friends

[Luv2play]

I suspect clients that express these views are a little delusional. But it's a harmless delusion unless you try to act on itx(

[Guest NormalOC]

Hey Guys.

 

I have developed a very close friendship with one of the escorts that I hire. We spend quite a bit of time doing "off the clock" activities such as dinner, movies etc. The only time that money changes hands is when we hit the bed. There are plenty of times when we just spend time together with no "bedroom time".

 

I really believe that a friendship can develop between two people AND that those two people can also enjoy a business relationship.

 

In my business, I have many clients who have become friends. They still pay me for my services.

 

I do feel however, that both parties involved should always remember that when in the bedroom, the escort is doing his job. Don't confuse a good fuck with love or anything else for that matter. It's just a good fuck.

[guyinsf]

I echo what you said. I've become friends with someone I hire regularly and we occasionally go to dinner or the movies or out for coffee and no money changes hands; sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay, and sometimes we split the cost. When I hire him for the night, however, it's clear that he is working and I am paying for his time (as well as the dinner). Though the friendship part of those encounters is also "real," I don't "delude" myself into thinking that he would be fucking me if I weren't paying him.

 

And yes, this topic has been discussed on more than one occasion before here. You're likely to get responses like mine as well as others saying that people like me are delusional or are being duped by the escort/friend.

[+ Cash4Trash]

A man who does sensual bodyrubs has become a good friend of mine.

Sex of any kind is now out of the question and has been for about

8 years. I consider the fact we became friends a fluke, just happened.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Larry Tate / Darrin Stevens

 

>I echo what you said. I've become friends with someone I

>hire regularly and we occasionally go to dinner or the movies

>or out for coffee and no money changes hands; sometimes he

>pays, sometimes I pay, and sometimes we split the cost.

 

Co-workers, even when one is the boss who signs the paycheck and one is his employee, have become friends since the advent of industrialized society. The better relationships between escorts and clients are those where there is respect and mutual consideration, not simply viewing the escort as a convenience or the client as the ATM machine with a heartbeat.

 

That said, obviously, there were times when Mr. Tate did not necessarily treat Mr. Stevens in a same manner where they were equals and vice versa. Each relationship is going to be different.

 

But is this genuinely possible? Of course!

 

>When I hire him for the night, however, it's clear that he is

>working and I am paying for his time (as well as the dinner).

>Though the friendship part of those encounters is also "real,"

>I don't "delude" myself into thinking that he would be fucking

>me if I weren't paying him.

 

Those clients with whom I have become very friendly are those with whom I no longer have a business relationship. I have one former client I see in San Franisco when I travel up there. Likewise, I have a former client in Palm Springs. I think we have a genuine friendship, we chat on line and keep up with each other and do so without the exchange of any money between us for a long time.

[Flower]

> I'm curious - does real friendship between escorts

>and clients ever happen,.....

 

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause }(

 

LOL I couldn't help myself -- I wasn't trying to be my usual bitchy self, but the phrase just

presented itself as I read your post

 

However, as some will tell you and contrary to what many here call "delusionary", good friendships do develop between escorts and clients. And why shouldn't they? They are 2 gay men with things in common and like all other relationships, the more you have in common with someone, the more likely you are to be friends or even good friends. Age or hot bods are not a criteria for friendship--for hot sex, probably, but not friendship.

 

I've met more escorts in the last 15+ years than I care to count, but out of all of them, there are 3 that really stand out. One in particular has become truly my best friend and me his -- not BF, mind you, but very close confidants and friends -- we stopped having sex some time ago as our friendship seemed to overshadow our commercial relationship, and we both agreed that the commercial aspect was getting in the way of being friends. The commercial relationship lasted almost 2 years, before giving way to our present relationship, although during that time, we were obviously very close in many ways. He has since stopped escorting :7 and found a more conventional profession

 

Even though we live a couple thousand miles apart, we talk daily on the phone or IM and sometimes multiple times daily. We started sharing very personal information during our "commercial relationship" and it continues to this day. We call each other about problems, about things that are happening, and about happy times and bad times. He was the first I called when I came out to my family (with his help and encouragement) and I was the first he called, crying, when he found out he was poz;(

 

We still travel together and meet each other in cities all around, and despite the big age difference, have a lot of fun together. When we travel or meet up somewhere, we share a room, a bed, a nice cuddle, nice meals, wine, and plays or movies, and maybe a back rub, but never sex. If we are looking for sex, we both will make our own and separate arrangements.

 

The other escort I am very close to has also been a good friend in a different ways, but we share a lot and can talk about things I can talk to no one else about. We continue to have sex}( both on the clock and sometimes off the clock, as is our time together. He knows all about me and I him, and even though we may go days without speaking, we're there for each other for over 2 years now. He calls me with good news and I him. He called not long ago about getting the top grade in one of his law classes, and we both went "YAYYYY!" We are probably not as close as the first one and myself since he has chosen not to be, but we are truly friends [non-delusory at that] .

 

The problem with trying to be friends with an escort or visa versa, is that the element of financial gain AND lust always brings out our more paranoidal and insecure feelings, and the realities of life need be taken into account. But, while rare, good friendships do come of these relationships. That's my story and I'm sticking to it :+

[Guest NormalOC]

And a great story at that!

 

Thanks, it made me smile.

[Chuck50]

I was reluctant to get into this at first but will now. I have a few friends who are escorts. They are both business partners and friends. I call them both as we have had both. Business and Friendship. I never forget that it is about the money and also I never forget it is about friendship. I really think it can be about both as long as you never forget what it really has to be about. Both have been a nice relationship personally with them, money or not. WE have had emails. phone calls and many other things. But I know where my limits are. I have one friend in particualr who is borderline, we also have had many good times together. Several of the guys have bonded with me and me them and what can you do about that. HUGS Chuck

[Guest Pulsator]

I have remained friends with an escort, mainly developing from a strong mutual interest in classical music. In fact, the friendship displaced the business relationship rather quickly. We don't have sex any more (and in fact had only three sex appointments over a space of a few months). I think he would be offended if I offered money to have sex with him once the friendship developed. We go to concerts together every now and then and he's visited in my home socially a few times, once bringing along a new boyfriend of his. (His boyfriend relationships tend not to last too long, maybe due to the nature of his business!) Anyway, it does happen. You meet all kinds of people when you hire escorts, and any stereotype you carry around in your head is likely to be disproved. This fellow, from Eastern Europe, has an excellent University education and is a very refined, intellectual person - but can get really down and dirty in his escorting and has done some porn tapes with one of the minor production companies... go figure!

[Barry]

>But, while rare, good friendships do come of these relationships. That's my story and I'm sticking to it :+

 

OK....It's 7:30am on Sunday morning, 13 degrees out and I'm out the door to help an escort move from a 1st floor apartment to a 3rd floor walk-up. I've known him for 4 years but we became such close friends we ended our business relationship over a year ago.

 

Question: Should I charge him an hourly rate or "per session"? If hourly, should I discount the rate after the first hour? I expect to be fed. Is that on the clock or off the clock?

 

Barry

[Guest Ant415]

a third floor walk up. You better get a tip also.

 

As far as escorts and clients becoming friends, anything is possible. For the most part, I would dare say this is not a not typical, and one should not go down that road.

 

Money is what made your meeting possible. Money will have strange an impact on a friendship, usually bad.

[+ glutes]

>a third floor walk up. You better get a tip also.

>

>As far as escorts and clients becoming friends, anything is

>possible. For the most part, I would dare say this is not a

>not typical, and one should not go down that road.

>

>Money is what made your meeting possible. Money will have

>strange an impact on a friendship, usually bad.

[+ glutes]

>>

>>Money is what made your meeting possible. Money will have

>>strange an impact on a friendship, usually bad.

>

Screwed up on that last one, apologies.

Ant415, you have hit it on the head here. But I also know alot of straight, and gay, relationships that are based on money. Beware!!!!!!

[+ deej]

>a third floor walk up. You better get a tip also.

 

Barry probably helped the guy find his new place.

 

>As far as escorts and clients becoming friends, anything is

>possible. For the most part, I would dare say this is not a

>not typical, and one should not go down that road.

>

>Money is what made your meeting possible. Money will have

>strange an impact on a friendship, usually bad.

 

That's what some would call cynical and some would call realistic.

 

But money is not ALWAYS the root of all evils. When I was in financial hardship and moving, an escort I've seen many times came over to help me clean the apartment I was vacating. Only a real friend will scrub your toilet. (And I can already see this on He Who Shall Not Be Named's laughable web page.)

 

There are guys I've helped in their hour of need when nobody else would.

 

A friendship is when you share all that life offers and come out the other side still liking each other. And they come at you from the MOST unlikely sources.

 

Never say never.

[Flower]

Well said.

[BuckyXTC]

My best friend is a former escort, and I met him as such. Today, he lives with me, and we don't have a sexual relationship, but that's not a problem for me. We love going out together to movies and clubs, we enjoy traveling together. If sex were still involved, I think things would feel weird. Bottom line for me is this: you can always find someone to have sex with, paid or otherwise, but good friends are something to treasure.

[Chuck50]

As Gay men we are very cynical sometimes about sex and relationships. We sometimes assume that guys are only in it for this or that. We sometimes don't give many of them credit where credit is due. There are contrary to popular belief "guys who believe in each other no matter what" you can call us friends, dizzy client and escort or whatever. BUT I still think that people love people and money is not the root of all evil despite what some and many say. HUGS Chuck.

 

 

Prove me wrong!!!!!

[Guest Ant415]

You are correct in saying never say never. In my post I tried to say "for the most part" implying that there are no absolutes, sorry I missed. But, I think for a frienship to be genuine it cannot run concurrently to business.

 

One way to test if a person is indeed a good friend (escort or not) is to ask their help during your move.

 

But in most (not all) client/escort interactions it would be foolhardy for people to think a geniune friendship is possible. Along with money, SEX is another thing that can impact the reality of any human relation. I know many friendships (escort and otherwise) that were strained due to sexual issues.

 

The escort date is a commercial arrangement, one that would not happen otherwise. Part of the service or product is the illusion of a mutual attraction/interest to each other. Each side has what the other wants... one has money to give... and the other has looks/youth/size/etc to give. If each side is in pursual of money or looks the other has, I doubt the friendship could be genuine.

 

.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

My personal common sense dictates that a relationship, working or otherwise, will eventually culminate into a friendship sooner or later~

 

It's what i expect & hope for when meeting with a client initially because frankly, it's a good feeling knowing that you have his trust and friendship. I couldn't imagine spending a week (or any amount of time for that matter) with a client and not personally enjoying his company on more than just a sexual basis.

 

I'm not saying this is a Julia Roberts/Richard Gere situation, but i would be telling bold-faced lies if i said my feelings for my clients were strictly business. I'm quite adamant when i say i would do anything for my guys... and in extenuating circumstances i've done everything from simply lending an ear to bailing them out of jail. It's one of those Karma situations where the golden rule comes into play bigtime. Treat those as you wish to be treated. Simple, eh?

 

 

 

Push comes to shove: My guys are my friends. Always have been, always will be

 

 

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[dick_nyc]

Must be nice to be one of your guys. Glad to know there are escorts out there like you (and I assume a few of the others who post here). It makes it easier to justify spending the loot on services when the services are accepted and friendship ensues.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Gay Men And Sex

 

>But in most (not all) client/escort interactions it would be

>foolhardy for people to think a geniune friendship is

>possible. Along with money, SEX is another thing that can

>impact the reality of any human relation. I know many

>friendships (escort and otherwise) that were strained due to

>sexual issues.

 

One of my most vivid recollections from my ten years in a San Francisco was attending a dinner party for a friend of a friend who had been very sick and everyone thought was near death but who recovered, went back to work and started renewing his social life. At the dinner table, he and my friend, who were in their early 40s, looked at most of the rest of us, who were in our early 30s and we had an entire conversation about how we made friends. I, like many others there, had made my friends at clubs, meetings of volunteer groups, etc. These two men in their 40s had met many of their friends with a sexual component and once they realized the sex was not the most they had to offer one another, formed strong friendships. However, many of the peers and friends of these two men had passed on.

 

The one who had been sick said he had been trying to make new friends but did not know how to do so now that he did not feel sexually attractive and available.

 

Some of the friends I have now, such as some of the Twinks, I had had sex with, others I have not and cannot imagine doing so (sexual interaction would get in the way of the friendship). My comment, however, is that gay men have and will continue to form strong bonds, relationships and yes, friendships, with men they initially had a sexual attraction or sexual relationship with.

 

I agree, money does color the relationship, but as others pointed out here, money has the ability of coloring friendships as well. I can think of three relationships, one with someone in the adult film industry, one with a former escort who now works for a major Southern California conglomate in a management position, and another who is an attorney for a large law firm, where we never had sex with one another, but the relationship no longer exists over an issue of money (which was, really, in all instances, at least to me, an issue of disrespect and distrust, in which money simply became the emblematic theme).

 

Money can ruin a relationship even when there is no sexual element and sex can ruin a relationship even when there is no financial element.

 

The trick is to balance all of these, when you feel there is a bond there and a rapport exists, which can lead to something of more value to both parties.

 

That is certainly possible in any set of circumstances.

[guyinsf]

Money can have a strange (bad) impact on any relationship, but it doesn't have to.

 

In the case of my friendship with an escort, money isn't an issue at all in any practical sense. I pay him when I hire him for sex. When we get together as friends (not an "appointment" for sex), I don't pay him and he doesn't pay me. Just because I'm a regular client, I don't expect a certain amount of "free friendship" time with him; and just because we're friends he doesn't expect a certain frequency of our paid encounters. Both relationships coexist without any difficulty.

 

I also recently borrowed a large sum from a friend (ex-lover) to help me buy a house. So far we don't even have a written agreement, and his money is in my bank account. We both are mature and know we can trust one another.

 

I acknowledge that this would not always be the case between two people, particularly between parties who don't know each other well. There have been previous posts here about clients who did seem to become more of a "sugar daddy" to an escort under the guise of a friendship, only to be left feeling taken advantage of when the escort suddenly severed ties. I wouldn't consider any such relationship a friendship since money is central to the relationship.

 

>

>>>

>>>Money is what made your meeting possible. Money will have

>>>strange an impact on a friendship, usually bad.

>>

> Screwed up on that last one, apologies.

> Ant415, you have hit it on the head here. But I also know

>alot of straight, and gay, relationships that are based on

>money. Beware!!!!!!

[VaHawk]

It seems that in most of the replies where a friendship developed there was a longtime business relationship involved first. So I can only assume that while the seed of a friendship can be sown upon a couple of meetings, that it would take more than a few encounters for a true friendship to evolve. I think this is true even in a non-professional relationship, but even more so in a professional escort/client relationship. After all, how much credence could a client especially, and an escort also, be expected to place in "utterances of friendship" based on just a few encounters, where the entire "raison de etre" was cash? After all, it seems most people only hear what they want to hear. I assume one would have to proceed slowly to ensure that one doesn't find onesself in a Fleetwood Mac scenario of "Tell me lies, tell sweet little lies".

[VaHawk]

>I also recently borrowed a large sum from a friend (ex-lover)

>to help me buy a house. So far we don't even have a written

>agreement, and his money is in my bank account. We both are

>mature and know we can trust one another.

 

Gee, I sure hope I don't see this case on Judge Judy, like so many others of the same ilk! Anyone, who would loan money to someone without some kind of written agreement is up the creek if the other party decides to reneg. I'm not saying that is the case in your situation, but in general, this is not a good policy!

[Flower]

>It I assume one would have to proceed slowly to ensure that one doesn't

>find onesself in a Fleetwood Mac scenario of "Tell me lies,

>tell sweet little lies".

 

I quess it's all in how you approach it. Once I am comfortable enough with an escort to have him know who I am and me him, I don't say ANYTHING to him I don't mean. I'm very serious.....and I don't expect nor want him to say anything to me he doesn't mean. I'm not looking for flattery or sweet nothings -- just fun. My rule with escorts, and most people, is "say what you mean (if it's nice and mean what you say."

 

Of course I usually don't see escorts more than once and even fewer do I spend overnights with. Most overnights are one time only, but if we meet for a second or third overnight or weekends, then it's only because we have a good time sexually and I like him enough that there is the potential for him to be a good friend -- but I never push that relationship, it has to just develop and only if he heads in that direction first. But I never maintain expectations in that direction.

 

However, I would never spend a weekend with an escort if I didn't like him for a lot more than just sex, it's that simple. Each progressively longer get to gether, from my stand point, means that this guy is very cool and "friendship material." BUT, It's not something I push -- but sometimes it just does.

 

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it :+