years later.

Edited by Jarrod_Uncut
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I've had the sugar daddy/dating a client scenario, and it did not end well. They will inevitably always ask for more and more, for less and less, and sometimes even play with the boundaries of the relationship as a form of ownership. One even pressured me to stop working. It's often about the transference of power 

I also have had clients who knew my personal life and would eventually become friends after repeated sessions. Eventually they'd lean off once they were satisfied, but because they respected me and my time and what I did, so there were no illusions to the boundaries set forth by our working relationship. That ironically made it easier to be friendly beyond an hourly basis. I'd even occasionally get a text during the holidays from them. But ultimately, it dried up for sessions since the fantasy was a little faded away.

It truly depends on what you're looking for. The more longevity you desire often dictates less blurred lines. The more blurring of a relationship there is, the less longevity.

 

 

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Providing the bfe fantasy can easily become a slippery slope if things aren’t kept strictly professional. It’s a delicate balance of maintaining the fantasy while providing a meaningful and genuine connection. It’s easy to become confused that there’s something more than a business arrangement. 

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12 hours ago, heydavida said:

Providing the bfe fantasy can easily become a slippery slope if things aren’t kept strictly professional. It’s a delicate balance of maintaining the fantasy while providing a meaningful and genuine connection. It’s easy to become confused that there’s something more than a business arrangement. 

I prefer BFE. I suppose it's because I go into the encounter with my eyes (and possibly other things) wide open. It's an hour or two of make-believe.  I get to kiss and make out with a big ole muscle man (I likes them big muscles!) as if he were my long-lost lover. When it's over, I have a pleasant memory. Sometimes, these encounters are just that simple.

Edited by misterhumphries
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