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Do open relationships work?


sizzlingrice
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As a follow up to my earlier question, is anyone here in an open relationship? And is there anyone here who was involved as the third party in an open relationship and how/what was your experience?

 

I know that each couple is different and have their own set of rules. Each couple faces their own issues different from another couple. What works for one couple doesn't necessarily work for another. Based on what I have seen so far with my friends who have been in open relationships, 2 are still together (12 years and counting), the rest had gone their separate ways. The ones that have a don't ask don't tell policy/discreet seems to be working well. But with the 2 that are succeeding, I don't see the closeness/intimacy in their relationship that i see with my friends who are not in an open relationship or are discreet about their home situation.

 

I know that one has to be not jealous, have an open mind, and trust your partner. I'd like to now what are your thoughts and experiences in this type of relationship, whether as part of the main couple or as the third party (outsider) to the couple, as I am trying to figure out if this is for me or not.

 

Thanks for any input.

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RE: Do open relatinships work?

 

If rules are made and followed an open relationship could work, but it depends on who is participating. I've been in my relationship for 11 yrs now and 8 of those 11 years have been open. We have a don't ask don't tell policy but I think for us it works because Boobers is out of town for work for part of the week. So that gives me time to have a little play on the side. Now throw in escorting and that is a whole other ball of wax.

 

Hugs,

Greg

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RE: Do open relatinships work?

 

What is your definition of "work?" I know many relationships that are open and still going decades after the couple met. If by "work" you mean "last" the answer is a definite yes.

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RE: Do open relatinships work?

 

Every relationship is unique, including every open relationship. I have been in one for more than forty years, but the adjustments we make are not necessarily the same ones that another couple might make.

 

By the way, we are very happy together, except for the times when we're not.

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RE: Do open relatinships work?

 

Twenty years as of Friday and still counting and open. Of course we met and fell in love at the tubs of all places. We've gotten each other though the various traumas of adulthood: lost of parents, jobs, promotions, etc. While circumstances place us about 1,500 miles apart at present, we're together about once a month, vacation together, on the phone constantly, and help each others families and are planning our retirement together in a distant land. We started out at differing ages, languages, cultures, economic and educational status etc. so we understood at the very beginning that communication would be the key making our relationship work and that we could never stop working at it. We too have a do not ask don't tell policy about sex and an agreement that we will not entertain in any bed we share, but about all else we are completely transparent.

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My second long-term relationship was open. Like was previously mentioned, we did establish some basic ground rules including a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

 

I was in the military at the time and spent considerable time away from Michael. We didn't feel it was practical to expect each other to be monogamous during times apart considering our young age and raging hormones.

 

But, we also had a rule that we would not have outside relations while living together UNLESS it was a mutually-agreed 3-way.

 

For us, this open relationship was great. I'm NOT a bottom and there was no way I was going allow someone as long and thick as Michael to violate my tender ass. So, it really met some of Michael's needs to find a willing bottom while I was out-of-town or to include in a 3-way.

 

However, with age and maturity, I'm not sure I'd get involved in this type of situation again. I'm much more jealous in my old age and would probably mind-fuck myself if knew my partner was fooling around.

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>Do closed relationships work? At least open ones are more

>honest about a man's needs. Our rule is simply that any

>meetings are one-time only. If you keep seeing the guy, then

>it's dating.

 

Slightly off topic but how does that work with escorts? Same rule apply?

 

Hugs,

Greg

SF 3/26 & 3/29 http://seaboy4hire.weebly.com/index.html

[email protected]

Your low rent escort :)http://www.daddysreviews.com/review.php?who=greg_seattle

http://www.rockbox.org/mail/archive/rockbox-archive-2008-07/att-0126/Sheeple.gif

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I wish I could do the same as you and Derick. Unfort I have that Latin jealousy streak in me when it comes to Boobers :p I think that is the major hurdle stopping me from doing a three way with him even with another top.

 

Hugs,

Greg

SF 3/26 & 3/29 http://seaboy4hire.weebly.com/index.html

[email protected]

Your low rent escort :)http://www.daddysreviews.com/review.php?who=greg_seattle

http://www.rockbox.org/mail/archive/rockbox-archive-2008-07/att-0126/Sheeple.gif

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For me and my partner an open relationship works out in a very good way. We both have to travel for our work and don't see each other for about two weeks during a month. We have the dont tell/dont know policy. I havent noticed the following in the previous posts: for us there is a difference between love and sex. Outside our relation we can have sex. It would be a problem if one should fall in love with a sex partner. Fortunately that has never happened. But that's always a risk that someone falls in love with another person. For that reason we an agreement that we always have outside sex with an escort because that will minimize the risk of the love thing. An escort is a professional and not a person looking for a relation. And for us there is also a mimimum risk that the stranger is expecting more. So we are still in love and have great sex but when we arent together we can fullfill our sexual needs with an escort.

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>>Do closed relationships work? At least open ones are

>more

>>honest about a man's needs. Our rule is simply that any

>>meetings are one-time only. If you keep seeing the guy,

>then

>>it's dating.

>

>Slightly off topic but how does that work with escorts? Same

>rule apply?

>

Yes, pretty much. I mostly see escorts when I'm out of town, anyways, so no need for jealousy.

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I agree. Even though I may not tell all of the details, i don't keep secrets from my partner. If one or both of us is having some fun, the other likes to hear about it, or at least know that fun is being had. It seems to me that trust keeps relationships going, and if I felt my partner was holding back a part of his life, I wouldn't like it. our taste in men is wildly different, so that is not an issue.

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I have been in a very successful committed relation for the past six years. We do engage in extra curricular activities, At the beginning, we had a few 3-ways but decided that we didn't really enjoyed them, so we established the following basic rules for one-on-one encounters:

 

1.- Tell without needing to be asked.

2.- Never at home.

3.- Always a working boy, no bar pickups. It means that he will leave...

 

This has worked for us.

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open relationships

 

I remember a book called "The Male Couple" (McWhirter)...the basic premise of the book is that relationships that are open last longer and work better than monogamous relationships. It's kind of sociological/psychological study/self-help book based on interviews with multiple couples. You might want to check it out.

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Guest maitland

We have been together in a deeply loving relationship for eight years. Because he is total top and I am vers/top (but mostly top), we were never able to successfully work out our sex life with each other--as much as we tried. After 6 months we finally agreed to an open relationship with a don’t ask, don’t tell policy and have been truly happy ever since. Our intimacy and closeness, I think, exceeds that of couples that we know.

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Open Relationships are realistic.

 

Have to say...coming from Long term monogamous relationships since age five... Males will sport fuck~ Males can also Love and wonder home to that loved partner even after some strictly erotic adventure with a consort or concubine some ten minutes prior to home arrival. there is sex and there is Love. Males are fully capable of achieving and expressing both.

Having been Escorting for a few years now... I've come to realize that an open relationship equates to an honest relationship. That's just me though. I'd not have it any other way with my current understanding of male sexuality. The fidelity I value most is emotional fidelity. Even then... that';s not a strict "rule" In my mind, with some partner I wold have... I would want that person to be fulfilled in Life and me as well. I would want us both to be able to experience the full potential of ourselves and each other without the confines of traditional American Relationship "rules". A lot of partners are not long term sexual partners. A lot of partners are not even able to live with each other... that does not mean they are not Life and Loving partners. We create bounderies for our Love and Intimacy that constrict the greater potential over the course of a life time. Why would I ever want to sacrifice my greater potential of the partner(s) I love for anything less the th best we can be for each other? Sometimes it means throwing the "rules" out the window and just abiding by the ones that work for the both of you, (or others involved). It's about exchanging the experience of Life and Living it together... for me anyways~ I don't suppose that is right for everyone... but while am with someone I Love, I am with them fully and always come back to share more and go deeper. It's never the same equation or experience from one person to another. Each is amazing and individual. Those who allow me this capacity to Love and be Intimate with them and others make me Love them more. Those that create a construct of rules that limit how I should Love and/or learn about it and give that back to them generally find themselves unfulfilled with me in the end. I personally don't like scenarios where suddenly I am not allowed to be me or grow in the ways that make/made me the person they fell in Love with. Me doing that to someone else just makes me feel dirty and unliking of myself.

Forced Monogomy can end in that ugly "You lied to me and now there is this unrepairable Trust issue between us" thing. YUCK!!!!!! I really really don't find that palletable. I like te idae of: "I Love You but those guys over there are fucking HOT and give me a boner... I'll be back in a few hours... you can cum if you want to if not go play with that boi over there you think is hot and we'll meet later and talk about the dirty details and fuck each others brains out shortly afterwards"!

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