Grindr Safety Protocol

[jtwalker]

I got bored and decided to give Grindr a go.  50 and “beefy”, I’m well past my prime and didn’t figure I would get any hits from fit younger guys <35, which is what I’ve hired in the past.

However, one such guy was advertising that he liked big old guys, so I reached out and we are theoretically meeting in a few days.

Is it my low self esteem, or is it a red flag for a young fit guy to be into older bears?  What are the warning signs that someone should look for on Grindr?

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, jtwalker said:

I got bored and decided to give Grindr a go.  50 and “beefy”, I’m well past my prime and didn’t figure I would get any hits from fit younger guys <35, which is what I’ve hired in the past.

However, one such guy was advertising that he liked big old guys, so I reached out and we are theoretically meeting in a few days.

Is it my low self esteem, or is it a red flag for a young fit guy to be into older bears?  What are the warning signs that someone should look for on Grindr?

Meet it in a public place like a gay bar.  You'll be fine.  Let him call you Daddy and enjoy the ride!

[+ DynamicUno]

Not necessarily a red flag, there's a pretty sizeable (pun not intended) cohort of guys who like mature bears. Just keep your expectations reasonable until you've met the guy in person and keep your wits about you. If you have the chance to meet in public first time, that could give you a chance to size him up before going to your place.  

[BuffaloKyle]

I agree with the comments above. Meet in public first to make sure it's all legit and safe. And run away if he starts asking for help with gas or rent. 

[thedanNYC]

Or....just have him come over if you're just looking for some quick action. 

[pubic_assistance]

21 hours ago, jtwalker said:

Is it my low self esteem, or is it a red flag for a young fit guy to be into older bears?  What are the warning signs that someone should look for on Grindr?

Definitely it's you

I'm 51 and young guys flock to my Grindr profile.

There are TONS of young guys who have daddy issues who crave the attention of an older man.

The only advice I might give is that you will occasionally find guys looking for a sugar daddy. So be clear about the nature of the hook up. I find the more muscular beauty-boy types will engage in flattery, tell me I'm hot and then ask for cash after they have me setting up a meet. 

Otherwise there are tons of average Joe's and skinny twinks who like to be ripped apart sexually and cuddled afterward and told they were a "good boy" for being such a whore.😉

[jtwalker]

Awesome!  Looking forward to my first grindr meet then.

I appreciate the feedback.

[jtwalker]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Definitely it's you

I'm 51 and young guys flock to my Grindr profile.

There are TONS of young guys who have daddy issues who crave the attention of an older man.

The only advice I might give is that you will occasionally find guys looking for a sugar daddy. So be clear about the nature of the hook up. I find the more muscular beauty-boy types will engage in flattery, tell me I'm hot and then ask for cash after they have me setting up a meet. 

Otherwise there are tons of average Joe's and skinny twinks who like to be ripped apart sexually and cuddled afterward and told they were a "good boy" for being such a whore.😉

What's your approach at the meetup to help them let their guard down?

[LookingAround]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Definitely it's you

I'm 51 and young guys flock to my Grindr profile.

There are TONS of young guys who have daddy issues who crave the attention of an older man.

The only advice I might give is that you will occasionally find guys looking for a sugar daddy. So be clear about the nature of the hook up. I find the more muscular beauty-boy types will engage in flattery, tell me I'm hot and then ask for cash after they have me setting up a meet. 

Otherwise there are tons of average Joe's and skinny twinks who like to be ripped apart sexually and cuddled afterward and told they were a "good boy" for being such a whore.😉

To be honest there aren’t tons. Don’t set him up for an expectation that won’t happen. A 50 yo beefy guy isn’t going to find a flock of twinks just throwing themselves at him on Grindr. Great fantasy but only in the movies. There will be a few yes. But tons? Only in your fantasy. Prove me wrong. 

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, LookingAround said:

A 50 yo beefy guy isn’t going to find a flock of twinks just throwing themselves at him on Grindr.

I believe that all depends on your Geography.

I'm in NYC.

51 and I have dozens of guys messaging me every time I log on.

 

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, jtwalker said:

What's your approach at the meetup to help them let their guard down?

Who said their guard is UP ?

Not sure what your asking about .

 

[LookingAround]

18 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I believe that all depends on your Geography.

I'm in NYC.

51 and I have dozens of guys messaging me every time I log on.

 

I’m in nyc also. Messaging is not worth $.02. Messaging is a joke. How many do you meet where no Gen is involved in a week?

[pubic_assistance]

5 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

I’m in nyc also. Messaging is not worth $.02. Messaging is a joke. How many do you meet where no Gen is involved in a week?

Not debating you.

My comment was that I get dozens of messages. I didn't say I was MEETING dozens of guys every week ! Who has time for THAT ? Plus most of these guys arent a match.

Point being, that just because you are in your 50s you're not precluded from being attractive to younger men. That's just a ridiculous thought.

If you're 50 and grotesque thats another issue...but the fellow posting this question did not indicate that was the case.

 

[guy7777]

7 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Definitely it's you

I'm 51 and young guys flock to my Grindr profile.

There are TONS of young guys who have daddy issues who crave the attention of an older man.

The only advice I might give is that you will occasionally find guys looking for a sugar daddy. So be clear about the nature of the hook up. I find the more muscular beauty-boy types will engage in flattery, tell me I'm hot and then ask for cash after they have me setting up a meet. 

Otherwise there are tons of average Joe's and skinny twinks who like to be ripped apart sexually and cuddled afterward and told they were a "good boy" for being such a whore.😉

Hey I'm just curious do you tell guys your real age when they ask you for your age? We are the same age, so what I noticed is that some younger guys might be like wow I never slept with someone in their fifties lol.

It's really interesting because I've been hooking up with several guys between 22 and 30 years old during the past few months, but some of the other guys who I have been interested in are just into men in their 20s/30s age range. I get bummed out sometimes, but it's a fact of life....

It's also inspiring to hear about how many people are interested in your Grindr profile & I totally agree about how some younger guys have father issues & want the attention 

[LookingAround]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Not debating you.

My comment was that I get dozens of messages. I didn't say I was MEETING dozens of guys every week ! Who has time for THAT ? Plus most of these guys arent a match.

Point being, that just because you are in your 50s you're not precluded from being attractive to younger men. That's just a ridiculous thought.

If you're 50 and grotesque thats another issue...but the fellow posting this question did not indicate that was the case.

 

Exactly. I just don’t want the OP to be misled into thinking he will have TONS of opportunities with twinks because that simply won’t be the case. Just doesn’t work that way in the gay world rightly or wrongly. 

[pubic_assistance]

54 minutes ago, guy7777 said:

Hey I'm just curious do you tell guys your real age when they ask you for your age

My real age is posted on my Grindr profile.

 

[pubic_assistance]

4 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

Just doesn’t work that way in the gay world rightly or wrongly. 

Then maybe I get more attention because I'm not gay.

My Grindr heading is

Bi Top Dad.

I get dozens of responses each time I sign on.

My age (51) is clearly posted.

I don't agree that you are drastically limited over 50. You may just need to lower your expectations about getting exactly your type.

That's what Rent.men is for .

 

[LookingAround]

I didn’t say anyone was drastically limited. I’m gay and meet guys on Grindr. But no beefy guy age 50 has TONS of opportunities with twinks on Grindr. 

[jtwalker]

8 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Who said their guard is UP ?

Not sure what your asking about .

 

Maybe it's a false assumption.  I assumed it would be more awkward than an escort.

I probably had a dozen or so reach out to me over the weekend.  I have only been reaching out if they indicate older or bear.

Most of the time, I've been pulling the plug, so there is far more potential than I would've guessed.

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, jtwalker said:

Maybe it's a false assumption.  I assumed it would be more awkward than an escort.

Why would hooking up with someone from Grindr be "awkward" ?

Do you ONLY have experience with transactional sexual encounters ?

Unless you're a monster...there's someone for everyone on Grindr.

 

 

Edited September 26, 2022 by pubic_assistance

[pubic_assistance]

7 hours ago, LookingAround said:

no beefy guy age 50 has TONS of opportunities with twinks on Grindr. 

We have to agree to disagree, because I have a very different experience that you do.

My inbox is full every time I log on to Grindr.

 

[Act25]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

We have to agree to disagree, because I have a very different experience that you do.

My inbox is full every time I log on to Grindr.

 

Concurring opinion.  I'm 66, decent looking, in a smaller market and I get enough interest from younger guys on Grindr and Scruff to keep me busy.  I used to wonder what the attraction was to older guys; I no longer worry about that and just go with the flow and have fun. 

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, Act25 said:

I used to wonder what the attraction was to older guys

I generally don't do the quick hook up thing. If I am interested, I will spend a little time getting to know someone first.

So in MY experience ( which is not limited) I have found 90% of the young guys who say they are into older men, share stories of an absent father. Either raised by a single mom, or victims of an abusive or neglectful dad. As we all know, younger gay men don't have a lot of patience and tend to jump from one anonymous hook up to another. Most of these young "daddy-seekers" get no emotional satisfaction with being used and tossed to the side...so when I do meet someone young who is a good match, they generally want to attach for some amount of time. Which is fine by me, as I don't have time to be wasting endless hours looking for my next bit of fun.

[jtwalker]

8 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Why would hooking up with someone from Grindr be "awkward" ?

Do you ONLY have experience with transactional sexual encounters ?

Unless you're a monster...there's someone for everyone on Grindr.

 

 

I was 100% "straight" until about 4 years ago when I finally let myself admit I wasn't.  So my guy relationships have all been paid, not so on the female side.  I'm like a nervous schoolboy with some of these hot guys, so again... it is me.

[pubic_assistance]

48 minutes ago, jtwalker said:

I was 100% "straight" until about 4 years ago when I finally let myself admit I wasn't.  So my guy relationships have all been paid, not so on the female side.  I'm like a nervous schoolboy with some of these hot guys, so again... it is me.

Ah...ok. Got it.

You should have said so !

You just have a bit of a learning curve ahead of you.  I just went through this recently, mentoring one of my old wrestling buddies from high school who left his wife of 25 years and finally admitted to himself he was gay.  He didn't know where to start, to meet cute young guys, because he's now a 50 year old beefy man.

So....I can say that if you're an older man who likes younger men, you aren't necessarily out of luck. There's someone for everyone, as they say.

We all know that most men are very visual, and so the Instagram hotties look for other Instagram hotties. But not every gay man is wired the same, and there is definitely a community of young pleasant looking guys who want more than a quick hook up / don't feel they can attract Instagram models  either & find "dad bods" sexy.

I had an older client many years ago (gay man) who used to flirt with the waiter when we'd be out at dinner. He was in his 60s ( me in my late 20s) and I always marveled at the number of times he's get the young handsome waiter's digits.  I asked him once how he gets up the nerve...his answer was iconic: "What's the worst that can happen ?...they just say no".  *classic*

He was so right.  NEVER assume you can't attract someone until you try.

 

 

Edited September 26, 2022 by pubic_assistance